ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[elle can't really disagree with any of the sentiments here. this day, indeed, even if she's spent most of it a safe distance away from all the craziness so that she doesn't get hurt. and you know, yelling her normal support from the sidelines when it doesn't prove to be a threat to her.

this, though? this is different. she's standing not far behind milla, looking a bit uncomfortable at this whole thing. elle doesn't really trust it at all.]

This place is stupid... and weird. Are you really supposed to hug that thing?

Apparently that's what it wants. Unless you'd like to?

[ not like she'd actually let elle get anywhere near that thing, teasing aside. giant minotaur with a penchant for pretending to be nice? no thanks, milla'll slice it if it looks at them weird.

... not that her sword worked very well at all, hence why they're stuck at this part of the trial. swordplay is easy, affection is hard. especially when it concerns monsters that very much look like they can squish you in their hands no problem. ]

Just kidding.

He-hey!

[kidding or not, elle pouts a little at that. she definitely doesn't want to be the sacrifice... or have to go near that thing at all. it's scary! it does beg a different question, though.]

Milla... are you really gonna have to hug that thing?

... I don't know. That's like asking to get crushed.

[ except it really is looking to be their only option. she'd been running through scenarios in her head, and all possible routes of fighting with that thing either put elle in too much danger or proved to have very low chances of success. most even had a mix of both.

judging by the fact the minotaur still stood there with so little signs of fighting... it couldn't seriously be telling the truth, could it? but other people had to have made it in.

so... as much as she seriously doesn't want to do this, she's going to make a move to stand. lord of spirits, lord of hugs. ]

Maybe you can make it promise not to crush you!

[a promise is a promise, right? she doesn't really know if minotaurs could be reasoned with. would that be like trying to reason with a treant, or one of the elites? she folds her arms over her chest, tilting her head as she considers it.]

You should ask it. [the worst that could happen is it doesn't work... right? if she has to end up fighting it either way, it may work to just ask nicely. elle's pretty aware that it's a dangerous situation no matter what, but they have to do whatever they can!]

[ ... goodness, at this point should she even be surprised. though that truly is an elle thing to say--such an elle thing, really, that milla can't help but give a light chuckle in response. promises with a spirit was one thing, but a promise with a monster? ]

A promise with Mister Big and Hairy over there, huh? [ a new one she's never heard before, intelligent as the minotaur seems to be. ] I somehow doubt that'd change his mind.

[ if he was intent on crushing her, anyway. ]

But if I'm going to go this far anyway, I might as well.

[that's what elle thinks. if it wants a hug, it may not be so bad anyway, right? she's wary about the whole thing but it's worth a shot.]

If not, you'll just have to show it who's boss, Milla! [and elle says that with some serious confidence. because she really believes milla is super awesome and super strong... she's totally got this one.]

[ the faith elle has in her is embarrassing, honestly, and she still isn't sure how to deal with it. sure, she speaks with confidence, but it's still a little weird--considering how used she was to reprimands. even with the time they've spent together, that doesn't really unravel 10+ years of everything else.

suppress the blush, lord of spirits, suppress the blush. ]

Like I need to be told that. [ ah, nope, failed. it even shows through her voice, with her light tone. though that disappears soon enough when she's back to business, taking her steps away from elle and towards mr. minotaur.

it doesn't need to be said, but she turns to add in one final thing: ] No matter what, stay here. Not even a peep.

[well, if nothing else, elle at least expects that sort of reaction from milla. it's one of the ways they're both pretty similar, considering if it had been reversed, she'd have said the same. she doesn't think very much of it for that reason, just accepting it for what it is.

at milla's last statement, she responds with a confident nod, hands on her hips like the little know-it-all she can be.] I'll be just like a statue!

All right.

[ well, that'll get elle one of the rare fond milla smiles (she'd like to think they're rare, but concerning elle they're probably actually not very rare at all). that's for a mere second, however--now she's off walking to the minotaur, and elle will get to experience what appears to be quite a short conversation where milla, with all her strength, tries not to explode on this thing.

then it appears they're... making a pinky promise? though the contents of such a promise elle probably can't hear (in particular she might think it's just the promise not to crush milla, like they'd discussed, but it's that and to allow elle to go through without having to give it a hug of her own). the entire thing is ridiculous in milla's eyes, but you do what you have to do.

like hugging. which milla suffers through. when it's all done she gestures elle over, arms crossed as she tries to pretend mister minotaur doesn't exist anymore. at least one of them seems pleased enough. hint: it's not milla. ]

[from the sidelines, elle watches pretty intensely. Of course, she comes to her own conclusions about what transpired, but it doesn't seem to matter all that much in the end.

what does matter is that she sees the pinky promise, she sees the hug, and she sees milla gesturing to her when it's all over. and honestly? that's good enough for her. it's only a few seconds before she's barreling over to where milla stands, beaming with excitement. with her hands clasping her backpack straps, she bounces a little on her toes, looking totally enamored for the moment.]

Whoa, you really did it, Milla! That was so cool!

[of course, it doesn't come without her own little addition; she can't seem like she's admiring that much and letting it to to milla's head, right?] I told you making a promise was a good idea.

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

phase iii

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