ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

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phase ii;

[Hello friends. Today there is an otome protag out and about. She's not really dressed for the weather, in a dress and tights as she is, but...well, that's the least of her concerns at the moment.

Mostly because she's being chased by vicious, angry reindeer.

Now she's used to being dropped into random worlds without warning at this point, but reindeer trying to kill her is a new one, and she's utterly useless at anything combat related--so please, someone take pity on her, as she screams, hands clutching her bag close, and runs from a frothing, angry reindeer.]

phase iii;

[This wasn't supposed to happen either, but she supposes she shouldn't be surprised anymore (spoilers, she's still surprised). There's a minotaur, and it's staring her down and demanding hugs, and Mai is 150% done with all of this. She's wet from the snow and almost being murdered by reindeer, and she's exhausted, and doesn't know what's going on, and so when it says that it just needs a warm and friendly hug, Mai takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders, and steps towards it to do just that.]

F-fine, just...please stop trying to harm people...!

[Stop her, watch her be crazy, laugh at the dumb protag? It's up to you.]

Edited 2014-12-02 03:16 (UTC)

[ don't mind Dean jogging along with her as she runs hellbent for terror out of the reindeer park. ]

See, this is why I hate Christmas because if it ain't Kris Kringle eating the bad little children, or a really bad knitted sweater then it's killer Reindeer pounding at your door step.

[ he swears and then suddenly pulls Mai behind some tree cover as one of said reindeer goes running, head down, through the snow drift they almost walked right into. ]

You see what I mean!

[ ugh, worst. holiday. ever! ]

[Otome Protag meet Shoujo Manga protag!! Also your new savior or... sort of savior.]

Ah-!! STOP!! [Yuki being... well herself really... Immediately tries to move between the fleeing and frightened girl and block the reindeer.]

Go away. [Her voice is even and determined. No way is someone getting hurt on her watch!]

PHASE II:

[Christmas doesn't even exist in Fulheim, so L'Arc doesn't have the slightest clue what's going on, although that pretty much sums up his life, really. Damn the protag curse that demands you get dragged into things you don't care about at all.

After beating up the elves (less so because he actually wants to know where Santa is and more so because he was pissed off at them—also, you don't insult his mom), he really just wants to get this done with. Unfortunately, that won't be happening for a while.

If nothing else, though, at least killing the reindeer is good stress relief. L'Arc doesn't even bat an eye at slicing their antlers off with his sword (hey, if it gets him free stuff in the end, why not), because yeah, monster-hunting for guild requests desensitizes you to mutilating animal corpses.

Still pissed off, though.]

Seriously, why do we have to do all this!?

PHASE 2

[Shinjiro's no stranger to the mysterious and the arcane. After years of living with - and attempting to deny the existence of - his Persona and fighting Shadows during the Dark Hour, he's used to seeing weird shit pop up all over the place. Murderous reindeer though? That's fucking new.

There's a bit of regret mingled in with copious irritation; he'd learned the hard way that these were no docile creatures after being unceremoniously slammed into the nearest tree. Sporting a bruise on his ribcage and a scowl on his face, Shinjiro's eyes float from reindeer to reindeer as he contemplates his next move.

No axe but—]

Persona!

[There's the single sound of glass shattering in the air and then—Castor, a spectre floating in the air ready to do battle.

Alright. Time to kick some ass.]

PHASE 3

[In comparison to the reindeer, the minotaur is freakishly docile.

Castor had been nigh ineffective and headbutting the thing hadn't worked (and only given him an added lump on his head, very unappreciated). It's like the thing's made of steel except with a definitively furry outside. He wouldn't give a damn about going forward except that going back means more of those berserk reindeer, and while dying's been pretty high on his list of life goals to accomplish, he'd rather go out his own way instead of being trampled by a bunch of buffed up deer.

So there he stands, scowling at the minotaur as though it'll somehow develop laser beams and sizzle the minotaur where it stands. (It doesn't, mores the pity.)

Someone give this poor guy a hand.]

BONUS

[The elves are buried, the reindeer knocked out, and the minotaur finally - reluctantly - defeated, but the poor guy just can't catch a break. Even leaned up against a wall with his beanie pulled low, Shinjiro's still being harassed, this time by a jaunty spring of mistletoe floating right above his head.

Better not get too close. He's covered in blood and sweat and probably hasn't showered in three days. No one wants to kiss that.]

phase iii

[IT IS COLD AS HECKA IN THIS LABYRINTH...?? Totsuka tucks himself behind a wall in a grand attempt to hide his presence, rubbing his hands for warmth. on closer inspection, you might see the fingers of his right hand start to glow weirdly from time to time.]

[still, when he lifts his head and catches sight of someone, he'll wave them over quickly]

Here! He passed by a few minutes ago, so we should be safe!

phase iv

[there sure is some weird guy lying flat on his back on the floor and staring up at sky as the santa bot dances and credits fall into his face...]

[a few land in his mouth and he coughs and sputters and blinks them away weakly but he SURE IS STILL ON THE FLOOR... not moving...]

...Ugh.

bonus;

[staring up at the sprig of mistletoe over his head. moves to the side, watches it move with him.]

Wow, that's kind of cute! [no totsuka. he starts moving faster, eyes still fixed up on the sprig, so hopefully he doesn't accidentally trod on someone's foot while he isn't looking oops]

[ and while Shinjiro is having the time of his life staring down a minotaur, Dean comes jogging up to join the scene, except... ]

What? Are you kidding me? We've got to take care of this thing next?

[ just excuse him a minute as he puts his hands on his knees and wheezes, taking the small reprieve to catch his breath because until that thing starts attacking him, it's just gonna have to wait! ]

[suddenly there is totsuka in the sidelines, eyes wide as he watches this young boy summon some kind of magical creature and look for all the world like a proper video game protagonist.]

Wow, that's really cool! [totsuka on the other hand looks too weirdly cheerful for a guy stuck in reindeers mauling everyone land, plus he's probably being a big dumb distraction... sorry shinji]

[Bless you and everything you stand for, Dean. Regardless, she doesn't know half of what he's talking about, but he made sure that she's not dead, and that's good enough for her.

She follows him with as much energy as she can, eyes wide and stumbling through the snow.]

U-um...!

[What an incredible addition to the conversation.]

Look out...!

[That's a little better--though probably a little too late, as they hit the ice, and her legs skid, heeled boots slipping on it.]

[ PHASE I ]

[Maybe you heard the very ungraceful sounding splash! or possibly the righteous squeal (or perhaps a screech?) of indignation that followed, but regardless you are now approaching a battle scene, friend.

Not that you would think so until there is an elf flying right past your face.

Then there's no more than a very final-sounding thud! as an arrow pins the creature's clothes to a tree, keeping it suspended and flailing in its own fury now and still spouting profanities. Not that it's going to intimidate Natalia, walking up now with bow in hand, properly soaked and freezing but too furious to really seem to... mind the cold...]

The very nerve!! Hold your tongue!

[MAYBE IF YOU STAY STILL SHE WON'T SEE YOU.]

[ PHASE IV ]

[Honestly, she might start to lose her patience with this place. Regardless, despite the credits being showered around her, Natalia only looks concerned.]

Kindly keep your currency, sir, I'm merely glad that you're safe now. What a dreadful [and honestly really random] situation that this place put you in...

[But as she looks around, she catches sight of whoever might be nearby - likely someone who was also attempting to assist Santa Bot, right? She picks up the currency with only mild curiosity before wandering over to you!]

Excuse me - I just wanted to thank you for your assistance. You were a great help.

Edited 2014-12-02 03:46 (UTC)

[Much more of a savior than anyone else at the moment. Of course, the moment Yuki is stepping right in front of her for that reindeer, Mai's eyes widen, hand coming up to cover her mouth.]

O-oh--!

[SOMEONE ELSE IS GOING TO DIE NOW that's even worse.]

Look out!

[Thanks bro, you just trod on Shinji's foot.

He grunts - a little from pain, a little from the utter rudeness - and is about to let the whole thing slide when he notices just who it is. That cheery guy, from before. Good to know he's still in one piece after all the shit they were forced through.]

You doin' okay?

[He hasn't noticed the mistletoe yet, or else he'd be a lot less casual about all this.]

[L'Arc is pocketing the credits, because money is important and he's been forcing himself to think of this as a weird guild mission to justify all the idiocy, though he still looks annoyed over the entire thing.

He looks indifferent to Natalia's thanks, beyond a slight nod of acknowledgment.]

As long as we're done with this stupid thing.

Edited 2014-12-02 03:56 (UTC)

[ hey, all thins considered, he's surprised she has breath enough to blink. Except then he goes skidding down the ice ass first. ]

Woah!

[ hello ice! Nice to meet you and your grandmother, that lump in the ice that's threatening to crack any second just for looking at it. ]

I wasn't quite expecting that.

[ he winces, as he tries to get to his feet, shoes slipping and sliding worse then greased pig having the time of it's life. ]

You okay?

[ he gave Mai a glance, but not much more then that as he almost topples again for the umpteenth time. Just give him a second. These old bones don't bend like they used to. ]

[His concentration's broken somewhat by the newcomer - a ~~proper anime protag sacrifice~~ young man, either the same age or older than him - watching his every movement with an alarming amount of enthusiasm and good cheer. And apparently no weapons on his body with which to fight the oncoming threat.

Great.]

Get out of here—

[—is all the warning he has time to yell before the reindeer are stampeding towards him. He snarls, runs forward, one hand darting out in a physical order to his Persona. It heeds his command this time, rushing forth to take on its own foe.

DON'T DIE IN THE BUSHES, TOTSUKA....]

( PHASE i )

Y-You guys are a bunch of bullies! How can you be so mean?! I didn't do anything to you! ...Or did I? If I did, I'm sorry! Did I step on your home?

[ If you stumble upon this scene you'll... well, you'll see a white dragon halfway in the lake due to the ice that crumbled around his slightly large body. Unfortunately not all the ice around him fell apart, so he's kinda... stuck. He's struggling, wings expanding and trying to beat enough to at least fly out. However, it's far too cold and basically he's a sitting duck that's splashing around and emitting distressed cries.

... It's a pretty pathetic sight really. The Elves are throwing everything they can get their tiny hands on, Mikhail has no choice but to endure the rocks and various sticks flinging at his face and body.] Owuch! Ow! OW! Hey! That hurt! C'mon, stop it!

[ You'd imagine he would be smart enough to remember the fact he's a dragon and can most likely spew fire from his mouth. This isn't the brightest of dragons, though.

> Maybe you should help him..... ]

( PHASE iii )

[ There's a dragon hugging a minotaur.

...That's all you need to know. ]

[Down to the ground they both go! Mai's got no chance of staying standing once they hit that ice, and she winces, but is quick to prop herself up to her hands and knees, looking at him with wide eyes.]

Oh, I... yes, I'm fine!

[They should probably get out of here before that--]

Deer!

[Yes, that. Before that shows up. There it is.]

[It's definitely one of the more exciting things he's done in his life, that much is clear. Unfortunately, it's not of the things he enjoys in life, so while Dean huffs and puffs like an old man next to him, Shinjiro merely scowls some more.

(It's one of the few things he's good at, let him have his moment—)]

Physical force doesn't work.

[Matter-of-factly. While he's generally not a fan of company, it's not unwelcome in this case; even he, often detached and avoidant as he is, knows that two heads are better than one. The guy looks older, more experienced. Maybe he'll know something Shinjiro doesn't.]

And I don't have magic or anything, if that's what you're thinkin'.

phase ii.

[ Midgets were not to be trusted to wherever the hell they dragged him to. Upon first seeing those elves, Leo had flashbacks of the horrifying, creepy dolls the House of Fianna hung around the orphanage when Christmas came around. Apparently, he needed to start listening to his instincts more.

Of course, Leo was not expecting any pot of gold over the dull, shitty, confusing rainbow. Approaching the reindeer with sword in hand, the Baskerville almost appears bored, expression flat. Blood was a common sight, and these reindeer were practically nothing to the Duke of Baskerville, despite how exotic they were to him. Some horrible little joke or a very twisted dream, was all.

Despite Jabberwock's inability to do anything besides give a few measly burps in attempt to spark flames. Which was infuriating, and whoever pulled this off better hope it was temporary. Otherwise, there would be hell to pay.

Ignoring that extremely thought provoking powerpoint presentation, clearly. There was no reason to believe them whatsoever, after all.]

phase iii.

[ Sometime during the previous fight, a reindeer's hurried, paranoid scattering led to an eruption of snow, effectively blinding Leo momentarily.

Afterwards, with shaking limbs (though not from fear or excitement), Leo attempted to find his way through the miles of white. Finally, in the distance, there appeared to be something alight. Obviously not a fire, but there was a sign of some activity and others around. Eventually, now on the verge of freezing over, Leo comes face to face to the minotaur. ]

No.

[ There was no hesitation. As soon as the minotaur made its offer, Leo snapped, turning his back on the creature. That was a mistake, as the rejected minotaur began to attack. Having to haul ass away, Leo successfully manages to increase his chances of frostbite as he tripped in his getaway plan.

Now there's Leo Baskerville about to freeze his ass off, a fair distance away from the beast, with a very upset dragon at his side. How dare this place remove all that made him grand? It was an insult to everything Jabberwock stood for! He was unable to even keep his Master warm.

At least the burping wasn't so bad. In fact, as if the Chain had realized something, in an attempt to cheer him up, Jabberwock takes a mighty gulp and--

Burp.

Throwing his dragon an unsatisfied look, Jabberwock, ashamed, droops his head to the snowy landspace again. Surely their sharing of bodyheat would keep them over and the minotaur would inevitably have to go inside or sleep. ]

bonus.

[ Is that a tiny, angry Duke running past you without giving you a mere glance?

Yeah. That's a tiny, angry Duke running past you without giving you a mere glance.

It looks like some floating mistletoe is also taunting him. Jabberwock, unable to be excused, hurries along as well, thinking it as some kind of game, giving the earth a few thundering shakes despite his size being decreased dramatically. ]

[ And thankfully that deer breaks straight through the ice thanks to those lovely hooves of his. Thank you game! However, Dean's wasting no time as he follows suit and ducks and hits the ground on hands and knees like that was goig to save him from a charging deer. ]

Good. Now what do you say we cross this lake as quickly as two people can crawl, huh? I'd feel much better with a bit of distance between myself and them if you know what I mean.

[ he paused ]

You got a name or should I just call you honey?

[ because introductions should always happen while they're hugging the ground . ]

[That there is an arm coming between Mai and the minotaur as Ashiya, who's much drier and livelier compared to a certain dumb protag, intercepts the former's approach.]

Hm . . . Although I'm an observer, I can't abide by this.

[No lady deserves to be coerced by a perverted man-cattle. It's an insult to her dignity.

– and she definitely was not about to hug it with feeling, so, really, he's doing the both of them a favor.]

[ he gives a "huh" look as he looks up and notices that friendly companion of his hovering nearby and then does a double take as he takes a step back. ]

Whoa... What the— Where the heck did that thing come from!

[ because, yeah. The important questions. Dean's got them. ]

[ totsuka runs, the mistletoe follows, and a young girl's eyes follow his dance. takes a quiet breath before she runs up to him, into him, from behind and just clings onto him. she'll move if he moves, keeping her face hidden under her hood. ]

[And then there's an arm, and she stops abruptly, blinking blearily at the arm that suddenly appeared in front of her.

... ... ... And then she slowly allows her eyes to slide from that arm up to his face. Oh. That's...someone she definitely doesn't know.

Probably?]

U-um...but it's...it said that we had to...

[...she's also very gullible.]

Totsuka-san...

[ Yata crouches next to Totsuka, but that sure isn't a look of pity or concern he's giving him. He's this close to snapping, this close— ]

Don't sleep there like you did any work, oi!

[ He won't actually hold Totsuka in a headlock, but if Totsuka was standing up, he would punch him. In the arm. Gently. Maybe. But no. He's just yelling, as usual. ]

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Page 1 of 60

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Mai | Amnesia

phase ii

Re: Mai | Amnesia

L'Arc Bright Lagoon | Arc Rise Fantasia

shinjiro aragaki | persona 3

tatara totsuka | k project

Phase 3

phase 2222222

no subject

Natalia L.K. Lanvaldear || Tales of the Abyss

no subject

bonus fight me. i guess this is after killer reindeer

IV

no subject

yaywonnnnnn /barnacles to you

mikhail. ➣ drakengard 3.

no subject

/barnacles onto par too!

leo | pandora hearts

no subject

phase iii 'eeey

/nuzzles the val, it's been forever it feels like

this isn't a real tag

eyyyyyyyy

iv