//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[psycholawgy]

[ She jumps when Taka swoops in, her shoulders tense up and her face just looking disgruntled. Help... ]

But he still pecked us.

[ Athena's mostly just teasing now. ]

[shacklebreaker]

And he shall do so again, if I were to tell him to.

[Though it always was a more fun tactic against Apollo and Phoenix, who actually took his threats seriously. Once Taka settles in on his shoulder, he goes back to sipping his tea.]

So... What is our second location on the tour?

[psycholawgy]

I think you'd like the gym!

[ She points to the residential area, which is a giant tower that can be seen from afar! ]

There are some people there who actually do sword stuff. [ She just... couldn't word it any better. ] I'm actually an employee at the gym, too.

[shacklebreaker]

"Sword stuff"...

[Could she really be no more specific than that? It could mean anything!]

What I practice is a martial art, not merely amateurs waving around sticks. Are there no dojos in the city?

[psycholawgy]

That's the gym, you... dotard!

[ TRYING HER BEST SIMON IMPERSONATION HERE. Take that! ]

[shacklebreaker]

...

Perhaps you should limit your vocabulary expansion solely within the bounds of Japanese.

[UNIMPRESSED]

[psycholawgy]

What? How come?!

[shacklebreaker]

Imitating me ill suits you.

[psycholawgy]

[ This princess is pouting, biting her spoon so the tail end is hanging by her mouth as she frets. ]

[shacklebreaker]

Hmph. Carry on making that face, and it will stay that way when the wind changes.

[...Something he probably told her more than a few times when she was a child, to tease her.]

[psycholawgy]

[ That's very likely. She was only ever cheerful around Simon and Junie, anyway. ]

Well, [ takes out the spoon for another bite. ] it was your fault.

[shacklebreaker]

For giving you well-intentioned advice? [SIPS TEA]

[psycholawgy]

[ She nods vigorously a couple of times. ]

Ja. Si. Oui.

[shacklebreaker]

Then I accept all responsibility.

... But your face is still stuck that way, you know. [Something must be very wrong in the world, if Simon Blackquill is the one telling another person to stop being grumpy.]

[psycholawgy]

[ But that makes her perk up, and her usual smile is back on. ]

That's not my fault!

[shacklebreaker]

Yes, yes, it's all my doing. [His grin suggests he still doesn't care, though.]

So, after the gym and its experts in "sword stuff", you will show me where you live?

[psycholawgy]

[ HA! I win. ]

Oh, yeah! And you can get the apartment next door. Just slide the card on the door knob. If it's unclaimed, then it's automatically yours.

[ She points an accusatory finger at him. ]

If you meet my flatmate, beware. She's the coolest girl ever after Junie.

[shacklebreaker]

I hope she is not as predisposed towards being accused of crimes she did not commit... I have no desire to prosecute your entire circle of friends.

[...Not that he actually can do any prosecuting here anyway, but you know.]

[psycholawgy]

...

[ Her face. ]

She gets into fights a lot and is kind of a delinquent.

[shacklebreaker]

[Thanks Widget.]

Hmph, already a natural fit for the clink. Maybe it is you who needs to reconsider those you acquaint yourselves with, Athena.

[psycholawgy]

Widget talks too much! Objection, objection!

[ But there they are at the entrance to the gym, and the guard looks like he's ready to bolt when he sees Athena. ]

[shacklebreaker]

Goodness, what a hooligan you're becoming. You're even scaring that poor fellow.

[psycholawgy]

Ahahah! [ She scratches the back of her head. ] I... kinda threw him a few days ago. He tried to grab me.

[shacklebreaker]

[Baby Athena, joining the family tradition of scaring the shit out of people. He's so proud. :')]

Whatever for? Were you street rioting with your roommate?

[psycholawgy]

[ DON'T BE SO PROUD IT'S EMBARRASSING... ]

No! It's— It's a reflex! [ She sounds so troubled when she says it, too. ]