ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

PHASE II:

[ There's a scream in the air, Saya's first reaction to seeing a creepy reindeer look at her and run at her. She should run, but her legs won't move and she stands there, eyes closed, body braced for an impact that--

--doesn't come. Light flashes, an invisible barrier in front of her knocking the reindeer away. Saya opens her eyes in surprise when she hears a noise of pain that isn't hers, and seizes that chance to start running.

Not looking where she's going, she runs into someone. ]

PHASE III

[ Her uniform isn't the best for a cold place like this labyrinth, but there's no going back. ...Or, rather, she doesn't know how to get back. Lost inside the labyrinth, she walks in circles and circles ... and circles, because surely there has to be a right way out!

Somehow, everything looks the same and it's really cold, too... She wonders if she can make a fire, a beautiful fire like her senpai can.

Closing her eyes, she scrunches her face and clutches her fists together, trying to imitate a certain someone... It probably looks like she's feeling sick in the middle of nowhere. ]

PHASE IV

[ THEY'VE WON... Somehow Saya's made it safely to the end and even though Santa Bot looks kind of weird, she's so happy Santa is safe again.

...Even if she knows now Santa isn't real.

But the ice queen's message leaves her thinking. Picking up a credit, she asks aloud, ]

Was defeating her really the only way...?

Edited 2014-12-02 17:19 (UTC)

[ Minako's seen her fair share of weird—a great big tower that only appears at midnight, monsters that feed on the mind of humans, Fuuka's initial forays into cooking—so, dealing with foul-mouthed rude elves who tried to drown her in water was kind of a walk in a park.

Emphasis on kind of. It's a good thing she's got her evoker with her, and her personas, though having Surt cast Agidyne was... overkill. Probably. Anyway! She's got information, she's got a lead, and she's gonna find Santa!

... Until she runs into Saya. ]

Hey! You look like you've seen a ghost. Or a zombie.

[ It's only at a clearing when she hears and sees nothing behind her that she stops and tries to catch her breath. Saya jumps in surprise, nearly screaming when somebody else approaches her from the front, but it's...another girl. In another school uniform, but a girl.

She holds a hand to her chest, breathing heavily. ]

The reindeers, they're—

[ Her eyes widen when something red glows from behind Minako. This girl is going to get hurt, because of her... She doesn't want that, she doesn't want that anymore. She's afraid, but she has -- her powers.

Stepping forward, she tugs at Minako and tries to put herself between them. Her hand trembles, but she closes her eyes and wishes desperately for the power to protect -- if the reindeer charges at all. ]

Reindeers? What about— [ "them" was going to end her question but Minako gets tugged by the girl and now she's in front, hand out. Minako spots the glowing red eyes just a few feet away and it's... wow, a demonic reindeer.

An actual demonic-looking reindeer. This is definitely trouble. ]

Oh, wow, that's new. Definitely new. [ And it... bellows? A great loud one as it charges at them. She moves in front of Saya, quickly grabbing her evoker, pointing at her head, and pulling the trigger. There's a blue fog and a sound of glass breaking? Shattering? And a giant dick monster in a blinged-up chariot with spikes. The reindeer, realizing the front of the chariot is spiked, attempts to charge at another direction, only for the weird dick monster to open its mouth and summon a rain of arrows down.

It missed, sorta. The reindeer's got an arrow lodged on its shoulder. ] Ah, he looks mad.

[ She opens her eyes to the strange sound, eyes widening further at the giant green monster that's appeared above their heads. Too shocked to scream, Saya just watches as it tries to attack the reindeer... ]

U-Um...

[ What should she even say in a situation like this? There's a gun, a monster, a killer reindeer and she's never expected any of these.

She winces when the reindeer roars to the sky and prepares to charge again. ]

Oh no, he better not. [ Not that Minako has any experience is hacking actual living creatures (shadows don't really count), but she puts her evoker back in her holster and the dick monster disappears in blue fog.

She takes her nagina in both hands as the deer charges once more, and swings.

... Blocking a bloodthirsty reindeer with a naginata and every ounce of teenage strength was probably not a good idea. Whatever, Minako's not gonna lose even when she's face-to-face with really sharp antlers. ]

[ It's only later that Saya realises her new companion has a gun and a naginata... She's in a school where the blue club carry swords around and use them to fight, so somehow she feels she really shouldn't be surprised, but-- ]

Watch out!

[ She doesn't know how her powers works, or what it is, but right now, she wants to protect the two of them. Staring hard at the reindeer, she imagines a barrier there, blocking the antlers from hitting the other girl and

there's a clink as the reindeer's knocked backwards by something invisible which vanishes after and Minako's naginata swipes downwards, slashing its neck. ]

saya konohana | gakuen k

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