//TESTDRIVE13.EXE

[reparator]

//testdrive13.EXE

Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species! Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy. So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams! [ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I [ 800 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go! You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid. And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating. This is awkward. It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds. PHASE II [ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.) Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions. You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai? Time to get to work! You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right? Right? PHASE III [ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark. When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage? Welcome to the Yandere Route. You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure: You're both extremely naked. Good luck! PHASE IV [ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene. The confession scene. Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but... For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown! For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it? To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?! BONUS [ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice! But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date. Don’t worry, you look adorable. It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's thirteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[sortileges]

We didn't exactly have much of it in Camelot. [ He shrugs. ] I've made friends here who have been helping me learn though.

You're probably quite lucky you already know how to use most of this stuff.

[animated]

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Camelot?

[sortileges]

[ You'd think that by the fourth? (Is it the fourth???) time this has happened it'd be less weird. He presses his lips between his teeth, glancing away for a moment. ]

Camelot. [ He says it dryly. ] Somewhere you've heard of, I take it?

[animated]

I... yeah. I didn't realize you were from that far back.

[ Plot twist: Camelot was a real place in Charlie's world. ]

Get that reaction a lot, do you?

[sortileges]

[ Well that's all the more exciting?! ] I'm probably from one of the oldest timelines here from what I've heard actually.

A few people have heard of me, though it's a little... weird to think about.

[animated]

[ He's got a sneaking suspicion he knows the answer to this but, ] And you would be--?

[sortileges]

[ He takes a deep breath, trying to not laugh at how the air around him definitely probably feels tenser right now. He holds out his hand and:] Merlin. You?

[animated]

[ Poor guy. Charlie can only imagine what it must be like, so he dials his reaction down. (It helps that he put two and two together already). ]

Charlie. [ handshake is go! ] Nice to meet you.

[sortileges]

[ It's fine, he has an 8 year old rambling at him when he first arrived, nothing can be quite as bewildering as that considering before he got here he was hiding what he was doing.

Still, this is... pretty nice. A nice mix of the two, actually (because his ego definitely gets a rise when people have heard of him too smh) ]

Charlie. Well. Probably not what you expected, but... this place is full of surprises.

[animated]

So I'm learning. Thankfully I'm used to a little weirdness now and then.

[sortileges]

How... much is a little weirdness to you?

[ He gives him a look at that. ]

[animated]

Monsters who want to date-slash-eat me are admittedly a little much, but I've dealt with other supernatural creatures before. Wendigos. Demons. That kind of thing.

[sortileges]

I don't know what you're talking about. [ He laughs slightly. ] She seemed lovely. Right up your alley, surely?

[ "Lovely" ]

I don't really know either of those, but... it will probably help here.

[animated]

Yeah, no. Still not my type at all. [ Issues of gender aside. ]

Why, are the monsters a reoccurring theme?

[sortileges]

[ Yeaaaah. Still, he has no idea about that (even for his own flatmate tbh. Good going, Merlin.) so... ]

Well it's some kind of ... computer game? I think that's what it's called. It isn't exactly real in here--I'm... probably not the person to ask to explain that part--but there are definitely things in here you might need to fight, even on the colony if you venture out too far it's dangerous.

[animated]

[ He raises a hand- Merlin doesn't need to stumble through any more of an explanation ] It's virtual reality. I get it, for the most part.

[sortileges]

[ Probably for the best, this is the most awkward rambling ever. ] Right. We're based on this other planet though now apparently. Though no one really knows how we were brought her--OH! [ Very loudly and abruptly, he yells that out. ] One thing. If or when you properly here you'll be shown this presentation. Don't believe it. Or at least most of it.

[ Because... y'know. If they're friendly enough to have a friend-date he'll tell him that much already. ] I'm not as aware of the details as other people but... it's probably a lie.

[animated]

[ Jesus, Merlin's sudden exclamation actually startles him, and he flinches a little, half-ready for a monster to come bursting in.

Fortunately, that's not the case. ]

I kind of already got the spiel about our worlds supposedly being destroyed. I'm not inclined to believe it, anyway, even if it was on a PowerPoint presentation.

[sortileges]

[ Sorry, Charlie. Sometimes he just... ends up louder than he needs to be. ]

Well the Flamine Federation are real, we've spoken to one of them--or at least who claims to be with them but... [ He shrugs. ] I've only been here a month myself.

[animated]

You've been petty helpful for a relative newbie, especially considering you don't really get the technical aspect yet.

[sortileges]

[ ...Ah. He scratches his cheek at that. ] I've had a lot of help, and it's... not like you should have to be alone in it either, right?

[animated]

[ Aw, Merlin. That was... actually really sweet. ] Thank you. I really appreciate it.

[sortileges]

[ He's nice to people who are nice to him, so it makes sense. ] Though... before all of that, we need to work out how to get you to pass this thing. I could set the entire building on fire, but there are probably other people in here somewhere. Not the best idea.

[animated]

I guess that depends on what my criteria for passing actually are. Dating games are a little out of my wheelhouse.

[sortileges]

Well usually you have a fight at the end. Considering we're still here and I can't see how to log out, that probably wasn't enough.

...She's probably still alive.