//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

souza samonji | touken ranbu

[prehensible]

ticket booths;
[ an extremely pink man(?) in rather elaborate dress, carrying what looks like a katana, is standing a little back from the booths and peering curiously up at the selections offered. he looks.. a little lost, actually, and if anyone were to ask souza, he'd agree that he is. having been part of an exhibit for his (arguably) most famous owner for some time, and then manifested by the saniwa, he's aware of what movies are, but he's never actually been to one. and these all have such strange titles. how is he supposed to choose one when he has no idea what any of them are really about..? ]


theater i;
[ he eventually settles on horses, because at least he's familiar enough with horses. it's.. not at all what he might have expected, though, and as the strange, colourful, talking ponies begin to be slaughtered off, souza's face quickly drains of colour. he finds his hands going to cover his mouth to keep the distressed noises from escaping. why would anyone want to watch something like this?!

but it only gets worse from there, and he can only sit through the orgy for a few moments before he has to duck his head, shading his eyes from the screen and looking a little ill. he glances furtively to the person next to him, voice piping up in a polite, shaky murmur. ]

I thought.. movies were intended to be entertaining..?


lobby;
[ after that experience, souza is honestly too spooked to attempt to watch another movie. instead, he finds a bench and settles on it, letting his heart slowly stop hammering in his chest. he's been around a long time, and while it's been centuries since he's been used much on the battlefield, even so, he's not easily unsettled. but why would anyone glorify such senseless butchering? and what happened to decency? he's not certain something like that would even be shown in the lowliest brothel in the red light district.

when he's feeling a little better, he does find himself trying the popcorn, though, expression lighting up with startled pleasure at the taste. it's certainly.. different, but no stranger than some of the things the saniwa has introduced them to. ]

This is delightful. [ he tilts the bag toward himself, peering into it curiously. ] How is it made..? Perhaps Sayo would like it..


other;
[ or hit me with your best shot? ]

ticket booths;

[deontology]

[You look traditional, my good sir--if...very pink.... but sousei knows that traditional people have to be warned about the Modern Perils of this place.

So he steps closer, crossing his arms and looking at the options, before sighing vaguely.]

It will be a waste of both time and money.

[Sousei, on the other hand, is dressed in modern western wear nowadays--but he's got his very old, very Japanese sword at his side, at least.]

[prehensible]

[ souza doesn't startle, but he does turn to offer a slightly puzzled blink of mismatched eyes. there's a brief pause as he takes in the clothing and the blade--not another tsukumogami, at least, he's fairly certain--before he dips his head in a polite bow. ]

From my understanding, movies are moving pictures meant to be enjoyable..?

[ not that his understanding is thorough by any means. in some ways, he probably would've been better off learning all of this from scratch instead of getting bits and pieces over the years as the world changed around him. ]

[deontology]

That is correct.

[Probably. Beats him, he doesn't watch a lot of movies, despite having been here for awhile. More importantly--]

However, this place has a way of distorting what they offer to be something else entirely.

[Take it from him, it's gonna suck.]

I would not trust them.

lobby

[sunshrouded]

[Popcorn really is pretty great. So are those chocolate malt ball things and all sorts of other chewy sugary candy goods that Tenka grabbed from the concession stand. That's how these places make their money - from people like Tenka.

But when he hears the commentary he turns his head and grins. Ah, he recognizes the traditional dress at least-]

Are these new to you too, friend? It's good, isn't it? Surprisingly so!

[prehensible]

[ souza glances up, expression faintly flustered, a little embarrassed that someone had overheard him talking to himself. the stranger is so seemingly good-natured, though, and with his hands full of things, that he finds his lips quirking up in an amused smile despite himself. bag held carefully, he dips in a brief, polite bow, rising again. ]

Ah-- yes, it is. Saniwa-sama has introduced many of us to modern foods, but this hasn't been one of them yet..

[ a beat, then he shifts a little on his feet. ] .. Would you like for me to carry some of that for you..? You seem to have your hands full.

[sunshrouded]

Hmm? You got a master from modern times?

[He can follow! Though it's not clear that Tenka's probably a traditional person himself.... he's adopted to Cerealian fashion pretty easily, opting for large sweaters and slacks. Though when the offer registers, he hums thoughtfully before looking at his hoard....]

I have a better idea! Do you wanna try one?

lobby~

[heiwana]

Souza. [ Well if it isn't mr. sourpuss himself. Kousetsu is all sorts of confused and done with this place to be honest. The brutality he had just witnessed from that movie in the third theater was enough to put him off making him leave entirely. Was there not enough destruction and violence in the world already? Making such things projection it for entertainment was sickening.

Entertainment based off such horrors, it was entirely unacceptable. His voice is low, dour, and soft as he looks down at the other before taking a seat. His expression softens just a little bit upon seeing how Souza reacts to the popcorn. ]

Have you seen any of the others here? [ Leaving Sayo by himself was not something either of them was to do. But ending up in this strange place against their will...there was no helping it it seemed. ]

yells gently into the sun

[prehensible]

[ he glances up at the sound of his name, looking startled for perhaps a second before his expression melts into pleasure and affection. as his brother takes a seat, he leans into his side, tilting his head to rest it against kousetsu's shoulder. he's so glad that he's not alone here. and even better, it's one of his brothers. ]

Just you, thus far.

[ he offers the little bag of popcorn, ankles crossing neatly beneath his seat, mismatched eyes sliding shut. ]

It seems we've changed owners again.. [ how many times does this make it for souza..? ]

;__; these sad sword bros

[heiwana]

[ Kousetsu allows his brother to do as he pleases. There is something inherently peaceful and pleasing about this that he rather not spoil. Souza was one of them that was hurt the most out the three brothers. He tried to do what he could to ease that pain, that suffering from his past. If only he could ease his brother's sorrows. If this helped ease some of his worries then Kousetsu was more than willing to oblige. He'll look at the offered bag with some curiosity though his expression doesn't change much. His eyes however convey his thoughts well enough. ] Oh? This is...popcorn?

[ He seems genuinely interested at least and he takes and piece and munches on it thoughtful. His eyes darting to look at Souza with sadness. ] Even if we are not by our master's side we are still their swords. I am certain...that they would not have wanted us to leave. This place...it seems it has powers beyond their control.

lobby;

[bloodcrane]

[ to be honest, all of everything here is novel enough that tsurumaru's temporarily put aside any misgivings he has about being dragged from where he belongs (again) to let himself be pleasantly surprised by all of these movies that he's only ever heard about. after the first two, he learns to go into the viewings without any preconceived notions, and therefore has only been pleasantly (for a given value of pleasant, tsurumaru is the kind of person who think that cute kittens are as pleasantly surprising as getting beheaded only 90% of the way) surprised up until now. everything is so new. he's letting himself enjoy it because otherwise he'd be incredibly disconcerted by the fact that he's alone in a strange place once again without a master or purpose.

another pleasant surprise: a head of pink, as pink as the cotton candy in his hands, sitting on a bench. he sneaks up from behind with a mischievous grin, only making his presence known by clapping his hands over souza's eyes (he stuck the cotton candy in his hood stick-end first-- hoods are so useful, you know) and laughing. ]

Guess who!

[prehensible]

[ souza actually does jump (and maybe shriek a little) at the sudden hands over his eyes and the voice right behind him, but there's seriously only one person in the entire world (universe?) with such a distressing habit. (surely only one..) ]

Ts-Tsurumaru-san?

[ he reaches up with slender hands, pulling the older sword's away from his eyes and tilting his head back to peer up at him. for a moment or two, he's just so glad to see him, to not be alone here-- but then he's reminded of this unfortunate tendency to surprise everyone and he frowns slightly. ]

Tsurumaru-san, please stop doing that..

[bloodcrane]

[ ta-da, the one and only. for his part, tsurumaru's also glad that there's a familiar face amongst all this, and it shows in the way he pulls his hands back and grins warmly grins at souza.

either that, or he's just extraordinarily pleased that he's surprised someone. you never know, with tsurumaru. ]

Sorry, sorry. I couldn't help it, you know, you weren't prepared at all.

[ anyway, what's certain here is that he's never sorry. pulling his cotton candy out of his hood again (he has some now stuck to his hair, but he's happily unaware (or uncaring) of this fact. ] You know what else is surprising? This candy, it's the same shade of pink as your hair. Have you seen anything like this before?

theater i;

[bloomsinsilence]

[To describe it in one word... this movie was disturbing. Increasingly so the longer it progressed. As it began, he would have stopped at simply admitting he didn't see the draw to it. However, as it progressed, he was increasingly aware of the fact that this had gone into a whole new horrifying territory.

He rubbed his temple and covered his face with one hand.]

...it would depend on that person's idea of entertaining.

[It's certainly not his. It's... uncomfortable to say the least.]

[prehensible]

I can hardly imagine what sort of person would find this entertaining.

[ he glances up at the other man, then.. pauses, brows drawing together briefly. something about him is.. a little bit familiar somehow. something he's seen in a photograph, perhaps, or a picture painted to him in words..

but a particularly loud groan from the screen dashes that thought to the ground, and he shoots to his feet, skin crawling, stiff and distressed. ]

Would-- Would you care to accompany me outside, Sir?

[bloomsinsilence]

[...Saitou could probably imagine, but he won't, lest he be further traumatized by the thought. He doesn't hesitate - he stands and nods stiffly.]

Let's go.

[It's clear that they're both significantly distressed by the choice of images and it wouldn't do either of them any good to linger. However, once they are removed from the theater and while they are walking further away, he decided it would be easier if he disclosed his name.]

Saitou Hajime.

[All the same, he's not going to press the other man for his name if he doesn't want to say it.]

theater i

[ridethathippo]

[Did someone say 'entertaining'?

Just like most of his classes, Yuya had fallen asleep during the first few minutes of the pony movie since he isn't quite over his cold's fatigue yet. Yup, he fell fast asleep even during their slaughtering, probably because the chairs are just so darn comfy. So when Souza gets him to wake up, Yuya is initially (and blissfully) unaware of the screen in front of him as he blinks slowly at the other man beside him while his eyes adjust.]

Hwuh? Yu-- [Except the noises begin to filter through his brain, and when he does see what's playing, Yuya shoots up out of his seat with a wide-eyed, silent scream.

He bolts the next second, but guess who's getting his arm snatched up and forcefully dragged along? Yup, Souza, you're joining Yuya on his escape, but he finally lets go when they finally exit into the hallway connecting to the lobby.

And the first thing the poor kid does is get to groveling in front of him, back bowed so fast when he kneels that his forehead slams on the ground.]

YUZU, I'M SO SORRY. I swear, I thought this was the ponies movie! Please don't kill me-- I didn't know!!

[...After a few seconds of no fan strikes raining down upon him, Yuya finally glances up:] .....W-wait, you're not Yuzu? Was she even with me?

[prehensible]

[ oh. this person is asleep (how could he have possibly slept through that..?), and he'd just woken them. he's about to apologize when the boy--for lack of a better term--panics and grabs souza and before he knows it, he's being yanked up out of his seat and out of the theater. he's too surprised to even react at first save to stumble after him, mismatched eyes wide and a little stunned.

he stands there in confused shock as the young man then drops down to apologize. what-- what just happened? ]

A-Ah-- [ finally unfreezing, he hesitantly moves to crouch neatly, hands resting against his knees as he offers a small, hopefully soothing smile. ] N-No, I'm not Yuzu. I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to upset you so badly.

[ridethathippo]

[Begging forgiveness of his harem overlord, obviously.

But now that he realizes he's kidnapped the wrong person, Yuya gives a sigh of relief as he sits up and gives an embarrassed smile in return.]

Heh, you don't have to apologize. I thought you were my friend for a second. She would've been beating me up right about now for picking that movie. [Dear god, someone give him some brain bleach. His 14 year old mind isn't ready to handle that sort of thing...or ever.]

So...sorry about that. [He rubs the back of his head, already feeling phantom pains of what could have been another horrible experience with Yuzu's fan.] I guess it was the pink hair that got me confused.

lobby!

[souredsweet]

[Kaoru's in the lobby at the time Souza first moseys out, and oh boy, THIS POOR GUY LOOKS SO DISTRESSED... With the selection of movies currently playing and the things Kaoru has heard people discussing on their way out though, that can only be expected. Life is hard when you're ye olde and have no idea what Cerealia has in store. It's hard and only other ye oldes understand.

It would probably be rude to let this guy struggle with Movie Trauma™ alone, all things considered. Kaoru will approach after stepping to the concession counter to order a bottle of water, which will be held outward toward him carefully.]

Excuse me, sir... Could you use a drink?

[prehensible]

[ souza is still trying to process what he just fled from, so the voice earns a slightly distressed glance. he quickly smooths it over, though, into shaky courtesy, a small, grateful smile curving up onto his mouth. ]

Ah-- Thank you, that's very kind of you.

[ he hesitates only a moment, still a little surprised by casual kindness from complete strangers, before taking the bottle. bottles.. are still a little new for him, though he's of course seen them before. modern times constantly amaze him, truthfully. so many little conveniences..

he carefully uncaps the bottle, taking a small sip and then capping it again. ]

I-- I don't recommend going to see that.

[souredsweet]

[A small smile is offered in return for the thanks, though Kaoru's expression generally stays shifted to a muted, careful concern. At the statement, there's just one single nod of agreement.]

I wouldn't recommend going to see any of them, to be honest. Every time CERES gathers people together for things like this, something inevitably goes wrong...

[Said with some mild trill of exasperation, because really. This pattern can grow old fast... That said, since this guy is clearly struggling with whatever he ended up seeing:]

Are you all right? These "movies" can be quite shocking in general.

lobby!

[splendour]

[ it's his clothes that capture her attention first, and his sword by his side that she's only seen samurai and warriors wield.

and maybe if gracia was from another time, another canon point, she might have recognised the sword "sayo". but for now all she assumes is that sayo must be this person 's, this pink-haired noble-like person.

very curiously, and eager to learn, she leans in. ]

Is Sayo a friend?

[prehensible]

[ he glances up in a little surprise, not expecting anyone to overhear him murmuring to himself and a little embarrassed. he smiles a moment later, though, shaking his head once. ] In a manner of speaking, I suppose. He's my brother. [ he makes a gesture about chest height on himself. ] He's small, and he's not accustomed to treats like these, so it might be nice to surprise him with this when I get home.

[ he shifts the popcorn to one hand, dipping briefly in a polite bow and rising with another smile. ]

I am the Samonji sword, called Souza. It's very nice to meet you.

theater i

[mermaiding]

[She didn't mean to really sit next to anyone--she'd rather avoid everyone-- but the movie are so crowded today she sorta got shuffled next to him anyhow. Oona was content to ignore him, sinking down in her chair to get comfortable and resting her knees against the back of the chair in front of her.

The movie seems stupid at first, but hell yeah it picks up quickly! Her laughter comes quickly, but it's a little less because she finds it amusing (thought she does) and more that she doesn't know how else to respond. She wished she could see the faces of everyone in the room right now.

Well, she'll settle on the guy next to her, who's clearly distressed. Her glee only grows at the sight and Oona flashes him a quick grin.] Do not find it entertaining? Is funny!

[Oh, now that she's finally got a good look at him... She blinks, looking thoughtful, and then:] You are pretty.

[Thanks Oona, real subtle.]