//TESTDRIVE13.EXE

[reparator]

//testdrive13.EXE

Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species! Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy. So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams! [ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I [ 800 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go! You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid. And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating. This is awkward. It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds. PHASE II [ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.) Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions. You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai? Time to get to work! You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right? Right? PHASE III [ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark. When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage? Welcome to the Yandere Route. You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure: You're both extremely naked. Good luck! PHASE IV [ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene. The confession scene. Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but... For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown! For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it? To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?! BONUS [ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice! But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date. Don’t worry, you look adorable. It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's thirteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Kouha Ren | Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic | OTA

[roughcut]

PHASE II

[Eldritch abominations are one thing. In fact, they're a thing Kouha doesn't even mind much. He's just vaguely put out about the fact that they can barely talk.

But being insulting? That's a whole other can of worms, and it actually gets Kouha a little annoyed.]

"No intelligence"? Are you trying to pick a fight!? It takes more strategy to keep up with fashion than you think!

[Fine. If that's how it is, he'll take it as a challenge. Kouha does not back down in the face of a comment like that, so he swings to whoever is stuck in the room with him with a grin.]

Hey, help me out here! If you do, I'll give you a hand with yours, alright? We'll get out of here twice as fast that way.

[Tag-team makeovers, Y/N/Are you crazy!?]

PHASE III

[When Kouha wakes up, he immediately takes stock of the area around him, because paranoia is one part of you survive in an Imperial Court for so long. Cage, key, what sounds like someone else shuffling in the dark, and... his bare skin touching metal?

And that's when the screaming begins. Sorry for your eardrum damage, cagemate!]

Where the hell are my clothes!? Being good-looking doesn't mean I'm up for anything all the time, you know!

[He goes on like this for another minute, at least. Is it worth it to try and calm him down? Maybe he should be allowed to tire himself out. Up to you, new friend. Good luck!]

[dishevelment]

Whatever you say, Kouha.

[Tag-team makeovers? It may as well be a challenge level when your older brother is himself a Sentient Mop. Armed with a spray bottle and this terrifying instrument, Koumei regarded his youngest brother from somewhere underneath his thick, unruly mane of hair.

And, considering their subject, they were going to need a lot more than that.]

Taichi Yagami | Digimon Adventure 01

[encourageous]

[Phase I]

[Taichi doesn't know what to make of this at all. The last he knew, he was finally returning home and free from the digital world. Instead, it looks like he's in some very odd game. That's odd in itself, since the digital world didn't even have actual games to play.

And one about dating? Ugh. He can't find a way out of it, so he decides to just play along for now. And he picks this contender just because he looks like he'll be the easiest to take in a fight.

You can find Taichi sitting at a dinner table with his date. He's been placed into a little tuxedo, although his goggles stay. He's nervously holding up a menu to try to block his view of the creature, while wondering how to play this game. What sorts of things do people even say on dates?]

Uh... So what sorts of things do you do for fun...?

[You can also notice a little later on, when the date seems to be ignoring the food on the table, and walking straight towards the little shounen...]

[Phase II]

[Taichi has been told that he needs to work on his charisma. So, rather then picking one of the doors, he's stomping around with his arms crossed in a disgruntled manner as he mumbles to himself.]

What do they know? I'm fine the way I am. I've got lots of charisma!

[Phase IV/Bonus]

[Taichi Yagami is going to die. And he will die in a pink bunny costume (which looks like its head is misshapen due to his gigantic hair). This isn't the way that he thought it would go at all. He's rooted to the spot, trying to spit out rose petals that fall into his mouth as the date approaches.

In his desperation, he tries to call out.]

No way... Help? Somebody? Agumon? Agumon, can you hear me?

[It's a digital world so he thought he would give it a shot. But it looks like his time is running out...]

Bonus

[meowbel]

[Mabel has no idea what was going on but she didn't care! The important thing now was that she was in a pink bunny costume! Sure, she would find it rather questionable to wear such things to a date but who cares? She just looks adorable right now!

That was of course she found herself staring at a certain creature of unimaginable horror coming her way! Quick, she needed to do something here! Uh...uh...uh...! Oh hey, there's someone nearby!

Don't mind her looking right back at Taichi thinking like he knows what he's doing here!]

Mai | Ghost Hunt

[makesthetea]

[ PHASE II ]

[Forget the mini-game, Mai's just a little put off by the stat it's insisting she needs to build up first. She stands outside the room with it's bold red NO INTELLIGENCE sign and gives it the flattest look she can muster.]

Yeah, okay.

[The disdain in her tone is no match for the change to sheer surprise once she opens the door and sees not just the senpai monster of her dreams but the other person currently in with the creature.]

Uh... wait, did I get the right door?

[ PHASE III ]

[Mai's very first reaction is near paralyzing fear at waking up in a dimly lit unknown room. Her breath is caught in a lump in her throat and she can hear the heavy thudding of her heart in her ears. It's about now when she starts chattering to herself mentally.

Okay, calm down. There's no way we're getting out of this unless we're calm. Where are we? I know it's a cage but...

This is where she starts feeling around. You like someone slapping you in the thigh? Maybe your side? Maybe worse? Because that's going to end up happening eventually. Once she makes contact with skin it's the same reaction all around. Her hand withdraws with a startled, sharp exclamation of "HII!" and she retreats a good couple of inches.]

Sorry! Ah, I... my eyes haven't adjusted yet so... yeah.

[ PHASE IV ]

[SO. MANY. ROSE PETALS. It's like a typhoon of petals and Mai can barely see the man-eating monstrosity in front of her, much less fear it. She can't even move to swipe them away so shouting it is then.]

WHAT'S GOING ON?! THIS ISN'T HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO! WHAT THE HECK KIND OF SCENE IS THIS ANYH-- GAH!

[There, those petals will keep her quiet for a second.]

[ WILDCARD ]

[Let me know if I missed a prompt you'd like to try out with Mai.]

Phase III

[niceguypose]

[Rock Lee is still coming to and trying to process his surroundings himself when he feels what seems to be a slap at his thigh.]

Ack! [...which helps him to realize that his trademark jumpsuit is gone - as is any other form of clothing. Embarrassed, he tries to curl up into a ball.]

Wh-what is happening? [And who is this mysterious other person?]

CROW | show by rock!!

[cattlemilk]

PHASE I:

INSOLENCE! THE GRATEFUL CROW IS TOO WORTHY FOR THESE OPTIONS! Where are the cute girls, huh? The curves? I’ll even take a cute hog at this rate! CRUMBLE BEFORE MY CRIMSON FIST AND HEED MY WARNING! I'll make you all pay for this!
_{[ Low and behold, in the room with this fella, is one furious looking red-head, pointed, furry ears peeking from his head and a long, black tail protruding from his back end. He has with him a unique guitar, and all around looks like this; only he’s in a nice, iron pressed suit now. ]}

Give me a break! This is insulting!

_{[ He’s screaming to the sky? To the heavens? ????? As if something from up above could help him.
IT DIDN’T MATTER. HE’LL FIGHT YOU. HE’LL FIGHT ANY OF YOU.
Only to probably run away later.
You should probably shut him up, because that monster is beginning to look like it is also losing patience. ]}

PHASE III:

ALL I SAID WAS— SHE SHOULD BE DRINKING 1% MILK, THAT’S IT. SHE NEEDED TO. NOW I'M HERE. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I’m tired of losing dates this way!
_{[ He’s offended? Again? First he was insulting his date, now he is angry at his date.. suddenly this is a big deal?
Crow doesn’t realize that somebody else is in the cage with him and huffs a breath, hugging his body to try and keep himself to keep warm. It’s scary— this entire situation is scary. Where did his clothes go? Why did his clothes go? More importantly, how embarrassing would it be if the rest of his band found him in this situation? NO WAY. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. ]}

Come back here and face me! I’m not scared of anyth—
_{[ His tail shifts behind him, whipping whoever is in here with him and he lets out a shrill, running to the completely opposite end of the cage. ]}

I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING. YOU CAN DRINK WHATEVER YOU WANT!! LET ME OUTTA HERE!
_{[ who was he screaming at. why was he so jumpy. it is a mystery. ]}

I

[makesthetea]

[Mai isn't even part of this and she's losing patience as she stands here debating between the oh so charming suitors.]

The choices aren't that great but it's nothing to scream over.

[... Okay maybe it is but seriously.]

Sakon Shima | Sengoku BASARA | SUPER OTA!!

[roundoff]

[ PHASE I : goddamnshitfuck ]

Whaaaaaaaaaaat the hell is this?!

[You would think that would be Sakon's response to the horrendous contender that he ended up getting matched with. Give him a second and he'll react to that too probably but for right now, he's currently fighting with the beautiful adornment that was haphazardly thrown on top of his samurai gear. Yeah, it's even on top of his stupid collar thing, settled just on top of it so it's snug around his Adam's Apple.]

A noose?! What'd I ever do to-- hggrkh!

[Oh dear god he's going to choke himself before the monster even gets to him. The creature scuttles closer to him, its spiny legs tapping against the floor and it roars at Sakon - and Sakon just seems to instinctively do a sudden backflip to put space between himself in the creature, beautiful glittery necktie fluttering in the wind.]

Hey!! Can't you see I'm busy right now? [What an idiot.] One thing trying to kill me at a time, got it?! [The thing roars at him again and Sakon just huffs.] Okay, maybe you don't get it! Fine! I'll take you both on myself!

[Someone help this moron.]

[ PHASE III : bow chicka wow wow amirite ]

[Sorry other inhabitant of the cage, it's probably quite cold when Sakon startles awake, a sudden gust kicking up when he kicks out and just barely avoids knocking his head on the ceiling of the cage.]

Wh-Whoa?! I'm cold?!

[Yeah. Yeah, it's a little breezy, ain't it, and his surprise wind powers probably aren't helping with that. He blinks then as the wind dies down and he immediately looks around and finds the other naked person - which makes him back up real quick against the other set of bars.]

I don't remember you....?! Sorry - don't hit me! [Cue a sudden flurry names:] Tsubaki? Rei? Riku? Ayumu?!

[Exactly what does he think happened here?]

What did I do? What didn't I do....?!

[Ah. A one night stand gone wrong.]

[ BONUS : truly a lost puppy ]

[He is a menacing soldier of the Toyotomi, answering to none other than Ishida Mitsunari. His kill count is in the hundreds and despite his fast talking, he's a fearsome warrior in his own right not to be taken lightly.

He is also currently in a dinosaur suit.]

... What am I....?

[Someone tell him that's what it is.

Experimentally, he shakes his hips to wag his pink tail.]

A dog...? Nah, maybe a bird.

[Sweet samurai jesus.]

phase i

[navarus]

[And so Setz's life of being surrounded by morons continues...

A burst of flames suddenly rushes towards the creature, knocking it back a bit (and singeing it, although unfortunately considering its size, it'll need more than that to burn it for real). From the source of the fire stands Setz, who's torn between being a little freaked out at this situation and being utterly unimpressed by this idiot.]

It's called a tie.

[Says someone used to wearing one 24/7, so he 100% can't empathize Sakon's plight of treating it like a noose.]

And you'd be better off focusing on this thing instead of a harmless article of clothing.

Raiden / Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

[downburst]

ＰＨＡＳＥ Ｉ.
ᴡɪʟʟ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ʟᴇᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘʜᴀsᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ.

[Either Raiden has an incredible sense of foresight or a low tolerance for dating sims, because given the options of the three, Raiden went with the monstrosity whose ass he'd like to kick the most. Maybe he's just used to facing fucked-up looking things and taking them down for the greater good, maybe he's just triggered by pseudo-centipede-like things that are vaguely reminiscent of the human centipede/vagina dentata. Without word, he's drawing his sword and idly assessing which angle would reap the most success, hack and slash style.

Of course, the other seemingly normal-looking individuals who've ended up here with him pose a slight distraction, but they aren't quite as concerning as the hostile goulash of ant legs, nudity and serrated teeth. They can catch up in a second.]


ＰＨＡＳＥ ＩＩＩ.
[There are few things in life more scandalous than ending up naked in a cage with a cyborg. Who knew scrambled eggs (which aren't his favorite food as much as the first thing that came to mind) would land him a place in someone's dank cannibal lair. It's a good thing he hasn't any authentic skin to offer as hide -- or tableware, or whatever this is supposed to develop into. Something in the fact that he's got radar more or less built into his brain removes the element of surprise; the fact that he's got a roommate in this bird cage isn't as shocking as it ought to be, aside from the whole unexpectedness of the switch.]

Should have picked the guy with the face in his stomach.

[Said no one ever, until now.]

phase i

[protectthecastle]

[Okay, so the thing is kind of trying to eat them. But that still doesn't explain why Raiden's first reaction is to draw his sword.]

....May I ask what it is that you are doing?

[This is a dating sim, Raiden.]

Hazel Levesque | Heroes of Olympus

[keeperfromtheflame]

Phase I

[Hazel had never experienced a modern school setting. The 1930s classrooms of New Orleans certainly never looked anything like this. Nor did any room in all of Camp Jupiter. She looked to her right. Then she looked to her left.]

[Then she looked down. And felt the heat rise to her cheeks.]

...please tell me Venus isn't responsible for this. Please, please, please....

[There were no palmetto trees to save her this time.]


Phase II

[The only thing worse than trying to fight off yet another round of monsters--]

[Actually, no, that much had been pretty par for the course, given her life]

[--was having to face the humiliation of staring down a series of doors with writing atop that she...couldn't read. Well, no, that wasn't entirely true. She could definitely make out the word 'no' on each of them. But the rest? Her dyslexia was causing them to jump all over the place, making it nigh impossible for her to even guess what they might be saying.]

I don't...

What am I supposed to do?


BONUS

[...you know what?]

[This was fine. And comfortable. In fact, she'd take the weird, fluffy outfit she'd been shoved into when she wasn't looking over the memories of that dress and all that makeup from earlier.]

Bonus

[zombiedude]

[Nico is just... going to stare in disbelief, because that sure looks like his sister in a pink dinosaur outfit but it can't possibly be his sister in a pink dinosaur outfit, right? Right?!]

Neji Hyūga | Naruto

[tuishou]

Phase I
[Why this. Why him.

Apparently his lack of motion in this system had caused the lights to dare say that they'd simply pick the monster for him if one wasn't chosen in the next four seconds. As if he had any desire to be made a fool of. Rushed (not panicked- a Hyuga and a jonin doesn't panic), Neji moves one hand to the worst of them all, the spider-beast. His intention is to wave it away, to be left alone with the other two gruesome things.

Apparently someone doesn't know how touch screens work.

And he didn't know if he should even question how he's allowed himself into yet another genjutsu so quickly after that one. There'd be no time. There were more pressing matters at hand. There were other persons with him. There was also the spider with the embedded corpse. Damn that thing. Would it stay immobile forever or...?] What is this? [And why was the 'date' turning to look at him?] ...do you know how to defend yourself?

Phase III
['And then things went dark' seems to be a great way to summarize his entire experience in ViViD so far. After resentfully realizing he was now a prisoner and that civilian clothes had vanished, Neji realized, in shock- honest, true shock- that he couldn't see very far at all. It was mostly dark. Surely, it was natural. But his wide pale near-white eyes had always offered him superior vision in circumstances like these... not to say this circumstance wasn't... special... Stupidly, he thinks that he can reclaim what was once his through power of will alone. He begins to channel chakra. Years of practice in molding the energy within him spurred him on.

The long-haired ninja lurches back, pressing his palms to the sides of his head as a reaction to the pressure as he learns that, hey, maybe there's a reason the Byakugan isn't something homemade. He also learns (it's a beautiful day for learning) that he's not alone. Naked. In the cage. Because he apparently had just bodily slammed into the poor sucker who was with him. Sorry.] Ah-? [Which is supposed to mean are you okay but. Semantics.]

Phase IV
[His hair was untied and he'd have to thank the genius who gave him his new outfit for that travesty, because with it blowing around and the rose petals falling like rain... no, make that falling like a typhoon, it was again hard to see. It couldn't have been that long since Neji swore there had only been enough to be scattered and here and there among the courtyard, and now there were enough petals to come up his ankles. And then his shins. His knees.

But

why?

Again, his ghost's eyes narrow and he attempts the signs- clear, precise--] Release! [Which did jack shit tbh and might have even made things worse because here came the spider-thing. Kaiten would be risky, not if Neji couldn't even see if there were... children?? or someone nearby but there was that one person across the yard and] How do we get out of here?! [A Hyuga didn't make it common practice to screech across a courtyard but he was too busy trying not to die again to care, thanks.]

I!

[onerous]

[Oh dear. Yuri had been really trying to hit the back button and exit out of here--she didn't like ViViD half the time anyhow and now this whole otome game thing was happening and--

Ugh.

Well at least her outfit is nice and not the weird robes they usually insist on putting her in. But it definitely doesn't offer anything in the way of protection against weird spider hell beasts.

She contemplates just sitting and accepting death in the hopes it'll kick her out of the system, when she's suddenly being addressed. She blinks slowly, surprised both at his appearance (weird eyes) and the fact she's being addressed at all.]

If I had a sword, maybe... [She hasn't been taking lessons that long, but she could at least do something. And her powers wouldn't work against this thing anyhow, probably.

Is this your first time in ViViD? [A pause and her default neutral expression turns to mild surprise and interest] Are you new?

Chie Satonaka | Persona 4

[feminine_carnivore]

PHASE I

[ One minute, Chie's in her nice warm bed, enjoying snuggling against a giant furry dog that's bigger than her, and then the next she's in a cold room sitting and watching a powerpoint presentation that's more incomprehensible than a physics lesson. Aliens, time travel, computers. It all goes straight over her head until she's pretty sure this is just a bad dream and she wants very much to go back to her bed and her dog and just text Yukiko tomorrow morning and laugh with her best friend about never eating the Mystery Meat Special after midnight again.

...But that's not happening.

No, instead she's somewhere else again. Wearing a dress of all things, black, with a bow and everything. Not to mention she had to make a snap decision to pick between vague silhouettes (she picked the "dashing lass" option..) and now she's face to face against a monster that's about maybe a good two or three times grosser than the worst Shadows she's seen. ]

I don't know what the hell you are, you ugly creep, but there's no way I'm going to go on a date with you!! Taste my secret technique!

PHASE III

You've got to be kidding me!

[ It's more of a whine than anything else, coming from a girl that's lost quite a bit of her dignity. She's not used to games like this, especially not when they sudden turn all adult oriented. After all, it's not like she wanted to get naked!

And yet here she is, curled up with her arm over her small chest, sitting on her legs to the side. The cage isn't very warm and there doesn't seem to be anyone here.... or is there? Upon seeing who she's with there's two distinct paths this show can go down. Either:

A. A male. Of equal or greater age.

Screaming. Kicking. All out embarrassed warfare with long legs that were trained for this, despite the small cramped space.

B. A female. Or male of significantly lesser age.

Less screaming. More blushing and pulling her legs closer to herself, unable to look at her partner at all. Maybe even an apology or two.


So really, it should be a fun time for everyone. But just wait for her to find that eldritch abomination, she's going to kick it straight into the atmosphere. ]

Wildcard

[ Give me any other scenario you can dream up. Even better if it involves steak!! ]

1

[aureas]

Umu!

[Saber comes busting proudly. She speaks as if she's declaring something important. Her voice is loud and clear.]

Show that knavish fool who's stronger. It is disturbing to look at.

[It deserves to be kicked in the face. She watches Chie attack it with her so called "secret technique". Is it like a Noble Phantasm??? What kind of power does it hold?]

Glottis / Grim Fandango

[solarge]

PHASE I

[ That selection of yucky monsters may not be terribly appealing to you, the average person looking for some interspecies loving. They're actually a little scary. And maybe they're telling you there's no other option... but wait! Isn't that another monster, standing in the same area as you and looking vaguely confused in a sort of blank fish-eyed stare sort of way? Is that, perhaps, a fourth option? An eight-foot-tall, pointy-toothed option, sure, but definitely lacking in the exposed organs and aura of existential despair that the other ones have...

What I'm saying is that you're now sitting at a table with this hulking, fuzzy dude, who is now inexplicably dressed to the nines in a white suit. Which seems to surprise him, too. ]

Woah! Who found these old digs again? I haven't seen 'em since... since... [ uh. well, a long time. he's interrupted by the sudden realization that there's someone sitting across the table. Someone with very peculiar characteristics. ] - O-one of the living?! Aaah!! I... I'm not supposed to be here, am I? Oh boy.

[ manny save him :( ]

BONUS

You know...

[ at some point, his dashing white tux was replaced by a different charming outfit. A pink, dinosaur-y outfit. Where did they find one in his size? Don't worry about it. Glottis does seem vaguely troubled by the change, although maybe less troubled than you'd expect a demon trapped in cutesy clothes to be. ]

This is pretty cute, but I don't think this it's helping me get a date. Can I get my suit back? That was nice. [ reaching his little paws over his back to try and reach the zipper on the back. Predictably, it won't come undone. ] Hey! I think my zipper's stuck! Can you get it for me?

i!

[outcast]

[ well, merrill certainly isn't adverse to this or anything! she's seen worse, really, and sometimes they're awfully kind in her experience. the big guy was kind of cute, she thought, maybe a spirit of cuteness? did those exist? it was possible, surely. so here she is, elbows on the table and hands lying on her hands, eager to get to know this little demon. ]

Oh— I didn't mean to frighten you. I'd just like to talk. I think it's what we're supposed to do. I'm quite friendly.

[ isn't glottis the one who should be saying this to her.. ]

Shion | No.6 | OTA

[asteraceaes]

Phase I

[ Being forced to suddenly pick a... erm... 'Date' really left no room for questions- especially considering since Shion had no one to really talk to. So, easily enough he picks... Choice number 1! The option that's the least scary, but you can tell he's pretty frightened. He's never seen monsters this ... Grotesque before, and now he's suited up and is just staring at the thing before him.

The fact that the monster is just staring at Shion, trying to lean closer isn't helping him. He's frozen in fear but something in his mind is telling him to make a break for it, his eyes flicker to the left and the right. He picks up the closest thing near him- which happens to be a fancy wine glass and throws it right at his ... date (minus 10 affection points probably)! He's been told he's never been really good at the romance thing... ... ...

And now you might see a white haired boy try to scramble for it. He might bump into you? Trip over a chair and land on the ground with a loud thump? It's up to you- just help this kid, maybe. ]

Phase II

[ Honestly, if Shion took a class in running away he'd probably get an easy 'A'. Though, he finally found a place to relax so there's an automatic sigh of relief! ]

It looks safer here... Now where am I...

[ He looks up only to see the dressing rooms with the signs. Well, truthfully he knows he isn't a charismatic person, or a strong one! Although, is he supposed to pick one? Ah, well... On the bright side it seems like he's not the only person here! Finally, maybe he can get some answers, because honestly his mind is more focused on all the questions that are buzzing in his head ever since The Date. ]

What were those things? Holograms- no they looked too realistic... No way it was an illusion either... Ah, maybe robots? [ Totally ignoring the dressing rooms for now (he'll get back to it later don't worry) because those monsters are what on his mind right now! What were they!!! He needs his answers. ]

Phase III

[ It's awfully dark and Shion has yet to register he's in cage- well, until he backs up and feels the metal bars against his back. They're cold too! He feels it right against his skin and... Oh.

Oh.

He wraps his arms around his chest to try to cover up... whatever he can, but it's kind of futile. Shion's cheeks are definitely turning warm from embarrassment. He's honestly more self conscious about the snake-like scar that wraps around his entire body, although since it's pretty dark it's unlikely anyone can see... Perhaps.

Speaking of other people, he does catch the noises of someone else beginning to stir. Okay, just... Ignore your naked. Ignore it... Just ignore it. It should be fine, hopefully, because his immediate thought is that maybe the other person can help, so he calls out. ]

We got to get out of here- [ Yes. Obviously. ] Are you awake? I wonder who did this- I remembering picking a choice and ended up here. Ah... [ The... Monster? Oh no... ]

phase ii

[protectthecastle]

[She was looking up at the signs on top of the dressing rooms wondering what this had to do with gaining strength and charisma when she hears someone speak to her.]

I am not certain about them being holograms but they can hurt you if you are not careful. They are rather organic to be robots.

[Veronica picks a door by random, twitching it open only to see the "dashing lass" from earlier.]

Yuki Kuran | Vampire Knight | OTA

[bloodtablets]

Phase I
[Yuki should have guessed she would pick wrong. Of course she decided to go with the hidden character and he was more hideous than she could have imagined, after seeing the other ones. Clad in a ballgown, her short hair pinned behind her ears, Yuki looks around, realizing there are others with her. Her first thought is to protect them, but who will protect her?

The monster advances, swinging its great claws in her direction and letting out a great howl. It was terrifying, but Yuki stood her ground - as much as she could while dodging, anyway.]

Stay back!

[She meant the others around her and the monster, but hey that thing could stay back too and she'd be fine with that. As it advanced and grabbed at her again, this time it tore the hem of her long dress. Kicking off the cumbersome heeled shoes, Yuki jumps again, narrowly avoiding having her leg ripped open.]

Over here!!

[She was trying to lure it away from others, hoping that she could somehow slow it down.]
Phase II
[Yuki had no problem admitting that she lacked intelligence. It didn't matter to her in the long run. Books and mathematics didn't really prepare her for the trials of vampire politics.]

Not you again!!

[Of course the monster she'd thought she escaped had returned with a vengeance. Wait... it wasn't attacking? Tentatively, Yuki approaches, staring from it to the myriad of colors and utensils that made up the makeup pallet.]

Uh-uhm... I don't really think I should be the one to do your make up...

[The monster let out a displeased roar, making Yuki flinch and duck.]

Okay!! Jeez...

[Anyone happening upon the two will see Yuki trying very diligently to apply lipstick to the monster.]

Phase III

WAIT?! What's wrong with having a sweet tooth??

[She had somehow offended the monster and now she was about to pay the price. Yuki would have liked an answer to her question, except now she was locked in a cage. Naked and in the dark. Well, wasn't this just a lovely day? Scrabling around for clothes did no good as she felt someone else's hand in the darkness.]

Who's there?

[Certainly not the monster?]

Bonus

[She would have hated being shoved in a closet more, were it not for the cute suit she was wearing. It was a bit tacky but still rather adorable.]

Oh... it's a... dinosaur?

[Excuse her while she just checks herself out in a mirror, before realizing there's till that stupid monster to deal with.]

Hey! What do you even want from me? I did your makeup and you locked me in a cage! Leave me alone!!

Bonus

[leashed_hunter]

.......

[Just this look.]

What are you doing here?

Sans | Undertale | OTA

[criticalhip]

PHASE II
[NO STRENGTH FOR THE WIN]

[Sans has been exposed to enough anime to know where this is going, or at least what his newfound role of senpai should require of him. It’s all about a distinct lack of noticing people, a lot of hair flipping, and a serious allergy hazard made up of pink petals and hurricane force winds.]

[But much to his surprise (because that’s the surprising thing here) that isn’t the case. There aren’t any trees, he still has no hair (bummer), and, try as he may, he cannot ignore the abomination in front of him, regardless of how used to seeing monsters of all sorts he is, being one himself and all.]

[Eh.]

[She’s actually kind of cute, and he has to get this over and done with anyway.]

Yeah, sure, why not.

[He smears some red lipstick on her face. Ta-da.]

How’s that? I think you’re redy to head on out.

[If anyone would like to critique his handiwork or that terrible excuse of a pun, please, feel free.]

PHASE IV
[OH HEY! There go the petals he was waiting for a couple of phases ago. Sweet.]

[Or maybe not.]

[Sans isn’t one for moving around much on any day, but being glued to the spot with someone leaning in to give you a big ol’ smooch isn’t exactly the most ideal scenario. Sans, however, also isn’t one to make a fuss over the little things. Even if the little things aren’t so little. And rather spiky. And possibly murder-y.]

[Someone please come save this guy, regardless of how nonplussed he looks.]


BONUS!!!!
[Getting comfy is this guy’s forte.]

[Getting comfy in a really soft, really cute total body pink dinosaur pajama suit? #WINNING!!!!]

[…The kids are still using that these days, right?]

[Anyway, even with yet another date looming on the horizon (at this point he’s chalking it up to some really niche virtual reality game), Sans can’t help but feel this suit needs a completely different kind of test drive.]

[He curls up on the nearest couch-like surface, pulls up the hood and readies himself for the nap of a lifetime while he waits for her to show up. In public. No shame here. None. None whatsoever.]

[Because when you’re stuck somewhere strange with no way out and no available options, what else is there to do? Try and get free? Screw that.]

[In any case, in your immediate vicinity is a skeleton in pink dinosaur pajamas, probably taking up valuable date space. May want to take care of that.]

II

[onerous]

Uh--

[She's honestly caught between being surprised because holy shit, talking skeleton okay then and wanting to point out that just the lipstick is probably not going to cut it.

She's dealt with a lot of dead people before, sure, but never an actual skeleton. So Yuri just watches him for a long moment, before realizing this is all becoming very impolite.

A quick clearing of the throat brings her back down to reality] I don't think the lipstick alone is going to help...

[The pun, unfortunately, goes completely over her head]

alistair theirin, dragon age.

[nophilter]

PHASE I.

[ well. this isn't where alistair was a moment ago. and this is definitely not the armor he was in, either. which is a little concerning. especially since he was in the fade moments ago, fighting a nightmare demon. and this? this being in a room with what looks a little like a broodmother sans the rows of hideous breasts? definitely a nightmare. that weird presentation did nothing to convince him it's not. ]

And me without my sword. Lovely.

[ he turns to whoever is standing next to him and asks, much too glibly for someone in a room with a horrifying monster, ] I don't suppose you have any weapons hidden on you? Doesn't look like it, but you never know.

[ they could be a mage! or a rogue like leliana who, these days, is probably bristling with weaponry. like some sort of terrifying, devout hedgehog. or--and this would be more in line with alistair's luck--they could just be completely screwed. after all, he is stuck in the fade with a bunch of demons around. or so he thinks. ]

PHASE IV.

[ he likes roses. really, he does. he's still got one he picked in lothering during the blight--wynne put some sort of preservation spell on it for him and he's kept it ever since as a reminder of the good in the world. but there's roses, and then there's roses. and this is roses on mushrooms and lyrium.

which, you know, wouldn't be completely terrible in and of itself. annoying, certainly. especially the part where he keeps almost snorting rose petals up his nose. but the not moving? yeah, that's pretty awful. the monster coming towards him just makes it even worse. ]

Uh... a little help would be nice! You know, if there are any nice spirits about. Maker, why me?

WILDCARD.

[ hit me with a situation of your choosing! all my love to you if it involves alistair in the kigurumi. ]

did someone say kigurumi

[kirkwalled]

[ somewhere in this magical high school rose petal covered dating sim, there is a hawke. a hawke who is also wearing a kigurumi but the wrong one because she likes breaking the rules. she's trying to find a gift for her date later because obviously, she needs to woo the pants off this abomination and she's going to do it through gifts.

gifts, those are the way to your love interest's heart. she totally knows this from experience.

except she's missing her gift?? she's not entirely sure where it went and her date is soon and she's heard grumblings about making her bones into bread -- so. SO.

so, she's kind of harassing anyone she sees around in a bit of a panic and alistair looks kind of suspicious, somehow. it's the face and the kigurumi that no one else is wearing except him. and her too. either way, THIS MEANS --

alistair, you're about to be tackled by a wild hawke! ]

Tell me where the mixtape is! Now! Or your head goes along with everything else!

Shiki Ryougi | Kara no Kyoukai

[deathline]

✖ PHASE i

... Honestly?

[In the classroom where players are to select their handsome and beautiful dates, the chairs and desks have been overturned, monster blood is splattered on the wall, and there is a young woman in a red coat holding a knife, looking at the dismembered corpse of her handsome fellow.

Yeah, Shiki Ryougi's off to a great start. She wrinkles her nose in disgust.]

This is no good. There's no satisfaction from this and you just won't stay down.

✖ B-B-BONUS

[It's been a day of testing Shiki's tolerance. There's the whole waking up in another world that isn't her's deal. Being shown a boring presentation about the current circumstances when really, who cares, who can she kill to get out of here, and now...

Well, when she steps out of the closet, she's in the pink dinosaur costume, stone-faced and all. Shiki looks down at her feet and then at the person right next to her.]

... Not a word.

BONUS

[somefrenchpoet]

[ while not entirely to his taste, the whole dating experience hadn't been as bad for him as it probably had been for other people. most likely, though, it was all his natural optimism and tendency to look at the bright side of things.

so, when presented with a Shiki in a "cute" pink monster costume not unlike his own, he can't help but point out what he believes to be the silver lining in this whole situation: ]

Oh, we match!

Yusuke Urameshi | Yu Yu Hakusho

[fingerbanged]

[PHASE I/BONUS]

[You may be minding your own business, trying not to make eye-contact with your oh-so-lovely companion, or trying to find a way to make a break for it. Unfortunately, a loud bellow cuts across the room, the quiet and awkward monotony soon to be broken.]

LOOK, TONSIL TICKLER! I TOLD YOU, NO FRENCHING ON THE FIRST DATE!

[Suddenly, a rather long-tongued body sails across the distance, possibly either crashing in to you or your partner, collapsing into a bloody heap. A young man follows after, shaking off his now gore-covered fist, looking disgruntled and covered head-to-toe in something that possibly could be saliva.

This would probably be more horrifying if he wasn't in a completely adorable pink dinosaur onesie, however. (Or maybe it is? WHO KNOWS.]

Cripes, haven't they ever heard of first base? You gotta work up to that stuff, y'know?

[And, as if finally realizing other people may be nearby, he looks up, pointing down at the mess he left.]

Uh... sorry 'bout that. Hope I wasn't interrupting any hot and heavy stuff you two were getting into.

[PHASE III]

[They've always said Yusuke's huge mouth was going to land him into trouble.

It wasn't as if he was trying to screw this one up-- after the disaster of that first meeting, and how it was painfully obvious that he couldn't punch his way out of this one (because punching your dates was, across the board, a really awful thing to do, but he reserved the right to do so when they were trying to EAT him), he begrudgingly played along, being as nice as he could to... well, whatever the hell these things were. Being around a variety of demons back home for those few years certainly helped, but most of them weren't trying to get into his pants. And he was doing rather well! Until he made that crack about them having an extra appetite for that extra mouth.

How was he suppose to know that was insulting? He would have tried to calm the waters (or at least defend himself, because that was a great joke, dammit), when suddenly, things went black.

That in itself was terrifying enough, but waking up in what seemed to be some kinky freak's dream room? In a CAGE? Definitely worse than watching his date chew from their stomach. The lack of clothing hadn't even registered in his mind yet, the new location and the possibility that someone got the jump on him racing through his mind. His immediate reaction was to rush the cage, angrily rattling it to test it's strength.]

DAMMIT! What the HELL?!

[It felt solid enough, but it was possible to bust it open with a Spirit Gun blast?

Taking a few steps back, to give himself some room to fire his attack properly, Yusuke's hand groped behind him, to make sure there wasn't a wall or his angry date waiting in the rear. His eyes popped when his hand fell upon something distinctly warm, fleshy, and human, and he whirled around, mouth agape.]

GAH! Jeez, you scared the crap outta me! Maybe say something before I--

I--

[... wait, why does that thing he touched feel so fleshy? His eyes seek where his hand wound up, hoping (HOPING) it wasn't some place incredibly awkward for the two of them.]

... uh.

Phase I | Matching Bonus

[criticalhip]

[Even in his ADORABLE dinosuit, Sans manages to sidestep away from the impressive impact crater-and-then-some provided by Yusuke's contribution to what was an admittedly boring conversation.]

[He bends down to briefly examine his and Yusuke's dates-- they're both breathing, so they'll both probably be fine. But his limited propriety still dictates that he investigate a little bit further. So Sans saunters on over, pink onesie and all, and greets Yusuke with a fabric covered wave.]

Don't worry about it, you didn't interrupt much.

Nice outfit.

[That's a good way to begin!]

Sulla Pinsky | O Human Star

[pinsky]

one
[Dating. It's another thing Sulla's only read about in books, another oh-so-human thing that she wants to experience - but like this? At least she looks nice for the occasion; her dress has a space print on it, the synthetic-looking parts of her arms are covered by a cardigan, and her hair is done in a low braid.]

[Maybe it should be nervewracking that they know exactly what her personal style is, but they have all her code, don't they? (Even the parts she doesn't think of as code.) What's more worrying right now is, uh, the selection of monsters to date... Oh, hey, that one is kind of cute! Cute in the way a bug is, with all that carapace and those beady eyes.]

[It is opening its maw, which goes back way further than it should physically be able to and it's really creepy and oh god why. Sulla's instincts (instincts?) leap in, and she barrels into the side of whatever poor person is about to get consumed. And then she picks that person clean off the ground.]

[And then you're both in the air, and Sulla is yelling to the rest of the poor saps on the ground:] If you can break its neck, try to break its neck! [Time to put that biology knowledge to use, if it's helpful at all!]

two
[Well, NO INTELLIGENCE is factually untrue, and NO STRENGTH is too (it's pretty easy to give a robot super strength, all things considered), so NO CHARISMA is the logical conclusion. Let nobody say Sulla Pinsky is not aware of her faults.]

[Even so, she has a little bit of an idea how to do makeup. It is only a little bit; she doesn't wear it, and she grew up in a household full of a bachelor and robots, but some things are learned in the process of assimilating into human society. She's applying blush to the monster's... Cheekbones??... when someone else comes into the room and is greeted with a help me, senpai! Sulla turns around, suddenly embarrassed and not knowing why.]

Oh! H-hi there. [With a shrug:] Grab a brush, I guess.

three god help you
[Something went horribly wrong along the way - well, you know, a lot of things went horribly wrong. Sulla doesn't really want to talk about the whole other-universe, world-destroyed, alone thing just yet. Still, this whole thing makes her feel emotionally exhausted, like she wants to sleep for a week... Maybe she's about to, until she wakes up in a cage. Wait, a cage? Oh, she's...]

[Naked. People that aren't her creator (and she doesn't like that, either) have seen her naked, now. At least two people: the monster and whatever person is on the other side of the cage. Even with her relative lack of sexual organs, and even with the knowledge that her body is not that of a boy anymore, Sulla is not a happy young lady. Especially since now, everyone knows even more she's synthetic. Different.]

[That is to say, whoever else is in the cage will notice a 5'8" ball of naked robot girl making a keening noise kind of like a distressed dog. If you listen closer, you'll be able to make out that the whining is in the shape of the word:] Whyyyyyyyyyy.

one

[protectthecastle]

[Veronica wasn't entirely sure how a date is supposed to go (having been on exactly one date so far) and she doesn't want to judge the monster based on its appearance. People could surprise you even when they had beady eyes, many (many many) legs and what looks to be an exoskeleton.

Sometimes they surprised you by trying to eat you and she's staring at the creature and then at the girl who has bodily picked her up and is carrying her off.]

Its neck? Why its neck?

[She should probably be a lot more bothered over the fact that their date just tried to eat her but unfortunately she isn't.]

saitama | opm

[baldy]

( PHASE I )

[ All the dating sims he’s played with King have not actually prepared him for… well, this. It’s entertaining at first, though, and Saitama treats it like he would any other video game, making his date selection this fine lady.

She seems nice.

Except, his date gets rather bored quickly and decides to take it upon herself to liven things up. With the promise of some tongue. Or maybe she’s just decided to eat him. His bald head does look rather appetizing. ]

Oi!! I don’t kiss on the first date!

[ Have to break it to her gently, right? Wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings and get a bad ending route—okaaaay, that tongue is getting a little too close for comfort. Gross. Saitama grabs his date’s wandering tongue to try and deter her, but she’s having none of it. As a large glob of drool is about to fall on him, Saitama ends up putting his fist through her midsection.

Ah. Whoops.

You probably just got splattered in a spray of gore. How, er, lovely. He's way too nonchalant about this. ]

Think I should reset?

( PHASE IV )

[ Finally, the long awaited finale. Love is in the air, rose petals fall from the sky in a shower of romance—

Ok, that’s a little much, don’t you think.

Petals are everywhere, a few make their way into Saitama’s mouth and one even up his nose, and his date is looking to end the scene with a kiss, breath stinking like foul garbage.

Yeah, no thanks. ]

Nope. No way.

[ …wrong thing to say. The monster keeps advancing, now screeching some ungodly sound in a rage from being rejected.

And he can’t move. What the hell?! Oh shit. It’s still coming.

A little help here. ]

( WILDCARD )

[ got something else in mind? ]

part.....iv......

[incendire]

[ Okay but as if Genos needs an actual reason to interfere with this because clearly if there's going to be someone who wins over Saitama's love they must go through Genos first and meet his approval. A process that Genos may or may not (heavily on the may not) have told Saitama about.

Of course he wouldn't have any sort of problems with Saitama deciding himself, after all who was Genos to stand in his master's way? Though this scene was... Genos didn't need enhanced hearing to know that his master wasn't approving of what was happening.

It's why he barges in and immediately cuts in. ]

I apologize for my intrusion, master, but I believe that you must be a little more firm with your rejection.

[ Because he was...rejecting her, right? ]

yato | noragami

[sweatypalms]

[[ comes in canon and crau flavors if you have a pref! ]]

PHASE I

[ so for whatever godforsaken reason, you've found yourself stuck here courting this gorgeous spider/melting babydoll/sewer rat amalgamation, delightfully done up in its cute little pink skirt and puffer vest ensemble. but I mean, why wouldn't you, it's a catch

but wait. you have COMPETITION.

in the form of a sweaty individual, dressed tastefully in a black tracksuit and bowtie, gripping a bouquet of fake flowers. he makes a brief go of trying to butter up his eldritch date, because he might as well be in it to win it (he seriously says something about being a "god" like it's meant to be impressive)... but the second things seem to be heading south (not in the fun way) and the date's teeth are out, tracksuit guy is pushing out of his chair-- ]

Uhh, this is moving kinda fast--

Shit! [ and shoving you hard at the furthest wall.

is he heroically moving you out of harm's way or clearing a path for himself? you'll have to determine that for yourself.

while your date's bearing down on you. ]


PHASE II

[ yeah, sure, he was almost his date's dinner a minute ago-- and he's probably got someone or something's blood on him by this point-- but now this has really Gone Too Far. ]

W-what d'you mean, "no charisma"--?! [ he yells, pointing up at the offending red sign, like he expects an answer. ]

Who came up with this stupid game, huh? This whole thing's glitched, my charisma's totally maxed out!

...It must've gotten me confused with this guy!!

[ and now he's pointing at you!

the most logical explanation. ]


PHASE III

[ waking up to the sound of the naked man uncomfortably close to you wailing and sniffling and rattling the cage bars was exactly what you wanted, right? as if this date couldn't get any better. ]

What the helllll! What'd I do wrong this time, I was just being honest...!


PHASE WILDCARD

[ if you've got another idea! ]

II

[onerous]

Hey-- [Despite herself, she's a little offended, if only because... is it really that obvious...

But her token protest doesn't get far, because she just sighs in resignation to this weird fate.] It's probably best not to take anything this game says at face value anyhow.

charlie maxwell | original

[animated]

(( ooc: Charlie has a small bio here, but the super ultra condensed version is he is a wizard with the ability to animate inanimate objects! ))

[ PHASE I ]

[ Charlie Maxwell has often found himself wondering what the hell his life has even become, and that was before facing down some kind of eldritch horror that wanted to eat him. Or date him? Or maybe eating him counted as dating him?? Was there some kind of praying mantis thing going on here?

Whatever it is, the wizard finds himself yet again wondering what is my life as his would-be date makes a grab for him. His love life is pretty abysmal, but he's not that desperate, thank you. Luckily, the classroom setting gives him plenty of ammunition.

He manages to skirt out of the way and brings up a hand, etching out a runic mark in the air in front of him, ice blue light flowing from his fingertips. (Normally he'd be worried about subtlety or breaking the rules, but desperate times and all.) A nearby desk picks itself up and flings itself into the waiting jaws... torso... thing... of the monster. It tries to chomp down, but the desk holds for the time being.

Charlie lets out a little laugh of triumph. ]

Nothing personal. You're not really my type.

[ Don't make jokes, Charlie. ]

[ PHASE III ]

[ Well, this went from zero to SAW sequel really, really quickly. Even in the dark, it's easy to tell from the, well, sudden draft that his clothes are gone. Seriously, what is his life?? ]

Is there anybody here?

[ He's not going to go groping around in a cage potentially full of naked people. This whole situation is already full of about a billion stereotypes gone wrong, he's not going to add any more. ]

I can get us out of here, but you might want to shut your eyes.

[ Because of the light. His magic gives off light. Don't jump to any conclusions. (Or maybe do.) ]

[ BONUS ]

[ Charlie does not even want to deal with the closet, never mind how much he enjoys dressing up in fancy clothes. He exits the closet as quickly as he entered it and he just... stares down at his new “outfit” and sighs. ]

You know what. I'm not even surprised anymore.

[ WILDCARD ]

[ The obligatory choose your own adventure option! ]

bonus!

[emotive]

[Ai, also dressed in the same costume, but looking more comfortable than she should looks at Charlie and then pipes up rather cheerfully.]

I think you look fine! At least it's not revealing like some things we've been forced to wear before!

giorno giovanna | jojo's bizarre adventure

[rejuvenate]

PHASE I}
[ The “dashing lass” was the obvious choice by far. Then again, did it really matter which choice he made? Probably not. Now while this wasn’t the sort of dating environment that Giorno was used to—not that he was used to many dating situations to begin with—he was fairly confident in his own abilities. (He seemed to be popular enough and well liked…) That said though, he doesn’t quite understand what is going on.

Of course first dates were going to be awkward but wasn’t this a bit too much? He isn’t much of a talker but he’ll lean over to the nearest person and very politely tap on their shoulder to get their attention and to see if this was some sort of social norm he was not aware of. ]

Excuse me, but are we supposed to take turns? I’m afraid I’m not familiar with this dating situation.

[ Because this was still a date, yes? ]

PHASE II}
[ Giorno hadn’t thought too much of the signs above—no intelligence? Please. No strength? Well that was a bit more reasonable; it wasn’t as if he was particularly strong himself. No charisma? No way. So he just picked one at random and walked inside to find himself facing a different sort of problem than earlier.

If there’s blood on his suit, he’s not bothered by that either. It’ll come out in the wash or after some lemon juice and seltzer. The make-up challenge however... Giorno is picking up a tube of lipstick and then eyeing his date again. Well technically she had lips. It was a she, right?

So, he’ll just go to town on the mons—his date’s face and hope for the best. Sorry anyone else in the room with him. What else is a man supposed to do in this situation? ]

PHASE IV}
[ Please someone save him from this.

Sure Giorno was creative in thinking of getting out of sticky and tricky situations but this was completely different. Entirely different. It’s raining flowers and his “date” was determined to give him a kiss. Or at least he sincerely hoped that it was a kiss that he was about to receive. He could never quite figure it out with that tongue and the lack of lips and…well. ]

I believe there's been a misunderstanding here—

[ In his desperation to get away, Giorno will grab a fistful of rose petals and gives them “life”. They don’t change immediately but slowly the petals will start to take shape into what look like bees? No wasps? Clearly somewhere between the angry bugs forming in his hand and the way he tries to back up—it should be obvious enough that he doesn’t want this.

…right? ]

BONUS}
[ But let’s take a break from all this crazy otome stuff and focus at what’s at hand here—which is how his very nice suit that he picked out got turned into some sort of warm fuzzy jumper. It’s not really a bad look for him but…is this really appropriate attire for a first date? Maybe it just looked this way to him? ]

I hope my date doesn’t mind this.

[ You know, just in case everyone else around him can see him being a cute pink dinosaur. ]

WILDCARD}
[ Hit me with whatever you want..!! ]

phase i

[protectthecastle]

I am sorry to say that I am not particularly experienced with this either and so could not say.

[She's been on exactly one date (which could barely be called one) and even today she had just randomly picked a monster based on who looked the most engaging.]

I was always under the impression that it is something only between two people though? Or perhaps it is not a romantic date but rather a "friend date"?

Aeacinos Ixocia | Original Character | ota

[illusionistic]

Phase I

[ Aeacinos is not a happy naga right now. Of course he's going to help destroy these abominations because what the hell is this shit?! He is so pissed off, so pardon his whipping tail as he hits this in the face. He looks so pleased as it goes splat against a nearby wall. His tail flicks off any remaining blood or goo from the creature. He is totally pleased as punch right now. ] I don't know what sort of joke they're playing, but if they wish to fight then I'll happily do so.

[ Have an angry snarl and hiss as his tail undulates behind him. Displeased snake general is displeased. ]

Phase II

[ Being insulted sure isn't something an already angry person needs to be subjected to. But Ceres likes to piss people off so this isn't anything new. So upon being told he has no strength well you know how it goes. See prompt 1 for details. He's just so done with this shit rn. ]

This place is getting on my nerves. I care not for their opinions.

[ he totally doesn't but that doesn't mean he can't be pissed off about them anyway. ]

Bonus

[ He doesn't want any of these?! FHL! He is just trying to rip off or tear the damn thing from his person, but of course it hardly works. ]

This damn thing! [ Have a pissed off giant snake person thrashing about in that required pink dino outfit. He just cannot deal with this place anymore. Someone show him who made this shit, he's out for blood. ]

Wildcard!

Hit me with all the things.

bonus

[protectthecastle]

[If anyone here were able to chaperone her, they'd probably be telling her that approaching a giant, obviously angry snake person was a terrible idea.

But hey, there was no one like that.]

Please stay still, I will help you-

[Because like this she really can't get anywhere near him.]

Skwisgaar Skwigelf | Metalocalypse | WARNING: He's a douche

[fastfingering]

[ For someone who has readily stuck his dick in a lot of questionable women, this is decidedly not the direction he was expecting his day to go. Welcome to Cerealia, fastest guitarist of all time! ]

Whats the fucks is this.

[ Seriously. What the fucks is this?

He's played several video games in the common area but dating sims? Please. What's with this selection screen? What is he picking these for? ]

"Abominable...Datings". Ugh, is this likes thats Ladyemates websites?

[ Not that he needs a date. He'll click through the images, which should be more disturbing than they already are. ]

No.

[ Click. ]

No.

[ Click. ]

...Heh heh. At least this ones gots nice legs.

[ Hey random person who wandered in, he's talking to you. Come admire the legs on this one. ]



[ Somehow, Skwisgaar made it to stage two. Or rather, side game option ONE. And, unsprisingly, he has the same reaction to this part of the game as he did to the first part. ]

Whats the fucks is this?

[ The signs above each of the rooms are CLEARLY nothing that he's lacking! Nope, not even in his gangly arms. Despite the fact that he's already THE TOP OF HIS GAME, Skwisgaar ends up pulling back the curtain for the one titled CHARISMA because that's more fun to stay. And..of course, the monster from before is there. ]

Oh. It's yous.

[ Great. But what is this? What is this prompt telling him to do? ]

So wes going to plays dress ups like little dollies?

[ It gurgles in response, dripping some sort of blood acid onto the floor. Really, he can't be that upset. ]

Okay but I thinks that we mights enkounter some problems with the lipsticks...

[ Hey, he puts on makeup for the stage. Why the hell not? ]

Hey yous! Where do they keeps the makeups in this place?



[ To be honest, this is probably the first and longest date that Skwisgaar has ever been on, forced or otherwise. Dating isn't really a "thing". Now banging hordes of groupies? Yes, definitely. Not dating. ]

A...these flower petals is pretty cool. Looks like blood.

[ Super metal.

But here cometh the legged monster he's been courting this whole time. Welp. Convincing music in the background, he knows where this is supposed to go. ]

Well, I guess this is its.

[ And he's unzipping his pants.

Please someone don't let him do this thing. ]

2ND RIFF

[dethgrowl]

[This place sure could use some zazz. Have this asshole.]

I was just going to tell you it's not metal to know about lipstick and shit, but then that thing started dripping blood acid and

that's

AWESOME.

Otegine | Touken Ranbu | OTA

[tsuku]

PHASE I
[ Congrats Otegine, you got yourself a... date? Well, whatever magic there was to that novelty is pretty much gone in a flash. He's currently at a deadlock with a bloblike abomination, with a long tongue just about to touch his face. The only thing stopping it (him? her?) is a long sheathed spear held at an awkward angle, but it's doing its job to block any further contact and pushing his "date" back a bit.

Why him, he's not handsome at all! He's JRPG protagonist-levels of plain and ordinary-looking here! ]

Hey, hey! Human courtship and all the mushy stuff is weird already, but I'm pretty sure they don't eat the other! Ew, don't move your tongue so much... A little help here! Please?

PHASE II
[ He got rejected by the blob! Yaaaay. Thank you, mediocre date-parameters!
...Wait, that's no good? ...Self-improvement regiment? Can't he stick to sparring and chores for that... phooey. ]

Ueeeeeh- I have to pick just one and get that right? Hm... this is hard. I'm not bright, and I'm not strong...

[ After looking pretty disgruntled at the dressing rooms for good few more seconds, he's going to tap any nearby person to ask a rather... shameless question. ]

Hey, what does charisma mean? If I have some of that or none of it, that might make this game easier...

BONUS
[ That is a tall, pink, and fuzzy dinosaur huddled in a corner, hands clasped and praying to whatever god a tsukumogami prays to. Look, when you live for a long time and your friends also live for a long the, when an embarrassing thing happens, the phrase "never live it down" takes on a new, much heavier meaning. ]

Please no one I know finds me like this, please no one I know finds me like this... I'd rather be buried alive with flower petals or eaten now, no one would find me then.

[ ...He probably should have done away with the spear then, lying on the ground by his side. ]

Fay | Tsubasa Reservoir/World Chronicle

[obfuscates]

[phase II]

[Well, NO STRENGTH is a bit harsh, honestly, but it's not the worst thing that's ever been said about him, and nothing so far has been flattering for anyone anyway. Which is why he's happily(?) armed with an eye-searingly purple shade of lipstick in one hand and waving an oversized makeup brush with the other. Fay's making soothing gestures with the tools while he talks, smiling gently.]

No, no, I understand that, it's just that I don't think that shade of fuschia and that orange necessarily bring out the best in your... beak, that's all. Complimentary colors, that's the ticket.

[Well, he's trying?]

[bonus]

[All things considered, a cozy pink costume is better than nothing, so Fay can't be too angry that no matter what he does, he ends up looking ridiculous. It was a little disconcerting, the first couple of times he tried to wear something else and was immediately dumped back into the silly getup, but he's gotten the point now. Lizard style jammies it is.

Still, since nothing is, for now at least, actively trying to kill him, it's been going as well as could be expected. If he catches you looking at him, whether you're dressed up like him not not, he'll flash a grin that's only a little embarrassed.]

Do you think there's a reason for the outfit? They aren't exactly flattering, are they?

[wildcard]

[If there's anything else you want to do, go for it!]

bonus

[roundoff]

[And now there are two guys way too chill to be in dinosaur costumes. Sakon's offering a shrug in return from his own cozy dino outfit, easy-going as he is.]

I mean - it's not like we need to fight or anything right now so I guess it could be worse!

Though... it is pretty uncool....