ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Entry tags:

!test drive

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[He wouldn't speak properly of what was going on the screen, knowing full well that watching those scenes play over and over again wasn't going to do him any real good. The scene of his mentor being stabbed to death, the scenes of his parents being killed via ice shards time and time again. It just reminded him of how much of a burden on people he truly was.

The feeling of a hand on his back causes him to start, immediately reaching out to try and grab her hand if he can, grip tight but not tight enough to warrant a threat. Just enough to signify that he wasn't someone that cared to be touched out of the blue. But it isn't until he hears her words that he lets go immediately, slowly raising up and turning away from the screen, taking a deep breath to settle his nerves.]

How can they do this...? [His voice remains soft and calm, though there is an obvious faltering undertone to it. Someone trying to hold their emotions close to the chest.]

( Spain is dozing off in the middle of the movie. Sure, it's one of the better movies so far but he's seen so many it's really time for sleep. He's nodding off just when he hears a rather shrill cry that might have triggered some noble flashbacks of his own. )

Huh? ( Give him a second to recover. What did that robot just say to that girl? ) Ay! That's no way to speak to a lady! You should apologize!

( It's not listening to him is it. )

Ah! Certainly a wise choice! [He claps a fist into his palm affirmatively.]

What better place to start than the beginning?!

They are harsher than what I assumed movies would be. [ It's said with a touch of sadness and possibly some jilted anger. Movies were, from what he was told, something to gain happiness and enjoyment from. To have that be sullied. ] Is nothing sacred as to not be tarnished with violence and war?

[ Ah, yes, his aversion to such things will never change, having come from an owner who was renowned for his peacekeeping skills. Kousetsu was strange in that way considering what their sage had given them life for. But he would fight to protect his own life as well as the life of others if he must. But this place seemed devoid of such things, for now at least.

He allows Souza to plant that kiss and entwine their arms as Kousetsu moves a bit closer to prop the other against his chest. Calm and ease permeating from him. ] I will do what I must to support you and whoever else arrives here. That will never change. But it seems even here, we will have to fight.

[ Is there nowhere that peace has been achieved? ]

[A little bit excessive, but she can't say that he's wrong, either. She grins, shaking her head and imagining chucking a dvd out the window, and then glances back to the screen.]

You know, I never really felt the need to relive my memories. I wonder why they think they know better?

[Entitled assholes, thinking they have to relieve their memories.

Yawn.]

It's boring.

I. (lobby)

S'cuse me, coming through... --ah, s-sorry...!!

[ Jaune is trying to manage holding two large buckets of popcorn, a large drink and some admission tickets. He's navigating his way through the busy crowd, bumping into everyone and even spilling bits and pieces of the popcorn each time he collides with another body. ]

Mannnn, I'm gonna be late, I'm gonna be late!!

II. (my petite equestrian experience)

[ Jaune had been sitting there, enduring the horrors as he shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He wasn't even enjoying his popcorn, he was only stuffing his mouth with food as a coping mechanism. Somehow it's less awkward that way, especially with the... imagery he was seeing. Is he imagining this person in the movie, or is it someone who just looks like them?!?

But he can't take this anymore. He was content with quietly holding it in the entire time, but enough is enough. With no volume filter, and as whiny as possible, he just blurts it out loud enough for everyone to hear it: ]

Ugghhhh, when are we gonna get back to the ponies?!? ~~[ He might be crying. Shit. ]~~

[Lee, Lee why are you so adorable. He's starting to think that he's very familiar now but still can't quite place it. But he's shrugging it off, at least happy enough to have someone there to accompany him if something decides to go south. Better to have a companion in a fight than to be alone, after all.]

So that would be... My Petite Equestrian Experience. Sounds, ah, cute, at least. Safe enough to go with. [Oh if only he knew.]

[ whoever let the shitty old man crane loose on the world without supervision, basically.

comically, not three seconds after kaoru's warning, if you could call it that, the cleaning droid goes the way of the four-koma and does a marvellous rendition of a pirouette in three parts: wet floor edition. see how the bot skids across the floor like an out-of-control nazca racer. see how it spins wildly while bleating phrases in badly translated engrish. see how it all but mashes itself against a wall, flinging its white-clad rider to the--

okay, just kidding. tsurumaru kicks off the robot, flips, and lands back on his feet not too far from kaoru. perfect 10.0 landing, with the added insult that his robes, flying wildly earlier, simply fold neatly back against him like origami. in contrast, the cleaning bot's head pops right off against the wall, and promptly begins smoking. ]

Well, now.

[Nora, who is late to the movie, steps in and tries to find a seat. But...what is that...on the screen...

...ohgoodnessno...

Just as quickly as she came, Nora turns right back around. That is, until she hears Jaune's voice.]

Jaune? JAUNE! Where are you?! [Nora certainly does not care that she's yelling. Jaune is in...danger! Yes, danger! ~~is he really crying?!~~]

[GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SCRUB THIS FLOOR, SLATTERN BITCH]

[Maribelle looks furious] Watch your mouth, you pestiferous villiago! How dare you address a woman of my breeding in such a way?! ... Or any woman, for that matter!

[ before he can address the kind samaritan who called out to him, however, not three seconds later, a whole swarm of cleaning bots zip around a corner bearing flashing police lights and what looks to be giant paddles.

it goes without saying that if tsurumaru's involved, something has to go wrong.

his smile freezes for a moment, as though calculating the odds. and then, without decorum, he whirls around, ridiculous sleeves flapping, and laughs. ]

Ha! Retreat!

[ and since the bots seem to be indiscriminately going after everyone in the area and his kind samaritan is in a movement-stifling outfit, he'll simply attempt to scoop kaoru up and make a break for it.

it's never a boring day when you're tsurumaru fucking kuninaga. ]

[was that... no... it couldn't be.

England's irritation all but skyrockets when he realizes that it's Spain standing there. he almost crushes the mug in his hand he's so angry]

Don't ignore me, you git! What the hell are you doing here?

[Hungary's wrist is caught. she is not upset about it, though. she should have known better than to touch a stranger, especially when they were in such pain.

when the boy stands, Hungary gets up to follow him out. it looks like a lot of other people are leaving, too, all with similarly horrified faces. did they see the same things she saw? or something different?]

They? [she glances back at the screen once more just in time to see Austria's face before he's zapped by some gun. okay, not looking at the screen again]

( Where is France when you need a human shield. Way to let a bro down, France.

If he had greater patience and was more of a troll, he could keep ignoring England until the end of his days but alas, he never did learn how to back away from a battle. There's a whine and he waves at England dismissively, )

Aaaay, Inglaterra, have you been drinking in public again? You're making a scene. ( Shaking his head like he has some sort of moral high ground here. Spoilers, he doesn't. He just likes to think he does. ) Perhaps you should call a cab.

Actually, even if you're not drunk, you should call a cab. ( Nodding his head now, ) Sí... I don't care how you leave.

( What an asshole. Look at that smug passive aggressive asshole grin on his. HE'S JUST PLAYING AROUND in that jerkish way. )

Edited (that was not preview screams) 2015-03-08 06:14 (UTC)

It has nothing to do with that! It's just-

[Yeah, she suddenly stops. If he didn't see it, that means she's perfectly safe. Which also means she instantly brightens up.]

Yes, that's right. It's just a movie.

[ . . . . yeah, forward is kind of Tenka's lifestyle. Literally shoving his ideas and dreams down the throats of others until they adopt them as their own - but at least he's eager and earnest!! Still though.... he can't help but laugh happily at the acceptance.]

Really?!

-- hey wait, I don't need to be more careful, Souza-kun....

[ . . . . a thoughtful hum.] But if that's what it takes to get you to agree, then sure. If you say so, I guess.

[Going, and going. As in she's walking with him, looking quite defeated.]

Even though I know it's fake...

...sorry, I probably overreacted there.

[He's not generally someone that says too much when it comes to these sorts of things, but the fact he's followed says more to him than it probably would to someone else. That this person actually seems to care about why he was in such a state, it's enough to get more than just basic facts out of him.

Once outside does he straighten up, tugging at the sash of his top for a moment or tow, just fiddling with it.]

Whoever created that... that monstrosity. I did not need to be reminded of my past misdeeds. [At least that's what he makes of it, even if two of them were self-defense and one was unavoidable when it came to emotions. But it still felt the same to him regardless.]

[Edgeworth's lip was probably quivering during the movie and he has tried to valiantly blink tears away discreetly. So far, everyone else is too worked up to notice that he too has been caught up on the train of feels. Hopefully he won't need to actually dig for his handkerchief. The actual movie has nothing to do with it, of course. It's his memories, coming one after the other, moving him and reminding him how far he has come and how happy life can be -

He hears the robotic voice and he instantly snaps out of his teary reverie. Whipping around, he locates the speaker and the person defending herself from it. Edgeworth leaps out of his seat and squeezes past the other viewers, one hand on the hilt of the saber he always carried wherever he went - even to movie theaters.

Instead of drawing the weapon right away, however, Edgeworth attempts to...talk sense into this cleaning robot, placing himself between Pearl and it.]

Hold it!

[yes! a battle! that's what happens when you run into an old rival isn't it? no? a movie theater is probably not the best place for a battle, unfortunately. England would love to smack that smug grin off that stupid face. he would if they were alone]

I'm not the one holding up the line! The rest of the world doesn't go through life in slow-motion like you, so move your arse, pick a theater, and get inside.

( What in the world is this vocabulary even Spain doesn't know but he does know the robot is in the wrong! There's really no reasoning with these robots though so he'll come to Maribelle's side, )

What caused all of this? Do you need help, miss?

[ it's his clothes that capture her attention first, and his sword by his side that she's only seen samurai and warriors wield.

and maybe if gracia was from another time, another canon point, she might have recognised the sword "sayo". but for now all she assumes is that sayo must be this person 's, this pink-haired noble-like person.

very curiously, and eager to learn, she leans in. ]

Is Sayo a friend?

[ Jaune stands up halfway, waving to her from the darkness of the theater. ]

Nora!! I'm here--ow!! [ Well. Not everyone appears to be horrified by this movie, judging from all the popcorn bits that are being hurled at Jaune for disrupting this masterpiece. ] --s-sorry. I just-- can I just-- [ He apologies to the crowd behind him and yells out again. ]

Listen, Nora, get out of here!! [ Cue more popcorn hurling. Damn it, he flinches, but nothing's gonna stop him from saving his friend. ]

The ponies are a lie! A LIE!

[ so tsurumaru would be the first to admit that he knows shit all about physics, but it seems that he's just been introduced to the second most important concept (after velocity, which he seems to have enjoyed quite a bit): inertia. the sudden stop and the subsequent being launched into the air right after is surprising enough that it causes both of tsurumaru's eyebrows to shoot right up into a hairline, and with a comical yell, he goes head over heels off off the bot--

only to flip, flapping robes dancing downwards like crane wings as he lands in an elegant crouch.

still, he's hardly upset by this, especially since this is a rather pleasant surprise -- ice at the base of the thing he'd been riding on, how so very new and exciting. he remembers the girl that he had whizzed by, sees her heading up towards him, and before she's opened her mouth, he's put two and two together and his expression lights up. ]

I'm quite well, thank you for your concern! [ he then gestures towards the ice at the base of the cleaning robot, which is still futilely trying to flail its little robotic arms around like a cleaning determinator, the unabashed curiosity in his eyes making him seem far younger than he really ought to be. he's also shameless. see: ] By the way, are you perhaps a yukionna in disguise? You really stopped my steed cold.

[She didn't mean to really sit next to anyone--she'd rather avoid everyone-- but the movie are so crowded today she sorta got shuffled next to him anyhow. Oona was content to ignore him, sinking down in her chair to get comfortable and resting her knees against the back of the chair in front of her.

The movie seems stupid at first, but hell yeah it picks up quickly! Her laughter comes quickly, but it's a little less because she finds it amusing (thought she does) and more that she doesn't know how else to respond. She wished she could see the faces of everyone in the room right now.

Well, she'll settle on the guy next to her, who's clearly distressed. Her glee only grows at the sight and Oona flashes him a quick grin.] Do not find it entertaining? Is funny!

[Oh, now that she's finally got a good look at him... She blinks, looking thoughtful, and then:] You are pretty.

[Thanks Oona, real subtle.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 25 of 129

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Jaune Arc | RWBY

no subject

[ 1/2 ]

II

no subject

[ 2/2 ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

lobby!

no subject

no subject

theater i