//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[souredsweet]

[TEAM MORON IS FORMED ON THE FLY and they're already doing so well, wow.

But luckily for Kaoru, the fact that Mai seems to have slid off into temporary oblivion seems to be enough to distract the minotaur for a second. The opportunity will be sWIFTLY SNATCHED as Kaoru moves (perhaps a little too quickly for someone wearing a kimono) to where she's fallen, holding both hands out.]

Quickly, come with me—! [IF YOU WANT TO LIVE

probably, anyway. There's no telling where Kaoru will hit the threshold where it's like "wow this isn't worth the cred anymore" and ends up ditching whatever poor soul is being dragged along at the time.

THAT SAID, time to try helping her to her feet while also backpedalling swiftly, since the minotaur is huge and bulky and can't follow into the hiding places that Kaoru can get to.]

[upcard]

[Truly, they are making their genre proud... but that much works, and she very much does want to live, so she takes those hands, allowing Kaoru to help her up, and then runs like the wind to follow into those tiny hiding spaces. Thankfully, Mai is also not that big, so she can follow easily enough--

And when they're in one of those smaller spaces, and she's caught her breath, she's quick to be grateful.]

T-thank you so much, um...! [whoever you are]

[souredsweet]

[THEY'RE SAILING TO THE TOP... or at least to the side and slightly behind part of the maze, where it's much more difficult for anyone or anything larger to get at. SWEET SAFETY.

Once they're actually tucked away, Kaoru will spare a brief glance outward to make sure that the minotaur isn't deciding to headbutt the ice until it shatters or something. The coast seems clear so far, at least... And then the thanks comes, and Kaoru's attention turns back to Mai. A smile is offered, and then:]

Kaoru— My name is Kaoru Nagumo. I apologize for having to be so insistent, miss...?

[upcard]

[She just...stops. And stares. But no...that resemblance is definitely there. Uncannily, really. Kaoru doesn't seem to recognize her, but...well, Mai knows that Chizuru was dressing as a boy, so she jumps to conclusions, and immediately--]

K-Kaoru-san is a girl?

[WHAT]

[souredsweet]

[GOD ALL THESE ALTERNATE REALITIES they're gonna be the death of him. Why can't other universe Kaoru just sit in a corner and stop making things more difficult!!

...That's the conclusion Kaoru will come to in a few seconds, anyway, because this isn't the first time something along these lines have happened. For now, though, it's just surprise and bafflement and why is this happening it is cold and there is a minotaur aren't these enough problems.]

—I beg your pardon?

[At least it's said with genuine confusion rather than offense...]

[upcard]

[It is cold and there is a minotaur and Mai should be less concerned about crossdressing but she can't help it.]

I-it's just...you were always dressed like a young man... [a gorgeous young man] and you sounded-- I was sure--

[... o h. Wait.]

... We've...never met, have we... [This is world hopping shenanigans again]

[souredsweet]

[AND NOW is when Kaoru is like damn you, alternate reality Kaoru. Also feeling vaguely jealous of alternate reality Kaoru?! He hasn't yet reached a point where he can cut his hair off and run free into the sunset of insanity, why is life so unfair.

One hand raises in an uncertain gesture, resting briefly over his mouth.]

I apologize, miss, but I don't recognize you. Are you from Zelien, perhaps...?