ioculus | //TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

Let it Go, Let it ~~Fucking~~ Go Already

Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (

serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator.

As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party.

It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include:

a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves
b.) A rabid flock of reindeer
c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing
d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not?

"Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime.

Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside.

They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water!

PHASE II

[ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.)

PHASE III

[ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things!

PHASE IV

[ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her.

She needs you.

Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray!

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

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PHASE I : YOU CAN'T ENABLE THE DEAD
that, unfortunately, also includes the living dead

[ despite the wispy fog of smoke in the air, or the light smoke others produce with the warmer quality of their breaths, shu is predominately devoid of that capability and so he shows no sign of his presence other than his footprints on the earth beneath him. he trudges onwards... mostly unaffected. while the frigid sensation of the air is still felt against his heat-less skin, and his outfit isn't any more or less equipped for the sheer amount of winter frost gracing the atmosphere— he looks surprisingly Okay for the most part. unbothered, too. instead, he just seems focused on his steps. though, even that word isn't quite applicable. he's nearly aimless, actually, but that was all right with him. even amongst all the typical confusion, chaos, or apprehensive considerations others may be having in a similar condition, he's oddly neutral. if anything, he's just grateful he hasn't run into anything particularly troublesome or potentially exhausting.

that is, until a few of the elves manage to capture his attention. though, certainly not from his own personal will.

with a curt tug against his arm, he's temporarily stopped in his tracks. before they even open their mouths to any particular requests, he's releasing an exaggerated exhale. one that clearly indicated to how undesirable their company was. unfortunately for him, they don't appear to take the gesture to mind. instead, they continually gesture towards him. presuming to ensure contact against his wrist now. ] ... can't you see you're troublesome?

[ a pause, as they chime in with a few of their own responses. politely chastising his standoffish behavior despite their attempts to "assist" him. all of which is... to absolutely no avail on shu and his detached demeanor. ] Hah—? Why would I follow you? [ a firmer try at pulling him in a random direction. ] I said no.

Let go. [ he swats their arms back. they reattach and this time, he takes a bit more of a firmer stance. ala, his first drama cd. he pushes the elf nearest to him with enough (inadvertent) force to... trip him up. making him eventually fall backwards, a tree root even succeeding to misbalance him. oops. except... he doesn't exactly feel sorry.

moreover, to anyone else this probably looked like straight up bullying, right? it's with this, his eyes dart around. this time, managing to catch a glimpse of a stranger. well... it was better they deal with it than him, or so he's already thinking. ]

BONUS : THE CONCLUSION NO ONE WANTED
truly "diabolik lovers: dark fate"

[ it's not exactly ideal sleeping conditions, but as a vampire, he wasn't one to give it any extraneous concern to the details of his surroundings. laying flat on his back, without absolutely no qualm or issue, he stays there almost completely lifeless. with his music still blaring through his headphones, he closes his eyes. allowing the darkness of the back of his eyelids to overtake him. or that's what he anticipated on accomplishing. that is, until he senses an unfamiliar presence and he gradually cracks an eye open.

ah. mistletoe. ... moreover, what was this feeling? was he thirsty? no, while his throat was feeling marginally itchy, it wasn't precisely that. it was something... more. perhaps, even intimate. maybe, he's not entirely certain yet, and... whoever the victim is. sorry. better luck next time. ]

[ Bullying!! How fun.

In fact, it's so fun that Azula's spending a full minute just watch these cute little elves get shoved and fall over, laughing merry at their misfortune. But it's so boring without her participation so she's decided to join in the fun as well. So hi, going back to our previous Haven thread, have an innocuous stream of fire shooting towards one of the elves attempting to reattach itself to Shu's arm and lighting its jingly hat on fire.

And hopefully, missing Shu's arm. Hey, she doesn't know he doesn't like fire ok. ]

Look, like flailing little candles! [ More merry laughter and more elves being set on fire! ] It makes everything even more festive, don't you think?

I don't rea—

[ really care, he wanted to say. but, he doesn't. can't.

to be quite honest, were the damage just mere... injury or attempts at ceasing lives or gripping them by their precarious edges, he could easily have turned a blind eye. a moderately callous and disconnected one. little to no care. near zero fucks. but, it's the single second in which the flames are ignited that his lips immediately twitch. then, at a starling rate of inclination— curve downwards. his eyes flicker across them, and in this moment, he doesn't flinch. doesn't move. he's stuck in place. firm and his knees already threatening to weaken below him.

if he had to compare his current mental state to an actual color... pure white comes to mind. blank. devoid of thought. ] ... [ that is, until the panic settles in. there's a sound from the back of his throat. ] ... nu... [ but, it's not actual syllables or letters. ] ... st... [ stop. he swallows hard. he tries to remain composed, but it's so impossible for him. if stoves were enough to shock him into the immediacy of shutting them off... a fire bender is... an absolute nightmare. ]

[ he's so unfortunate that she's the first fire bender he's ever met. had it been someone else, someone with a shred of compassion or humanity, the production of fire elves would've halted right away and shu wouldn't have been subjected to further torment. but this is azula and azula's the type who smells fear in a person and revels in it. and shu's fear, well, it's probably more overpowering than a komodo rhino's fart.

really, truly unfortunate indeed. ]

Nu? St? [ she kicks away one of the elves on fire (towards him, really) as she walks around, looking around if there's any more of those poor creatures around to turn into a lantern. ] That doesn't sound like the start of the phrase "thank you".

[ after all, she technically did drive his elves away from him. so a word of thanks is a polite thing to say. ]

Edited 2014-12-02 11:47 (UTC)

[ her words are incomprehensible to him in the present. they reverberate with every bold nuance she infuses into them, sure. the sadistic manner in which she verbally seems to prod him into reacting— palpable in every syllable. but, despite these well-established facts, they don't serve any meaning to him. especially not right now. shu instinctively opens and closes his mouth. it's a slow action. one that isn't fluid or deliberate in the least, either. it's almost as if he had an idea or sentences to spill, but as he grasped something to say, nothing came out. ... and as expected, this is only made infinitely worse as the elf topples over in a burning mess near his feet. almost touching actually.

he's, in short, horrified. as an individual who couldn't even feasibly accept the concept of a burning building... it's evident what this does to him. the memories they spark. he can see it clearly, whether his eyes are closed or open and it's... enough to get his feet moving. he shuffles backwards. one, two, one... it's shaky. uneven and he then pivots. it's a clumsy movement, especially as he tightly keeps his eyes shut. but, as if that didn't look.... pathetic enough, he runs.

even if it's behind a tree only some meters away. or... on thin ice. let's see how careful he is. at least he's not full of muscles to weigh him down. .... let's just hope this isn't like the game where it ends up in blood sucking. (unsure) save me from this thread. ]

[ ah, he's running away. clearly uninformed of the memo that running away from her is simply triggering the instinct of hunting him down. then again most people seem to be, which only makes their game of chase a little more exciting and amusing. if only she knew that she's turned the tables on him, the predator turned into prey. too bad yui's not around to take great pleasure in it as azula is ... ]

Oh, are we playing hide-and-seek now? [ she calls out, slowly, deliberately following him at a leisure pace. her way of being a good sport, giving him a head start as he seems to be at a disadvantage with his extreme terror towards fire. but also because the elves have been babbling and waddling around. something about the correct path to some "mall".

but that can wait. it's been a while since she's gotten to play (try a year in the nuthouse) and zuzu's not around to indulge her. her smile widens. ]

All right! I'll start counting. One ...

[ there's a loud crack and the smell of burning wood as the nearest tree to her catches fire. ] Two ... [ followed by another ] Three ... [ and another ] Four ... [ and another. ]

[ his voice is raspier now, the start and finish of his attempts at "speech" breaking off erratically.

though, in his defense, he's not offering much in terms of actual language. instead, focused in on more hushed verses of tones and inflections. syllables rolling off his tongue, only to hang in the air and dissipate, as he eminently struggles with the concept of regaining his bearings over the situation. it's almost when he hears the "hide and seek" and feels he's grasped at least the outer edge of it, that the fire begins following. that— the user who could produce them was, inexolorably, coming with. in a specific way that was akin to the natures his brother's possessed, actually. it might have been ironic enough to get a smirk out of him, or an overly arrogant half-way glance between his slightly impressed, but equally sarcastic remarks. sucks for him, that the latter two are the last of what he's capable of now.

he was meeting his fear in full and there was no immediate escape. the next tree falls and it's... fairly close to him. ] Stop... stop... stop it... [ so, he shifts to the left. further in. he forces himself to regulate his breathing, but, the third and fourth come now. he shake his head, already feeling completely out of balance and the loop. it's unfortunate that the ice beneath his feet are starting to break away, though. but, water may have not been a bad thing right about now. especially when he's this close to tears. good thing cordelia isn't sharing azula's body. no eyes will be gouged or licked. no such desire will be made, either. ... in theory. ]

[ but i'm not that rude (maybe). and so is azula, the expanding forest fire and her tracks briefly halted at the first cry of stop.

let it be said that she was momentarily benevolent, that she actually listens to people — only she's not, only she doesn't and this ceasefire is her simply dragging the game a little longer and more amusing. giving hope then crushing it mercilessly under her boots. that's more like her, in her opinion. she kicks the snow melting into a puddle around her feet and occasionally, the elves that cross her path. ]

But it's freezing. [ well, not really. the cold doesn't bother her anyway (not when she can firebend). ] Why stop?

[ there's obvious displeasure marred across his features. but, even then, he battles against the nostalgia that metaphorically looms beneath the surface of his skin. it felt frigid and scorching hot all the same. it gave him chills, causes him to shiver, but not in the sinful manner in which he was normally accustomed to. it was... a constant scrimmage, a boundless amount of trials and tribulations. one that linked back to that fateful day and the embers that continued to illuminate his conscience even now. there's guilt latent within him, but there's also resentment. self-loathing. other similar concepts as well. his mouth tightens and he finally grits his teeth together. perfectly in unison. it's the only thing that directs his attention away for even a second. sort of, but just barely.

his senses are numb and he doesn't even comprehend the fact that the fire has temporarily "finished." paused. stopped. a truce of some breed... met, maybe. but, despite these facts, the flames are still visible to him. even behind his shut eyelids. then, he opens them. forcefully. unlike the preceding times, or the events subsequent to his timeline, he doesn't have the comfort of a familiar presence. isn't surrounded by voices on the streets, or saved by a the sirens of a firetruck.

so he knows that he has to seek comfort in other means. whatever those are. probably by whining out again... or sucking blood or... kissing (the only acts he's ever committed in states like these; not exclusively, no, but still), depending on how close she gets. by the time he peers over and utilizes the breadth of his peripherals... does he realize. yeah. so when she comes within a reasonable distance, he utilizes his quick (though partially dulled) reflexes to try and seize her wrist.

then, lean in. breathing still heavy. ] Don't come... [ idk what this is becoming... ]

[None of this is ideal. None of this is the route Mai wanted, but here she is, a little more ragged than before, after having been chased by vicious reindeer and hugging minotaurs.

The usual.

She's rebraiding her hair weakly, for a lack of anything better to do, when she accidentally stumbles upon him. Oh. He's got a pretty face that means she needs to backpedal quickly love interest alert. He opens his eye, and she stammers.]

O-oh, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to disturb you.

[The mistletoe, she doesn't yet notice. Probably for the better, at the moment.]

[ it's been difficult.

the entirety of the day, that is. the preceding events are still, undeniably, fresh on his mind, and... they only serve to grate on his nerves. annoy him in all his lethargy. the only source of comfort he can really find is the smooth melody that continues to play on his headset without pause. without abandon. without obsession to the ongoings of such an unfamiliar atmosphere. but, it's in this, that he's been met with a dash of the unexpected. in the presence of a young woman. ... who smelled moderately delicious, as far as he could detect. but, more pressing to that. she appeared to be an individual in which...

he had other more extraneous yearnings for. hence, he acts out in the only manner he can. shifting his gaze and rolling over a bit from the ground, he peers upwards. staring quite conspicuously at the region below her dress. for longer than a few brief seconds. then, evident disappointment. ] ... black. [ all he sees is the color black and the unique pattern of her tights. it's a displeased reaction in realization to a rather problematic event. aka, his perverse tendencies being, more or less, thwarted. ]

[And a pervert, too. Wonderful.

It takes Mai an almost painfully long time to realize what he's doing, if only because she tends to think the best of everyone, even if she has no idea who they are or anything like that. She should probably worry about that sort of thing, but as we've established--no survival instincts whatsoever.

Immediately, she steps back, scandalized and pulling her dress closer to herself, eyes widening.]

Y-you... [THAT'S RUDE, SIR.] Why would you do that? [WHY] Um, please don't do that again...!

[how very convincing.]

[ the reaction, especially at first, that shift in tone and volume causes his brows to furrow slightly. obviously miffed by the sounds. there are a few brief seconds in which he's about to lethargically enter a complaint, only... it gradually turns into a smirk by the end of her miniature outburst or rebuttal session. he, then, chuckles darkly. he closes his eyes once more, before opening them with a sense of curiosity. ] Isn't that obvious? [ the reason, that is. aka, he's just really gross. there's no reasoning with a disgusting vampire. though, to make matters worse. ] Think about it. Why else would a man be interested in that?

[ and... ] Aren't you the lewd one who ended up showing me?

[ They've won, it's over and Lapis walks the area, searching for familiar faces and familiar presences. She's still (somewhat) human, but she knows a vampire when she feels one, dark and heavy and the taste of blood in the back of her throat, like Rowan's presence--

Rowan spoke badly of vampires, including himself. But he had saved her life and she gives him blood regularly to repay him.

The lying prone...worries her, even if she knows vampires are hardier than most things. But she also knows he may sense her, the powers she obtained from a spirit summoned in a ritual gone wrong.

She startles when he rises, not noticing the mistletoe above, and considers making a run for it now that she's certain he's not unwell. Yet, something feels terribly wrong in all this... ]

[ her presence was unique. one he hasn't actually felt before. a new, considerably bold-faced experience. it strikes up his sense of inquisitiveness. only, to, within the matter of milliseconds, be killed with his overwhelming sense of apathy and keen disinterest. it's always instantaneous, how one concept hits him and his lack of motivation moves to counter and conquer that. his movements, in this case, also follow through the same motions. he's about to close his eyes once more, only it approaches. or well, it's more like the distance has been breached enough where he doesn't feel the explicit need to go back to sleep. or more like he's already be disturbed enough as it is. ... though, that's also notwithstanding his desire for something far more peculiar.

so... ] ... troublesome. [ there are two options on the table. at least for him to reach some... decent level of personally-crafted satisfaction. one, to run after her (because, clearly, she appears like she's going to bolt... not that he cares in theory, but still lost opportunities, etc, etc) or... to cease her right now. which, with her leg in close proximity. yeah. just going to grip her ankle. ] What? So you're the type who just leaves after spying on a sleeping man? [ though, shu would normally be the one encouraging them away, this time... he revels in the contact. though, clearly not enough. it's not enough. ]

[ Who exactly is his enemy here at the moment? While he doesn't quite trust those tiny men, he doesn't find their current assailant to be any more trustworthy. In fact, he appears to be harshly injuring them for little more than the crime of trying to lead him towards the 'right' path.

It is a suspicious scene, and Mitsunari had wisely chosen to stand back and observe before jumping into anything right away, something that you man clearly had neglected to do. Except that the exchange doesn't particularly tell him anything, but seeing as the young man is being a bit of a nuisance, he ends up favoring the little men in the end.

His hand reaches for his fan, opening the steel blades as he prepares to send it flying. While he doesn't wish to attack someone unharmed, he plans on separating the two of them before they continue with this display any longer. ]

That's enough! Why not focus on enemies closer to your size if you plan on allowing your anger guide your actions? Better yet, try approaching the situation with more of a level head instead of attacking at random. Do you even know what their purpose-

[ Before he can finish the statement, the little men immediately start rushing forwards towards him, making Mitsunari tense up and glare, wondering what they're planning on doing. ]

Stand back! I wasn't exactly defending any of you, either!

[ actually, whether on accident or on purpose, shu is fully prepared to step directly on top of the elf he's just recently assisted in toppling over. he only gets near the wrist when he's disrupted. he was even about to recite a line or two in reference to their pathetic stance on the floor, only, he's met with an unfamiliar figure. the words were obviously in tune with some level of chastisement. or of notable displeasure. or both. but, whichever it is, he meets it with the same sense of neutrality. the wind is enough to push him back, to unroot his feet from their original position. he takes a few seconds to rewire himself and regain his bearing in their totality. though, it's in this process that his lips curve downwards. ] Who said I was attacking them? [ ... other than the evident fact that he was ready to deliver actual suffering and torture onto their compact forms??? but, details. or that's how easily he seems to brush it off. ]

Besides can you really refer to them as "enemies." They're hardly the size of anything. [ also, paired with a "who cares" type of attitude. as far as he was concerned, they were of little to no worth to him. he could care less about what he does to them or the sorry state they're in. only, once they start approaching him, does shu take a decisive step back. his expression now easing into something marginally more... devious. amused, he exhales with a small sound of mock consideration. ]

Though, it seems like... this is just what you're into.

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//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

shu sakamaki ø diabolik lovers

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1/2

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i'm tempted to threadjack with reiji once shu starts crying

sele???? [shock]

bon...us.....

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bonus!

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i;

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