Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species!
Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy.
So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams!
 [ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]
|
PHASE I [ 8 00 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go!
You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid.
And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating.
This is awkward.
It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds.
PHASE II [ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.)
Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions.
You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai?
Time to get to work!
You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right?
Right?
PHASE III [ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark.
When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage?
Welcome to the Yandere Route.
You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure:
You're both extremely naked.
Good luck!
PHASE IV [ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene.
The confession scene.
Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but...
For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown!
For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it?
To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?!
BONUS [ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice!
But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date.
Don’t worry, you look adorable.
It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
alistair theirin, dragon age.
PHASE IV.
WILDCARD.
did someone say kigurumi
gifts, those are the way to your love interest's heart. she totally knows this from experience.
except she's missing her gift?? she's not entirely sure where it went and her date is soon and she's heard grumblings about making her bones into bread -- so. SO.
so, she's kind of harassing anyone she sees around in a bit of a panic and alistair looks kind of suspicious, somehow. it's the face and the kigurumi that no one else is wearing except him. and her too. either way, THIS MEANS --
alistair, you're about to be tackled by a wild hawke! ]
Tell me where the mixtape is! Now! Or your head goes along with everything else!
yessssss
[ he blinks. blinks again. reaches up to rub at the back of his head because hitting the ground hurt and because it gives him a second to gather his thoughts. hadn't hawke left with the inquisitor? why was she--or maybe a spirit looking like her--attacking him and rambling about... uh... ]
What's a mixtape and why do you need one?
[ whatever it is, he will find it!! you know, so long as it means his head stays in place. and not-hawke doesn't tackle him anymore. which is a lot of conditions for a guy who is pretty sure he's going to die soon, but he'd at least like it to be on his terms.
that's not to much to ask, is it? ]
:'D
which means she looks pretty baffled when this guy!! says her name and the fist she was pulling back to sink into his face just sort of freezes. ]
For my date, obviously. Maker, it's like you know nothing.
[ a pause and -- ]
But you know my name, apparently. Don't very well know yours which I have to admit, feels a little unfair to me. I'm still pretty willing to do terrible things with your head if you don't explain why you know mine very, very soon.
[ this would probably be way easier if he had the warden armor on, huh ]
no subject
I'm Alistair, the Warden? We met in Kirkwall, I work with your brother sometimes, we helped out the Inquisition together? Any of this ringing a bell?
[ at this point, he suspects her of being a demon and so is expecting either a "oh, yes! how could i forget!" or a "no." ]
phase iv;
And a non-monstrous-looking woman trotting his way, yes. ]
I hope I wasn't interrupting anything too passionate here!
no subject
Only my passionate dislike for this entire situation, not to worry. [ alistair grins and hooks his thumbs in his belt. ] Thanks for the assistance.
no subject
[ She says so blithely. ]
iv!
but this, she could do. unquestionably. ]
I'm hardly a spirit, but I hope I can help nevertheless, if you'll have me.
no subject
Any assistance you want to give, I'll gladly accept.
[ whilst squinting and trying to place her. ]
Do I know you?
i;
[ Odd, how he responds just as glibly, though he punctuates his words with a long-suffering sigh.
Luckily for the two of them, Dorian is, in fact, a mage, and even with their odd surroundings and garb, he still feels his connection to the Fade. It's why he steps forward, erecting a barrier over the both of them. Flames lick at his fingers as he summons a fireball. He glances over his shoulder. ]
I'll protect you. But feel free to find something to throw, if you'd like.
no subject
[ he says it while looking around for something to throw. of which there is very little. once alistair realizes that, he shrugs, yanks off his shoe, and throws it with all his might at the monster's great, gaping gob. ]
What a waste of decent footwear.
no subject
Which is to say, the monster simply catches the shoe rather like a dog catching a frisbee. Unlike a dog, however, the creature swallows it whole. Dorian turns back to give Alistair a look that says, "Are you serious right now?" ]
When I said throw something, I didn't mean feed it.
[ Does the monster have a taste for human flesh? Probably. Or at the very least, it has a taste for Alistair, now, because it takes that opportunity to lunge at them. ]
Phase I
[ Which probably sounds a little odd, considering Charlie does not cut the most intimidating figure at all of 5’6. Being a wizard is awesome like that.
It’s not magic as Alistair knows it, but it’s still magic. Charlie etches a rune of some kind in the air, pale blue light flowing from the tips of his fingers, and a chair on the far side of the room rockets into the side of the monster’s head, merely dazing it. ]
… We’re gonna need some more firepower.
no subject
Can your rune thingies do anything other than throw furniture? Or at least break me off a table leg?
[ it'd be a crude weapon, but hopefully an effective one. ]
no subject
[ He's casting as he speaks, and the table nearest to them suddenly seems as though it's being pulled in opposite directions. One of the legs snaps free and flies into Charlie's waiting hand. He offers it to Alistair ]
i!!
They were thorough. ( Even for the Fade. Or some other nightmare. A nightmare would make more sense, to be left with nothing. Except their wits, at least ) But we are not without hope.
( Leliana has seen Alistair fight, as long ago as that may have been. Even without a sword she expects he's still formidable )
We have faced worse than this.
( Because that's such a comforting thought )
no subject
Yes, we'll be fine. Even though we don't have any armor this time. Or weapons. Or Shale. Or even the mabari. But that's alright, I'm sure if we just ask it to leave very nicely, we'll be alright.
[ what? the sharpest thing he's got on him right now is his wit, and after that it's his nose which won't do much good in a fight. ]
no subject
( I mean, they did only travel together for a year, and it had been a long time since then, but Leliana had been certain about a few things )
-but I thought that Grey Wardens could fight.
( Warriors, rogues, even some mages. All, hopefully, able to fight even unarmed. Or had he slacked recently? )
I'd rather die fighting.
( Or live. Fighting might get her there too )
i
Sharpest thing on me right now is my wit, and unfortunately for us, it doesn't look like she's interested in any glib banter.
[ From that ravenous look, he can guess what she's likely interested in. No thanks. ]
Time to improvise. A lot.
( wildcard ) see above comment
What hadn't been clear was that she would find herself dressed like a dinosaur on the cliched school festival segment of the simulation, surely a timeless classic in any universe but largely a massive headache in this one.
It also hadn't been clear that her many-limbed date would be pinning her to the wall kabadon style and insisting she "see [him/her/it/they/???WABHAHB??] in That way at last!", or that its aggression would escalate to something like true violent growling, or that she would be forced to laugh a panicked, if still somewhat amused, laugh while peering around its monstrous mass for assistance. Not rescue, never rescue. ]
J-Just a second senpai. Uhhhhh, IF THERE ARE ANY MONSTER-SLAYERS, DEMON SUMMONERS, OR SPACE SOLDIERS AROUND, ah, YOUR - YOUR HELP WOULD BE SERIOUSLY APPRECIATED RIGHT NOW!!
phase i!
Would you like to check if I have any, is probably something cereza would say. but jeanne is, unfortunately, not cereza. instead, she lifts an elegant brow, a corner of her mouth quirking up in a smirk. ]
I'll do you one better.
[ would he consider witches as mages though, is the question. as she moves to pull a fist back, punching forward, a red portal opens up behind her and a massive, demonic-looking red and white fist sends the monster flying clear across the room. there it goes, hitting the opposite wall with a massive crash.
look. she was getting bored, okay. ]
i
Unfortunately not. My fists will have to suffice. ( And that's as much warning as she gives him before she lets out a bellow, attracting the twisted creature's attention. )
Maker take you!