//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

Shirasu Kinjou | Donten ni Warau

[allfortheclan]

Phase I

[ His soaked hair is starting to ice over, and his already pale skin white as a sheet. But Shirasu seems not to notice, or even feel it as he flings a trio of kunai at the child-sized opponents. Each hits home and the targets drop, blood beginning to spread into the snow.

His breathing is a bit labored as he tries to figure out what the fastest way to kill all but one of the imps, aware that they're trying to herd him back into the lake. ]

Phase III

[ After small demon children and savage reindeer, Shirasu's barely feeling the cold. He makes his way into the labyrinth cautiously, short sword out and ready in his hand. This "mall" makes very little sense to him, the products offered completely foreign.

A ways into the labyrinth, Shirasu stands in front of the horned beast, momentarily stopped in confusion. ]

"Hug" you? [ Blink, blink. Um. ]

[ Bonus ]

[ WHY. WHAT DID HE DO TO DESERVE THIS? People will find him trying to catch the awful floating plant so he can burn it. ]

bonus

[sunshrouded]

[what's that shirasu are you in the middle of something

well it's kind of the usual now because tenka always bugs Shirasu when he's in the middle of something

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE BRUTE FORCE OF A PRETTY WICKED TACKLE NOW]

screaming

[allfortheclan]

[ He is a ninja, he is the number one ninja in the Fuuma clan. He should be able to catch this plant thing--

He also should be able to dodge a charging Tenka, but possibly not while also trying to catch the plant.

Either way, he's flat on his back, but at least, in reflex, he's pressed the blade of his kunai against the assailant's throat.

Blink blink.

Shit. ]

Tenka?

laughs and cries

[sunshrouded]

[Ah yes, a kunai at the throat, that's perfect for heartfelt reunions. Thank you, Shirasu.

But well, Tenka doesn't seem too bothered. Rather, he's still got that usual dopey smile and Shirasu looks different (where's your stupid hair tie, Shirasu, he gave you that) but he's still Shirasu and that's what counts.]

Oi, put that away before you hurt somebody.

[Somebody being him, you nerd.]

[allfortheclan]

[ (He set it on fire. Sorry.)

As much as he would like to worry about coming into contact with the man he'd never thought he'd see again, there is something else, more immediate, on his mind. ]

Get off me. Now.

[sunshrouded]

No, I have questions for you!

[AND FOR ONCE TENKA SOUNDS RATHER SERIOUS, despite his joking earlier. For real Shirasu, he's heard so much shit since he last saw you. There are serious matters to discuss.

Though there are also apparently mistletoe flying about.

Does he care though? No!!!!

Does he even notice? Definitely not!!!!]

[allfortheclan]

[ "So, can I hear your excuse, Shirasu?

Shirasu cringes and clenches his teeth against the impulse that little plant brings. He presses the kunai a little more firmly. ]

Tenka. [ Through his teeth, a bit strained. ] Move.

[sunshrouded]

[Admittedly he's a little surprised at the extra pressure from the kunai and it shows. He's tussled with Shirasu before, no duh, but not quite to this extent.

Except Tenka is stubborn. The plant is starting to affect him a little bit - what are these thoughts, what is happening - but he's still not... moving....

Ah.]

Make me!

[congratulations, tenka is still 5 years old at heart

also perhaps a little too willing to believe that Shirasu won't actually hurt him]

[allfortheclan]

[ All hurting Tenka would do is save his own pride, and that's not a good enough reason.

So Shirasu kicks him, instead. ]

[sunshrouded]

Shirasu, you play dirty!!

[That still rolls off the tongue really easily. But it's enough to get Tenka to falter for a second but also he's still stubborn.

So instead he's gripping Shirasu's shoulders to keep the man pinned to the ground.

(You know it would be really easy to just lean in and - WHY IS HE THINKING THAT.)]

Just give me a minute, jeeze!

[allfortheclan]

[ HELLO? NINJA?

The familiarity is not lost on him, either; the hand holding the kunai falters, then finally lowers.

And this position is really not helping. ]

Tenka, if you don't let me up, I'm going to kiss you.

[ Threat? Who knows. Warning? Maybe. Another dirty tactic? Hell yes. ]

[sunshrouded]

What?! You were thinking that too?!

[Tenka, you're not helping this situation.

But he's also not.... moving... Partially because his body doesn't want to (thanks mistletoe) and partially because there is no guarantee that Shirasu won't just bolt it once he gets up.

Damn ninja.]

I know I'm amazing but just resist! [what a problem solver] I actually have important things to talk to you about.

[allfortheclan]

[ It is so not fair that Tenka knows him so well.

And it is absolutely not fair that though Shirasu could still escape (probably), he's becoming less and less inclined.

But he absolutely doesn't want to hear whatever questions Tenka has for him. His face settles into a blank expression. ]

I don't have anything to say.

phase iii

[immobileyes]

... Um.

[ Hello, white-haired friend(???), Mary (who is somehow miraculously surviving) is now venturing to speak up. ]

I think that's really all he wants.

[allfortheclan]

[ He glances over at the small girl, raising an eyebrow. ]

Couldn't it be a trick?

[ He would so use that trick. ]

[immobileyes]

It might be... but I think it might also be the truth. Things... um, get very strange here.

[allfortheclan]

[ Shirasu can definitely see what she means by "strange". ]

You've been here a long time?

[immobileyes]

Only a few weeks... I'm still not very good at this part.

[allfortheclan]

[ Glances over at the minotaur. It... doesn't look happy that they're making it wait. Or maybe it always looks like that? ]

Which one of us do you think he'd rather hug?

[immobileyes]

... Both of us?

[ Don't sacrifice her so soon, please. ]

phase iii!

[souredsweet]

[Guess who isn't venturing that close to the minotaur IT IS KAORU... Who's just kind of hanging out around one of the corners, peering out with some measure of curiosity. But when this nerd stranger tries reaffirming what exactly their maze guardian wants, Kaoru sees fit to speak up - softly, that is.]

I would be wary, sir...

[NO ONE GIVES OUT HUGS FOR FREE.]

[allfortheclan]

[ Shirasu glances over his shoulder at the woman, instantly wary. Something is off about her -- definitely not human, though he doesn't think she's a shikigami. The assistance could be genuine, or it could be a trap. Time to tread carefully. ]

I can't argue with that. [ How do you hug someone/something with such a tacky nose ring. ]

[souredsweet]

[Its nose ring is probably very fashionable in minotaurland, gosh Shirasu!!

But Kaoru outwardly seems very genuine, if nothing else, casting occasional concerned glances in the direction of their ridiculous maze guardian before his gaze shifts back to the stranger.]

If you would rather not risk it, there's enough room in the place that I was waiting in earlier for more than one person.

[A brief backwards gesture is given. BILLY DON'T BE A HERO]

[allfortheclan]

[ Are you propositioning him, Kaoru? It's really too soon. ]

Perhaps it's better to regroup. [ He inclines his head. ] Lead on.

[souredsweet]

[you gotta get the pretty ones before they get got okay

BUT YES, AWAY. With a gentle gesture, Kaoru will set off in the direction of said hidey-hole, which luckily isn't too far away. It's basically just an ice shelf that seems big enough to fit two or three (small) people.]

I can't suggest staying here long, but if it's only to regroup, will this suffice?