//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[sunshrouded]

Shirasu, you play dirty!!

[That still rolls off the tongue really easily. But it's enough to get Tenka to falter for a second but also he's still stubborn.

So instead he's gripping Shirasu's shoulders to keep the man pinned to the ground.

(You know it would be really easy to just lean in and - WHY IS HE THINKING THAT.)]

Just give me a minute, jeeze!

[allfortheclan]

[ HELLO? NINJA?

The familiarity is not lost on him, either; the hand holding the kunai falters, then finally lowers.

And this position is really not helping. ]

Tenka, if you don't let me up, I'm going to kiss you.

[ Threat? Who knows. Warning? Maybe. Another dirty tactic? Hell yes. ]

[sunshrouded]

What?! You were thinking that too?!

[Tenka, you're not helping this situation.

But he's also not.... moving... Partially because his body doesn't want to (thanks mistletoe) and partially because there is no guarantee that Shirasu won't just bolt it once he gets up.

Damn ninja.]

I know I'm amazing but just resist! [what a problem solver] I actually have important things to talk to you about.

[allfortheclan]

[ It is so not fair that Tenka knows him so well.

And it is absolutely not fair that though Shirasu could still escape (probably), he's becoming less and less inclined.

But he absolutely doesn't want to hear whatever questions Tenka has for him. His face settles into a blank expression. ]

I don't have anything to say.

[sunshrouded]

Liar.

[There is so much to say!! Preferably starting with "I'm sorry" to be honest.

But now Tenka's just huffing and you know what, Shirasu started it-]

If you don't tell me, I'll-

[what can he even say OH]

I'll... kiss you! Gah! I don't even like saying it!!

[allfortheclan]

[ You are the most ridiculous person he's ever met, Tenka. Seriously.

And you've also run out the clock, because Shirasu's lost control of himself in a very un-ninja-like way. ]

You're an idiot. [ He reaches up and fists his hand in -- how many sweaters are you wearing, sheesh -- in one of Tenka's sweaters and pulls him down to kiss him. ]

[sunshrouded]

[It's really cold, he'll wear as many sweaters as he wants.

Also what is happening.

Like actually, what's going on.

Because Tenka's going down (I'm yelling timbeerrr) and he's kissing Shirasu apparently. For like half a second before his brain kicks into overdrive and he's pulling away to sit right back up and making gross choking noises.

COUGHING! HACKING!]

Shirasu, why did you do that?!

[didn't you just threaten to do the same thing]

[allfortheclan]

[ Sure it's cold. His hair is frozen. He doesn't seem to feel it, though. ]

I wanted to. [ Apparently.

But now that Tenka's distracted by his utter disgust (rude), NINJA ESCAPE TECHNIQUE #30!

Shirasu is rolling to his feet with ease, and pocketing his kunai. ]

[sunshrouded]

[That's a gross answer. Shirasu, stop being gross. So gross.

But okay, now Tenka's getting up too and reaching out to grab Shirasu's wrist again because this is getting really tiring.]

Get back here--!

[allfortheclan]

[ Not this time, Tenka. Shirasu steps back and out of reach, ready for him. The little plant seems satisfied and just buzzes above their heads. ]

I'm glad you lived, Tenka. But that only goes so far. You won't get any answers from me.

[sunshrouded]

[Stupid ninja. Tenka just frowns at that, still intent on doing something about all of this.]

Shirasu! [There's a lot he wants to ask. What did you do with Soramaru? Why was Chuutarou with Naoto? What the hell is this about the Fuuma reviving? Why are you trying to help the Orochi?

But those are a lot of things a lot bigger than Tenka and yes, they're important, and he's determined to get to them eventually but-]

I asked you to take care of my brothers...!

[Thanks for ignoring his last request, jerk.]

[allfortheclan]

[ Heeeey, guess what conversation they are not having. THIS one. Shirasu sets his jaw and turns, leaping to the nearest high point and from there, he blends in and disappears. ]