//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Natalia L.K. Lanvaldear || Tales of the Abyss

[poised]

[ PHASE I ]

[Maybe you heard the very ungraceful sounding splash! or possibly the righteous squeal (or perhaps a screech?) of indignation that followed, but regardless you are now approaching a battle scene, friend.

Not that you would think so until there is an elf flying right past your face.

Then there's no more than a very final-sounding thud! as an arrow pins the creature's clothes to a tree, keeping it suspended and flailing in its own fury now and still spouting profanities. Not that it's going to intimidate Natalia, walking up now with bow in hand, properly soaked and freezing but too furious to really seem to... mind the cold...]

The very nerve!! Hold your tongue!

[MAYBE IF YOU STAY STILL SHE WON'T SEE YOU.]

[ PHASE IV ]

[Honestly, she might start to lose her patience with this place. Regardless, despite the credits being showered around her, Natalia only looks concerned.]

Kindly keep your currency, sir, I'm merely glad that you're safe now. What a dreadful [and honestly really random] situation that this place put you in...

[But as she looks around, she catches sight of whoever might be nearby - likely someone who was also attempting to assist Santa Bot, right? She picks up the currency with only mild curiosity before wandering over to you!]

Excuse me - I just wanted to thank you for your assistance. You were a great help.

IV

[oaf]

[L'Arc is pocketing the credits, because money is important and he's been forcing himself to think of this as a weird guild mission to justify all the idiocy, though he still looks annoyed over the entire thing.

He looks indifferent to Natalia's thanks, beyond a slight nod of acknowledgment.]

As long as we're done with this stupid thing.

[poised]

[Alright the look of annoyance is something that Natalia can totally sympathize with but is quashing in favor of seeking answers.

. . . still, she at least lets out a sigh.]

I certainly hope so. Those trials were certainly quite..... trying, for the lack of a better word.

[infuriating, more like, but. she's trying still to be diplomatic]

[oaf]

'Trying' isn't really how I'd put it. More like 'a pain in the ass'.

[L'Arc doesn't care about being diplomatic, whoops.]

[poised]

[Her nose wrinkles a bit because that is very crude language, sir, but she doesn't comment on it otherwise.]

Ah... They certainly do ask a lot of the people that have just arrived....

[oaf]

Well, if there's one good thing out of this, it's that we got paid for it. At least they didn't try and write it off as a good 'character-building exercise' or some flimsy excuse like that.

I

[taeja]

[Soo-won was sitting down in the snow like a moron for some time before finally getting up, reaching out to lean against the tree for support]

[and then thunk]

[he stares at the elf pinned to tree... with arrows... and then slowly rests his gaze on Natalia coming towards them both......]

[slowly sinks back down onto the snow. maybe she won't see him....?? even though he's RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER]

[poised]

[the movement catches her eye honestly and she's immediately piercing her gaze toward him and reaching into her quiver to knock another arrow, assuming it's an elf

and then pausing

ah]

And who might you be?

[if she still doesn't sound impressed, forgive her. it might be the hypothermia talking]

[taeja]

[now he's caught crouching in the snow like a moron???]

Ah. [well, he's been caught, so he might as well own up to his existence. he rises slowly, brushing some stray snow off his robe, though there's a lot left in his hair.] My name's Won!

[pauses. doesn't... elaborate... instead, he looks at the elf, then at the arrow] That was a very good shot, miss.

[poised]

[definitely caught crouching in the snow like a moron

but Natalia merely regards him for a moment longer before sighing and tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. okay, she can do this. she can compose herself. this one doesn't appear to be with the elves]

Won... I apologize for startling you, Won. I'm Natalia. It's-

['nice to meet you' is what she's about to say before the elf loudly makes its presence known again with another profanity and she stiffens and she offers a strained smile.]

... I wish we could have met under better circumstances.

iv

[flaredo]

No problem! [ It was a fun workout, and Yang's still smiling as her gauntlets cool down. ] Although I think you would've been fine on your own.

[poised]

As much as I appreciate the compliment, I've found that working with a team is typically more effective.

[Typically. Not counting the teammate they inevitably had that turned on them, but whatever.]

My name is Natalia. It's a pleasure to make the acquaintance of someone so adept at combat.

[flaredo]

Same here! That'll help you out here, trust me.

Oh, but I'm Yang. Nice to meet you!

[poised]

Yang. The pleasure is truly mine. [Natalia nods in acknowledgement before latching onto something a bit more pressing...]

Then I take it that there is constant combat in this location?

[flaredo]

It's a game-- so pretty much! You fight and beat the boss, and you'll get rewards from it.

iv 1/2

[redsea]

[ Kougyoku just stares at Natalia for a few seconds. ]

[redsea]

[ Until she realizes what the other girl just said. Her cheeks turns red and her lips part in surprise—someone praised her! ]

Oh, um! You're... you're welcome!

[ It's an odd personality flip. Kougyoku was absolutely fearsome in battle with her huge magic sword and water powers. Think crazy yandere faces. That's how she helped, Natalia. ]

But she kept freezing my water, so I think I got in the way...

[poised]

[What an endearing girl.... Natalia just smiles in response, amused regardless of any yandere faces that might have happened.]

Nonsense. You were still able to occupy her attention which made it simpler to defeat her. Take my word for what it is - I meant it.

[redsea]

Oh, I—I suppose I did, didn't I?

[ Kougyoku's quiet for a moment, then she beams. She's rather proud of her accomplishments this round, then! ]

Thank you, miss! [ A beat. ] You were also amazing... We would not have been able to last without your healing magic!

[poised]

[That much gets Natalia to laugh delicately, bringing up a hand to her mouth to obscure her giggle.]

Ah, it was nothing! Thank you though - I appreciate your praise.

I hope you're fully healed by now? Don't hesitate to let me know if you suffered any scrapes.

I

[inparacosm]

[ She was simply minding her own business! Which... actually meant huddling under a tree feeling extremely cold because Natalia isn't the only one who fell for this all the way into the icy cold lake.

Cursing how unpleasant the situation was after attempting to chase after the elves, it seems the elves found her again. Only this time someone delivered a proper blow, nailing it right above her head.

.................


That was dangerous........... ]

[poised]

[Natalia is honestly still stalking over, quite displeased, until she realizes that there is a girl beneath the elf that is now pinned to the tree.]

Ah!

[And just like that, the malice is removed from her face and replaced entirely by concern.]

Goodness, miss! My sincerest apologies - are you alright? You must've been so startled. You're not hurt, are you?

iv.

[subvert]

You're welcome, my lady.

[delita's tone is such that it is evident he means this in all seriousness, and not in either the sarcastic sense, or the gigantic neckbeard fedora sense. he would bow, but he is unfortunately unable to do that.

LISTEN YOU TRY BOWING IN PLATE MAIL, SHIT IS HEAVY

so instead he will kneel. for a moment, and then rise back to his feet. he knows how this proper respect and manners thing works, and she... appears to be from somewhere more like what he's used to, at least.]

[poised]

[Alright, on the list of things that Natalia was expecting: that wasn't one of them.

She blinks in surprise as he kneels, if only because she definitely wasn't expecting that level of respect from a stranger. Her own people are guilty of not recognizing her, so to be greeted so formally by another... She straightens her back before waving a hand gently.]

Please, no need to be so formal with me, sir. We are but equals on this battlefield.

[subvert]

[it's not really clear how he knows that she is the kind of person he ought to give respect to. maybe he asked somebody else about her. maybe she just strikes him as extremely royal or something. maybe... there isn't actually a good reason and we're just going to handwave it, which seems like the most likely explanation.

her reaction immediately wins points from him; just because he is skilled at playing the bullshit respect nobility oh you're so great because your parents have rank and they had you game doesn't mean he particularly likes playing it.]

Thank you. You were a great help - I know not what I would have done without your assistance as well.

[...he probably would have been okay, but flattery gets you everywhere, especially when you're good at it like he is. it's delivered with the utmost sincerity.]