Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species!
Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy.
So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams!
 [ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]
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PHASE I [ 8 00 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go!
You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid.
And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating.
This is awkward.
It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds.
PHASE II [ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.)
Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions.
You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai?
Time to get to work!
You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right?
Right?
PHASE III [ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark.
When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage?
Welcome to the Yandere Route.
You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure:
You're both extremely naked.
Good luck!
PHASE IV [ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene.
The confession scene.
Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but...
For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown!
For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it?
To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?!
BONUS [ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice!
But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date.
Don’t worry, you look adorable.
It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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Sans | Undertale | OTA
[NO STRENGTH FOR THE WIN]
[Sans has been exposed to enough anime to know where this is going, or at least what his newfound role of senpai should require of him. It’s all about a distinct lack of noticing people, a lot of hair flipping, and a serious allergy hazard made up of pink petals and hurricane force winds.]
[But much to his surprise (because that’s the surprising thing here) that isn’t the case. There aren’t any trees, he still has no hair (bummer), and, try as he may, he cannot ignore the abomination in front of him, regardless of how used to seeing monsters of all sorts he is, being one himself and all.]
[Eh.]
[She’s actually kind of cute, and he has to get this over and done with anyway.]
Yeah, sure, why not.
[He smears some red lipstick on her face. Ta-da.]
How’s that? I think you’re redy to head on out.
[If anyone would like to critique his handiwork or that terrible excuse of a pun, please, feel free.]
PHASE IV
[OH HEY! There go the petals he was waiting for a couple of phases ago. Sweet.]
[Or maybe not.]
[Sans isn’t one for moving around much on any day, but being glued to the spot with someone leaning in to give you a big ol’ smooch isn’t exactly the most ideal scenario. Sans, however, also isn’t one to make a fuss over the little things. Even if the little things aren’t so little. And rather spiky. And possibly murder-y.]
[Someone please come save this guy, regardless of how nonplussed he looks.]
BONUS!!!!
[Getting comfy is this guy’s forte.]
[Getting comfy in a really soft, really cute total body pink dinosaur pajama suit? #WINNING!!!!]
[…The kids are still using that these days, right?]
[Anyway, even with yet another date looming on the horizon (at this point he’s chalking it up to some really niche virtual reality game), Sans can’t help but feel this suit needs a completely different kind of test drive.]
[He curls up on the nearest couch-like surface, pulls up the hood and readies himself for the nap of a lifetime while he waits for her to show up. In public. No shame here. None. None whatsoever.]
[Because when you’re stuck somewhere strange with no way out and no available options, what else is there to do? Try and get free? Screw that.]
[In any case, in your immediate vicinity is a skeleton in pink dinosaur pajamas, probably taking up valuable date space. May want to take care of that.]
II
[She's honestly caught between being surprised because holy shit, talking skeleton okay then and wanting to point out that just the lipstick is probably not going to cut it.
She's dealt with a lot of dead people before, sure, but never an actual skeleton. So Yuri just watches him for a long moment, before realizing this is all becoming very impolite.
A quick clearing of the throat brings her back down to reality] I don't think the lipstick alone is going to help...
[The pun, unfortunately, goes completely over her head]
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You know what? I think you're right.
[He grabs the lipstick again, and leans back in to color in their eyelids. He adds some cartoony eyelashes to help.]
[...'Help'.]
Muuuuch better. Thanks for the tip, pal.
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Closes mouth.]
It looks... great. [But it's said in a voice as weak as that lie was] Um. If it--she...?--isn't happy with it though, we won't get out of here.
...And I'm pretty sure lipstick is only supposed to be used on the lips. [Yuri is trying so hard to bring some sense of normalcy to this. So hard.]
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You've got a point. Let me fix it.
[And he uses the lipstick to... shape their date's 'eyeshadow' into two pairs of lips instead. So now it looks like she has three mouths on her face.]
How's that?
ii.
... though the fact that a skeleton's part of his make-up crew for this monster is kind of distracting. in the "oh, this is really cool??" and "he just made a pun" kind of way.
adrien can't help it, he does let out a chuckle. ]
I— Actually, I'm pretty sure that's not how you put on lipstick. Here, let me make-up for it.
[ looking around and... okay, blush. he'll put some... blush. on her. working around that smear of lipstick. ]
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[Speaking of awesome things, that pun makes Sans' permanent grin widen up just a bit more, and he gives a chuckle.]
I dunno, kid.
Looks like she might be in for a rouge awakening.
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that was a good one— ]
Ah, whoops! Sorry—
[ that's too much blush. that's too much blush in too big of an area. rouge awakening is right.... ]
—Well, at least it's empowdering?
[ the monster's groaning now. yeah, she's thinking she might've asked the wrong senpais for help. ]
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[He'll make it up to her later. They may not be dating for realsies, but he's not a jerk.]
[That being said, he tries to apply a little bit of foundation to her face. After they've started putting other types of make-up on her already. Good job, guys.]
Oh yeah, without an eyeshadow of a doubt.
[The monster groans more. These puns are getting worse and worse.]
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he's watching sans apply the foundation now, tilting his head to the side and wondering how they can... actually.... make this work...
while covering his smile with his hand. ]
Okay, okay. As good as these jokes are, I don't know if we can say the same about our make-up skills. [ ... wait, that wasn't a pun. snap— ] Er... we're really brushing with danger? Maybe we should just stick to the basic stuff. Or at least come up with a battle plan instead of just randomly putting stuff on.
[ "battle plan".
someone help these two disasters ]
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[Actually it's priceless but that's besides the point.]
[But Adrien has a good point. Their sort-of kouhai trusted them to treat her well and here they are turning her into the monster equivalent of a... monster. A monster trainwreck? A monster trainwreck. There we go.]
Yeah, I hear ya.
[Sans steps back and surveys the situation.]
Looks like we have to build ourselves a new... foundation.
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phase iv
Okay then!
[He yells to no one in particular, through which he can get a sense of what's going on down on the ground. What he's pretty sure is the monster? Check, that's not a surprise. What might be some poor, living sap? Maybe check?]
Uh, d'you need help down there!?
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[He raises a hand halfway and gives a wave. This school uniform thing is really putting a tamper on the whole moving thing.]
If you don't mind, I'd appreciate it!
[Meanwhile, the young grotesque lady stands there, confused and silenced mid-confession.]
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Poor confused grotesque lady, though. All she wanted was to confess...!]
Your wish is my command! Buuuut before that: how d'you, uh, feel about heights?
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[Especially when it comes to being rescued from a grisly fate.]
[Okay, well. No. To be fair this isn't the worst thing that could happen to anyone. Based on Sans' own slew of monster friends (being one himself), he's not thrown off by fangs or warts or anything of the sort.]
[He's just not all that into her. Bummer, right?]
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It takes a moment, but when Rhys gets the pun, he bursts into laughter. Look, Sans, someone appreciates your sense of humour.
It's probably for the best that Rhys can't quite tell what Sans is, since he, conversely, is not the biggest fan of straight-up monsters, given humanity's less than stellar relationship with them back home. As things stand, Sans is essentially a talking lump to him at the moment.]
All right-y, then! Don't be too surprised, 'kay?
[If he could, he would've liked to make a dramatic entrance via swooping in and swinging away with Sans in his arms or something, but that'd require momentum, which would be a bit more difficult to achieve from where he's hanging relative to where Sans is awaiting his fate of monster smooches.
And thus, confirming that his wire's coiled tightly around the railing, he holds out his other hand, from which more wires—dulled—shoot out from the glove there and towards Sans. They'll be moving to wrap themselves around his arm/waist/leg/some kind of body part that hopefully isn't his neck (though his apologies if it is, oops).]
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[As for the whole not liking monsters thing it's coo'. JUST LIKE HOME AND ALL THAT. They'll just have to bond over bad jokes and hopefully not murdering each other. Lots of people have that in common!]
[Sans feels the wires coil around his leg and doesn't even flinch, despite the briefest of scares rushing through his frail, 1 HP-only body. Confident that his rescue is nigh, his attention turns to the poor girl in front of him, nearing tears that her confession has gone so horribly wrong.]
[He can't leave her like that. Only a bone-a fide asshole would do such a thing.]
[So he places a fingerbone on his kouhai's lips...lips? LIPS. Okay found them! And starts speaking like one of those incredibly handsome men, just like in one of Alphys' Japanese animes.]
[And by that I mean he doesn't even come close. Heck, I can't even say an attempt was made.]
Kubatorarkch'nar... I have a confession of my own to make.
[Cue another dramatic gust of flowers... Aww yeah. Perfect.]
I've known all this time about the flaming, uh, burning passionate love-stuff you've had for me. It's why I've pushed you away for so long.
[He dramatically adds onto the drama with an overdramatic bow-turn-move of his head and a fist clutched close to his chest.]
[If only his mouth actually moved, then we'd get the whole mismatched mouth flaps to dubbing effect right around this point.]
You see... I'm part of a secret organization called The Bad Burger Boys. We're locked in a secret war with another secret organization called The Fly-By Fry-Guys. It's too dangerous, and you already know too much, it's super secret stuff, I don't know if you got that before, but I couldn't just leave without letting you know why.
If you ever got hurt, I...
[You know what, Rhys, before this gets any worse you may wanna yank Sans up and away.]
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ii
Maybe a bit more practice seeing as lipstick is generally not meant to be scribbled on the face, but honestly, it's kind of an improvement. ]
Looks like she's ready to go paint the town red.
[ It's extra funny, because she will probably go out and murder people. Hah! Truly a joke of all levels. Pun, alliteration, and poor taste. ]
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[Which Sans does.]
Nice.
[He passes a brush over to Varric, taking the time to appreciate that finally, FINALLY!!!!, he's taller than someone. Not by much, but still.]
Use that thing right and maybe we can avoid a hairy situation.
[Okay so now THAT'S funny because of the brush hairs, and also Varric's username.]
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I don't know, I always end up tangled in some kind of problem.
[ This needs to stop. Only, it won't. Save us, Andraste. ]
Not that this isn't already kinda bad. [ Not, knot... c'mon, he so rarely finds other people who appreciate wordplay. He deserves this.
Plus, if he's going to end up as a snack, he wants to go down as he lived. Being kind of an asshole yet still charming.
He scrubs some blush on its... cheeks (that's what he thinks those are) to try and cover up some of the fleshy wrinkles. It cakes a bit too much, and he shrugs his shoulders. ]
Some people like it dramatic?
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[Besides, he's having way too much with his fellow punit of comedy to go traveling anywhere spooky and new, no matter how many heads he can gaze upon.]
I dunno. They're coming off a bit too cheeky here.
[Sans grabs some mascara and tries, awfully, to apply it to their subject's eyelashes.]
Now don't lash out on me for this, buuuuut...
[Upon discovering that they don't have any, he paints them on using that very same mascara.]
( bonus )
Or this is the part where Rapunzel, shameless (as if shame could at all be associated with an outfit this kawaii) and very much in need of a kickback herself, comes across the sleeping Sans the way any adventuring hero might come across him in, say, a single-player RPG about how not to fight cute monsters or hurt people. With puzzles. And flowers.
Sans (hah) the flowers this time, though they are supposed to be one of her motifs. Rapunzel stops in the middle of the fork in the "road" and peers at the creature with a mixture of curiosity, childish fear, and... jealousy (his chill is so strong).
Why not... saunter up, casually slip her hands in the pocket pouch of her kirugumi, and imitate his pose exactly? Why not, indeed.
Complete with with hood pull and an absence of fucks. ]
...Sup.
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[Now that the mood's been appropriately set, Sans peeks out from under his own hood to get a look at his new, equally shameless partner-in-naps.]
[At Rapunzel's greeting, Sans has decided he likes her already. Score!]
'Sup.
[See? Two peas in a pod.]
You're like a dino-ninja. I barely saur you coming over.
NO WHY NOW I'LL HAVE IT STUCK IN MY HEAD...
H-Heh. Were you taking a nap or something? I'm surprised you're not scaled by how stealthy I am!
[ And she'd thought searching the library for information on prehistoric times (she'd been buying dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and had no idea what a dinosaur was) would never come in handy. HAH! ]
IT COULD BE WORSE. IT COULD BE THAT *OTHER* SONG.
[Sans can't help but chuckle at her pun. Maybe when his world had been destroyed (allegedly), he wound up in some really weird version of heaven where people legitimately appreciated the art that went into some quality (and not so quality) wordplay. That's the beauty behind puns: they're kind of like pizza in that even when they're bad, they're still pretty good.]
To tell you the tooth, I got a little bit nervous. It's nice to see you're not a mean dino-ninja.