//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Killua Zoldyck | Hunter x Hunter

[dielectrics]

( phase iii )
[ Sure, Killua's used to video games sometimes requiring unorthodox strategies to beat the boss fights. Sure, hugging someone is on the whole easier than actually fighting the boss. That doesn't actually means he wants to do it.

He's standing in front of the minotaur, staring up at it with the most nonplussed expression he can manage. One of his eyes might be twitching. Maybe. ]

You want me to what. [ Says the very short, very unimpressed child assassin very flatly. Seriously, he'd rather just do the whole nearly getting beaten to an inch of his life thing, that's way better than giving out hugs.

The nails on one of his hands sharpen into claws, and he shifts his weight — readying himself to launch an attack, because the public display of affection? Is just not going to happen. Too bad the whole attacking thing is also totally ineffectual. ]

( phase iv )
[ Some people might have some compunctions about having to attack people who are supposed to be their allies in the fight against the abominable snow man queen.

Those people are not Killua Zoldyck.

He doesn't hesitate for a second to dart right in and do his very best to jab his entranced new buddy sharply on the neck — with enough force to leave anyone unprotected from the blow dizzy and spinning. ]

Snap out of it.

[ And too bad if there's anyone around who thinks that's way too cold a way to handle the situation. ]

( bonus )
[ Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's some short kid visibly sparking with electricity as he flees from the mistletoe bot in a blur of blueish light.

And later, that kid's looking mighty pleased with himself now that the robot's a sparking heap of metal at his feet. ]

bonus

[flaredo]

Not a fan?

[ And Yang's nudging that poor pile of greenery with her boot, slowly shaking her head. Alas, poor mistletoe bot. ]

[dielectrics]

It wouldn't stop following me.

[ Killua says with a shrug. Because clearly dismantlement is the logical and obvious response to a mechanical annoyance. ]

It was pretty fast, though, that was kind of cool.

[flaredo]

The robots tend to be. Nothing most people can't handle, but most people don't wreck them.

... Unless they deserve it.

[dielectrics]

[ Man, it totally feels like he's being lectured. Or at least disapproved at. Or... something. Something kind of like his mom's constant nagging, except without the overblown crying and wailing and demands that he go lock himself up in the family dungeon for a week. Is this the fabled power of the big sister figure??

Whatever it is, Killua's pretty sure he doesn't like it. ]

It totally deserved it. [ Maybe that comes out a little defensively. Maaaaybe. ] It kept waving that weird plant at me.

[flaredo]

... That weird... mistletoe?

[ oh, kid. ]

[dielectrics]

Oh, is that what it is?

[ Zoldyck family holidays: not high on the warm and fuzzy feelings. But then he realizes something very important. ]

Hey, wait, that means it was trying to kiss me!

[ Is he outraged because kissing, or because it was a robot? Hard to say. ]

[flaredo]

[ She doesn't even bother muffling her laugh. ] Aww, is that such a bad thing? You're popular!

[dielectrics]

With a robot.

[ That's not popular. That's just weird. And she is totally getting the stink eye for laughing at him. ]

phase iii! one dumb dragon

[idiocy]

[By now, this rather large white dragon has moved on at this point, but given the experience and- well, from what he's seen, not a whole lot of people are ready to take that step needed to embrace the poor minotaur.

...Which is why he's here!

Mikhail has (sorta) taken to hiding behind behind some of a building structure, but once he sees a visible weapon (and this case, claws!) he's already shuffling over.] Aaaaahhh! Don't do that!

[ Despite his slightly large form, Mikhail tiptoes over on his two clawed feet with wings curled inward and slightly in front of him much like a child holding their hands tightly to the front of their chest.] If you just give him a hug, you'll see it's not all that bad! Just a biiiig good hug! It's easy! You could try it and- and- I'm sure he'll let you go through.

[ Implying they do it with feeling, of course.. Nonetheless, Mikhail looks between the two eagerly, as though there's nothing terrifying or confusing about a dragon suggesting to seriously hug things out.

..Right?]

[dielectrics]

[ What the shit. First a minotaur asking for hugs, then a dragon telling him to give the minotaur hugs... This is one seriously, seriously weird game. Next, a bunch of bears in tutus are going to jump out and start singing about friendship.

Yeah, Killua's having none of it. He eyes the dragon up. And up and up. Eh, he's fought bigger. ]

I wonder if it has a rare drop...

[ Because NPCs totally are there for looting. ]

1/2

[idiocy]

[ ...

...

...

... ]

Eh?

[idiocy]

[ Wait- him? Was he talking about him?! At the eyeing he was being given from the child, Mikhail just stands there with a slight shuffle side to side and prepares himself for anything to happen. It's when he hears the words that he starts to sweat and jaws open with a flurry of words. ] N-n-n-n-not me! I don't give anything!

If you hit me- I'll only bleed! If you can, I'd refrain from bleeding please, I reaaallly don't want to fight right now!

[ HE'S TIRED OF BEING STABBED FOR THE DAY. QAQ ]

[dielectrics]

Wow, this is some pretty advanced AI.

[ Is he going to let up on the whole stabbing for loot idea? Not a chance. Begging for mercy is something he got trained out of listening to at age five. Besides, it's still a giant talking dragon, totally an NPC in the game.

It's definitely in cahoots with the minotaur and he already hates the minotaur. ]

If it's going to this much trouble, the drop must be pretty good.

[ Did this kid's claws just get sharper? Yep, they sure did. ]

[idiocy]

[ "Advanced AI"? What were they even going on about? This was confusing, all he wanted to do was help... Mikhail clutches his wings closer to his chest as he starts to rear back, taking a slow step away. Sure you would have to have pretty strong blades to be able to inflict wounds on a dragon's armored scales but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that someone here was literally bent on killing him despite his persuasion.

Again, someone is bent on killing him.

Zero's death threats and insults were fine since he knew she would never really go through with it. Mikhail doesn't know this person ( who looks like a child, could very well be a child, is more certainly a child ) so there was no saying what he'd do! ]

U-U-uuuwwuuuuhh.....

[ Is he gonna cry? Is this rather large powerful looking dragon going to cry?






Nope, he's gonna piss himself instead. Congratulations Killua, you just made a dragon piss himself.]

[dielectrics]

[ Did that seriously just happen? Did the NPC dragon just piss itself? Gross, this game is awful, Killua can't believe anyone keeps playing it!

He jumps back, oh so eager to avoid the spreading pool of dragon piss, and stares. ]

You—! Cut that out! You're the worst boss fight ever!

[idiocy]

But I'm not a boss! And I'm not even fighting!

[ Still.. draining himself of pee for a moment longer, really Killua's yelling only ushers his pee to flow more rapidly out. gross. however, once he finishes nothing really changes, his voice still sounds as though he's going to cry. how can you mistaken him for a boss... Wait a minute, isn't that a compliment? That means he looks strong, right?

Come on Killua, can't you see the saddle on Mikhail's back by now? Put your detecting skills to work! He isn't a NPC...! ] I was just trying to help!

[dielectrics]

[ Joke's on you, sucker, now that Killua can see the saddle, he realizes that of course the dragon isn't a boss fight. It's a mount. ]

Oh, hey. So if I ride you, can we trample the minotaur?

[ And, you know, get out of the whole having to hug it thing.

Killua's turned his back on the dragon though, going over to one of the stores — a conveniently placed outdoors shop — and... Is he...? Surely he's not... He totally is grabbing a climbing rope and knotting it into a leash. A gigantic, dragon-sized leash. ]

phase iii;

[mechanizes]

[ Oh good, someone else got here before him to be the sacrificial pawn. Gareki had managed to hear enough to know that he's not going to be the one getting anywhere near that minotaur. He'll just let Nai's look-alike take it all while he slips through passed the giant horned beast that looks like it can throw him across this ice world if it wanted to.

Yeah, he has a good feeling that none of the bullets in his gun will do much, so he's just going to wait this one out, except that brat isn't doing anything. Why isn't he giving him a hug? They both can't be aiming to avoid it. Someone has to do it, and it's not going to be him.

Losing his patience, he finally creeps out from the convenient purse stand he'd been hiding behind to snap at the kid- ]

Stop whining, and put your arms around it! He's not going to stop unless you do it!

[dielectrics]

[ The guy who's been watching him is clearly one of those people who's happy to let someone else do the weird embarrassing things to get to the goal. Someone who doesn't want to engage in something as stupid as winning a boss fight through warm fuzzy feelings. So basically someone just like Killua.

Which of course means that Killua's not keen at all on the idea of listening and actually going to make nice with the minotaur. He turns around and snaps right back at his new buddy: ]

I don't want to. You go hug it!

[mechanizes]

why should I do it?! I'm the older one here! Kids are better at those kinds of things! I have more seniority, so you have to do it!

[ Besides, kids naturally generate more warm, fuzzy feelings than teenagers, so it would be more effective coming from him. Which is a load of crap, but Gareki's sticking to it. It's not like he has any other better reason to sacrifice this kid in his stead except that he really doesn't want to hug a giant minotaur. He also doesn't have any proof how effective said hug will be.

Then again, if he attacks the small brat and the brat gets injured, then Gareki has to have that one his conscience. He doesn't like the idea of it, but he's willing to take the chance because said brat is also mouthing off on him, eliminating a lot of his ability to show any sympathy towards him. ]

Stop looking at me and go on!

[dielectrics]

[ Killua barely listens to his actual assassin father and creepy as shit older brother, like hell he's listening to some guy who thinks he should go hug the minotaur just because he's younger. Besides, this guy is totally weaker, if anyone's gonna go test out whether the hug works or not, it should be the guy who can't contribute as much to a fight if the hugging is a trap. ]

No way. If you're older, shouldn't you take responsibility and do things yourself instead of making a kid do it for you?

[ And he oh so maturely sticks out his tongue. ]

[mechanizes]

[ Yeah, he's liking this brat less and less. That's erasing any guilt he feels about using him as a sacrificial pawn. Sorry, kid. You're getting hugged. There's no way around it. ]

No, I'm older, so I have more authority! I already decided you're doing it. You're smaller anyway, so it'll probably feel like he's squeezing a plush toy.

[ And that will give him some kind of comfort... whatever comfort that minotaur is looking for. He honestly doesn't really know what the story behind the hug-thing is. ]

[dielectrics]

[ Killua will flat out fight this annoying guy for who has to hug the minotaur, and the answer is going to be: not him. In fact, with how obnoxious the guy's blah blah I'm older listen to my au-THOR-a-tay is, Killua will literally do it over his dead body. Or Gareki's, he's really not picky, it's only a game, right? PKing totally doesn't count as real killing, he wouldn't be falling off the wagon or anything. ]

I don't want to. [ And he will, in fact, just not clear this boss fight if he has to, he's willing to be that stubborn. ] If you want it hugged, do it yourself or make me.

[ This time, he raspberries Gareki. ]

[mechanizes]

[ Bad choice of words because Gareki is not above using physical harm to get his way. Oh, he won't hurt him too much. Just enough to make him rethink mouthing off to his elders.

He immediately starts edging towards him, thinking he's probably not that strong. He's just a kid after all. ]

If that's what you want... Get over here, brat! This ends now!

[ And that's when he lunges for him, aiming to grab him in a headlock and physically drag him over to the minotaur. ]