ioculus | //TESTDRIVE13.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE13.EXE

//testdrive13.EXE

Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species!

Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy.

So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams!

[ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 800 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go!

You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid.

And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating.

This is awkward.

It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds.

PHASE II

[ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.)

Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions.

You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai?

Time to get to work!

You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right?

Right?

PHASE III

[ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark.

When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage?

Welcome to the Yandere Route.

You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure:

You're both extremely naked.

Good luck!

PHASE IV

[ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene.

The confession scene.

Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but...

For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown!

For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it?

To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?!

BONUS

[ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice!

But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date.

Don’t worry, you look adorable.

It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's thirteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Phase I]

[Taichi doesn't know what to make of this at all. The last he knew, he was finally returning home and free from the digital world. Instead, it looks like he's in some very odd game. That's odd in itself, since the digital world didn't even have actual games to play.

And one about dating? Ugh. He can't find a way out of it, so he decides to just play along for now. And he picks this contender just because he looks like he'll be the easiest to take in a fight.

You can find Taichi sitting at a dinner table with his date. He's been placed into a little tuxedo, although his goggles stay. He's nervously holding up a menu to try to block his view of the creature, while wondering how to play this game. What sorts of things do people even say on dates?]

Uh... So what sorts of things do you do for fun...?

[You can also notice a little later on, when the date seems to be ignoring the food on the table, and walking straight towards the little shounen...]

[Phase II]

[Taichi has been told that he needs to work on his charisma. So, rather then picking one of the doors, he's stomping around with his arms crossed in a disgruntled manner as he mumbles to himself.]

What do they know? I'm fine the way I am. I've got lots of charisma!

[Phase IV/Bonus]

[Taichi Yagami is going to die. And he will die in a pink bunny costume (which looks like its head is misshapen due to his gigantic hair). This isn't the way that he thought it would go at all. He's rooted to the spot, trying to spit out rose petals that fall into his mouth as the date approaches.

In his desperation, he tries to call out.]

No way... Help? Somebody? Agumon? Agumon, can you hear me?

[It's a digital world so he thought he would give it a shot. But it looks like his time is running out...]

[Mabel has no idea what was going on but she didn't care! The important thing now was that she was in a pink bunny costume! Sure, she would find it rather questionable to wear such things to a date but who cares? She just looks adorable right now!

That was of course she found herself staring at a certain creature of unimaginable horror coming her way! Quick, she needed to do something here! Uh...uh...uh...! Oh hey, there's someone nearby!

Don't mind her looking right back at Taichi thinking like he knows what he's doing here!]

[Taichi only found his costume to be embarrassing... It felt like he was one of Monzaemon's toys.

But then he spots someone else in a bunny costume, and he tries to shout out to her.]

Hey! Can you move at all? [His words might just be slightly muffled with the petals coming out of his mouth.]

[Before she could even say anything, she had no choice but to keep spitting out those rose petals everywhere! And the worst part was that it didn't taste all that great either!]

No but I'm guessing you can't either, can you? [But that doesn't stop her attempting o moving around!] Oh c'mon, move already! Now they're totally cheating, they can't do this to us!

[He shakes his head.]

I'm stuck too! Ugh... [Yet he keeps trying to move as well, and he goes on bitterly.] They're definitely cheating!

[He shouts out.]

You hear me? Whoever's in charge are a bunch of no-good cheaters!

[But shouting that doesn't seem to be helping them to move, nor does it stop the steady approach of the monster.]

Exactly! And when I find out who's behind it all, they wished they never messed with Mabel at all! And that they need better tasting rose petals, those were gross!

[/priorities. Which was why after a moment or two or struggling? She just grabbed a bunch of rose petals and just throwing at said monster. Because why not?

It'll totally work!]

See? Doesn't it taste super icky?!

Huh? [Experimentally, Taichi tries placing a rose petal in his mouth, and he quickly spits it out, making a grossed out face.]

Ew! You're right, they do taste gross! [A beat.] ...Why are we eating rose petals to begin with...?

Taichi Yagami | Digimon Adventure 01

Bonus

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Phase II

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phase iv

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II

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( phase ii ) I WILL HAVE YOUR INBOX IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO

IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU RETURNED TO IT

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