ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

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//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

THE LOBBY

[Like the other new arrivals, Blackquill has had to contend with the devastating news that his world was gone, and to deal with the culture shock of being in this strange new virtual world. His shock was of an entirely different sort to most, however. He wasn't shocked by the robots: basic artificial intelligence was a normal part of life for him, when he knew robots created by his sister that, after a fashion, were treated like her children and members of the family.

What does throw him off is being fresh out of seven years of prison. Seven years, and he feels like he has forgotten how to behave around ordinary people. The noise, lights, and activity of the place all overwhelm him. He'll pick a movie and go in eventually, but for now, he simply sits and gives himself time to adjust.

Feel free to notice the intimidatingly tall man in harsh monochrome, dressed not unlike a samurai, looking very out of place.]

THEATRE V

[The movie is as vapid as Blackquill had hoped it would be, and he's taking the tedious feel-good nonsense as a chance to simply tune out and relax. When the movie changes and starts showing some of his own happy memories, though, he glances around, wondering if anyone is seeing the same thing. Then, deeply uncomfortable at being shown memories from a very distant past, he gets up to leave.

...Right up until he gets to the aisle and bumps into another movie-goer, spilling their popcorn to the ground, and one of those militantly kinky robots zips straight over.]

GET DOWN ON YOUR HANDS AND KNEES, NAUGHTY BOY. YOU NEED TO BE PUNISHED.

Out of the way, you absurd machine, else my blade will cut you down where you stand.

[...For all that he's adopting a combat stance, he doesn't seem to be holding a sword. Or any other kind of weapon, for that matter...?]

[ Yeah, totally normal day to watch a movie. Looks like she's waiting for someone, so she sits by one of the benches next to... well, Simon. She's holding some french fries, which she offers to the person next to her, whom she thinks is a stranger. ]

Hi, want so—

[ And that's when she drops her food and now both their feet are likely covered in fries. At least there's no ketchup! ]

Simon!

[Blackquill had barely even noticed when a girl sat next to him. She'd move along shortly anyway, so it was no business of his. But when she speaks to him -- and drops her food everywhere -- it's more than enough to get his attention.]

--Athena?! But how--?

[He hesitates. Are you real? is what he wants to ask, but can't bring himself to. All this talk of code and backup data, robots, restoring lost worlds... It still has him questioning much of what he sees and hears.]

[ She just kind of gives him a lookover. Head to toe. Toe to head. Because, wow. What are you doing here?

Then it hits her. The code, and the Flamines. More of her friends were rescued! And it makes her tear up as she goes in for a hug. ]

Oh my gosh! They saved you! I'm so happy!

[Blackquill's reaction is more reserved, but that is a real Athena hug, and enough for him to return it with equal warmth. Somehow his other concerns seem far more remote now, knowing she's here, safe and well.]

And they have saved you... Words cannot express how relieved I am.

[ This is now a contest. She lets go of him, with a big grin on her face. SIMON'S SAVED!!!! And she wipes away her tears with her sleeves. ]

Y- yeah, well! I'm more relieved than you! So there! Take that!

[ No one ever said these two had a mature friendship. After all, not bonding with each other for at least even years definitely made them miss a lot of things in their relationship. And that included friendly fights. ]

[Hark, a challenge! Who is he to refuse? He sits back and grins.]

If I had a Widget of my very own, it would tell you I am the most relieved.

[What are you talking about, their friendship is the most mature and dignified. ...It doesn't help that most of his memories of Athena are still from when she was a child, so this kind of bickering still comes naturally to him.]

[ Athena had so many things she wanted to say to Simon, and she had practised them long and hard during her stay in Cerealia. But now that he was actually there in front of him, she couldn't find the words to say. All she could do was give him a big and eager smile, along with some giggles. She was just absolutely giddy that Simon was finally here. ]

[He's happy as long as she is, truthfully, so he'll give her a moment. Evidently she didn't expect to see him here any time soon, and he realises this must be a shock to her.]

[ Okay, deep breaths. She's gone through some rough times, but this is actually a good thing for her! Breathe, Athena, breathe.

When she snaps out of daydream land, she asks: ]

Are you going to watch a movie? What about a tour of the city instead? Do you have an apartment? I live in a flat with Ryuko! Oh, I met her on my first day here, and we became friends! She's like a real sister to me now. I think we have a spare room and you can take that, but if you don't want it, you should totally live across the hall!

[ It was definitely a mouthful, but can you blame her? ]

Simon Blackquill | Ace Attorney

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