//TESTDRIVE13.EXE

[reparator]

//testdrive13.EXE

Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species! Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy. So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams! [ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I [ 800 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go! You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid. And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating. This is awkward. It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds. PHASE II [ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.) Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions. You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai? Time to get to work! You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right? Right? PHASE III [ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark. When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage? Welcome to the Yandere Route. You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure: You're both extremely naked. Good luck! PHASE IV [ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene. The confession scene. Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but... For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown! For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it? To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?! BONUS [ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice! But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date. Don’t worry, you look adorable. It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's thirteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[sortileges]

[ He definitely laughs then though, reaching to rub the back of his neck. ]

A little. [ Having little sense of personal space though, he reaches out to run a finger over the tattooed rune, looking at it with some kind of fascination. ]

And that helps you... cast the spell?

[animated]

[ Charlie doesn't especially mind the contact, and bears the inspection patiently ] It's essentially already cast. All I have to do is think about it and it'll activate.

[sortileges]

[ He glances at him then, a little amazed that magic can work like this as well. ]

I've seen... medallions or stones used like this before but not like this. It's similar yet not similar at all. [ A pause, then ] Is this a language?

[animated]

Kind of? I don't think it can be spoken. Honestly, it's closer to math than actual words.

All of these markings work together to achieve the desired result. If something is incomplete or incorrect, the whole spell falls apart.

[ You got him talking shop, Merlin. Get ready to be in it for the long haul. ]

[sortileges]

Amazing. [ He breathes it out with a little laugh, finally letting go. ] I've seen something like this for telling fortunes at the shop I work at here but... it's another thing to see it like this.

What happens if it falls apart? Just nothing or...?

[animated]

It's not gonna blow up in my face, if that's what you're asking. I guess what happens kind of depends on just what is wrong. I might get nothing, or I might get a completely different result altogether.

[ He grins ] Writing spellwork is fun that way.

[sortileges]

Sounds com-pli-ca-ted. [ He says it slowly and dryly, smiling all the while. Finally, he stretches his legs out in front of him and finally leans back against the wall. ]

What other kinds of spells can you do?

[animated]

That's... kind of a loaded question. My knowledge is pretty my limited to one school of wizardry, but I can do just about anything within that school.

I'm what we call an Animator- I can move and control inanimate objects.

[sortileges]

We've got time. Unless you want to go back to your date? [ He says it with a bit of a laugh at the end, grinning at him. ] Though you may have to have a successful date to finish the level actually. This place can be pretty twisted.

[ Though it's interesting that he specialises in one type rather than studying different forms. ]

I've heard of people specialising in healing before but not just that. My master, Gaius, was a practitioner back in the day, but these days he only uses it for healing that herbs can't really help.

[animated]

God, I hope not. [ He makes a face. ] But do the rules say we specifically have to date one of the monsters?

[ Merlin is… way too young for him, but it’s not like this can’t just be a “hang out and talk about magic” kind of a date. Charlie is all for cheating a system that willingly throws him into the maw of an eldritch horror. ]

The runes we use are way too complicated to learn everything there is to learn, so wizards tend to specialize. We don’t have healers, unfortunately.

[sortileges]

[ Merlin actually has to think about that, looking horribly confused while he does so. ]

I actually have no idea. Sometimes you have to defeat a monster, sometimes you have to solve a puzzle... [ Then again he isn't on the same wavelength as the other at all. Considering... ]

We could run around and try to find you a girl stuck in the same situation as you if you want?

[ Though that kind of magic sounds frustrating as hell to him. ] I'm not very good at healing either, so it doesn't matter that much I don't think.

[animated]

[ Charlie gives an amused snort. ] Thank you, but no. How about a friend-date? Would that work, as long as we called it a date?

[ Come on Merlin, get with the program here. ]

But you've got the option of healing magic. That's more than we have.

[sortileges]

[ ...Charlie please, since when did friend-dates ever exist? ] I think you're probably being a little too optimistic there. [ Modern day ideas are strange okay, very strange. ]

It sounds like my magic has a lot more options anyway. [ And he is utterly humble about it, of course he is. ]

[animated]

[ Since right now, bruh. ] Hey, any way I can cheat the system, I'll take it.

[ He quirks a brow ] Just don't ever take it for granted.

[sortileges]

[ Apparently. What a strange way to make friends with someone though. ] I'm really not sure if that'll work, but we could... try it for the time being? [ He quite clearly isn't convinced. ]

You'll probably have to fight something again anyway. It doesn't matter if it's with help, but when I first got here, I had to do that.

[ He definitely is taking it for granted, honestly. Which is also shown by how he just side steps and ignores that final comment. Ah. ]

[animated]

[ He shrugs ] Just a thought.

[ Tisk tisk Merlin. Charlie has wonderful stories to tell you about taking one's magic for granted. (Namely about why they don't have healers.) ]

What did you have to fight?

[sortileges]

[ He'll learn the hard way when an alien comes and fulfills its promise of shredding his face, probably. Until then... well. ]

Well... [ He twists to look at him again, even leaning his shoulder on the wall, head rolling with him. ] I really hope you're more familiar with technology than I was, because I still have no idea what happened the first time. There was some kind of... metal monster that was on fire? A metal bird dropped me down this hole where that thing was. ...It's really difficult to explain actually.

[ He... was thrown down a trash chute towards an incinerator............. ]

[animated]

I like to think I'm up on the latest technology, but I have no idea what you're walking about.

It sounds awesome-slash-terrifying, though.

[sortileges]

I really have no idea. I'm still learning how to-- [ He makes a motion with his hands, mimicking texting ] --do this, nevermind anything else. I've been in here a few times, but it makes me a little uneasy actually.

...But it's a good way to win credits quickly.

[animated]

I have to admit, I've never been much of a gamer. I'd rather have a good book or a good movie.

But when you say "credits" do you mean in-game credits, or actual money?

[sortileges]

Oh! [ That comes out louder than he means it to, before-- ] Movie. I've seen one of those. [ It's a very recent thing... okay. ]

Though they don't have gold here, everything is on this card. [ He makes a motion with his hands into a credit card shape. This conversation is rather telling of his era, anyway. ]

[animated]

Wow. [ If nothing else, the continued use of had motions makes Charlie chuckle ] You really are new to this whole technology thing, aren't you?

[sortileges]

We didn't exactly have much of it in Camelot. [ He shrugs. ] I've made friends here who have been helping me learn though.

You're probably quite lucky you already know how to use most of this stuff.

[animated]

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Camelot?

[sortileges]

[ You'd think that by the fourth? (Is it the fourth???) time this has happened it'd be less weird. He presses his lips between his teeth, glancing away for a moment. ]

Camelot. [ He says it dryly. ] Somewhere you've heard of, I take it?