ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Threaded | Flat

phase ii;

[Hello friends. Today there is an otome protag out and about. She's not really dressed for the weather, in a dress and tights as she is, but...well, that's the least of her concerns at the moment.

Mostly because she's being chased by vicious, angry reindeer.

Now she's used to being dropped into random worlds without warning at this point, but reindeer trying to kill her is a new one, and she's utterly useless at anything combat related--so please, someone take pity on her, as she screams, hands clutching her bag close, and runs from a frothing, angry reindeer.]

phase iii;

[This wasn't supposed to happen either, but she supposes she shouldn't be surprised anymore (spoilers, she's still surprised). There's a minotaur, and it's staring her down and demanding hugs, and Mai is 150% done with all of this. She's wet from the snow and almost being murdered by reindeer, and she's exhausted, and doesn't know what's going on, and so when it says that it just needs a warm and friendly hug, Mai takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders, and steps towards it to do just that.]

F-fine, just...please stop trying to harm people...!

[Stop her, watch her be crazy, laugh at the dumb protag? It's up to you.]

Edited 2014-12-02 03:16 (UTC)

PHASE II:

[Christmas doesn't even exist in Fulheim, so L'Arc doesn't have the slightest clue what's going on, although that pretty much sums up his life, really. Damn the protag curse that demands you get dragged into things you don't care about at all.

After beating up the elves (less so because he actually wants to know where Santa is and more so because he was pissed off at them—also, you don't insult his mom), he really just wants to get this done with. Unfortunately, that won't be happening for a while.

If nothing else, though, at least killing the reindeer is good stress relief. L'Arc doesn't even bat an eye at slicing their antlers off with his sword (hey, if it gets him free stuff in the end, why not), because yeah, monster-hunting for guild requests desensitizes you to mutilating animal corpses.

Still pissed off, though.]

Seriously, why do we have to do all this!?

PHASE 2

[Shinjiro's no stranger to the mysterious and the arcane. After years of living with - and attempting to deny the existence of - his Persona and fighting Shadows during the Dark Hour, he's used to seeing weird shit pop up all over the place. Murderous reindeer though? That's fucking new.

There's a bit of regret mingled in with copious irritation; he'd learned the hard way that these were no docile creatures after being unceremoniously slammed into the nearest tree. Sporting a bruise on his ribcage and a scowl on his face, Shinjiro's eyes float from reindeer to reindeer as he contemplates his next move.

No axe but—]

Persona!

[There's the single sound of glass shattering in the air and then—Castor, a spectre floating in the air ready to do battle.

Alright. Time to kick some ass.]

PHASE 3

[In comparison to the reindeer, the minotaur is freakishly docile.

Castor had been nigh ineffective and headbutting the thing hadn't worked (and only given him an added lump on his head, very unappreciated). It's like the thing's made of steel except with a definitively furry outside. He wouldn't give a damn about going forward except that going back means more of those berserk reindeer, and while dying's been pretty high on his list of life goals to accomplish, he'd rather go out his own way instead of being trampled by a bunch of buffed up deer.

So there he stands, scowling at the minotaur as though it'll somehow develop laser beams and sizzle the minotaur where it stands. (It doesn't, mores the pity.)

Someone give this poor guy a hand.]

BONUS

[The elves are buried, the reindeer knocked out, and the minotaur finally - reluctantly - defeated, but the poor guy just can't catch a break. Even leaned up against a wall with his beanie pulled low, Shinjiro's still being harassed, this time by a jaunty spring of mistletoe floating right above his head.

Better not get too close. He's covered in blood and sweat and probably hasn't showered in three days. No one wants to kiss that.]

phase iii

[IT IS COLD AS HECKA IN THIS LABYRINTH...?? Totsuka tucks himself behind a wall in a grand attempt to hide his presence, rubbing his hands for warmth. on closer inspection, you might see the fingers of his right hand start to glow weirdly from time to time.]

[still, when he lifts his head and catches sight of someone, he'll wave them over quickly]

Here! He passed by a few minutes ago, so we should be safe!

phase iv

[there sure is some weird guy lying flat on his back on the floor and staring up at sky as the santa bot dances and credits fall into his face...]

[a few land in his mouth and he coughs and sputters and blinks them away weakly but he SURE IS STILL ON THE FLOOR... not moving...]

...Ugh.

bonus;

[staring up at the sprig of mistletoe over his head. moves to the side, watches it move with him.]

Wow, that's kind of cute! [no totsuka. he starts moving faster, eyes still fixed up on the sprig, so hopefully he doesn't accidentally trod on someone's foot while he isn't looking oops]

[ PHASE I ]

[Maybe you heard the very ungraceful sounding splash! or possibly the righteous squeal (or perhaps a screech?) of indignation that followed, but regardless you are now approaching a battle scene, friend.

Not that you would think so until there is an elf flying right past your face.

Then there's no more than a very final-sounding thud! as an arrow pins the creature's clothes to a tree, keeping it suspended and flailing in its own fury now and still spouting profanities. Not that it's going to intimidate Natalia, walking up now with bow in hand, properly soaked and freezing but too furious to really seem to... mind the cold...]

The very nerve!! Hold your tongue!

[MAYBE IF YOU STAY STILL SHE WON'T SEE YOU.]

[ PHASE IV ]

[Honestly, she might start to lose her patience with this place. Regardless, despite the credits being showered around her, Natalia only looks concerned.]

Kindly keep your currency, sir, I'm merely glad that you're safe now. What a dreadful [and honestly really random] situation that this place put you in...

[But as she looks around, she catches sight of whoever might be nearby - likely someone who was also attempting to assist Santa Bot, right? She picks up the currency with only mild curiosity before wandering over to you!]

Excuse me - I just wanted to thank you for your assistance. You were a great help.

Edited 2014-12-02 03:46 (UTC)

( PHASE i )

Y-You guys are a bunch of bullies! How can you be so mean?! I didn't do anything to you! ...Or did I? If I did, I'm sorry! Did I step on your home?

[ If you stumble upon this scene you'll... well, you'll see a white dragon halfway in the lake due to the ice that crumbled around his slightly large body. Unfortunately not all the ice around him fell apart, so he's kinda... stuck. He's struggling, wings expanding and trying to beat enough to at least fly out. However, it's far too cold and basically he's a sitting duck that's splashing around and emitting distressed cries.

... It's a pretty pathetic sight really. The Elves are throwing everything they can get their tiny hands on, Mikhail has no choice but to endure the rocks and various sticks flinging at his face and body.] Owuch! Ow! OW! Hey! That hurt! C'mon, stop it!

[ You'd imagine he would be smart enough to remember the fact he's a dragon and can most likely spew fire from his mouth. This isn't the brightest of dragons, though.

> Maybe you should help him..... ]

( PHASE iii )

[ There's a dragon hugging a minotaur.

...That's all you need to know. ]

phase ii.

[ Midgets were not to be trusted to wherever the hell they dragged him to. Upon first seeing those elves, Leo had flashbacks of the horrifying, creepy dolls the House of Fianna hung around the orphanage when Christmas came around. Apparently, he needed to start listening to his instincts more.

Of course, Leo was not expecting any pot of gold over the dull, shitty, confusing rainbow. Approaching the reindeer with sword in hand, the Baskerville almost appears bored, expression flat. Blood was a common sight, and these reindeer were practically nothing to the Duke of Baskerville, despite how exotic they were to him. Some horrible little joke or a very twisted dream, was all.

Despite Jabberwock's inability to do anything besides give a few measly burps in attempt to spark flames. Which was infuriating, and whoever pulled this off better hope it was temporary. Otherwise, there would be hell to pay.

Ignoring that extremely thought provoking powerpoint presentation, clearly. There was no reason to believe them whatsoever, after all.]

phase iii.

[ Sometime during the previous fight, a reindeer's hurried, paranoid scattering led to an eruption of snow, effectively blinding Leo momentarily.

Afterwards, with shaking limbs (though not from fear or excitement), Leo attempted to find his way through the miles of white. Finally, in the distance, there appeared to be something alight. Obviously not a fire, but there was a sign of some activity and others around. Eventually, now on the verge of freezing over, Leo comes face to face to the minotaur. ]

No.

[ There was no hesitation. As soon as the minotaur made its offer, Leo snapped, turning his back on the creature. That was a mistake, as the rejected minotaur began to attack. Having to haul ass away, Leo successfully manages to increase his chances of frostbite as he tripped in his getaway plan.

Now there's Leo Baskerville about to freeze his ass off, a fair distance away from the beast, with a very upset dragon at his side. How dare this place remove all that made him grand? It was an insult to everything Jabberwock stood for! He was unable to even keep his Master warm.

At least the burping wasn't so bad. In fact, as if the Chain had realized something, in an attempt to cheer him up, Jabberwock takes a mighty gulp and--

Burp.

Throwing his dragon an unsatisfied look, Jabberwock, ashamed, droops his head to the snowy landspace again. Surely their sharing of bodyheat would keep them over and the minotaur would inevitably have to go inside or sleep. ]

bonus.

[ Is that a tiny, angry Duke running past you without giving you a mere glance?

Yeah. That's a tiny, angry Duke running past you without giving you a mere glance.

It looks like some floating mistletoe is also taunting him. Jabberwock, unable to be excused, hurries along as well, thinking it as some kind of game, giving the earth a few thundering shakes despite his size being decreased dramatically. ]

PHASE 1

[ Gon manages to get himself out of the lake pretty quickly, but he cannot leave a party member behind!! He ignores choice insults of hey, your hair's stupid! and why are you wearing short-shorts during winter? Are you an idiot? as he makes a grab for a drowning party member's wrist. ]

Hang on, I'll — owww.

[ So it turns out those elves are not above scratching catfight style. ]

PHASE 4a

[ Gon's probably been such a good party member — really efficient in beating up catty elves and fending off bucking deers, and the first volunteer to give that big ol' Minotaur a hug. He just wanted some affection, gosh, never mind the fact that it could be a huge trap.

Sadly, this means he is also quite susceptible to the ice queen's siren song. Alas, the friend you knew is probably all but gon(e), turned into a blank-eyed fighting machine. There is no hesitation before he launches himself into action, narrowly avoiding OHKO-ing whoever's nearest to him and instead smashing a huge dent into the floor. ]

PHASE 4b

[ After he comes to his sense, though, there will be nobody more apologetic over what happened than Gon. He seems genuinely devastated, regardless of if he even managed to harm anybody else — and the ice queen's last words to him are bothering him, too. ]

... It doesn't feel right... the way that things ended up.

[ He clenches his fists before loosening them, looking up. Santa Bot is dancing so happily, but Gon doesn't feel festive at all. ]

( phase iii )
[ Sure, Killua's used to video games sometimes requiring unorthodox strategies to beat the boss fights. Sure, hugging someone is on the whole easier than actually fighting the boss. That doesn't actually means he wants to do it.

He's standing in front of the minotaur, staring up at it with the most nonplussed expression he can manage. One of his eyes might be twitching. Maybe. ]

You want me to what. [ Says the very short, very unimpressed child assassin very flatly. Seriously, he'd rather just do the whole nearly getting beaten to an inch of his life thing, that's way better than giving out hugs.

The nails on one of his hands sharpen into claws, and he shifts his weight — readying himself to launch an attack, because the public display of affection? Is just not going to happen. Too bad the whole attacking thing is also totally ineffectual. ]

( phase iv )
[ Some people might have some compunctions about having to attack people who are supposed to be their allies in the fight against the abominable snow ~~man~~ queen.

Those people are not Killua Zoldyck.

He doesn't hesitate for a second to dart right in and do his very best to jab his entranced new buddy sharply on the neck — with enough force to leave anyone unprotected from the blow dizzy and spinning. ]

Snap out of it.

[ And too bad if there's anyone around who thinks that's way too cold a way to handle the situation. ]

( bonus )
[ Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's some short kid visibly sparking with electricity as he flees from the mistletoe bot in a blur of blueish light.

And later, that kid's looking mighty pleased with himself now that the robot's a sparking heap of metal at his feet. ]

Edited 2014-12-02 09:11 (UTC)

PHASE I:

_{[ It looked like something out of a Miyazaki film— Zura was certain he'd start seeing little critters bouncing about any moment, but he had to keep focused. Santa needed to be rescued, and that's one way to keep this samurai motivated.
He breathes steadily, intense eyes flickering about and surveying the area, as beautiful as he thought it was. A rustle in the bushes, and Katsura instantly turns, high on his guard, and sees nothing. His lashes narrow as he holds the handle of his katana. Though, he takes a greater look around and notices footprints?? in the snow?? The corner of his lips tweak upward. ]}

Hah hah! I know precisely where you are at! If you think that you can stop me, come on out!

_{[ Low and behold, the elves toddle out, and unsurprisingly enough, they begin to chitter and chatter about cutely. Their hands swing back and forth as they gather in a circle around Zura, beginning to sing. ]}

T-This…

_{[ He stammers. ]}

T-This is so cute…

_{[ Was that a flush in his face?
Somebody fucking help him he's been charmed. ]}

PHASE II:

Rudolph-dono!
_{[ FUCKING DRAMATIC.
Anybody near by can probably hear this guy screaming as he is crouched.. in a pile of minced reindeer meat. ]}

I'm sorry, it had to be done! You were a good leader to us all. Nobody will ever forget you! Ah, I hope I don't get put on the naughty list for all of this! _{[ the fuck??? ]}

_{[ somewhere in the middle of this, though, it would appear Katsura forget a singular reindeer. Either it's coming after you, or it's coming after him. Either way, it's time to tag team and work together! ]}

PHASE IV:

Don't give up.
_{[ who the fuck is this guy and why has he been following you for the past few minutes? He's gross and covered in blood and his gaze looks piercing as he eyes their target. He grimaces as the melodious songs enter his head. ]}

Drown her out. Think of something that makes you happiest. Such as the soft pads of a cat.
_{[ ah yes. ]}

Remember who we are fighting for!
_{[ he's so fucking serious about Santa Claus right now, you can't even imagine, guys. ]}

PHASE BUT WHY WOULD YOU:

_{[ Zura seems exhausted from the massive battle, one hand cupping over his eye and holding his head in exhaustion. Inky hair spills over his shoulders, a bit matted from the mayhem he just encountered. He's completely oblivious to anything buzzing above him at this point.
Though, his eyes catch glimpse of a passbyer. Maybe you're looking exhausted— maybe even sad. Either way, he stops you by putting a hand gently on your shoulder. ]}

—You did well, remember that. It's probably time to rest for us all.

phase i

[ Everything is new and scary and he misses his friends. And who would kidnap Santa bot? What a terrible, terrible thing. Er, not that he knows who Santa bot is, but if he's anything like Yukkin, the sparkling prince will try his very, very best to rescue him. But look! Not everyone in this game is bad. Tiny elf people tugging on his hand. Nyanperona will be your friend, tiny elf people.

A giant cat with long eyelashes and a bow in its hair toddles off into the forest, accompanied by his tiny elf friends, in search of Santa, precious memories, and rainbows.

...

Some time later, there's a grown man in a cat costume, holding the head of his costume under one arm, floating above the frozen lake, and sobbing. ]

Don't say such mean thiiiiiiings!

bonus

[ Finally, he's made it through this extremely traumatizing game. He'd stood and wept into his hands after killing the ice queen; if only hugging her could have worked, like it did on the minotaur. All monsters should be saved that way. He'd be so much happier...

But right now, he's delighted. Mistletoe-bot is the best robot! So please don't be alarmed by the giant, fuzzy, beribboned cat calling out to you in a fruity voice: ]

Do you want a hug? Nyanperona will give you free hugs and kisses! And candy!

{phase I}

[here is England. England cannot swim. England was not expecting cute little elves to shove him into an ice cold lake. so now he is floundering here while the critters laugh hysterically at him and taunt him. it is probably one of the most embarrassing moments of his life, at least the most recent one he can remember.

he tries to scream at them even as the water gets into his mouth and nose. but, hey, he's not exactly going to call for help. he has too much pride. no, he'll just insult the little wankers until he can no longer breathe, and flail wildly. because that's better than admitting defeat]

{phase IV}

[he'd been avoiding it as long as he could, but it was impossible to escape the Ice Queen's songs, as try as he might. now, he is facing whoever came along with him, a hefty coat rack as his weapon of attack. England's eyes currently show no recognition of his party, or even the situation he's in. right now, he is a killing machine.

as soon as the Queen commands it, he is rushing towards his partner, readying the rack for a mighty blow, maybe against someone's side, or head]

{bonus}

[can't he wander the bloody mall in peace?

he was so proud of himself too, after getting past that minotaur (a hug, really!). against all the odds, England had made it through the first part of the game, and now he was content to relax a little, maybe find some tea or a bite to eat before facing the final boss.

apparently, he hadn't moved fast enough. or perhaps he was being punished for wasting time when he had a job to do. because now he is being followed by a mistletoe. and England? he's a bit of a prude, at least in public. no, he does not want to kiss anyone, and he is trying very hard to get away from the damn thing, even going as far as running through the mall and ducking into different stores, hiding in the dressing rooms. IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO FIND HIM...]

( PHASE IIIA. )

[ As if the elves and reindeer weren't ridiculous enough, the minotaur really drove home the fact that there was trying, and then trying too hard, when it came to originality. Murderous elves, murderous reindeer— following the natural progression of things, yeah, he's totally about to embrace what looks like a murderous minotaur. He's rational enough to consider it an option, but it certainly wasn't high up on his priority list.

Welcome to the generic battle option, where you can save and reload with Fushimi in attempts to brute force it down with the aide of RNG. Or not. Because instead, you can watch as the minotaur literally grabs his saber mid-swing, and in two different instances: 1.) plucking it from his hand to throw across the room (fetch!) from a direct confrontation and 2.) seeing as that didn't deter him, picking him up instead and making Fushimi meet the same fate as his sword, earlier, when he tries to attack from behind.

At least his aerobatics were admirable. ]

( PHASE IIIB. )

[ Of course, two altercations later, and possibly left unattended— perhaps it was. Time to go with another approach. Just— maybe. And so, after doing a quick check around him (the coast seemingly clear from spectators), Fushimi will go in for the kill. He remains guarded, and even though his sword is sheathed (a repeat is last of what he wants), he's ready to dodge and draw it if necessary. Not that. It'd help.

… Twenty seconds and counting later, and the hug is still going. ]

( BONUS. )

[ Clearly, his initial idea of ignoring the thing wasn't working. Attempts going as far as to trying to walk and speed walk away, Fushimi concludes it's time to switch to a different tactic, when it decides to speed and hover right in front of his face. Fortunately, his reaction time is quick enough that it only so much bumps his glasses against his face rather than smash, but. That's more than enough for him to be Done. ]

Tch. How annoying. [ Fixing the position of his glasses (that's probably a glint you see), he quickly moves a hand to his sheathe. ] … Fushimi, emergency battou!

[ He sure is pulling out his saber to address the tiny, floating plant. Fushimi is all quick swings but he's far from… actually suceeding… with his task… ]

PHASE III

[ after the elves and the reindeer, botan is more than ready for a little reprieve. thank goodness (???) for the labyrinth, at least for the moment, as there doesn't seem to be anything too terribly pertinent that she has to deal with right away, which gives her some time to heal and gather her bearings so she can assess her situation.

you may find her wandering along the labyrinth, caught up in her thoughts and in no real hurry to get to the other end of it. or maybe she's spotted you first (or, more notably, your injuried), and approaches you with a worried expression, maybe even offering to heal them for you. or maybe you meet at the crossroads of your different paths... just in time for the minotaur to meet you too! ]

BONUS

[ as if surviving this wretched game hadn't been hassling enough... now she's got to deal with some weirdly enchanted artificial sprig?? feel free to catch botan rushing about, attempting to lose the insistent mistletoe bot without actually having to break out into a full run, her eyes closed tight and one hand clamped over her mouth because one forced kiss is enough, thank you very much...! ]

phase 2;

[ What kind of place is this?! Shigeru is used to fighting inhuman and terrible monsters though so he is well prepared to take on some reindeer. A large iridescent sigil will erupt from behind him and he'll hold out his hands to grab two distinct objects out of the gate itself. His eyes are no longer blue but black and purple, which matches the sigil floating behind him. His sword and shield come out just in time to deflect and cut down a reindeer right in its tracks. Shigeru doesn't hold back as he slices into the reindeer's neck with inhuman speed. He'll turn around and smack another across the face with his shield as it tries to charge him from behind. The sigil behind him will glow and the reindeer's antlers will actually turn into dust as if their entire form was dissolved in an instant.

If anyone needs help Shigeru will be around to lend some silent, but rather efficient assistance. ]

phase 3;

[ This is wrong. This is so wrong. Shigeru touching anything was just not acceptable. He could take angry reindeer and terrible impolite elves. But this was too much for him. He is literally incapable of physical contact so why this?! Someone please help him because that Minotaur is probably getting antsy and Shigeru is unsure what to do. His pacing and wringing hands is rather indicative of this, yes. He is so done with this, like really, why hugs? Please help this poor man he doesn't want to touch that...gross bull man thing. ]

bonus!!

[ Oh my god why does this robot keep following him?! He just wants some peace and quiet after a terribly stressful day. Please go away! He'll sign at the robot in sign language for 'Please leave me alone' multiple times before he just kinda...gives up. He just wants to rest but these urges to kiss people are all wrong. It makes him anxious and skittish to say the least. He's never had such urges before because the mere though of doing something like that disgusts him to no end. So, yeah, he's definitely running because he doesn't like that feeling at all and he can guess that it's probably from whatever that plant is above his head. Maybe it's the robot doing it, he doesn't know, he just wants it to stop. Done with this place. So done and he's only just arrived. ]

( PHASE FOUR | you've reached the bad end of this game )

[ Are you planning to finally clear this game once and for all? Ready to log out and get the rest you so well deserved after all the insults you've received from elves, bruises from reindeers and judging stars from being hugged by a minotaur?

Well it's not yet over because ...

You get to beat up Hime as the second-to-the-last final boss!! Enchanted by the ice queen's song and armed with a sword, he's finally shedding his "princess" title to become a knight and defend his queen's honor. Hana Awase forces me to write the most cringe-worthy things. But yes, he won't be listening to anyone's pleas for him to return to sanity despite his rather peaceful smile as he slowly moves towards his nearest "opponent".

He tilts his head slightly to one side. Doesn't that smile look so unbalanced all of a sudden? ]

Ready?

[ Hey, at least he's giving you a warning, right? ]

( BONUS | i think this is just worse )

[ Hime's sitting wearily in the middle of a shower of credits, sighing at the merry and cheery Santabot dancing around him. It kinda hurts physically and mentally, getting beaten up by people back to his senses so he's not really going to force himself to walk away and ignore it. But at least he's back to his old smiling, charming, gentlemanly self.

... Or is he? Cue mistletoe-bot and its brainwashing mistletoe a.k.a. the stage is set when Hime just wants to hug someone (and probably go super possessive on them!) after that entire ordeal. ]

Edited 2014-12-02 08:30 (UTC)

PHASE I : YOU CAN'T ENABLE THE DEAD
that, unfortunately, also includes the living dead

[ despite the wispy fog of smoke in the air, or the light smoke others produce with the warmer quality of their breaths, shu is predominately devoid of that capability and so he shows no sign of his presence other than his footprints on the earth beneath him. he trudges onwards... mostly unaffected. while the frigid sensation of the air is still felt against his heat-less skin, and his outfit isn't any more or less equipped for the sheer amount of winter frost gracing the atmosphere— he looks surprisingly Okay for the most part. unbothered, too. instead, he just seems focused on his steps. though, even that word isn't quite applicable. he's nearly aimless, actually, but that was all right with him. even amongst all the typical confusion, chaos, or apprehensive considerations others may be having in a similar condition, he's oddly neutral. if anything, he's just grateful he hasn't run into anything particularly troublesome or potentially exhausting.

that is, until a few of the elves manage to capture his attention. though, certainly not from his own personal will.

with a curt tug against his arm, he's temporarily stopped in his tracks. before they even open their mouths to any particular requests, he's releasing an exaggerated exhale. one that clearly indicated to how undesirable their company was. unfortunately for him, they don't appear to take the gesture to mind. instead, they continually gesture towards him. presuming to ensure contact against his wrist now. ] ... can't you see you're troublesome?

[ a pause, as they chime in with a few of their own responses. politely chastising his standoffish behavior despite their attempts to "assist" him. all of which is... to absolutely no avail on shu and his detached demeanor. ] Hah—? Why would I follow you? [ a firmer try at pulling him in a random direction. ] I said no.

Let go. [ he swats their arms back. they reattach and this time, he takes a bit more of a firmer stance. ala, his first drama cd. he pushes the elf nearest to him with enough (inadvertent) force to... trip him up. making him eventually fall backwards, a tree root even succeeding to misbalance him. oops. except... he doesn't exactly feel sorry.

moreover, to anyone else this probably looked like straight up bullying, right? it's with this, his eyes dart around. this time, managing to catch a glimpse of a stranger. well... it was better they deal with it than him, or so he's already thinking. ]

BONUS : THE CONCLUSION NO ONE WANTED
truly "diabolik lovers: dark fate"

[ it's not exactly ideal sleeping conditions, but as a vampire, he wasn't one to give it any extraneous concern to the details of his surroundings. laying flat on his back, without absolutely no qualm or issue, he stays there almost completely lifeless. with his music still blaring through his headphones, he closes his eyes. allowing the darkness of the back of his eyelids to overtake him. or that's what he anticipated on accomplishing. that is, until he senses an unfamiliar presence and he gradually cracks an eye open.

ah. mistletoe. ... moreover, what was this feeling? was he thirsty? no, while his throat was feeling marginally itchy, it wasn't precisely that. it was something... more. perhaps, even intimate. maybe, he's not entirely certain yet, and... whoever the victim is. sorry. better luck next time. ]

Phase I

[ His soaked hair is starting to ice over, and his already pale skin white as a sheet. But Shirasu seems not to notice, or even feel it as he flings a trio of kunai at the child-sized opponents. Each hits home and the targets drop, blood beginning to spread into the snow.

His breathing is a bit labored as he tries to figure out what the fastest way to kill all but one of the imps, aware that they're trying to herd him back into the lake. ]

Phase III

[ After small demon children and savage reindeer, Shirasu's barely feeling the cold. He makes his way into the labyrinth cautiously, short sword out and ready in his hand. This "mall" makes very little sense to him, the products offered completely foreign.

A ways into the labyrinth, Shirasu stands in front of the horned beast, momentarily stopped in confusion. ]

"Hug" you? [ Blink, blink. Um. ]

[ Bonus ]

[ WHY. WHAT DID HE DO TO DESERVE THIS? People will find him trying to catch the awful floating plant so he can burn it. ]

PHASE II:

[ There's a scream in the air, Saya's first reaction to seeing a creepy reindeer look at her and run at her. She should run, but her legs won't move and she stands there, eyes closed, body braced for an impact that--

--doesn't come. Light flashes, an invisible barrier in front of her knocking the reindeer away. Saya opens her eyes in surprise when she hears a noise of pain that isn't hers, and seizes that chance to start running.

Not looking where she's going, she runs into someone. ]

PHASE III

[ Her uniform isn't the best for a cold place like this labyrinth, but there's no going back. ...Or, rather, she doesn't know how to get back. Lost inside the labyrinth, she walks in circles and circles ... and circles, because surely there has to be a right way out!

Somehow, everything looks the same and it's really cold, too... She wonders if she can make a fire, a beautiful fire like her senpai can.

Closing her eyes, she scrunches her face and clutches her fists together, trying to imitate a certain someone... It probably looks like she's feeling sick in the middle of nowhere. ]

PHASE IV

[ THEY'VE WON... Somehow Saya's made it safely to the end and even though Santa Bot looks kind of weird, she's so happy Santa is safe again.

...Even if she knows now Santa isn't real.

But the ice queen's message leaves her thinking. Picking up a credit, she asks aloud, ]

Was defeating her really the only way...?

Edited 2014-12-02 17:19 (UTC)

[ phase ii ]

[ there's two dead reindeer on the ground and a woman above them, calmly putting down her sword. she near feels bad for having to kill something so innocent. truly the symbol of christmas spi--

oh right, they rushed at her first and near pinned her against a tree while drooling blood. no, she's not feeling bad about that. however, she'd been slightly caught off-guard with all the… everything going on in her mind, which resulted in a bit of a hit on her sword arm from rudolph the red-nosed killer. still, it all worked out. hardly. but she'll play at it being easy anyway. ]

You should've known it'd take more than not playing fair for two of you to beat me.

[ yeah! take that, stupid deer! she's just going to clutch her injured arm with her good hand (like that'll heal it) before she continues on.

nevermind that there's more killer reindeer out there and she should probably not go around without tending to her wounds but common sense is for wussies. as is removing antlers, apparently, which you're free to do yourself. or just come say hi before more reindeer approach. just don't bring one with you. ]

[ phase iii ]

[ milla's crouched somewhere out of sight but near the entrance to the labyrinth, sword held but pierced into the snow beside her, looking just a tad fatigued. she's taking peeks out of her hiding spot to mr. kawaii minotaur from time to time; she doesn't seem scared, but actually somewhat amazed (in a bad way) and completely confused. this day, this entire day. ]

After everything it took to get here, he's the one that wants a hug? [ mumbled to herself. ] What a joke… As if I'll fall for that.

[ however, she will fall for any surprise approaches. she's incredibly concentrated on not being fooled by these dastardly hugging schemes that she'll hardly notice anyone. ]

[ bonus ]

[ there's weird (reindeer), there's weirder (hugging minotaurs), and then there's this place. milla has a high tolerance for bullshit (read: she doesn't), but despite that she's walking around quite visibly annoyed with absolutely… well, everything. the world. the sprig of mistletoe floating around her head, which she's swatting at occasionally while rubbing at her mouth with the back of her hand.

effective.

should you feel concern or curiosity towards the woman with the long blonde hair who's given up and is currently ignoring the mistletoe to death, you'll only get a couple of steps closer to her before she notices you with some sort of panic and near squeaks out: ]

Don't you dare come any closer!

[ she knows what evil these mistletoe spirits unleash. (she also knows what minotaur lips taste like, if they could even be called that.) she's not giving them any more chances. ]

phase iv.

[ The Ice Queen defeated, Minako slumps on the floor as Santa Bot dances and showers her with credit. She's exhausted, and while she kept a brave face throughout the day, it's getting harder to keep the smile on her face as she just feels so... tired.

She'll just... lie over here... and probably drown in credits, but she's too exhausted to do anything about it... The floor's not that bad of a bed. ]

phase ii

Did you say free?

[Lemina's eyes light up.]

Point me to what to kill and it's done! Though you should throw in an extra coupon or two, okay? How about McCERES fries? A large! And a drink, too! As long as there are free refills then it can be a small. What about an apple pie for every extra reindeer slain?

[She's trying to haggle, yes, despite the reindeer snorting behind her. Look she's distracted okay?]

phase iii

[A hug with feeling? Oh, pooh.]

W-Wait a second! What about a hug with some nice, warm fire?

[And so she tries, over and over, to cast fire spells on it. It's not working.]

Fire has feelings too!

[Someone help the girl running around throwing useless fireballs.]

bonus

[What a day! Today is awful! And it's getting worse. Now she just wants to--

to--

kiss someone.

Stupid robot. Lemina slides up to your side and bats her eyelashes.]

So what's a beautiful girl like me doing in a place like this, right? It's your lucky day!

Phase II

[The wintery landscape Elsa could handle. ~~The cold doesn't bother her, anyway.~~ Actually, it's exactly what she just left, so it's nothing even remotely surprising. But the murderous reindeer, these are definitely new. So far as she knows, reindeer are fairly gentle. And they're certainly not bloodthirsty.

But she's quickly learned her lesson on that one. Things are different here. She freezes a couple where they stand, but since they have her outnumbered, well, running looks better and better. Fleeing through the snow, she'll pull up short if she encounters another person, suddenly not sure who is more dangerous, herself or the dozen reindeer bent on murder. Eventually she'll decide on the second and pick up into a run.] Be careful! They're coming... they're possessed, I think!

[If she's close enough, she'll take your arm to urge you along, though she flinches back and releases her grip near immediately, leaving a faint bloom of frost where her hands had been.] Please, we have to hurry!

Bonus
No... no, I think you definitely are looking for someone else. Please. [Trying to reason with a floating bit of mistletoe is not getting her very far at all. Elsa ducks and swats at it, trying to keep her powers to herself. There are people here. She can't just freeze it in place like she'd like to -- especially not after she saw how well that other ice queen was being received. But she does not need to be kissing anybody.

At all.] I just need to go... [So very far away. But as she spins and swats and ducks and weaves, she's probably likely to bump right into you.]

A: Phase II

[The reindeer... murderous as they are, aren't too much of a problem for Bruno. His Stand is enough to take them on, and should he not feel like fighting, escape is as simple as unzipping the floor, entering the space within, and moving through the ground to re-emerge at a quieter location.

Others don't seem to be as fortunate however, and judging by the rampant stamping of hooves on the ground, there are sounds of what appears to be a struggle coming from above ground. He doesn't need to think about it; this guy is inherently good, after all, so whether your character actually needs the help or not (it's hard to tell when you only have muffled noise to go by), Bruno will be unzipping the ground above him to launch himself through, summoning his Stand to punch the shit out of the oncoming reindeer.

Sadly, if your character isn't even remotely spiritually aware, Bruno will have literally just phased up from the ground and sent the reindeer flying through what probably looks to be sheer force of will.]

B IS FOR BONUS

[While he isn't oblivious to what the object adamantly hovering above his head is, it's also true that he isn't too bothered by it. But of course, while he won't be giving them freely, or even because he wants to, a kiss is a mere greeting, after all, what's there to be ashamed about? Just get it done, and that's that.]

PHASE 01

[ armin isn't certain he trusts these... people. children or adult, a slight stature shorter than himself and ears shaped to remind him of particular titans. that isn't the source of his mislike, though. no. he doesn't know who, or what, this santa means, if familiar to another legend, and these people want to lead him into a forest. (he learned from commander erwin well enough to sense a trap in trees.) armin resists a tug here, a tug there. asks for different routes to this mall. but true to suspicion —

someone kicks him in the shin. his sternum when he bends forward in reflex, he should know better, and then, his forehead. nothing he hasn't known from childhood but eren and mikasa aren't here to help, that's different. (the insults are different, too.) but he isn't that child, now: armin rolls to the side from their feet. pushing himself to his knees, hands before him, ] Wait! Stop! [ his breath is short. small or otherwise, a foot to the chest winds a person. ] Can't we talk about this?

[ these are the precious few seconds armin has to think of a plan. ...or for someone to save him from being pummeled, thanks to elves. whichever, u know. ]

BONUS PH

[ floating mistletoe? nah. this is a hecking field of snow!!!, and ice, the likes of which armin hasn't seen in more than his grandfather's books. (and his dreams, to be super cheese.) so this excited, little nerd is... jumping in the snow! twirling in a circle! — and falling on his back to make a snow angel, despite the fact he is not dressed for this weather at all. his ass is freezing, but armin is laughing too much to care.

snk kids are special, ok. ]

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Mai | Amnesia

L'Arc Bright Lagoon | Arc Rise Fantasia

shinjiro aragaki | persona 3

tatara totsuka | k project