ioculus | //TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE

MOONFESTCON 2014 PART I: Embracing Lunacy

It's that time of the season to praise the two moons of Cerealia. As they hang in the sky, looking harmless and moon-like, the robots and CERES staff have gathered together to prepare a fanciful celebration. It's primarily located in the Pleasure District where paper lanterns hang and where fireworks are starting to burst in the sky. Everyone is welcome to dress up and enjoy an evening of fantastic pleasures, platonic or otherwise.

"Good evening! As always, I'm pleased you all can join me. Do enjoy all the beverages being passed around along with the many services we have to offer, all there for your pleasure.

Take time to play in one of our many booths or just slip away and have a crazy evening. The moons bid it. Don't be shy."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 1900 ] The festival begins promptly with a kick-off speech and a toast from Julius Vincere, encouraging everyone to celebrate beneath the two moons as they light the sky. The weather is crisp and beautiful, leaving them both in full view as their light cascades upon the festival. Around the district, there are several stands full of standard fair food (candy apples/corn dogs/ice cream/deep fried everything), games, and an assortment of many awkward prizes (if you're wondering what these are, do remember you're in the Pleasure District!). Also, there is alcohol everywhere, served to minors and adults alike.

PHASE II

[ 1945 ] The music is playing loudly beneath the noises of the festival. Anyone approaching the speakers will notice a strange buzzing noise that keeps wavering. Then, the sound changes abruptly to the sound of pained moaning hidden within the song. It grows more pronounced by the second until the lights in the Pleasure District flicker off for a brief second. When they return, there is someone crawling out of the speaker. Your eyes squint, and you can see them briefly, the faint outlines of their form as their screaming escalates, only everyone else seems to be deaf to it. Only you can hear it, and you wonder how and why no one else is reacting. Is it just you? Are you hallucinating? Better get used to that feeling in Cerealia.

PHASE III

[ 2000 ] Your friendly speaker friend up there doesn't seem to want to go away. (S)he keeps crawling out and disappearing throughout the evening, but it's easier to ignore as Julius takes to the stage. He has a special announcement for all. CERESdate (who sponsored this wonderful festival by the way) has agreed to set up all you vibrant, sexy Cerealia singles with some robot partners for the night. Want to escape? Too late. They're latching on and dragging you out to the dance floor to boogie down. Afterwards, they'll try and drag you to the nearby hotels for some extra loving. You are welcome to run at this point or comply happily.

PHASE IV

[ 2103 ] Have you escaped the overzealous sex robots? Good, good! Now, it's time for the real fun. The holograms turn from PG images of the stars and surrounding moons and planets to a few fun images of various robot couples caught in absolute bliss. You may spot a clown mask in there or two, reminiscent of those who were running around causing a bit of trouble earlier. The images continue to get distorted as the clowns look like they're stretching their necks out of the image and reaching out towards you. The moaning from before returns.

Doesn't it get you in the mood? If it does and you'd like to find a partner for the night, a few CERESdate robots will be on hand to help fix you up with a partner, organic or otherwise. They're being quite insistent again because they want your credits.

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] Have you ever been stalked by a condom-dispensing machine? Well, there's a first time for everything! These friendly contraptions are set up all over the Pleasure District, waiting for you to pass by before trailing after you very slowly. At first you don't notice. Every time you turn around, it stands stationery. But the moment you start to move, it just carefully rolls behind you. Watching. Waiting.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fourth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

PHASE I :

_{[ Perhaps you've seen this guy throughout the evening, occupying his time with various booths. Long, silky black hair spilling over his shoulders and eyes so intense on the games he is playing. He seems to be spending a lot of time with each individual booth, and oddly enough, he seems to be a winner through most of the games that he plays. He collects all of his items, not seeming too thrilled with all the items he is receiving. You could say he even seems a little disappointed.

At this point, his hands arms are entirely full with sketchy looking items. He is probably dropping a few as he shuffles along, wanting to get to the next game. He's completely aware of what all of these items are, because for a change, they aren't censored out. Nonetheless, he stops somebody who is walking past him. ]}

Ah, excuse me.
Do you mind taking these? I don't smoke.

PHASE III :

_{[ Okay, so maybe you aren't the person who passes him in the first prompt. Instead, you're the person who just witnessed him punching the shit out of one of the sexbots. He isn't very quiet about the entire situation, letting out a yell, followed by a crash as he sends one of the robots to the floor.

Good god. What did this robot do to make this guy so enraged? ]}

I don't want any! Whatever you're trying to sell, I don't want any.
_{[ holy shit it was just asking to dance ????? ]}
And it's not Pretty-Boy, it's Katsura!

WHAT THE HELL :

_{[ He's been aware that the condom machine has been following him for some time now, but he's waiting for the precise moment to turn around. His movement stops, and there is a slight glance over his shoulder before he finally turns around, looking at the condom machine in thought.

—There was once a loving family. They lived happily ever after together: papa condom machine, mama condom machine, and child condom machine. Every morning they had tea together, the son condom machine would go to school and learn everything he needed to know to be the most successful condom machine there would ever be. He had his aspirations. He would understand how to properly take money and give the happy customer their purchase without jamming up and having any glitches like those awful P*psi machines. He never wanted to be like that.
Little did he know that evening there would be an incident— a fatal incident that would leave his parents out of operation, alone in the pouring rain, the distant sound of violin music in the air. He would attend any events he could to gain a few more bucks into his body. He would be a successful, orphan machine for his parents' sake.

Katsura snaps out of his vivid daydream, now eye to eye (???) with the machine. His is holding the sides of the machine tenderly. ]}

I know times are hard, Machi-kun. You will get through this, but there is no need to act so desperate. Ask politely, and you will receive what it is you are looking for.
_{[ The sincerity in his voice is unreal. Interrupt the guy talking to the condom machine? Question him later? Who knows, but that looked like the beginning of tears forming in his eyes. ]}

Edited 2014-11-11 03:32 (UTC)

[ Yata was looking for a place to hide from those weird, touchly-feely sexbots when he encountered this touching moment between Katsura and a condom machine. He doesn't know how to feel about this, but it's better than metal hands trying to grab his ass. ]

Machi-kun... Yo, I'm pretty sure it just wants you to buy its shit.

_{[ Oh, there is somebody else. It never really stopped him from spacing out into intense daydreams. He'll save this tender moment for later— later on into the night— or later when the series. They'll have a bonding moment. But for now, he didn't feel settled having this thing follow him. You could never be too careful with the weird shit that goes on here.

His hands drop. ]}

Ah? So I see. It's persistent, isn't it? You have to approach these things carefully.
Machi-kun has had a troubled past. Can't you tell by the look on his face?

_{[ . . . ]}

[ No... He can't help it... Now Yata has to play the straight man to this manzai act. ]

He doesn't have one!? Don't make up sad backstories for people you don't know! I mean—wait, it's not even a person!

[ He points at the condom machine! Which just stands there like all machines are supposed to do. ]

_{[ What are you saying? This is serious. Yata can try to be the straight man in this situation, but he's lacking glasses and a dull personality. Not even donkade can help him.
But at least the effort is there; that's something.

As he allows a silence to pass, he pulls out his little credit card he was given. He goes with it. He's going to buy a whole bunch. ]}

Ah. There are just too many options. I don't know which one to pick.
_{[ A glance at Yata. No, this guy can't be any help. He looks at Machi-kun, right into his adoring eyes, and without the beat of a lash: ]}

What do you suggest?
_{[ he's still talking to it. ]}

[ He'll yell dondake all night if he has to! But that's right, he needs glasses before he can truly call himself a manzai master... Anyway, even if Katsura is absolutely correct in his judgement, Yata takes great offense to being ignored, be it for contraceptive-related problems or otherwise. ]

You asshole, what's that glance supposed to mean?

[ Meanwhile, the machine makes the lights behind chocolate-flavored option blink. ]

... It replied!?

It's not you asshole, it's Katsura.
_{[ but oh, the machine replied. This instantly gets Katsura's attention.
He's back to gripping the side of the machine and looking intensely at it. ]}

M..Machi-kun! Are you absolutely certain? This isn't the most expensive one— are you sure? I'll give you what I can to get you through this time. You're just being considerate now— oh, how you've changed so much.

_{[ He slides his card through the device and selects the chocolate flavored, then the quantity he wants. ]}

That is such a pure spirit to put other first before your needs.

Nah, I think that was a fluke. [ The machine shoots the cheapest condom it has at his face so fast, his hand couldn't block it in time. ] Aight, it wasn't!

[ Jeez. He rubs his nose, not sure if he should feel embarrassed, humiliated... No one must know how Yata the super virgin angered a condom machine. ]

Yo, Zura. Have you been here long or something... [ Will staying in Cerealia make him go crazy like this guy, or. ]

_{[ Improvisation to what they did during rehearsal? Noted. Machi-kun can be a little shit sometimes.

who does this ballsack think he is anyway using a casual name like that to him. He sounds a bit more irritated. ]}

It's not Zura, it's Katsura.
Ah, no? I'd say a week and a half.
_{[ a week and a half without Elizabeth. It seems unfathomable.

He collects the rest of the condoms cause he bought a bunch and adjusts his posture, putting his attention on this new supporting character. Now they both were supports: Machi-kun is the real star. ]}

A week and a half... and this guy follows you around every night?

[ He points at the machine and—hold up, Yata's totally star material. (He isn't.) Don't ignore him. (Please do.) He just watches Katsura pick up the rest of his condoms because no way is he touching those. That's like making himself a partner in crime. ]

You... [ He squints. ] You really gonna use those?

[ Just one of the many, many things he will regret asking tonight. ]

_{[ Zura gives Yata a look.
He then bows. ]}

Thank you, Machi-kun. I assure you I will be putting these to good use.
_{[ then, Katsura turns, and once they are out of... earshot.. from the condom machine.

What an overly polite (and stupid) young man he is.
He speaks just over a whisper to Yata now that the machine stopped following them. ]}

It isn't proper to ask a question like that in front of the giver.

//TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE

KATSURA KOTAROU | GINTAMA

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