//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

KATSURA KOTAROU | GINTAMA

[bakudanma]

PHASE I:

_{[ It looked like something out of a Miyazaki film— Zura was certain he'd start seeing little critters bouncing about any moment, but he had to keep focused. Santa needed to be rescued, and that's one way to keep this samurai motivated.
He breathes steadily, intense eyes flickering about and surveying the area, as beautiful as he thought it was. A rustle in the bushes, and Katsura instantly turns, high on his guard, and sees nothing. His lashes narrow as he holds the handle of his katana. Though, he takes a greater look around and notices footprints?? in the snow?? The corner of his lips tweak upward. ]}

Hah hah! I know precisely where you are at! If you think that you can stop me, come on out!

_{[ Low and behold, the elves toddle out, and unsurprisingly enough, they begin to chitter and chatter about cutely. Their hands swing back and forth as they gather in a circle around Zura, beginning to sing. ]}

T-This…

_{[ He stammers. ]}

T-This is so cute…

_{[ Was that a flush in his face?
Somebody fucking help him he's been charmed. ]}

PHASE II:

Rudolph-dono!
_{[ FUCKING DRAMATIC.
Anybody near by can probably hear this guy screaming as he is crouched.. in a pile of minced reindeer meat. ]}

I'm sorry, it had to be done! You were a good leader to us all. Nobody will ever forget you! Ah, I hope I don't get put on the naughty list for all of this! <sub>[ the fuck??? ]

[ somewhere in the middle of this, though, it would appear Katsura forget a singular reindeer. Either it's coming after you, or it's coming after him. Either way, it's time to tag team and work together! ]</sub>

PHASE IV:

Don't give up.
_{[ who the fuck is this guy and why has he been following you for the past few minutes? He's gross and covered in blood and his gaze looks piercing as he eyes their target. He grimaces as the melodious songs enter his head. ]}

Drown her out. Think of something that makes you happiest. Such as the soft pads of a cat.
_{[ ah yes. ]}

Remember who we are fighting for!
_{[ he's so fucking serious about Santa Claus right now, you can't even imagine, guys. ]}

PHASE BUT WHY WOULD YOU:

_{[ Zura seems exhausted from the massive battle, one hand cupping over his eye and holding his head in exhaustion. Inky hair spills over his shoulders, a bit matted from the mayhem he just encountered. He's completely oblivious to anything buzzing above him at this point.
Though, his eyes catch glimpse of a passbyer. Maybe you're looking exhausted— maybe even sad. Either way, he stops you by putting a hand gently on your shoulder. ]}

—You did well, remember that. It's probably time to rest for us all.

i

[particularity]

[That guy's been completely won over...]

Is... cute really the word?

[Hinata's happened along at the (in)opportune moment... only to find elves starting to surround him. Cute or not he kind of cringes back and stares suspiciously like he's contemplating seeing how far he can kick them away from him.

Also he raises his hands away from their grasp...!! no away foul beasts]

[bakudanma]

<sub>[ good job Hinata. I'm sure he's always wondering into the perfect situation at the perfect time.
Zura senses a vibe that is nothing more than strong protagonist even before Hinata opens his mouth.
It is at this point his hands are being held, and he's starting to be escorted away.

In absolute bliss, he finally replies: ]</sub>

Nothing matters now! I'm going to the North Pole!

_{[ this is bad.
Typically, something like this wouldn't usually bother him unless they were little dancing dogs or something like that.
Whatever happened, they really did a number on him. ]}

[particularity]

[He could just walk away. He could. He could run away from tiny elves who are probably robots or like stupid bears and shit and who will inevitably take him into danger so he should just abandon that guy there who's been completely suckered in...

But, as Hinata is wont to do, instead he exhales a put-upon sigh AND HE FOLLOWS. While keeping a safe distance from the elves and glaring suspiciously at them if they get too close to him.]

It really should matter... You should be worried, oi, you don't even know if that's where they're taking you. Actually, I doubt that's where they're going...

[Just because suspicious.]

[bakudanma]

<sub>[ Probably. But who knows. Sometimes people really change when another is put in a dangerous situation.
There's always a little voice of reason back in his head. He listens to it, occasionally, but today, it seems really... annoying.

Though. something does get through to him. ]</sub>

—Little companions, where is it we are going?
<sub>[ of course they say the North Pole.
And of course Zura gives Hinata a look like told you so.
They're at the ice now and...
that is it. He's pushed in, and the laughter and jeering ensues. Zura isn't in any sort of water friendly attire; it really just weighs him down as he struggles to get out.

Really, Hinata. You should have just turned around from the start. ]</sub>

[particularity]

[SEE, HE KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN

never trust anything]

Oi--

[He dodges around a few elves who make an attempt to push him in, glaring and threatening them with a wave of a hunting knife... and then he'll go to that loser who's flailing in the water over there. Shrugging off his jacket, he flings one end of it Katsura's way, grasping the other sleeve...] Grab on and I'll haul you out!

1.2

[bakudanma]

<sub>[ HIS SAVIOR. You realize now he's going to be eternally grateful.
Who knows what that really means in Zura-terms.

Anyway, he does, in fact, grab a hold of the jacket, and it gives him enough mobility to make a grand escape!
...by that, I mean he basically wiggles his body up onto the ice and lies there, face down for a moment. ]</sub>

2.2

[bakudanma]

<sub>[ It's cold and he's soaked, sopping hair and heavy clothing wearing on him. With a bit of effort, he does rise to his feet and draw his sword.
With his own little yell, he seems... really terrifying now?

And actually, all the little elves shriek in unison and go scattering.
Katsura doesn't even bother to chase them... which isn't good. Now he doesn't know which way to go. ]</sub>

—You better run quickly!
_{[ now he's making it worse. GO AFTER THEM, YOU IDIOT. ]}
I'm not gentle with those who use trickery!

..ah?
_{[ oh, nobody left besides his hero. ]}

[particularity]

[Hinata kinda watches in amazement as Katsura stands up looking like a drowned rat and actually succeeds in looking intimidating.

b/c that takes some talent let him say]

...they're all gone. Looks like you really scared them. [Or your sword did.]

But we should probably chase them, or we won't be able to find the way back. I don't know if you can catch hypothermia in ViViD but you probably shouldn't risk it...

[bakudanma]

It will take nothing to hunt them down.
<sub>[ he says this as he withdraws his sword with a small huff.

He then pulls all of his hair over his shoulder and twists it, water dripping into the snow. He tries to hide his teeth chattering but it is in vain. ]</sub>

T-t-thank you, ahoge-dono. I will have to repay you somehow.
_{[ dear Lord. ]}

[particularity]

Then, we should get to...

[hold the fuck up what did he just get called

The ahoge in question seems to twitch as Hinata turns his head to look at him, staring... why this.] It's not 'ahoge-dono', it's just Hinata... [He's probably not copying your catchphrase on purpose, Zura.

Or maybe he is. Let's get a little meta here.]

[bakudanma]

_{[ meta??? META??? WHO THE FUCK GETS META HERE. Certainly not Gintama characters.
And Katsura is one to catch on quick: ]}

Oh? Now you c-c-can't even have a c-c-catchphrase of your own. Are you trying t-to already gain popularity by copying No. 5's phrase? A fruitless tactic.

_{[ a warm place would feel nice about now. ]}

Hinata-dono, then.
_{[ still showing respect. ]}

[particularity]

[CERTAINLY NOT. NOT GINTAMA OF ALL THINGS]

Who's copying your phrase... [You've got that wrong. sore wa chigau zo, etc.]

Come on, let's get going, er--

[He pauses as he realises he has no idea what this guy's name is, despite his meta commentary. So he'll give him a politely curious look.]

[bakudanma]

_{[ WHAT THE FUCK IS META ANYWAY. ]}

Katsura Kotarou.

_{[ He breathes into his hands in attempt to warm himself up. ]}

Follow the tiny foot steps. They should take us to their leader.
If they don't—_{[ drawing his sword again. ]}

I'll make sure we will get to Santa-sama.
_{[ look at that serious demeanor. And -sama? Why. ]}

—if not, they are worthless and choosing our own path would be the wisest way to reach our goal.
_{[ without a beat: ]} We will blow them up.
_{[ such violent talk for a moderate-pacifist. But really, he doesn't like being mocked or tricked at all. ]}

iv

[awaken]

Happiest?

[ Her voice is hollow, empty, as if she doesn't know what the word meant. There's only the Queen and her voice and that is all that matters— except. It doesn't feel right, and why doesn't it?

Minako examines the word, "happiest", in her head, trying to understand. There's something... something... and she could hear laughter; boys and girls laughing, mostly. But it's laughter.

She recognizes it. ]

... My friends? My friends... make me the happiest...

[bakudanma]

_{[ Zura is thinking of all sorts of things. It'd probably be a scary place if we got too detailed with it, but there are definitely cats, dogs, plenty of rolls of toilet paper and waterfalls made of soba and ... this thing. A lot of those. ]}

—I've learned already we cannot negotiate with any of these enemies. Fight for your friends, even if they are not here now; keep focus of those things that are important and think not of her spells.

_{[ With that, he steadies himself to draw his sword, and then: ]}

I don't want any of your Christmas cheer!!!
_{[ ah yes...... there is the screaming. ]}

[awaken]

[ It's the screaming that hits her (and well, the strange bloody man with a sword—is that a katana?) and everything becomes clearer as Minako snaps out of the Ice Queen's trance. ]

What, what just happened?!

[bakudanma]

_{[ was she not listening the entire time? Could it be? Was she already giving in?
Something about her seems a little.. different. Katsura puts his attention on her, gaze seeming intense. ]}

—You have to be strong. Do you not have anything to fight with?

[awaken]

[ Fight with? Er— she lifts the naginata in her hands, somehow still a little baffled as to why she even has it, but she's shaking it off, the thrall. ]

I got this? And, [ Minako lets her other hand hold her weapon as she pats her side, looking for something... and pulling out what looks like a gun. ] this.

[ She looks up at the man. ]

Was I, I don't know, under some sort of hypnosis? My head's a little fuzzy, still. [ But recovering. ]

[bakudanma]

_{[ a gun. This could be very useful if this girl can use it, as much as Katsura is in love with the sword. ]}

Can you aim well?

_{[ He's trying to devise a plan, here, but things are getting more and more confusing as the Queen continues to sing. ]}

[awaken]

[ Aim? But, this isn't really a gun— oh. Wait. The man probably doesn't know. And that song is starting up again, as Minako's trying to shake herself out of it for good. ]

This isn't really a gun, actually... [ Maybe a public demonstration is in order. She points the gun at her temple and without hesitation, pulls the trigger. ] Orpheus!

[ The sound of glass breaking and blue fog. And as if rising from her head, a figure appears floating above Minako's head. ]

[bakudanma]

_{[ The average person might be startled by this development, but..
Katsura has seen a lot in his life. ]}

...Ah. I see.
Does it know any special moves? +9 attacks against ice types? Does it have enough HP to take on an enemy like this without fainting? _{Unfortunately, I left all of my revival potions at home.}

[awaken]

[ ...Those are video game references. ]

Well, she'll only faint if I faint, since she's... well, me. [ And if she depends on Orpheus for too long, but Minako knows her limits (most of the time). ]

Orpheus, let's go!

[ On cue, Orpheus grabs the lyre from her back and plays a quick tune. Suddenly the base of the Ice Queen's throne explodes and there's fire all over.

It's just an Agi spell. ]

[bakudanma]

_{[ THAT WAS SUDDEN.
And a little bit alarming. Needless to say, he's a little stunned, but continues: ]}

—Then I'll make sure that you do not faint.
<sub>[ He'll be your defense, alright.

. . . . ]</sub>

Oh? Where did the Queen go? Did she survive?

[awaken]

I hope not, I don't think— [ and she catches movement from the corner of her eye. ] Orpheus, one more! [ another strum of a lyre, another fiery explosion. and that's when Orpheus disappears into blue fog and Minako falls to her knees.

Persona summoning can take a lot out of you. ]