ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

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//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He's happy as long as she is, truthfully, so he'll give her a moment. Evidently she didn't expect to see him here any time soon, and he realises this must be a shock to her.]

[ Okay, deep breaths. She's gone through some rough times, but this is actually a good thing for her! Breathe, Athena, breathe.

When she snaps out of daydream land, she asks: ]

Are you going to watch a movie? What about a tour of the city instead? Do you have an apartment? I live in a flat with Ryuko! Oh, I met her on my first day here, and we became friends! She's like a real sister to me now. I think we have a spare room and you can take that, but if you don't want it, you should totally live across the hall!

[ It was definitely a mouthful, but can you blame her? ]

Good grief, I feel as if under interrogation once more. [So many questions at once...] A tour of the city would be far preferable to a movie, truth be told.

[And his guess that she's been longer than he has is confirmed from the way she talks about her friend. Just how long ago was she rescued? He gets to his feet.]

I have not yet chosen anywhere to live... But would you truly want me nearby? I wouldn't wish to be a nuisance.

[ Not my fault, not my fault! She gets up after Simon does, and tugs on his cuffs to get him to start walking. Meanwhile, Athena walks backwards, so she can face Simon as she leads him to the theatre's exit. ]

Don't be silly! Of course, I do!

[ She clutches Widget with one of her hands. She'd put a hand to her heart, but this is just about as close as it gets. ]

I missed you.

[ And then she turns around and runs to the exit, BECAUSE WHAT IS NOT BEING SHY. Once she's by the door, she yells at her companion: ]

Hurry up, or else you'll have to treat me to some ice cream! Rapido!

Edited 2015-03-10 15:41 (UTC)

[I missed you. He smiles ruefully at that admission, following her to the exit. He doesn't seem to be in any particular hurry, but then, it doesn't take much effort to keep up at a brisk walk, given how tall he is.]

I believe I'm obliged to treat you to some ice cream regardless, considering I startled you into dropping your fries.

[ Oh! She... totally forgot about her fries because of her shock. And at the moment, every penny counts since on her first week, she decided to treat every single person she met to some food. And not just snacks food, but actual meals... Oh, Athena.

Although, in her defence, it was some kind of glitch in the system!

She ended up being slightly broke, though. ]

Ha ha... [ She laughs sheepishly, her face looking pretty antsy. ] You're right about that!

Whenever we happen across the nearest ice cream stall, I shall buy you one. Consider it the first stop on the tour.

[She doesn't even need to twist his arm; he's happy enough to treat her. It has been so very long since they were able to spend time together like this, and even under the circumstances, he's willing to make the most of it.]

There's one just a block away!

[ Although, there was an ice cream stall at the theatre's lobby, but what kind of tour would it be if they just stayed in one place?

She faces Simon again and walks backwards, her hands raised as if she's showing the glory of the city. It's really very different from Los Angeles, but he should be familiar with most of the technology considering her background. But hey, new place! ]

Anyway, welcome to Cerealia! The people here are really nice, but the bad thing is that none of us here can practice law!

[ And with that, she puts both her hands on her hips as she pouts. ]

[It's really like downtown Las Vegas more than Los Angeles, given all the bright neon lights and entertainment venues everywhere they look... Only with more robots. He gazes up and around at everything, then back at Athena.]

Why not? Do they want us to have no interference in their legal affairs here?

[At least he has no criminal record here, wiped clean or otherwise, that might stop him from finding some other employment. Small blessings?]

[ She shakes her head as she purses her lips. She looks pretty disappointed. ]

It's some kind of dictatorship, or something. [ And then she just shrugs her shoulders. ] The CEO believes that the punishment we indict in our own worlds is unfit for criminals here... or something.

[ That makes her sigh as she slows down in walking to match Simon's pace. Now that she's beside him, she points to the nearby cafe. ]

That's the cosplay cafe. The gelato there is muy bien. I actually work there!

Unfit...? Do they think our punishments too lenient?

[He assumes she doesn't mean that they're too harsh, given they're living under a dictatorship. Either way, living under such a government rubs him the wrong way. He and politics have mixed badly enough in the past without all this.

He looks over to the cosplay cafe when she indicates it. ~~Who needs a cafe for it when you're a fulltime samurai cosplayer?~~]

Hmm, we can get some gelato there, then. [It'll be an opportunity to get acquainted with Athena's workplace, too.]

I don't know, but it's disappointing!

[ When they get to the cafe, Athena opens the door for Simon and says: ]

Irasshaimase!

[ And gives him a peace sign. ]

I now know Japanese too.

[ Take THAT. ]

[Blackquill grins and gives an ironic little bow of the head as he enters.] Domo.

[He wonders if she's trying to follow in her mother's footsteps even in learning Japanese... It's endearing, in a way.]

Have you been learning it from your roommate?

[ She tugs onto her cuffs again as she heads on over the ice cream stand of the cafe. A man wearing bunny ears seems to be the one manning the stand. But before she orders, she responds to Simon first: ]

No, it's a surprise for her too! I've been learning from two other friends.

I see. Your accent needs work, but your enthusiasm is commendable.

[Backhanded compliments: the Blackquill way. He's not especially interested in ordering an ice cream of his own, so he'll wait and let her pick what she wants.]

[ she orders two scoops of vanilla with raspberry syrup, and the man does his thing with the scooping and hands Athena the cup. ]

The cafe's got tons of good food and drinks, if you ever want to buy something for yourself. You're not an ice cream man, right?

Hmph, not at all.

[Although this is one of the first times he's had a chance to do anything like this since leaving prison, so he might as well make the most of it and treat himself to something. He orders an iced green tea, and pays for them both.

...Close enough, right?]

[ Oh yay! Athena's pretty happy that he ordered something at her workplace, because 1) yay patrons, and 2) yay for Simon in general!

The bunny ears man serves Simon his order after he pays, and it looks like they're done here. ]

Yeah! You totally helped the business out!

What a fortunate business this is, to have an employee as enthusiastic as you.

[Not that he's complaining, when it's a sign they must treat her well. He'll lead the way out of the cafe, and... suffice to say, despite its simplicity, the tea is one of the best things he's tasted in a very long time.]

I never thought I would consider going to a cafe a manner of small luxury... It is rather humbling.

[ Simon's comments just make Athena even more happy. If he's observant of Widget, it doesn't seem like he's changed back to sky blue. He's been green the whole time. ]

You have to get used to it now! And I expect you to visit the cafe at all times, too.

[ And she takes a bite off her ice cream. It's so good, a tear falls off one side of her face. ]

You can't go to any other cafes.

[He smiles at her to reassure her. If he notices that stray tear, he doesn't comment on it.]

I give you my word, I shall be your most loyal customer, Athena.

[Because somehow, even this has to sound like a samurai making a solemn pledge to his lord.]

Aaand let's not forget Taka!

[ Because she would not! ]

There's all kinds of bread for Taka, too.

Hmph. How could I ever forget my bosom buzzard? He will patronise the place just as frequently as I.

[Speaking of Taka, if Athena looks up, she might be able to see Taka circling nearby or perched on various buildings. Blackquill hadn't wanted to bring him into the cinema, so the bird has been taking the time to acquaint himself with the area.]

Though it must be said, he far prefers fresh meat to bread.

[ Fresh meat...

Now she's reminded of the times she, Apollo, and Phoenix were pecked relentlessly by Taka in court. ]

Please don't let him eat me.

Worry not, he will only eat you if I command him to.

[Is he joking? Is he serious? We just don't know.]

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