ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

They're not... normal.

[She gasps out, breathless from her run and wondering at the fact that he's not nearly so terrified if he knows what she's fleeing from. Not that she's one to talk about "normal" or anything. But that's not really the problem with them.] They're vicious!

[Maybe rabies or something she doesn't know.] They're going to catch up. [A hesitation before she reaches out again, this time trying to just snag the edge of his sleeve.] We should run.

Not normal, you say? Teeehee~ [ so calm, well... until he giggles... that was definitely a giggle, no way to deny it ]

And if we run they will catch up and devour us. I am sure they run faster then either of us.

[ he could just make out the first one coming towards them and snaps his fingers turning it into a fine mist of blood, bone, and fur. ]

[Okay the grown man giggling isn't that unsettling, right? No, she can handle that. How casually he seems to state the possibility of being devoured though, that's worrisome.

Elsa gasps, a sharp shocked sound as well, the reindeer bursts.]

That... was that... you?! [Did he do that? He must have, right?] Was that magic?

[ most people would agree that Rumplestiltskin was unsettling... if they didn't say he was down right creepy or worse ]

Why, yes, yes it was. [ and he sounds so innocent about it ] Shall I... do it again? [ he holds his hand up finger and thumb together as if to snap ]

[Elsa's mind is racing. He can do magic. He can do very violent magic. Is he a threat? But then, he isn't attacking her. He's stopping the reindeer, even if it's rather a gorey way of going out about. But if he can do magic, then does that mean he won't think she's a monster for her own powers?

All these thoughts tumble through her mind at once and as he holds up his hand, she steps forward instead, her own hands out, a rush of ice racing in a mini blizzard towards the next reindeer to come into view, freezing it up in a block of ice, jagged and sharp.

Even as the freezing stops, she peeks over at him as though to gauge his reaction to what she just did.]

[ her resemblance to Ingrid was astounding. And now she showed powers of ice, as well. Interesting. The grin on his face seems to split it in two. Anyone that knew him would have been running in the opposite direction. You caught the Dark One's attention, dearie, he wasn't going to let you go ]

So is it just ice or can you do more?

[ the next reindeer he took care of. This time, however, it seemed to run through an invisible barrier which peeled off it's skin in one go, leaving the muscle and bone to run for a moment on it's own before collapsing in on itself. ]

[She really ought to know better, but the fact that he's not screaming or running or accusing her of being a monster is reassuring. She shakes her head at the question.]

Mostly ice... snow. Cold things. [Though that's simplifying it, and she's well aware of that.

She's busy flinching at the next reindeer, somehow feeling bad for the creature even if it had set out to chase her down and kill her. Even so, she looks away, eyes shutting for a moment before she steels herself and turns her attention back to the oncoming reindeer, this time summoning up a large wall of ice, rising high up around the two of them, to hold them off for a few moments at least.]

[ he waves his hand and lifts one into the air and over the ice wall, freezing it in place without ice (just making it immobile) and placing it in front of Elsa ]

Why not try something different? You can do one magic, you shouldn't have problems casting others.

[Elsa shrinks back from it, frozen or not, and looks to him in confusion. She's quick to shake her head though, drawing her hands up to her chest.]

No, I can't. I'm not even supposed to use it like this. It's not safe!

[It hurts people. People she cares about. Her entire kingdom.]

[ oh dearie, you show too much emotion. If he was a better man, less corrupted by the dark powers of the dagger then he would feel bad for this, but as it is, he doesn't even feel a twinge like remorse as he puts on a concerned and sympathetic expression ]

Now who went and told you a thing like that?

[Oh too much emotion is her eternal problem really. Always has been, always will be. She looks from her hands back up to him, almost uncertainly now. The way he's asking, does that mean he doesn't think they're dangerous? Maybe his magic is different than hers.]

My parents. It'd... other people wouldn't understand. They'd be frightened by it. Or worse I could hurt someone. [Again. She nearly visibly flinches at the memory.] It's safer... better to just keep it inside.

Until you go [ he wiggled his fingers wide ] BOOM! and implode all over the place. Not a pleasant way to go and tends to take others along for the show in a rain of fire... [ he paused and pointed at her ] though it would probably be snow for you. Bloody snow.

[That has her stepping backwards, eyes wide. It hits close to home, really. Her own power had been pushed down, pushed back for so long that when it had finally gotten loose. What was it that Anna had called it? Eternal winter? That was her doing.]

No... [But her voice is quiet, shaking.]

No denying it dearie.

[ the false sympathy melts away ]

You. Have. Magic. Best to use it.

I can't.

[And all around her the thought of it, of losing control, her anxiety is building and she's beginning to do just that. The air grows all the more chill and the snow beneath her feet hardens into ice, rising slowly in dangerous spikes in an outward circle.

She hasn't noticed yet.] I can't. I can't control it. Someone will get hurt.

[ well that was dangerous. Any spikes that approach him he'll either teleport away from, or allow to stab him in a way that should be fatal, but is decidedly not ]

I can see that you lack control, the only way to gain control is prac-tice.

[Well that is just horrifying and Elza stumbles backwards now, holding her hands up.]

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry... are you... are you all right?

[This is what she means. This isn't anything like what she wants to happen, putting other people in danger.]

Practicing?

[ he points to the spike that is going through ]

You're worried about this little thing? [ a puff of purple smoke, and it was gone, there's not even a tear in his shirt ]

Yes, you didn't learn to talk by opening your mouth one day, did you dearie?

[Another startled gasp, and Elsa's surprise is enough to stop the rising spires of ice. Instead she stares. He's really okay? That's a relief. Even if he's a bit strange, unsettling, she doesn't want to hurt him.]

No, of course not. But when I was stumbling over words, people didn't get hurt because of it.

[Not like her powers, not like what had happened to Anna. And it had almost been so much worse.]

It hurt when you fell while learning to walk. [ he was a parent, admittedly, he had a son and boys were different from girls. Still, this was an exaggeration, he could recall the memories of Baelfire learning to walk and talk and even remembered the first time he was called Papa. The desire to find his son flared, but he stamped it down, this technology here could be capable of restoring Baelfire to him, he just had to observe patience ]

Dearie, mistakes happen, people get over them.

I suppose so, but I'm not the one who gets hurt with my power. If it were just me...

[Well actually. Now she smiles just a little.] When it was just me, I think it was all right. I thought that would be best. If I was alone, then I wouldn't have to hold it back anymore, and no one else could get hurt.

But... [Her brow furrows.] I was wrong.

[ he doesn't really care, but the idea of being alone is familiar for other reasons ]

No person is an island, dearie. [ that came out more tender than he thought it would ] Magic comes with a price. You're allowing it to control you, and as such the price you pay is that it's harming others.

[Elsa looks up to him once more. A price? Well, she's seen that, hasn't she? A deep breath, and she nods. She may not know what to think of him, but he's speaking a great deal of sense, isn't he?] You're right. I think.

[He must be. Look what's become of Arendelle because of her. How Anna was hurt when they were younger.] I can't control it. I need to learn how. Until then it can't be safe.

[Though that may have to come after figuring out where on earth she is now and what to do about those reindeer.]

Control of magic is all about directing it. [ he points at the reindeer ]

So, direct it to do something to that reindeer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

I approve of this addiction

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