//SCENARIOS.EXE
PHASE I [ 19 00 ]
The festival begins promptly with a kick-off speech and a toast from Julius Vincere, encouraging everyone to celebrate beneath the two moons as they light the sky. The weather is crisp and beautiful, leaving them both in full view as their light cascades upon the festival. Around the district, there are several stands full of standard fair food (candy apples/corn dogs/ice cream/deep fried everything), games, and an assortment of many awkward prizes (if you're wondering what these are, do remember you're in the Pleasure District!). Also, there is alcohol everywhere, served to minors and adults alike.
PHASE II [ 1945 ]
The music is playing loudly beneath the noises of the festival. Anyone approaching the speakers will notice a strange buzzing noise that keeps wavering. Then, the sound changes abruptly to the sound of pained moaning hidden within the song. It grows more pronounced by the second until the lights in the Pleasure District flicker off for a brief second. When they return, there is someone crawling out of the speaker. Your eyes squint, and you can see them briefly, the faint outlines of their form as their screaming escalates, only everyone else seems to be deaf to it. Only you can hear it, and you wonder how and why no one else is reacting. Is it just you? Are you hallucinating? Better get used to that feeling in Cerealia.
PHASE III [ 2000 ]
Your friendly speaker friend up there doesn't seem to want to go away. (S)he keeps crawling out and disappearing throughout the evening, but it's easier to ignore as Julius takes to the stage. He has a special announcement for all. CERESdate (who sponsored this wonderful festival by the way) has agreed to set up all you vibrant, sexy Cerealia singles with some robot partners for the night. Want to escape? Too late. They're latching on and dragging you out to the dance floor to boogie down. Afterwards, they'll try and drag you to the nearby hotels for some extra loving. You are welcome to run at this point or comply happily.
PHASE IV [ 2103 ]
Have you escaped the overzealous sex robots? Good, good! Now, it's time for the real fun. The holograms turn from PG images of the stars and surrounding moons and planets to a few fun images of various robot couples caught in absolute bliss. You may spot a clown mask in there or two, reminiscent of those who were running around causing a bit of trouble earlier. The images continue to get distorted as the clowns look like they're stretching their necks out of the image and reaching out towards you. The moaning from before returns.
Doesn't it get you in the mood? If it does and you'd like to find a partner for the night, a few CERESdate robots will be on hand to help fix you up with a partner, organic or otherwise. They're being quite insistent again because they want your credits.
BONUS [ whyo'clock ]
Have you ever been stalked by a condom-dispensing machine? Well, there's a first time for everything! These friendly contraptions are set up all over the Pleasure District, waiting for you to pass by before trailing after you very slowly. At first you don't notice. Every time you turn around, it stands stationery. But the moment you start to move, it just carefully rolls behind you. Watching. Waiting.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]
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marcie fleach | scooby doo mystery incorporated
I
Yes, it certainly does. Apparently our gracious hosts don't mind giving alcohol to their underage patrons. How tactless.
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ciel phantomhive - kuroshitsuji (with a crau) - he's 13 and what is this
tapdances in to phase i
With the sensitive Victorian nose that Ciel has, he can probably get that the one thing that smells like a greasy vat of meat... is her. ]
I don't think it really matters. There are probably more important things to worry about. Like what the deal with this Julius Vincere guy is.
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phase i...
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phase i.......
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bonus!
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bonus
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I
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1/2
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Phase ii
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elza clifford, black wolves saga
[STARING BAFFLED AT ONE OF THE PRIZES HE WON
i'll give you one guess, it's inappropriate
Elza turns it around between claw-like nails, his ears twitching skeptically. Well. He has no idea what to do with this. What. Even though he's twenty-five he comes from a less-than-advanced world all right they don't have fancy shit like this for bedroom shenanigans. Either way, it's quite the dilemma. Should... what should he do? Really?]
Is this supposed to be useful?
[He might address this to you. Sorry you happened to be passing by at a thoroughly awkward time.]
phase iii
[Elza, brave knight and lion that he is, is doing the only understandable thing when confronted with a robot date he didn't ask for: bolting the heckity heck out of there. He manages it with dignity, at least, ducking around attempted advances and walking with a quick stride while managing not to break into a dash.]
At least-- [he says, ducking around a couple of people, one of them might be you] --you have to be impressed by her persistence.
Oops, excuse me.
[Or you could find yourself nearly getting smacked by an armoured chest as Elza pulls up short just in the midst of flight from his overzealous robot chaser.]
phase iii - don't worry he's got your back bro
The sight of a familiar head of hair, familiar little ears and Nesso is hit hard by a wash of disbelief and relief. That's...
He finds himself nearly running into Elza as he goes to see if it's really him. Thank goodness. A familiar face, and one of the faces he trusts the most.] Your popularity with women has finally backfired on you, I see.
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Phase I
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Gaige (The Mechromancer) | Borderlands 2
[Deep fried everything and alcohol? Sure, why not. It'll probably taste a hell of a lot better than the food on Pandora which... wasn't really known for setting high expectations to begin with. In any case, Gaige helps herself to the food and drinks all throughout the night. The drinks in particular! She's not necessarily an alcoholic, after living in Pandora for so long, she may as well keep going.
Although, Gaige can't help but herself a very important question.]
I wonder how long until stop feeling my face?
[Another swig.]
Nope, still feel it.
[why]
[The jig is up, and Gaige knows that the condom-dispensing machine has been following her around. She's not that annoyed over it, really. Hell, she's is more curious than anything else, considering how it's tech from a foreign planet. Maybe they use parts she's never even seen before!
And honestly, what kind of woman of science would she be if she didn't find out? So she does what comes natural: brings out her shotgun and takes aim. Gaige is confident that she can just put it back together, even if she does blow it to pieces.
Don't look so worried, it'll be fine! What's the worst that could happen?]
1
Why would someone try to drink that much?
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Blake Belladonna | RWBY
[Blake isn't really one for these kind of gatherings, but she's here anyways. She figures that showing up is enough and that she can get away with being a wallflower for the rest of the night.
She's got some tea going on and... that's about it.
Look, just because she's here doesn't mean that Blake has any actual plans on being sociable. But feel free to try to get a conversation out of her! Though she may or may not just roll her eyes at you.]
[Phase II]
[Blake is about to leave until she starts hearing an unusual buzzing noise. Her ears twitch underneath the bow, as the buzzing is eventually replaced with pained moaning. The lights flicker and she catches sight of the creature coming out of the speakers. She's on edge know, reaching for her weapon.
But before she can draw, Blake loses sight of... whatever that was. And yet, the festivities continue on as if nothing has happened. The screams continue, but nobody seems to notice.]
Didn't anyone else see that just now?
Phase ii
Disappeared, but saw it, yes. And screaming? Can hear that, yes?
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Zara Skeens / Black Wolves Saga
[ doing his absolute best to ignore the lurid prizes on display (this is completely offensive to his sensibilities), Zara can be found lurking near the more family-friendly stalls, browsing the selection of food. All of which is very fried. And while he doesn't mind fried food and fatty food, as the long rabbit ears quivering on top of his head and the small fluffy rabbit tail on his behind might suggest, he tends to prefer lighter and greener dishes. ]
... Honestly. Eating so much of these types of food is just going to give everyone a terrible stomachache later...
[ and the circumstances aren't doing much for his appetite, anyway. After a while, he can be spotted with a caramel apple, despite protests. ]
PHASE II
-- Don't you hear that?!
[ poor Zara can, painfully well. Actually, he's tugging those long ears of his down to try and muffle the sharp noise of screaming digging into his brain, wincing. The fact that nobody else is reacting to this horrid screeching is almost more concerning than whatever he just caught a glimpse of. Almost.
Most important, however, is getting the noise to stop before his sensitive eardrums burst. ]
PHASE III
[ see, dancing was fine. Zara was good at dancing. He was far too polite to turn down someone approaching him for a dance, even if they were metallic and soulless, but it was fun enough, so he was okay with it. If it ended there, he would have been even more okay with it!
But no. It's become exceedingly obvious that dancing was fairly low on the list of things this woman(? robot?) wanted to do to him, judging by the way she's grabbing at his frilly lapels and attempting to drag him bodily from the dance floor. ]
-- Ma'am, I'm fine by myself, I insist! Now please, let go of me! Let go!
[ his politeness is wearing thin, considering he's now pushing his hands against her face to try and get her away. Help the flustered bunny butler, maybe? Or just laugh at him. (He'll hold it against you later.) ]
ii
[And, wincing, Elza's own ears are pinned back against his hair, little good that it does. He has no doubt that Zara's hearing is that much more sensitive, though, so as he approaches him (head tipping in recognition and acknowledgement), he waves a hand.
It's a beckoning gesture, urgent. He can barely formulate a plan or thoughts with that sound.]
Come on, this way, it shouldn't be as loud over here!
elzaaaaaaaa
zaraaaaa
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phase i!
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iii
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Phase I
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iii
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reim lunettes | pandora hearts
phase dos
Don't bother. Half the people here can't see the damned things at all.
[ But Ciel can, so he's here for you comrade. ]
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phase i
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phase i!
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phase i
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phase ii
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phase ii
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eons later
patchouli knowledge | touhou
[ Patchouli really isn't one for parties, but she was certainly interested in the fact that this place had two moons. Apparently, this would be the best place to observe them in full, ridiculous and questionable district aside. She frowns, but manages to secure herself a decent chunk of space to twirl around in wiTH A CANDY APPLE HANGING OUT OF HER MOUTH. And starts bending the moonlight around her. It whips around in odd shapes and spirals, but oddly enough doesn't affect the area outside of her person. Alternatively she can be seen scarfing down copious amounts of sweets while doing this. Patch.....ouli......are you okay there ]
phase iii
[ HOW ABOUT NO by which I mean Patchouli is struggling terribly to wrench herself from the grip of the overzealous love robots. She repeatedly tries to create dents in their arms, their torsos, but it seems her metal magic isn't working properly. Shame. ]
I don--do not wish to dance, are you listening? My body is in no condition for this, so release me this instant! Excuse me!
i!
Have you been to the stand on the corner yet? They have cute little fruit pies! [It's a jovial greeting, since apparently Oz is just going to skim over the fact that they all just accidentally waltzed into the end of the world?!]
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america the beautiful | countries doin' stuff
[ there is an obnoxious guy, eating a candy apple in the crowd listening to julius speak! you might be standing next to him, you might not be standing next to him, but no matter what you are doing -- he's still being obnoxious. after another bite of his candied apple, he frowns up at the stage before holding up a hand to cup his mouth and-- ]
Booo! Get off the stage! Boooooooooooo!
[ yeah, he's booing the speech. ]
You have no charisma!
phase iii.
[ that obnoxious guy from earlier is back and he still had a candied apple. unfortunately, the candied apple is now being crammed into the face of a robot with her (his?) arms around his torso, trying to forcibly drag him onto the dance floor. ]
Stop! I followed the laws of robotics, I don't deserve this! Where's Asimov when you need him?!
[ he is now being thrown over the shoulder of the sexbot. help... him...? ]
bonus.
You know, I feel a weird sense of deja vu right now. Yo, condom machine, are you one size fits all? Because if so, that's hella un-dope.
[ when in rome, talk to the condom machines, right? ]
bonus because obviously
he pats the machine fondly. ]
It has just your size, America!
[ yep, russia sure did make friends with the condom machine. ]
shakes head a lot
y e p
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iii
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iii?
OH MY GOD
I HOPE I WASN'T INTRUDING
NO YOU'RE PERFECT AND I ADORE YOU
YOUR AMERICA IS AWESOME TOO SO THERE
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clover // 999
phase iii
iii
My what?
[what on earth is a CPU and why does she want to rip it out of him]
I think you may be mistaking me for someone else.
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iii
Sam Wilson | MCU | OTA
[Waking up in a weird place like this was bad enough, but a festival that looks like it was sponsored by Viagra is really pushing it. But they're here and trying to find his way out is not the easiest. Sam thinks he might need a drink just to make sense of all of this, but really, does he want to push his luck?
If he bumps into someone trying to walk around one of the booth with prizes he's shaking his head at--it's not like he's never seen or done anything with some of the "prizes" but seriously there are kids around--he'll bring up a hand in apology.]
Sorry, my bad. Should have been watching. [And not staring at the game of condom toss.]
Bonus
[The feeling of being stocked had left for a short time once he'd gotten away from the crazy sexbots but now he's feeling it again, only he's turned around twice and noticed nothing. That is until he realized that machine has been right behind him for a little too long.]
Either I've got a fan or they have too many of these things around.
[He stares at it for a little bit longer before turning to walk away, listening carefully for any sound that it is still following.]
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I'm afraid after a time you get used to it here. Although I hae to wonder what prompted such loyalty out of the machine. Are you perhaps a loyal customer?
[ not that she wishes to hear a list of personal conquests, but it does rather raise a few questions. ]
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Phase I
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I.
nadeko sengoku | monogatari series
[ Nadeko is not one for parties so she takes a seat where it's quiet, on a bench away from the commotion. Placing her yakisoba next to her, she starts checking out the items she won from the various game booths. She wasn't very good at any of those games, but by a stroke of luck, she won a peculiar plush toy at a simple lottery game. She isn't familiar with this character, though. Maybe it's a local cultural icon? Wondering if the toy has any special functions (she's surrounded by all this technology, after all), she examines it from every angle and pats it all over. ]
Mm, Nadeko doesn't really get it, but it feels like this robot has more experience than Doraemon...
[ She stares hard at the circle shape on the toy, curious if his gadgets come out of there. Nadeko no. ]
phase iii
[ The state of the sky is curious, but curiosity killed the cat—in an unconventional sense. While she's distracted by the two moon, a robot pulls on her arm and tries to get her to dance. Nadeko, obviously not one for dancing, much less socializing, attempts to get out of this situation like she always has: by apologizing profusely.
It doesn't work. ]
Aah! B-but Nadeko, Nadeko doesn't know how to dance! She'll trip all over your toes, you know? And she'll just look stupid, and—!
[ Those tears in her eyes are as genuine as her frustration. ]
That's, um... Nadeko didn't even want to go to the Moon Moon Festival... [ That's what it's called now.
As she struggles with the robot, it looks less like coercion and more like harassment. No, it's definitely harassment. Help. ]
iii
[Who even said chivalry was dead-- it's not for Elza, who sees someone in trouble and immediately springs into action. That is to say, half-forcibly, half-politely insinuating himself between robot and Nadeko.]
I actually wanted to ask her something first. So if you'll excuse us.
[He looks at her and tips his head to say let's go over there with a conspiratorial wink.] Let's go, miss.
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i
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phase i
russia | the one with the anime countries
bonus
Uh, excuse me? I'd rather not get arrested for jaywalking, but I've got some investigating to do so if you could wrap this up that would be great.
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rider | fate/stay night
[Rider...doesn't understand these things. She plays the games almost effortlessly, but the prizes utterly confuse her. Part of her wants to toss them away, but she feels that would be wrong. To throw away a prize she won unnecessarily feels like a waste of the effort she went through to win them.
So instead she'll approach someone who doesn't look busy and tap their shoulder.]
Pardon me, I was wondering if you wanted this. You may find more use for it than me.
[So says the suspiciously sultry long haired woman, offering up what is essentially a sex toy while speaking in a low quiet voice. This is completely legit.]
Phase III
[Rider does not appreciate being touched without permission. It's a sign of an enemy to her and, with the way the androids are acting, they may as well be hostile to her.
So the moment they try to drag her she materializes her chain daggers and immediately stabs two robots latching onto her in the head, sharply flinging them away to shake them off. She uses the chains to pierce and cut away at any other robots next to her as well.
And, if there's anyone else clearly bothered by the machines, she'll do the favor of destroying them the same way without the need for prompting.]
phase iii;
[The robots were indeed bothering Sakura since getting dragged onto a dance floor with a robot is not her idea of fun okay. She definitely just about had it latched on, but in comes her hero... Or Servant, in this case. She's definitely grateful, but. That wasn't how she was expecting to get out of that situation...]
Um, thank you. I didn't realize you were here too.
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phase i
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pyrrha nikos | rwby
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Honestly, what has your life become.
In any case, Blake arrives on the scene, ready to lend a helping hand. Also wow that is really loud. She covers her ears, though her faunus ears twitch underneath the bow. Yeah, that is pretty uncomfortable.
She doesn't really want to know why it's doing that, so much as figuring out how to make it stop.]
Come on. [Blake walks up behind her.] Let's get this back on its feet.
[One can only hope that it would stop then.]
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erwin smith | attack on titan
[He should enjoy this experience, there are no Titans here and for all intents and purposes, this was a second chance at a life he had never imagined. But Erwin's thoughts were not entirely on the festival even as he looked up at the two moons hanging in the sky.
He passed on the food, none of it looked particular appetizing but here he was nonetheless, glancing at the particular prizes being offered up with raised eyebrows. People seemed to be having fun though, at least for the time being, perhaps there was no need to be on edge but it wasn't such a simple matter for him.]
phase iii.
[The music, the being coming out of the speakers that it seemed only he noticed, it seemed that perhaps it had just been a long night for him. Even if he may have only been a backup of data, the injuries he had sustained while a guest of the Military Police still seemed so real, as did the bit of pain in the stump of his right arm.
A robot grabbing at him was incentive for him to knock it's arm aside and quickly make his escape. He found himself in an alleyway of the Pleasure District, trying to orient himself as to his surroundings to find his way back as he heard foosteps behind him, instantly on guard once more before he could see who it was through the shadows.]
iii
The 20 year old clan head trips over a stone, and flops not very elegantly to the ground. The animal stops and looks at him. It might always look as if she's frowning. When he sits up and she determines that her human is alright, she traipses up to the stranger to investigate.
Kagemitsu just feels awkward. Poko does not. ]
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allen walker ;; d.gray-man
[ did you just get something to eat at the festival? you did? GREAT because there sure is one yellow flying snitch-like blob thing honing in on whatever snack you're about to eat ]
[ or alternatively, if you've somehow become the owner of something truly awkward and inedible, then it's okay because Timcanpy's still bent on eating it ]
Timcanpy! Stop -- don't eat that!
phase iii;;
Oh no, really, I'd love to dance with all of you -- [ says one Allen Walker, who's somehow surrounded by a couple of overzealous sex robots and looking supremely unruffled. ] But you see, it's just not fair to have to devote anything less than my full attention! It's not what any of you deserve.
[ he looks very Sad About This ] If it's alright with all of you, then you'll have to wait properly for your turn. So maybe you'd all be better off finding partners of your own like that lonely person -- over there!!
[ LOUDLY and wow, is he pointing in the general direction of your character? he is ]
ii
His tanuki friend, Poko, swipes at the yellow blob and there's a grrr from her throat. Kagemitsu is too busy being confused over the weird thing to consider it a threat at the moment, but the spirit animal seem to be wary enough for the both of them. ]
What the---
iii
Kagemitsu Kumou | Donten ni Warau
[ He's not exactly superstitious or anything (he's just part of a family who dedicates themselves to protect a shikigami meant to seal an ancient cursed serpent) but he knows that supernatural things exists. Poko, the tanuki on his shoulder, is proof enough of that. And a reason for praising moons is a superstitious one, right?
But still. Kagemitsu enjoys festivals. He just wishes he was here with Botan or Sasaki-dono or Hirari-nii-san. This place is so unfamiliar with all the odd things that he has never seen on a proper Oumi festival, or at any festival during Kamakura, for that matter.
Like these funny shaped things he won at a game. ]
Poko... The future is weird.
[ The little animal seems to nod in agreement. ]
[ phase III ]
[ This is truly frightening. Kagemitsu really wants to get away from these things and he is loudly protesting to the thing to let him go. Poko is hissing angrily at the robot, and claws at it, in attempts to help the child she's been guarding since forever.
Kagemitsu even smashes the hilt of one of the treasured Kumou swords into the robot's face, but it's not reacting. ]
Let go already!
[ He's ready to draw his swords by now, really. ]
Phase III
Oy! With me, stop it! [She comes around to Kagemitsu and grabs at his sleeve, tugging to get his attention. Her bored gaze remains on the robot though.] Will dance with him. Bother someone else. Shoo, shoo! [She makes a shoo-ing motion with her free hand.]
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III
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Phase I
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Cyrus Crautz | Original Character
[ This place is awkward and strange and weird. It reminds him of some of the redlight districts on Palma Ult to be honest. Not a place where an 18 year old teenaged solider usually visits too often. Cyrus doesn't really mind weird situations but this is a bit extreme even for him. He's not really paying attention to any of the food or the prizes for that matter. Especially the prizes, especially the prizes which get a flustered and otherwise sideways glance. It's just so out in the open...why. He stops with a pause as someone hands him a drink. Most of the time he brushes them off with his robotic left arm and that seems to do the trick. But on the one rare occasion that it doesn't he frown quite readily at the swirling clear liquid in his glass. It smells of alcohol a terribly potent concoction that someone like him would never drink in a million years. His face is scrunched up into a disgusted sneer and he takes a sip just so he can give off the air of actually drinking something.
But he'll choke right after, ugh, shit this is the worst. He hates his life sometimes. He was too antisocial for this shit, damn it. His hatred is masked readily with a stoic and otherwise unassuming facade. He just has to put up with it for a while longer, right? Parties don't last that long...right? It's funny that he can deal with fighting horrific monsters and terrible conspiracy groups but parties is just a no. ]
[ Phase 3 ]
[ Just because he has three robotic limbs does not make him in the mood to get frisky with other robots, okay? Cyrus is pulling away and jerking his arm out of the other robot's grasps as they try to grapple and drag him off to places unknown. God forbid he unwinds for a little bit, that is just unacceptable. His guarded nature is already at a 10 usually he doesn't need it to be anymore so. ]
Get your damn hands off me! [ He's totally not amused, but who would be? He just wants to go and get some sleep to process all this shit. He'll cough heavily after a few moments of struggling the aftermath of improper rest getting to him. Blood stains his hands as he shoves another robot away, which leaves blood on the clothes and metallic parts equally of the robot shoved to the side. He put up with the drinking and the obnoxious party and that's about all he can take. He is not going to get loved on by some weird bots in an equally as weird city. Nope. Unacceptable. He'll breathe heavily as he glares at the robots. ]
I said get away from me.
Melanie Walker | Batman Beyond
[For a moment, she almost thought she could enjoy herself.]
[The speech was boring. The weather was pleasant enough. The crowds, she could easily get lost in. The food...well, for the moment, the food was her favorite part. Time spent working in restaurants had given her a new appreciation for certain tastes, and she was hardly one to let the opportunity to sample pass her by.]
[Nor was she one to forego a chance to taste wine. Red wine, to be specific. A single glass at most, but even the first sip was enough to spread a warmth through her body she hadn't felt for a very long time...]
phase iii
[She wasn't drunk. Tipsy, yes, but she still had her wits about her. Enough to realize what was happening.]
I told you. I don't dance.
[Persistence was something she knew very well. The opportunity to live in the moment. But this was one moment she did not want. Not like this. And her new friend was just going to have to get it through its thick...whatever.]
phase i.
When Melanie does take a drink, Sousei's glance slides over to her, and then--]
I would not drink it, even to please them.
[You never know what's in that nonsense.]
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phase iii
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Zatanna Zatara | Young Justice
phase i
[The wine was so tempting, except she could already hear her father's voice in the back of her mind scolding her. One of the rare times she was actually willing to listen.]
[Though, after staring at each of the prizes for a long moment, she was starting to wonder if there was something in the soda she'd substitute the original glass for. Because there was no way...]
[...]
[...except, apparently, there was.]
You've got to be kidding me.
And I thought I was shameless.
[If she hadn't been slightly grossed out, she might have even been impressed.]
bonus!
[She was used to having a mechanical babysitter. No offense intended towards Red Tornado. In fact, she was greatly starting to miss the guy, because this latest version was far inferior. Also more than a little creepy.]
Okay, that's it. [After walking the equivalent of half a mile and still finding the darn thing lingering close behind her--how was it even walking? it didn't have legs!--she spun around on her heels, clearly having had enough.] Either attack me, ground me, or leave me alone. Got it?
ungodly eagle screech I MEAN BONUS...
Iiiii'm not sure we want to see how these things attack people...or what with. [Pause.] Nice to see you again, Zee.
[Good job, Robin. So suave. So chalant.]
Either option is acceptable~
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loki laufeyson | marvel 616
[Oh no, he loves fair-like things. He also loves getting served alcohol after being accustomed to strange Midgardian standards of age-restriction--phooey--so it tickles his deviously sly side so terribly much to know that he is consuming gasp alcoholic beverages gasp under the age of twenty and one. It has to be Midgardian five o'clock somewhere.
Though he does most certainly play some of the games, too. And, for his troubles, he gets some unusual prizes in unusual shapes that do unusual things like buzz and vibrate. Wow, all right then. Definitely not cotton candy.]
I'm going to assume it's not something you put in your mouth.
Bonus
[Being followed by a condom-dispensing machine is actually not so bad when one pleases the thing by accepting its services.
Which he does. Because he's Loki.
And there's nothing better than Loki walking away from a condom-dispensing machine in the Pleasure District with an armful of condoms. He got a little carried away, sure, but it's much more fun trying to see what kinds of flavors or aesthetics are going to pop out of the thing in the end. But... now he's not sure what to do with all of these condoms which he cannot hold.
So he begins to discreetly place them in various nitches of finding and, when that isn't a thing that is, he begins to hand them out, effectively becoming a lot worse than a stalking condom-dispensing machine. Now it is a talking, breathing, condom-dispensing Loki.
And he's probably handing you one right now.]
phase i
I think it's a back massager.
[ No, stop. ]
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KATSURA KOTAROU | GINTAMA
PHASE III :
WHAT THE HELL :
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Machi-kun... Yo, I'm pretty sure it just wants you to buy its shit.
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Hyoubu Kyousuke | Zettai Karen Children
[ Imaginary space has, thus far, exceeded expectations — which isn't saying much, given what he was expecting. There's a reason people don't teleport to a set of undefined coordinates: they generally meet a sticky end, where sticky refers to a thin layer of something on the floor that has to be scraped up and put in a bucket.
So excessively friendly robots are hardly anything to get worked up about, if one maintains a reasonable sense of perspective.
Hyoubu Kyousuke does not have a reasonable sense of perspective.
Which is why he has, tucked under one arm, a robot head, which he forcibly liberated from the shoulders of a particularly persistent pleasure droid. Bits of shredded artificial skin and multicolored wires dangle from its severed neck, like artificial entrails. Whenever he's accosted, he chirps: ]
Why yes, I'd be delighted to go with you. I need another head for my collection.
[ ...and waves his trophy in front of the offending droid, like Perseus with the head of Medusa. ]
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See, unlike Hyoubu, Andy didn't exactly have the power or the necessary vicious psychoness to decapitate one of the extremely clingy pleasure droids and fling it around like some sort of weapon. Instead he had to employ the unsuccessful tactics of evasion and escape - which involved him scrambling free of one particularly grabby robot only to stumble into the arms of another, a never ending vicious cycle of butt grabbing, chest groping, and very uncomfortable gyrations of the pleasure droids' hips that made him think of Muscle.
He did not want to think about being mobbed by a pack of horny Muscles.
Which was why, after spotting Hyoubu and his head brandishing and the magical robot free zone around him, Andy was forced to tackle him. Well, more like sprint towards him like the hounds of hell were on his heels (which he probably would have preferred to be honest) and practically leaping behind the esper to cower behind his much shorter frame as the pack of pleasure droids sinisterly approached]
Hyoubu, you have to help me! [Wow, Andy actually sounded close to tears] They won't leave me alone! Throw your severed head at them!
[Do it! Scare them off! Save him!!! (Although, he knew, in the back of his mind, that this plot was fifty-fifty. It wouldn't be out of character for Hyoubu to just abandon him to his fate and laugh from a safe distance as he was swarmed and dragged away kicking and screaming by the overly amorous robots)]
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