//TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE MOONFESTCON 2014 PART I: Embracing Lunacy It's that time of the season to praise the two moons of Cerealia. As they hang in the sky, looking harmless and moon-like, the robots and CERES staff have gathered together to prepare a fanciful celebration. It's primarily located in the Pleasure District where paper lanterns hang and where fireworks are starting to burst in the sky. Everyone is welcome to dress up and enjoy an evening of fantastic pleasures, platonic or otherwise. "Good evening! As always, I'm pleased you all can join me. Do enjoy all the beverages being passed around along with the many services we have to offer, all there for your pleasure. Take time to play in one of our many booths or just slip away and have a crazy evening. The moons bid it. Don't be shy."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 1900 ] The festival begins promptly with a kick-off speech and a toast from Julius Vincere, encouraging everyone to celebrate beneath the two moons as they light the sky. The weather is crisp and beautiful, leaving them both in full view as their light cascades upon the festival. Around the district, there are several stands full of standard fair food (candy apples/corn dogs/ice cream/deep fried everything), games, and an assortment of many awkward prizes (if you're wondering what these are, do remember you're in the Pleasure District!). Also, there is alcohol everywhere, served to minors and adults alike. PHASE II [ 1945 ] The music is playing loudly beneath the noises of the festival. Anyone approaching the speakers will notice a strange buzzing noise that keeps wavering. Then, the sound changes abruptly to the sound of pained moaning hidden within the song. It grows more pronounced by the second until the lights in the Pleasure District flicker off for a brief second. When they return, there is someone crawling out of the speaker. Your eyes squint, and you can see them briefly, the faint outlines of their form as their screaming escalates, only everyone else seems to be deaf to it. Only you can hear it, and you wonder how and why no one else is reacting. Is it just you? Are you hallucinating? Better get used to that feeling in Cerealia. PHASE III [ 2000 ] Your friendly speaker friend up there doesn't seem to want to go away. (S)he keeps crawling out and disappearing throughout the evening, but it's easier to ignore as Julius takes to the stage. He has a special announcement for all. CERESdate (who sponsored this wonderful festival by the way) has agreed to set up all you vibrant, sexy Cerealia singles with some robot partners for the night. Want to escape? Too late. They're latching on and dragging you out to the dance floor to boogie down. Afterwards, they'll try and drag you to the nearby hotels for some extra loving. You are welcome to run at this point or comply happily. PHASE IV [ 2103 ] Have you escaped the overzealous sex robots? Good, good! Now, it's time for the real fun. The holograms turn from PG images of the stars and surrounding moons and planets to a few fun images of various robot couples caught in absolute bliss. You may spot a clown mask in there or two, reminiscent of those who were running around causing a bit of trouble earlier. The images continue to get distorted as the clowns look like they're stretching their necks out of the image and reaching out towards you. The moaning from before returns. Doesn't it get you in the mood? If it does and you'd like to find a partner for the night, a few CERESdate robots will be on hand to help fix you up with a partner, organic or otherwise. They're being quite insistent again because they want your credits. BONUS [ whyo'clock ] Have you ever been stalked by a condom-dispensing machine? Well, there's a first time for everything! These friendly contraptions are set up all over the Pleasure District, waiting for you to pass by before trailing after you very slowly. At first you don't notice. Every time you turn around, it stands stationery. But the moment you start to move, it just carefully rolls behind you. Watching. Waiting. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fourth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

america the beautiful | countries doin' stuff

[bigstick]

phase i.

Does this guy ever shut up? Like, for real.

[ there is an obnoxious guy, eating a candy apple in the crowd listening to julius speak! you might be standing next to him, you might not be standing next to him, but no matter what you are doing -- he's still being obnoxious. after another bite of his candied apple, he frowns up at the stage before holding up a hand to cup his mouth and-- ]

Booo! Get off the stage! Boooooooooooo!

[ yeah, he's booing the speech. ]

You have no charisma!

phase iii.

No. No. There will be no twerking to be had with a sexbot! I know your tricks!

[ that obnoxious guy from earlier is back and he still had a candied apple. unfortunately, the candied apple is now being crammed into the face of a robot with her (his?) arms around his torso, trying to forcibly drag him onto the dance floor. ]

Stop! I followed the laws of robotics, I don't deserve this! Where's Asimov when you need him?!

[ he is now being thrown over the shoulder of the sexbot. help... him...? ]

bonus.

[ so everyone's going about their business, doing their thing, winning weird prizes from weird places for weird reasons. so is america! he's pretty down with that but uh, he's also kind of being stalked by a condom machine. that's pretty weird. he's buying another candy apple from a vendor when the vending machine approaches him and for all his obnoxiousness, he doesn't really look too bothered. instead, he bites into the apple and stares flatly at the machine. ]

You know, I feel a weird sense of deja vu right now. Yo, condom machine, are you one size fits all? Because if so, that's hella un-dope.

[ when in rome, talk to the condom machines, right? ]

bonus because obviously

[nyet]

[ and then there's this asshole, stepping out from behind the condom machine with a condom (XXS) pinched in between thumb and forefinger. there's a glitch in the matrix somewhere probably, because this joke will never get old.

he pats the machine fondly. ]

It has just your size, America!

[ yep, russia sure did make friends with the condom machine. ]

shakes head a lot

[bigstick]

[ he's gonna open his mouth for a moment

and then close it

and then open it again

and then close it. then he'll outstretch a hand halfway, to sort of reach forward and ask why--

but then he just shakes his head and throws his candy apple at russia's stupid face. ]

y e p

[nyet]

[ russia ducks. the apple bounces dully off the vending machine, which belligerently dispenses a condom in response. he bends to pick it up—XL this time—and his smile widens. ]

Ah, this one is for me.

[ russia stop ]

[bigstick]

You know, that was my condom dispensing stalker. Mine. I don't know why you can't just get one of your own.

[ that is besides the point, america. the point is the size of your dick. ]

Also, you owe me a candy apple, you sick fuck.

[nyet]

There is no reason we can't share, yes? There are only so many of them around, after all.

[ trust him to make it sound like it's fun to get stalked by a condom dispenser.

he pats the machine once more and moves away, nodding innocently to the candy apple currently stuck to the ground. cheerfully: ]

No, I don't think so.

[bigstick]

Yeah, because sharing is caring, right?

[ ha ha subtle communism jokes ha ha ha

anyway, he's already going to collect another candy apple and weirdly enough, expecting russia to follow so that they could continue this highly stimulating conversation. super. ]

You totally do, dude.

[nyet]

[ ha ha ha 'subtle'

and of course, russia does follow, because that's what russia does—though he keeps in step with america instead of lagging behind, matching his strides despite the bustle of... everything. the option to leave america alone doesn't even occur to him, though to be fair, this is not an option russia often considers. with anyone.

the condom machine is definitely still following them. ]

Who was it who threw the apple in the first place?

[bigstick]

[ get off his dick. but seriously, this guy is super unsurprised russia's following him because it's not like the guy has a... life... or any friends or social competence to make it through life. he's pitiable is what he is, america pities him.

that fucking machine though. ]

Okay, sure, I committed the action but you were definitely the impetus. Like, dude, have you ever seen your fuckin' face? God damn horrifying is what it is. Stuff of nightmares.

[ shooting a look over at russia and cringing dramatically. ]

Eurgh.

[ and then it's followed by a full body shudder before he bites into his new apple and keeps walking. ]

[nyet]

[ at that, russia's sweet and guileless smile freezes on his face. with a long stride, he steps up in front of america to just stand there, stopping him in his tracks, casually looming. all casual. ]

Oh? You have nightmares about my face?

[ strangely, still managing to sound pleasant! so pleasant. ]

Would you like some more?

[ rhetorical question. probably. ]

iii

[sunshade]

[ casually observes him while floating five feet off the ground. out of range of the robots. That is how far she had to go to avoid these fuckers. ]

Mmm, perhaps coercing into dance doesn't necessarily equate to 'injuring.'

[bigstick]

[ it's because they're JERKS. meanwhile, he's still being carried by the robot. just uselessly looking up at her as he's manhandled, no big deal. ]

Well, it should, my pride's injured after all. You think I want my pride to be injured? To be battered and bruised and come out of this barely intact? O course not!

[ pulling himself up to look down at the robot. ]

You hear that, Sexbot? You're destroying me from the inside out!

[sunshade]

[ shrugging ]

Technically-defined laws don't apply to scenarios like this. It would have to be included in their programming, and let us be honest here: what programmer would make sure their robots don't damage someone's pride?

[ stop being logical ]

[bigstick]

[ waving a hand dismissively in your direction, patchouli. get on out of here with that negative thinking, yo.

and by "negative", i mean "correct and logical" but whatever. ]

I would. I mean, if this is supposed to be some kind of sexbot -- which, duh, totally is, are you kidding me? -- then you would think it'd have some sort of ... empathy whatevers built in to pick up on the [ getting high pitched and hitting the robot again now ] Total! Distress! Of their target!

[ and yet the robot seems unfazed. america slumps down again against it. ]

This is stupid. I'm gonna break the robot.

[sunshade]

'Sexbot'? [ just gonna float up and start observing the robot currently 'persuading' him. and. not still really helping him escape good lord. ] Robots designed for sexual behaviors? I wasn't aware there was such a thing.

Be my guest. But they don't go down easily.

[bigstick]

[ your indifference is causing mass suffering.

mass suffering in his heart. ]

Have you not even touched the Internet once? Good god, lady. Sexbots -- totally a thing!

[ can someone look so disapproving of someone else while being carted off by a sexbot? america's certainly taking a crack at it as he looks over at her. for shame, patchouli. for shame. ]

Eh, they're not that cool.

[ and he's just going to push himself up, get his hands around the head of the robot and-- ah, yes. yes he sure did just rip the head off the thing. why didn't you do that ten minutes ago, america? why. ]

[sunshade]

Internet--? Ah, no, I have no access to it regularly. [ looking completely unconcerned riiiiight until he pulls the head off ]

Hmm. Physical force is more effective than magic.

[bigstick]

Whoa, super lame. Like, how do you even function?

[ what would you do without cat videos, reaction gifs, and #blessed? ]

Hells yeah, it is. Tried and true method right here, successful as shit since 1776, brah.

[ he says as he knocks the rest of the robot over and throws the robot head up in the air before catching it. yeah, he feels pretty good about himself right now. ]

[sunshade]

I function perfectly fine without a modern invention in my dwellings, sir. [ said snappishly ]

1776? [ 'in particular?' ]

iii?

[cantbewalled]

[Prussia had been laughing at America at first, because he's acting like getting hit on by a sexbot is the worst thing ever. Big baby! But then the thing sweeps him up and tries to drag him off and maybe this is getting a little out of hand.]

Just punch it in the head already! [He reaches out to grab America by the hand and pull him free since he's obviously not doing it himself.]

OH MY GOD

[bigstick]

[ oh, shut up! he doesn't need a sexbot to get laid unlike CERTAIN OTHER RED EYED WHITE HAIRED INDIVIDUALS IN THIS THREAD. so there. ]

I didn't wanna break it! I'm trying to be good about that kind of thing! My therapist said unwarranted destruction's probably bad for me!

[ but yes he is going to take that hand and try and get pulled off. except the bot won't let go and just... tugs back. please don't play tug of war with the america though. ]

I HOPE I WASN'T INTRUDING

[cantbewalled]

[he could get laid a hundred times in one night if he wanted! HE'S NOT OBSESSED WITH SEX LIKE CERTAIN BLOND HAIR BLUE-EYED FOUR-EYED PEOPLE WHO CAN'T EVEN FIGHT OFF A ROBOT.]

Do you want to upset your therapist or get carried off like the spoils of a war you didn't even fight?

[Seriously America what is wrong with you. He tugs back when the robot doesn't let go and it's not doing much good. He's going to have to get closer. He goes for the arm first, tugging at it and trying to break it's hold on America.]

What the hell are these things made of?!

NO YOU'RE PERFECT AND I ADORE YOU

[bigstick]

[ geez, man. just remember that germany can hear you jerking it to your computer in the other room. porn isn't the same as human contact, prussia!

also, he totally could. just watch. ]

Oh, shut your god damn trap. I'm not getting carried off.

[ ugh whatever. WHATEVEERRR. TIME TO BREAK THE ROBOT. though he does sort of... let out a snort at prussia's inability to break the robot. ]

Ha ha, lame. What happened to your strength, dude? Weren't you stro-- Oh, right. My bad, you're not even a country anymore are you?

[ hope you enjoy his obnoxious giggling as he tears off the head of the robot with one hand. well, that's over with. ]

YOUR AMERICA IS AWESOME TOO SO THERE

[cantbewalled]

[Have you met Germany, he's the one with all the dirty porn. Prussia is a saint okay. Pure and above all these petty--DID HE SERIOUSLY JUST GO THERE? Why the hell was he trying to help him again?.]

I was trying not to hurt you, you idiot, but next time I'll just punch it through you! Listen to you talking tough when you're the one that couldn't defend yourself in the first place.

[He gives a derisive snort, not letting that shit get to him because America is also opening that fat mouth and letting dumb fall out.]

I forgot what an ungrateful little shit you are.

well /gosh/ you charmer you

[bigstick]

[ oksure.jpg

and of course he went there, there's no way america won't knock another nation when he's down! especially when said nation is trying to help him! have you even met america? geez, prussia.

anyway, don't mind america as he genuinely loses his shit at prussia's words. he just straight up pauses for a moment, leaning against the decapitated body of the robot and laughs and laughs and laughs. oh my god. prussia hurting him. that's fucking hysterical. ]

Jesus Lord, Prussia, but I don't... You just... Oh my god, that's so funny. Wish I coulda vine'd that shit, dude. Actual Dead Nation Prussia thinks he can somehow like, hurt me? Through actual physical violence? Oh dear lord.

[ and now he's cracking up against, just totally pressing his face against the shoulder of the ex-sexbot and continuing to lose his shit. sorry, dude. ]