//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

milla | tales of xillia 2

[souperb]

[ phase ii ]

[ there's two dead reindeer on the ground and a woman above them, calmly putting down her sword. she near feels bad for having to kill something so innocent. truly the symbol of christmas spi--

oh right, they rushed at her first and near pinned her against a tree while drooling blood. no, she's not feeling bad about that. however, she'd been slightly caught off-guard with all the… everything going on in her mind, which resulted in a bit of a hit on her sword arm from rudolph the red-nosed killer. still, it all worked out. hardly. but she'll play at it being easy anyway. ]

You should've known it'd take more than not playing fair for two of you to beat me.

[ yeah! take that, stupid deer! she's just going to clutch her injured arm with her good hand (like that'll heal it) before she continues on.

nevermind that there's more killer reindeer out there and she should probably not go around without tending to her wounds but common sense is for wussies. as is removing antlers, apparently, which you're free to do yourself. or just come say hi before more reindeer approach. just don't bring one with you. ]

[ phase iii ]

[ milla's crouched somewhere out of sight but near the entrance to the labyrinth, sword held but pierced into the snow beside her, looking just a tad fatigued. she's taking peeks out of her hiding spot to mr. kawaii minotaur from time to time; she doesn't seem scared, but actually somewhat amazed (in a bad way) and completely confused. this day, this entire day. ]

After everything it took to get here, he's the one that wants a hug? [ mumbled to herself. ] What a joke… As if I'll fall for that.

[ however, she will fall for any surprise approaches. she's incredibly concentrated on not being fooled by these dastardly hugging schemes that she'll hardly notice anyone. ]

[ bonus ]

[ there's weird (reindeer), there's weirder (hugging minotaurs), and then there's this place. milla has a high tolerance for bullshit (read: she doesn't), but despite that she's walking around quite visibly annoyed with absolutely… well, everything. the world. the sprig of mistletoe floating around her head, which she's swatting at occasionally while rubbing at her mouth with the back of her hand.

effective.

should you feel concern or curiosity towards the woman with the long blonde hair who's given up and is currently ignoring the mistletoe to death, you'll only get a couple of steps closer to her before she notices you with some sort of panic and near squeaks out: ]

Don't you dare come any closer!

[ she knows what evil these mistletoe spirits unleash. (she also knows what minotaur lips taste like, if they could even be called that.) she's not giving them any more chances. ]

bonus...

[insolvent]

Huh?

[ well, okay. by now he's used to milla's random outbursts of hostility, so he can't really call her yelling at him strange. unfortunately, that almost means he's become rather adept at ignoring them - especially when he notices that her arm seems to be injured.

so he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a bandage (given recent events, it's become rather necessary that he keep some around at all times) before taking another step towards her. ]

Is now really the time for that? You're hurt. Let me see your arm.

what a player

[souperb]

Would I say anything if it wasn't?

[ ah, of course it's mr. second best. of course. of course he's not satisfied with grabbing her--

--oh, right, she needs to avoid giving away any more of her fabled kisses. she'd honestly almost forgotten about the injury on her arm, what with the constant headache that this entire day has been. really, it's just a dull pain she's gotten adept at ignoring; a dull pain she'll continue ignoring if it means not adding more awkward into the great duo that is her and ludger.

so for his step forward, she'll take one back. thanks but no thanks for the concern right now, souplord. ]

You're worrying too much over nothing. It's just a scratch to me. [ totally. another step back. ] So, like I said, don't come closer.

ludger will kissnik

[insolvent]

[ don't sound so bitter, third place. even if its in brackets.

of course, if she actually gave him a reason not to approach, rather than bizarre threats, he probably wouldn't. but with everything else going on, its hard to make out the small plant hovering above her. and even if he did notice it, it's questionable he'd understand what it meant. ]

Even a scratch like that can get serious if you don't take care of it properly.

[ this is for your own good, milla! or so he thinks. actually at this point he's probably just arguing with her for the hell of it, but he'll begin to take a step backwards... before feinting and quickly moving a few forward so that he can grab her arm.

geez, the things he has to do. ]

feel the power of his lewdmatus also 1/2

[souperb]

It's fin--Ah!

[ holy moly what a cheater. she fails at suppressing her sound of surprise at the sudden rush of speed racer version ludger. milla really shouldn't be surprised at all that he'd pull a move like that, and honestly if she didn't feel like banging her face against a table (and if he wasn't ludger) she'd had offered him a better explanation, but alas.

alas he will now face the consequences of his actions. those consequences being that, while his guard is down (which is all the time because who expects this kind of thing from milla lbr) he'll be subject to a kiss from the lord of spirits, who is powerless to the magic of mistletoe.

feel honored. ]

[souperb]

[ and probably also confused, because when that stupid mistletoe robot is satisfied with making her life miserable, she's shoving ludger away as quickly as she can, which probably isn't that successful as he's holding her arm. she's trying not to blush, but she can already her face burning up without control.

it's the nava lava tubes all over again. why this. ]

That wasn-- Forget that happened!

[ no. she'd rather kiss the minotaur again. ]

lewdger kresnik

[insolvent]

[ to be honest, he probably would have preferred it if she just punched him. at least that he would know how to react to. as is, he just kind of stands there stunned, the mach five crashed and turned into smoldering wreckage right behind him.

what... how... why??? is this some sort of new offensive tactic? ]

I... um... Right.

[ unable to really process anything for the moment, he just agrees because what else is he going to do. let this be a lesson to you milla - as the ultimate desperation tactic, you can probably get him to agree to anything by kissing him. wield this power with great responsibility.

but okay no, now he's starting to come to his senses a bit. ]

What... what was that for? [ part of him realizes it would probably be safer to just never mention this again but... since when does he play it safe. ]

that fits eerily well

[souperb]

[ ah, he wants punches? she can deal punches, considering he mentioned the source of her complete embarrassment again. at least she purposely doesn't do it as hard as she can--but there's still some of her frustration behind it.

it's complete reactive, honestly. she could feel her fluster flare up and, in response, she just had to nail ludger right in the shoulder. ]

Again. That never happened.

[ and with that slight raise of her voice she's going to calm down a bit. that... helped, but she also knows that it isn't really ludger's fault. still. still.

as the more rational side of her sets in, she realizes maybe a simple explanation would've been best. the fluster is still there, but it's not so bad that her defence mechanism goes off. ]

... Don't get the wrong idea, okay? That wasn't because I wanted to. It was-- [ and she turns, expecting to point out that dastardly little mistletoe bot except-- ] -- it's gone?!

bonus

[poised]

[Well, that was a surprise. Honestly Natalia was merely concerned for the poor girl.... though she does stop in her place now. At least when she sees another mistletoe wander closer to Milla, she notches an arrow and fires without hesitation, sending the mistletoe flying a fair distance away at least.

Okay back to being confused.]

Are you alright, miss....? I was merely concerned.

[souperb]

What are you--

[ "what are you doing" is what milla was starting to say when natalia begins prepping her arrow, but she's interrupted by the admittedly quite impressive shot.

and that shows pretty clearly on her face. they can be the confused twins because wow she was not expecting that kind of shot from this girl, to be honest. ]

That-- [ compose yourself. a glance backward to check for the mistletoe, which doesn't seem to be visible just yet and then a more level: ] It's Milla. And I'm fine.

[ holy moly. ]

[poised]

Milla, then. [Natalia smiles politely then, followed by a nod of acknowledgement.] My name is Natalia. It's a pleasure.

[You know, formalities and all that. But regardless Natalia is rather concerned by the surprise on Milla's face. A hand comes to the side of her face as she considers the situation and hums softly.]

Though I apologize. I didn't mean to alarm you... These leaf machines are merely quick to get on one's nerves, I'd say.

[souperb]

Natalia.

[ she repeats, as her own little greeting. she's not going to go so far as to say it's nice to meet her, but honestly with how she blasted the bot away... it was somewhat of a pleasure. more of a pleasure than this entire day has been, anyway. ]

That's an understatement. That stupid spy-- [ except it's not really a spyrix, as close as it is to one, and milla has to hold her tongue as she remembers not everyone knows what she's talking about. might as well refer to it as she is. ] --machine's done more than enough to warrant getting hit by an arrow.

[ a pause, as she shifts her weight to her other foot. and then: ]

... But thanks. It wasn't too alarming.

[ just unexpected. ]

[poised]

"Spy"....?

[Natalia echoes faintly, curious. The word in itself is strange - are the plant machines spying on them? - but it seemed like the other young woman cut herself off. Was there more to what she was saying?

Regardless, Natalia merely laughs softly in response to that.]

They've been rather pesky indeed. You seemed to be troubled enough as it was, I didn't think you wanted it to get any closer to further worsen your mood.

[souperb]

It's nothing.

[ explaining how anything she's familiar to works is probably more of a hassle than its worth, given there's absolutely 0 relevance to anything. milla's not wasting her breath.

she is, however, crossing her arms. ]

And you're right, though I don't think getting it away will solve anything in the long run. This place is made for trouble. Honestly, I'm surprised that you're so...

[ untroubled? cheerful? friendly??? she likes that deep inside her tsundere shell, but like hell she's going to appreciate that so obviously. ]

bonus

[awaken]

[ Minako feels both, actually, considering... well, the other girl does looked like she's been in a fight. Or two. Or... twelve reindeer. Not that Minako's any better—she's got scratches, scrapes, and her skirt's probably torn, but a Diarahan was enough, really.

But, uh, hey, the other girl needs some help. ]

Er, I didn't say anything bad, did I?

[souperb]

[ arm wounds happen when you're busy punching out reindeer. with a sword.

minako's concern wouldn't usually be met with such an obvious need for distance, however... milla honestly doesn't feel like dealing with kissing people right now. or ever. ]

It's not you. It's just-- [ oh yeah, feeling that need to pucker up right now. thanks, mistletoe. she would explain the situation but maybe she'd just sound crazy. ] --Just listen, and stay there.

[awaken]

[ Okay, she's definitely curious. And concerned. Like, they doubled. But Minako heeds Milla's request and stays where she is. ]

I'm listening.

[souperb]

[ gesturing with her head towards the mistletoe bot looming around her. at least she's an obedient girl--that makes things easier.

still doesn't make it any more believeable, but it wasn't like their situation in general was the most normal of things. hugging minotaurs, deadly reindeer. whatever. ]

That. Get close and it'll... [ just thinking about kissing is making her recall some past events that this mistletoe bot has put her through, and she has to fight the blush in return. minotaur lips... minotaur lips... ] ... Ugh.

[ okay, please hold, she has to get that horrible memory out of her head. ]

[awaken]

[ Get close and what— Oh. Oh. And Minako gets it. Mistletoe is pretty harmless, but apparently, Milla went through something else. ]

... Oh, that. It's kind of a Christmas tradition, if I remember. [ tv shows always seem to paint it in a romantic light ] Okay, I'll— I'll stay a few feet away, that's fine, right?

[souperb]

[ that snaps her out of it. she'd comment on the appropriate distance but there's something else that requires her attention. namely: ]

Forceful kissing is a tradition of yours?

[ she doesn't have anything quite resembling... mistletoe or christmas exactly in her world, so to be honest the concept of that is a little weird. very weird.

and she's doing a very good job at expressing that in her tone, accompanied with a raise of an eyebrow. ]

phase iii

[foodcritic]

[elle can't really disagree with any of the sentiments here. this day, indeed, even if she's spent most of it a safe distance away from all the craziness so that she doesn't get hurt. and you know, yelling her normal support from the sidelines when it doesn't prove to be a threat to her.

this, though? this is different. she's standing not far behind milla, looking a bit uncomfortable at this whole thing. elle doesn't really trust it at all.]

This place is stupid... and weird. Are you really supposed to hug that thing?

[souperb]

Apparently that's what it wants. Unless you'd like to?

[ not like she'd actually let elle get anywhere near that thing, teasing aside. giant minotaur with a penchant for pretending to be nice? no thanks, milla'll slice it if it looks at them weird.

... not that her sword worked very well at all, hence why they're stuck at this part of the trial. swordplay is easy, affection is hard. especially when it concerns monsters that very much look like they can squish you in their hands no problem. ]

Just kidding.

[foodcritic]

He-hey!

[kidding or not, elle pouts a little at that. she definitely doesn't want to be the sacrifice... or have to go near that thing at all. it's scary! it does beg a different question, though.]

Milla... are you really gonna have to hug that thing?

[souperb]

... I don't know. That's like asking to get crushed.

[ except it really is looking to be their only option. she'd been running through scenarios in her head, and all possible routes of fighting with that thing either put elle in too much danger or proved to have very low chances of success. most even had a mix of both.

judging by the fact the minotaur still stood there with so little signs of fighting... it couldn't seriously be telling the truth, could it? but other people had to have made it in.

so... as much as she seriously doesn't want to do this, she's going to make a move to stand. lord of spirits, lord of hugs. ]

[foodcritic]

Maybe you can make it promise not to crush you!

[a promise is a promise, right? she doesn't really know if minotaurs could be reasoned with. would that be like trying to reason with a treant, or one of the elites? she folds her arms over her chest, tilting her head as she considers it.]

You should ask it. [the worst that could happen is it doesn't work... right? if she has to end up fighting it either way, it may work to just ask nicely. elle's pretty aware that it's a dangerous situation no matter what, but they have to do whatever they can!]