//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[shacklebreaker]

I see. Your accent needs work, but your enthusiasm is commendable.

[Backhanded compliments: the Blackquill way. He's not especially interested in ordering an ice cream of his own, so he'll wait and let her pick what she wants.]

[psycholawgy]

[ she orders two scoops of vanilla with raspberry syrup, and the man does his thing with the scooping and hands Athena the cup. ]

The cafe's got tons of good food and drinks, if you ever want to buy something for yourself. You're not an ice cream man, right?

[shacklebreaker]

Hmph, not at all.

[Although this is one of the first times he's had a chance to do anything like this since leaving prison, so he might as well make the most of it and treat himself to something. He orders an iced green tea, and pays for them both.

...Close enough, right?]

[psycholawgy]

[ Oh yay! Athena's pretty happy that he ordered something at her workplace, because 1) yay patrons, and 2) yay for Simon in general!

The bunny ears man serves Simon his order after he pays, and it looks like they're done here. ]

Yeah! You totally helped the business out!

[shacklebreaker]

What a fortunate business this is, to have an employee as enthusiastic as you.

[Not that he's complaining, when it's a sign they must treat her well. He'll lead the way out of the cafe, and... suffice to say, despite its simplicity, the tea is one of the best things he's tasted in a very long time.]

I never thought I would consider going to a cafe a manner of small luxury... It is rather humbling.

[psycholawgy]

[ Simon's comments just make Athena even more happy. If he's observant of Widget, it doesn't seem like he's changed back to sky blue. He's been green the whole time. ]

You have to get used to it now! And I expect you to visit the cafe at all times, too.

[ And she takes a bite off her ice cream. It's so good, a tear falls off one side of her face. ]

You can't go to any other cafes.

[shacklebreaker]

[He smiles at her to reassure her. If he notices that stray tear, he doesn't comment on it.]

I give you my word, I shall be your most loyal customer, Athena.

[Because somehow, even this has to sound like a samurai making a solemn pledge to his lord.]

[psycholawgy]

Aaand let's not forget Taka!

[ Because she would not! ]

There's all kinds of bread for Taka, too.

[shacklebreaker]

Hmph. How could I ever forget my bosom buzzard? He will patronise the place just as frequently as I.

[Speaking of Taka, if Athena looks up, she might be able to see Taka circling nearby or perched on various buildings. Blackquill hadn't wanted to bring him into the cinema, so the bird has been taking the time to acquaint himself with the area.]

Though it must be said, he far prefers fresh meat to bread.

[psycholawgy]

[ Fresh meat...

Now she's reminded of the times she, Apollo, and Phoenix were pecked relentlessly by Taka in court. ]

Please don't let him eat me.

[shacklebreaker]

Worry not, he will only eat you if I command him to.

[Is he joking? Is he serious? We just don't know.]

[psycholawgy]

... S- Simon. . .

[ This might be a joke or not, but she will partake of her ice cream before continuing. ]

It's so difficult to tell if you're serious or not. We're not even in court!

[shacklebreaker]

Even outside of court, a blade grows dull if it goes without sharpening. So, too, must you keep your wits about you.

[He whistles, and Taka swoops down from above to attack!! ... Actually, no, he just perches in his usual place on Blackquill's shoulder, and Blackquill pets him with his free hand.]

Taka's carnivorous preferences aside, he truly means no harm.

[psycholawgy]

[ She jumps when Taka swoops in, her shoulders tense up and her face just looking disgruntled. Help... ]

But he still pecked us.

[ Athena's mostly just teasing now. ]

[shacklebreaker]

And he shall do so again, if I were to tell him to.

[Though it always was a more fun tactic against Apollo and Phoenix, who actually took his threats seriously. Once Taka settles in on his shoulder, he goes back to sipping his tea.]

So... What is our second location on the tour?

[psycholawgy]

I think you'd like the gym!

[ She points to the residential area, which is a giant tower that can be seen from afar! ]

There are some people there who actually do sword stuff. [ She just... couldn't word it any better. ] I'm actually an employee at the gym, too.

[shacklebreaker]

"Sword stuff"...

[Could she really be no more specific than that? It could mean anything!]

What I practice is a martial art, not merely amateurs waving around sticks. Are there no dojos in the city?

[psycholawgy]

That's the gym, you... dotard!

[ TRYING HER BEST SIMON IMPERSONATION HERE. Take that! ]

[shacklebreaker]

...

Perhaps you should limit your vocabulary expansion solely within the bounds of Japanese.

[UNIMPRESSED]

[psycholawgy]

What? How come?!

[shacklebreaker]

Imitating me ill suits you.

[psycholawgy]

[ This princess is pouting, biting her spoon so the tail end is hanging by her mouth as she frets. ]

[shacklebreaker]

Hmph. Carry on making that face, and it will stay that way when the wind changes.

[...Something he probably told her more than a few times when she was a child, to tease her.]

[psycholawgy]

[ That's very likely. She was only ever cheerful around Simon and Junie, anyway. ]

Well, [ takes out the spoon for another bite. ] it was your fault.

[shacklebreaker]

For giving you well-intentioned advice? [SIPS TEA]