//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

phase iii eee, leo!

[eyeofthetiger]

{ yeah, this really wasn't Dean's day because he's standing between the showdown between Mothra and Godzilla and he knows how this battle goes. Running a hand down his face as he stares between one monster and the next (even if Jabberwock looks more interested in digesting those reindeer from earlier than fighting the minotaur at the moment), he groans. ]

Look, I don't care what your issues are, but just let me walk past the big guy before you start getting too friendly with it and we'll call it a deal, okay?

[ a guy could wish, right? just like a guy could wish that minotaur ain't going to notice him in lieu of Leo and his friend. ]

[gravement]

[ Jabberwock better not elope with either the minotaur, the reindeer corpses, or Dean. After all, none of them had asked him, the father, for permission!

Sullenly dusting one of the leftover patches of snow off his slacks, Leo doesn't bother responding to Dean and gives Jabberwock free reins to do whatever it wants, as long as it didn't include burping. He's too busy sulking in the corner wondering about what the hell happened. Surely this guy, with everything else, had to be an illusion. A result for reading far too much late-night fiction.

Do whatever, Dean, and maybe you should watch his dragon is suddenly excitable and is treating the minotaur as prey, passing it about and attempting to knock it down. Hopefully the minotaur doesn't fall on you, right? ]

[eyeofthetiger]

[ Then Leo's in luck. Dean doesn't exactly do well with commitment. Dean also doesn't do well with getting knocked about by strange creatures as that Jabberwock decides to toss him a meat stick. Throwing himself to the side, Dean does his best impression of a sledding accident as he plows into a snow drift. ]

Jesus! What the hell is that thing's problem!

[ He wades a bit closer to Leo, looking to hide behind his skirts for safety in numbers. ]

Please tell me that's a friend.

[ otherwise they're in some serious, deep shit over here. And not just because they're something like three stories tall either. ]

[gravement]

[ Hey now, Charlotte wears the dresses, not him. Long hair doesn't mean a lady, Dean.

Amused, Leo snorts at the sight of this stranger, predicting he's harmless given he can't get past the minotaur or Jabberwock. Who, by the way, are busy fighting, as the minotaur keeps screaming for hugs. ]

Oh, the dragon is. Minotaur? Not so much. Maybe you should give him a hug, since you can actually reach him and I can't.

[ Cue in the beast screaming 'HUGS!'. ]

[eyeofthetiger]

[ Doesn't it? It's not like Leo's wearing his hair up in dreadlocks at the moment. How was he supposed to tell the difference? But he just gives Leo a sharp glance. ]

And why not? You've got two legs don't you?

[ he snorted ]

And besides, I'd rather not get between a dragon and a touchy-feely maze monster. I'd more likely end up fodder for the dragon.

[gravement]

You're taller.

[ Simple as that. ]

And worry not, I'd probably tell Jabberwock not to eat you.

[eyeofthetiger]

[ .... he hates you already ]

So the thing has an actual name?

[ he raised a brow ]

I take it you've got a fetish for carol, huh? [ he shook his head ] Fine, whatever. But if that thing—either one of themmdash;tries to eat me, I'm coming back to haunt you.

[ at least Dean will be in good company... And please don't mind as Dean just marches off (more like slinks reluctantly) off to go and hug a minotaur. At least this still ain't the strangest thing he's ever done. That one involves a depressed teddy bear and he promised never to ever speak of that one again. ]