//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[mechanizes]

why should I do it?! I'm the older one here! Kids are better at those kinds of things! I have more seniority, so you have to do it!

[ Besides, kids naturally generate more warm, fuzzy feelings than teenagers, so it would be more effective coming from him. Which is a load of crap, but Gareki's sticking to it. It's not like he has any other better reason to sacrifice this kid in his stead except that he really doesn't want to hug a giant minotaur. He also doesn't have any proof how effective said hug will be.

Then again, if he attacks the small brat and the brat gets injured, then Gareki has to have that one his conscience. He doesn't like the idea of it, but he's willing to take the chance because said brat is also mouthing off on him, eliminating a lot of his ability to show any sympathy towards him. ]

Stop looking at me and go on!

[dielectrics]

[ Killua barely listens to his actual assassin father and creepy as shit older brother, like hell he's listening to some guy who thinks he should go hug the minotaur just because he's younger. Besides, this guy is totally weaker, if anyone's gonna go test out whether the hug works or not, it should be the guy who can't contribute as much to a fight if the hugging is a trap. ]

No way. If you're older, shouldn't you take responsibility and do things yourself instead of making a kid do it for you?

[ And he oh so maturely sticks out his tongue. ]

[mechanizes]

[ Yeah, he's liking this brat less and less. That's erasing any guilt he feels about using him as a sacrificial pawn. Sorry, kid. You're getting hugged. There's no way around it. ]

No, I'm older, so I have more authority! I already decided you're doing it. You're smaller anyway, so it'll probably feel like he's squeezing a plush toy.

[ And that will give him some kind of comfort... whatever comfort that minotaur is looking for. He honestly doesn't really know what the story behind the hug-thing is. ]

[dielectrics]

[ Killua will flat out fight this annoying guy for who has to hug the minotaur, and the answer is going to be: not him. In fact, with how obnoxious the guy's blah blah I'm older listen to my au-THOR-a-tay is, Killua will literally do it over his dead body. Or Gareki's, he's really not picky, it's only a game, right? PKing totally doesn't count as real killing, he wouldn't be falling off the wagon or anything. ]

I don't want to. [ And he will, in fact, just not clear this boss fight if he has to, he's willing to be that stubborn. ] If you want it hugged, do it yourself or make me.

[ This time, he raspberries Gareki. ]

[mechanizes]

[ Bad choice of words because Gareki is not above using physical harm to get his way. Oh, he won't hurt him too much. Just enough to make him rethink mouthing off to his elders.

He immediately starts edging towards him, thinking he's probably not that strong. He's just a kid after all. ]

If that's what you want... Get over here, brat! This ends now!

[ And that's when he lunges for him, aiming to grab him in a headlock and physically drag him over to the minotaur. ]

[dielectrics]

[ What a cunning plan, overpowering a thirteen year old. Surely there nothing could possibly go wrong, this kid is so scrawny, it'll totally be easy to shove him into that terrible beast's arms for fuzzy wuzzy hug time!

Except that by the time Gareki lunges, Killua just... isn't there any more. Enjoy that face plant into the dirt if Gareki can't stop himself in time! ]

What was that?

[ Killua says from off to the side, hands in his pockets, looking as relaxed and carefree as a spring breeze. Except the shit-eating smirking is ruining that impression just a bit. ]