//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[shacklebreaker]

[Blackquill doesn't even look around, saying dismissively,] Don't interfere, Wright-dono. This duel is not yours.

[Which, true to form, he makes seem like a fight to the death instead of a... rather inappropriate reprimand over some spilled popcorn. Except...]

--Wright-dono?

[When did he get here? The split second he turns to look at Phoenix, the robot goes to strike him. Blackquill slashes lightning quick at the robot, and its paddle drops cleanly to the ground in two.]

Only a coward would attack when my attention is elsewhere! Let that be a warning.

[bewrightback]

[Phoenix takes a moment to look towards the broken paddle in horrified confusion. How does he do that?!

But then he looks back towards Blackquill with a sheepish look.]

Hey, Prosecutor Blackquill! Fancy seeing you here...? [Here after the end of the universe.]

[shacklebreaker]

[The robot is duly outraged, but also programmed with enough self-preservation to know when it's fighting a losing battle, and promptly retreats, leaving the Twisted Samurai to sheathe his (still nonexistent) blade. Don't mind him, cinemagoers, nothing to see here.

He glances back at Phoenix.]

So they managed to salvage you as well, then? How fortunate.

[bewrightback]

[Now his expression turns more serious at the implications of being salvaged.]

That's right... I mean, assuming that this whole thing is real.

And now you're here, too. We just finished cleaning up one big mess, and now we're thrown right into another?

[shacklebreaker]

It would seem so. The trials we just overcame seem like trivial matters, compared to what has befallen our world.

[After all that struggle to overturn his sentence and unmask the phantom, they all perished at the end of the world... What an an cruel twist of fate.

Either that or death row has finally driven him mad, and this is all in his imagination. Who knows?]

[bewrightback]

It's so unreal. [He shakes his head gravely.] I want to try to find someone of authority to talk to, so I can clarify exactly what is going on here.

[shacklebreaker]

Perhaps we should discuss this outside. [They're starting to get annoyed looks from others in the theatre, even talking in relatively quiet voices, so he starts to lead the way out.]

Did you receive that insipid presentation when you arrived here?

[Is arrived even the right word? "Recreated", perhaps? "Manifested"...?]

[bewrightback]

Right... [He looks sheepishly around at all the annoyed movie-goers and gives apologetic waves as he starts to turn to leave.] Let's do that.

I know exactly what presentation you're talking about. It was one of those... what do you call it, Wordpoint? things.

[shacklebreaker]

[What a graceful exit, Phoenix. Once they're out in the lobby, Blackquill grins at him.]

Powerpoint, actually, but you were close enough. I assume it is the standard induction all receive here.

What would you intend to ask the authorities, if you got a chance to question them?

[bewrightback]

[He blinks and tries to take in this corrected technology-related term, and then he ponders in the lobby.]

Well, you know, I'll ask them... if all of this is true? And... what we can do to help, probably.

[shacklebreaker]

From what I understand, our mere presence here is help enough to them.

[However that works. Blackquill is only marginally more techno-inclined than Phoenix, so all this nonsense talk about code is right over his head. Aura would understand it better.]

As for whether this is true, think: do you think they would tell us if it were otherwise, and they were intentionally seeking to deceive us?

[bewrightback]

[I just got here and already a prosecutor is picking apart all of my words?!]

Well, I'd want to see if there's any more... you know, lawyer-y help they could need.

...I guess you're right about that. I would say this is an elaborate kidnapping, but we don't really seem to be bound in any way...

[shacklebreaker]

[It's what prosecutors exist for, Wright-dunno.]

If what they say is to be believed, this is more akin to a rescue mission on an enormous scale.

[...Or maybe Clonco's threats came true, and robots really did take over the world. Oops.]

[bewrightback]

That's true... and if that's the case, I couldn't be grateful enough to them. [Trucy, Blackquill, Athena, me... I heard that they even saved Edgeworth, too.]

...I think I know something's wrong when you're the one telling me to look on the bright side. I really should be working on that angle.

[shacklebreaker]

Hmph. I am becoming well-acquainted with elaborate rescue missions, so it would be ungrateful of me not to acknowledge them when they arise.

[bewrightback]

Is that your way of describing how we got you out of prison, or should I be gearing up for the next installment of 'Tales from the Clink'...?

[shacklebreaker]

The former, although I could tell you an escape story from the clink if you're so eager. [NOT EVEN WAITING FOR AN ANSWER] It is a touching tale about a convicted boxer, honing his mind and body until the day he bravely tunnelled out of his cell to escape... only to be hindered at the last moment by the bond he shared with his polar bear cub.

[Stop him if you've heard this one before.]

[bewrightback]

[You can take the storyteller out of the prison....]

Don't you just hate it when that happens...

You know, how about we switch back over to that former part.

[shacklebreaker]

[Aw, didn't you like his story?] I could narrate that one for you as well, but we're both aware of how it ends.

[Which is, apparently, here.]

[bewrightback]

[He kind of liked the polar bear cub...]

Yeah... [He nods.] At a new beginning. At least with that story ended, you're fully free to help me shape this new one. Well... with whatever shaping we can do from here.

[shacklebreaker]

That's the question, isn't it? Since we're here for the immediate future, we might as well put our investigating prowess to the test, and see what we can piece together of the bigger picture.

[With or without the help of the authorities. Blackquill remains suspicious of them at best.]

[bewrightback]

[WOW and you just convinced him to trust them.]

I don't have any objections to that plan. It'll be a little harder when there's not exactly a singular crime scene to investigate, but... I'm sure we'll find something to work with.

[shacklebreaker]

[He was arguing that this was a rescue mission, not a kidnapping, but that doesn't mean he'll blindly trust them either.]

Those who have been here longer than us should prove an invaluable source of information, as well.

[bewrightback]

[Suuuurrrre.]

That's a good point. Athena says that she's been here for a month... and apparently Edgeworth's been around for even longer. I'm sure that he must have gathered some kind of valuable information.

[shacklebreaker]

The Chief Prosecutor is here? [Somehow, he feels a lot more relieved knowing that.] We should meet with him as soon as possible, then.