//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[upcard]

[Yata, you're a saint, dealing with this moron. She's a bit surprised when he grabs her wrist, but she freezes, eyes widening as she looks at him. He's taken care of her throughout this crazy labyrinth, so she does trust him (more than she probably should, but she's naive that way).]

O-oh... but...but he said that a hug is all he wants...and then he won't hurt anyone, right?

[So well-intentioned, but so naive....and that minotaur sure heard that, looking very irritated now that he's not getting his hugs.

Oh. He might be gearing up for a charge....]

[rollin]

[ He turns red when their eyes meet, too flustered by the contact and shocked by her naivete to say anything. He doesn't know if the minotaur is telling the truth, but he's pretty sure he looks more trustworthy than a bull on steroids. ]

Yeah, but— [ As the minotaur gets in position, Yata's tone starts to change. ] We gotta make sure he doesn't kill us first!

[ His eyes shine red and he yanks Mai's wrist without a second thought as the beast signals its attack with his feet and runs at full speed. They barely make it out of harm's way, but Yata knows he can't pull Mai around forever. ]

...get on my back!

[upcard]

[what.

Get on his back? On his back? Jumping on the back of some guy she just met doesn't really seem like Mai's idea of a good time, but...well, she also doesn't have much of a choice. That, combined with her typical automatic urge to do exactly what other people want her to do, means that after that hesitant pause of shock, she nods stiltedly.]

O-okay...!

[She's just...going to grab onto his shoulders then and congratulations, Yata, you have an otome protag clinging to your back. Good thing she's tiny, like typical otome protags.]

[rollin]

[ Congrats, Mai. Even his otome protag never made it this far... Probably because she has a shitton of crazy powers. Isn't her hold a little loose, though? The minotaur is heading right this way, too. Pressed for time, he conveniently forgets that he can't even touch a girl's hand and pulls her arms forward, prompting her to tighten her hold. ]

Don't let go! No matter what, don't let go!

[ Because he's hooking his arms under her legs and dodging the minotaur a second time. Does he plan on fighting this thing while carrying a girl at the same time... Yes. Living on the edge... ]

[upcard]

[This would be the perfect scenario if not for the bloodthirsty monster. Regardless, he tells her not to let go, tries to get her to tighten her hold, and she immediately does so, clinging to him with all of her might. Now that she's here, there's no time to be sheepish or flustered or embarrassed (she can do that later). Survival is the most important, and she would feel absolutely terrible if her lack of a grip was what got him into trouble in the end.

#priorities]

O-okay...! [It's said softly, but with all of the determination she can muster.] I won't let go!

[She will cling with all she's got.

Though this is still probably a bad idea.]

[rollin]

Aight. Just hold on, 'cause we're having steak tonight!

[ ok yata

After dodging, he's just going to charge at the beast and do a thing kids shouldn't try at home. A red, flame-like aura surrounds his feet as he approaches the monster, and when it's close enough? Bam! He throws a superpowered kick at its jaw as he backflips. YEEEAAAAAHHH!

...Sorry, Mai. At least he has great balance and lands on his two feet? Look, no hands!

The minotaur remains unmoved. ]

[upcard]

[THIS ISN'T WHAT SHE WANTED.

She had thought he was going to run away, now that she was properly on her back, not run at the minotaur and kick it.

She squeaks, for a lack of being able to do anything else, clinging more tightly even, eyes squeezing shut. She's going to die here. She's going to die again and it's going to be from something dumb like falling off of his back as he does more flips.

Why is this happening.

She just presses her face into his shoulder, and that may be a whimper that escapes her, because this is terrifying, for the record.]

[rollin]

[ If there was ever an inappropriate time to be embarrassed, it would be now. Yata's ears turn red as he sputters. ]

—Sorry! ... Not even a scratch...

[ The minotaur won't die and he's about to make the girl cry. Things aren't going well for Yata Misaki. Unless... ]

Mai! [ He'd gotten her name when he first met her after mumbling his own. ] Whatever happens next, don't be scared, okay? We got no other choice—I'm gonna hug it!