ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes... It seems you have much left yet to explain.

[Other worlds and alien invasions were one thing... He should have guessed time travel would go hand in hand with it. That doesn't make it any less unexpected, though.]

Sorry, I really should have done that before showing you around.

[ She kicks at the floor sadly, and the elevator doors open and they're back in the lobby of the gym's building. ]

I just got excited.

[And there's that guard looking petrified again. Whoops.]

It is understandable. It must have been difficult for you, being here all this time...

[...and thinking all her friends and family were dead.]

[ Stupid guards!!! ]

It's been tough, it's true. I made a lot of friends here, but it's not the same. I still end up thinking about Mr. Wright, Apollo, you, and the others. What if you never got saved?

[As they head back out onto the street, Blackquill looks down at her, and his expression softens in sympathy.]

... But we're here now. I have no intention of abandoning you, and Wright-dono is not the kind of man to do so, either.

[ She closes her eyes as she walks, and lets out a wistful sigh. ]

You have to promise that this time.

[ She might just punch you if you don't stay true to your word!! ]

Edited 2015-03-14 19:24 (UTC)

I promise. Not even the end of all worlds will prevent me fulfilling the vow I made to Metis.

Thank you! Thank you so much!

[ She's tearing up now. ]

Hmph. [He smiles briefly, then, and he's sure she doesn't need the Mood Matrix to identify he's content with her answer.]

Now enough of tears, hm? I would hardly be fulfilling that vow if I did naught but make you cry.

I can't help it!

[ Widget is grey. It's just her usual theatrics! ]

...

[Reaches over to ruffle her hair.]

[ Oh... this is nice. Thank you. And it makes her smile from ear to ear. ]

[Just as keikaku.]

There, you see? A smile suits you far better.

W- Well! Don't forget that you can count on me too. It's not just the other way around!

Of course. Taka and I would be lost without you... Quite literally.

[He's sure that's not what she meant, but he'll insist on teasing her a little more.]

[ YOU DOTARD!! ]

I bet Taka would do just fine.

True. Even a peculiar city like this would prove no challenge to navigate for my winged friend. I, on the other hand, am sadly earthbound...

[He rubs affectionately under Taka's beak, and Taka fluffs his feathers, pleased at the attention.]

[ God you're such a nerd... ]

You are. And that's why you're stuck with me.

Anyway, that's where I live.

[ She points to a nearby building. The apartment is likely about five to six storeys tall, and she points to a specific window near the topmost floor. ]

[You're stuck with this nerd, too, you know.

Blackquill pauses to look up, appraising the building. Taka would certainly enjoy living on such a high floor, much like he enjoyed living in the courthouse, and Blackquill is more than willing to put what is best for his bird first and foremost. He looks back at Athena.]

And have you found the neighbourhood to be to your liking?

Definitely!

I jog around the district every morning with some friends. [ More punching at the air. So much hype! ]

One of these days, I'm going to befriend everyone here and they'll all greet me good morning as I jog.

That seems an idyllic ambition.

[...Compared to his standards, anyway. He's pretty sure he'd get stabbed if he jogged around the clink wishing people good morning.]

Isn't it?

[ Simon please don't get stabbed here. ]

You can join us, if you want. I'll be your personal jogging instructor!

...I will consider it. Let's take one thing at a time, for now.

[Though she'll probably rope him into doing whatever she wants eventually, let's be honest. Especially if they wind up living close to one another.]

[ Definitely. All girl's slumber party feat. Simon Blackquill. ]

Alright, I'll try my best.

[ And into another building they go! It looks pretty much like the lobby to the gym, but there are mailboxes and stuff by the reception area. ]

There are other apartments here, too. And what's cool is you can decorate your apartment however you want it, with just holograms!

Holograms? That seems like something Aura would enjoy...

[Only she was lost with the rest of their world, wasn't she? He lapses into silence at the reminder.]

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psycholawgy - 2015-03-16 01:13 (UTC) - Expand

shacklebreaker - 2015-03-16 15:09 (UTC) - Expand

psycholawgy - 2015-03-16 15:14 (UTC) - Expand

shacklebreaker - 2015-03-16 16:03 (UTC) - Expand

psycholawgy - 2015-03-16 16:16 (UTC) - Expand