//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

mikhail. ➣ drakengard 3.

[idiocy]

( PHASE i )

Y-You guys are a bunch of bullies! How can you be so mean?! I didn't do anything to you! ...Or did I? If I did, I'm sorry! Did I step on your home?

[ If you stumble upon this scene you'll... well, you'll see a white dragon halfway in the lake due to the ice that crumbled around his slightly large body. Unfortunately not all the ice around him fell apart, so he's kinda... stuck. He's struggling, wings expanding and trying to beat enough to at least fly out. However, it's far too cold and basically he's a sitting duck that's splashing around and emitting distressed cries.

... It's a pretty pathetic sight really. The Elves are throwing everything they can get their tiny hands on, Mikhail has no choice but to endure the rocks and various sticks flinging at his face and body.] Owuch! Ow! OW! Hey! That hurt! C'mon, stop it!

[ You'd imagine he would be smart enough to remember the fact he's a dragon and can most likely spew fire from his mouth. This isn't the brightest of dragons, though.

> Maybe you should help him..... ]

( PHASE iii )

[ There's a dragon hugging a minotaur.

...That's all you need to know. ]

ofc phase iii

[unevoke]

[What the fuck is he even looking at right now, Shinjiro has no idea. (Is it the drugs? He's gotten nightmares aplenty from them but never dreams of this caliber, maybe he should stop taking them, just for a bit—) He shakes his head, blinks a few times.

Nope. Still there. Two monster-like creatures attached to each other.]

The hell is going on here?

[He's more perplexed than anything else, really.]

perfect choice

[idiocy]

[ It wasn't as though Mikhail was going to ignore the minotaur's feelings! If there was a way to get around fighting, human or monster, there was no way he wouldn't take that chance. Which is what led to the dragon wrapping wings around the large minotaur in a tight snug hug.

( Aw...? )

Mikhail jumps a little at an unfamiliar voice, raising his head to look over and that's when he takes in the sight of the human. Not someone he knows but...

Oh! ] Sorry! Did you want to join in? Here, I can make room!

[ The dragon raises one wing, opening space for Shinjiro to be able to walk on over and hug the two beasts. you know you want to, it's okay shinjiro. ]

[unevoke]

[That's....not the reaction he was hoping for, or even expecting. It garners the dragon a quick beat of stunned silence—an all too common reaction in the past few hours—before he shakes his head and takes a step back.

(Things Shinjiro's excellent at: impeding his own progress at anything and everything.)]

Wouldn't wanna get in the way. [Also he has no desire to die via minotaur or dragon or a combination of the two.] I'll find another way out.

[ANYTHING'S GOT TO BE BETTER THAN PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION....]

[idiocy]

Huh? You wouldn't be in the way! I'm sure it will count! [ Quickly the dragon turns his head to the minotaur, nodding in reply. The minotaur seems to agree, something about his feelings want to be told to everyone- no matter what. Which, to Mikhail, means the more the merrier to him. ] See? It's A-OK!

[ Are you really going to say no to a dragon that is happily wagging his tail like a dog..... Either way, he keeps his wing raised and has not yet moved, though don't tempt him to move on closer. ]

[unevoke]

Count...?

[There's barely enough time for him to voice that thought aloud before he's practically being ushered into the most uncomfortable threeway hug imaginable. No. No, he definitely doesn't want to do this.

And yet...

It's like Koromaru's sitting in front of him, soulful eyes begging for a walk or just one more treat, except that instead of Koro there's a giant dragon waving its tail. He didn't even know dragons could do that.

Augh.]

Is that the only way to get across?

[The door's been left open now for further attacks of affection.]

[idiocy]

Yeah! That's what he told me! Isn't that such a better way out? [ It's like this test was made for Mikhail. He always wanted to seek the easy way out- and by easy, that means everyone talking it out, maybe a hug here and there, then everyone becomes friends! Yaaaay!

Obviously he's pretty happy about this conclusion, that tail just keeps wagging side to side excitedly and that gleeful expectant look in his eyes.. Mikhail is just waiting at this point for the man to join in.

Imagine when he sees Zero later and passes this story along in a 'I told you so' fashion.] I mean, instead of some looong stupid boring fight, all you have to do is give a nice hug and TADA! You're on your way! It's faster that way!

[ Bait bait bait bait bait ]

phase i

[straining]

[ .........This was. Not what she was expecting screaming for help and in pain. She has never seen a dragon behave...like this before so there's a Pause. She's met with awful dragons but this one only seems pitiful in spite of its looks.

Sliding daggers out from under the long sleeves of her dark red poncho, Lapis launches herself at the elves. Surprise and momentum on her side, she knocks two of them onto the ice, stepping without care onto the other two. She's light, but she knows how to use her weight well. One of them under her long boots squeaks, painfully. ]

...Lord Dragon.

[ Rowan had always warned her to be polite with dragons regardless of how rude they were. Be passive aggressive if you want, he had said, but always be polite.

Lapis didn't want to talk at all, but there was no other way to communicate.

(There's a way, but--)

What would Rowan do? ...Swing his sword and break the ice but that's not an option she has. ]

Can you...not get out?

[idiocy]

..H-Huh? [ Lord Dragon. Nobody... nobody ever called him that before!

The white dragon visibly freezes in posture, taken by surprise being the simplest way to put it. The daggers were a little scary but it wasn't intimidating nor was he feeling fearful for his life, no.

She called him...Lord Dragon... ] ...Aaaaaah! [ That was definitely a yell. ] You don't have to call me that! My name's Mikhail!

[ 'Lord Dragon' is so embarrassing. No doubt other dragons would take it gladly, but Mikhail feels too weird being called it. ] N..no, not really. The hole is too tight, I can't really move all that much.

[straining]

[ That scream startles her, her expression shifting into one of surprise. Dragons can yell?! She's learnt something new...

But Mikhail... Okay. It's a name she'll remember. ]

...Fire?

[ Speaking is hard, so she tries to use as little words as possible. Can't dragons breathe fire, she intended to ask. ]

[idiocy]

[ Mikhail stays there for a moment, nothing but the sound of the water rippling around him and the continuous slight crackling of ice as it continued to break apart in rhythms.

...

...

The pause goes on for a while longer, the dragon simply standing and staring, before.. ]

Oh right! DUH Mikhail! Hehe. Heheheheh... [ ..Yeah, he really did forget he could do that. Turning his head with jaws parting, flames of red start to breathe out and melt the ice encasing his back legs. Once that's done does he manage to easily hover right on out and land on safer ground. ]

Yaaaaay! I did it! [ For some reason he may be looking at her for praising now. ]

i! (also i'm so sorry)

[awaken]

[ There's a dragon in an icy lake.

Minako was just getting her bearings, naginata in one hand as she navigated the forest on her way to the mall. However, one cannot really miss the sight of a great large beast being pummeled by pebbles and sticks and... really small snowballs by a bunch of elves.

... She should help. ]

Hey!! [ Some of the elves stop attacking the dragon and turn to her. ] Why don't you pick someone your own size?

[ ... That may not have been the best thing to say as the elves rally and switch targets. Well, shit. She grabs her evoker from its holster and points it at her head. ]

Persona!

[ There's the sharp sound of glass breaking and faint blue fog appearing above her head. Voila, a green dick monster riding a chariot with spikes is on the field and setting elves on fire. ]

NEVER BE, you are fantastic omg im crying

[idiocy]

[ W-

Wh-

What was that?! It suddenly appeared and set all the tiny people on fire! Magic? An oddly strange use of magic, but it had to be. Not that.. he's seen magic to that degree before. There's a lot going through his head now, staring widely and jaws agape at the sight before him.

All his struggling seems to have ceased, nothing but the sound of high pitch screaming and even a few elves here and there diving into the iced water around him. The dragon only managed to blink out of his trance, glancing down at the tiny people jumping in to drench themselves of the burning.

For a second, he considered helping them, maybe hold a wing at water level to help them escape out of the water- though, they did try and drown him. Which now makes him realize the situation again.

...He was clearly next!] AHHHHHHH! Please don't light me on fire!!

cries with u

[awaken]

[ With the elves running around in a panic and trying to get rid of the fire, the dick monster disappears into the same blue fog as it appeared and Minako finally has a clear way towards the dragon. ]

Are you... alright? [ He kind of reminds her of one of her other personas, notably the dragon-shaped ones. ] I don't know if you're not a fire-breathing dragon, but you can do that to melt the ice around you.

rip dicksona....

[idiocy]

Eh?! [ Despite her smaller size than his own, the dragon raises his head up and shrinks back as though intimidated, or worried, maybe even both at the power this girl seems to hold. However, when she asks, he seems to ease up immediately. ] I-I think so! I didn't get burned so, yeah.

[ ...

Fire?

... ... ... ... ... ] Oooooohhhhhh.

[ Right....that... he could do that, huh? Mikhail starts to give a childish-like laugh, giggling as though embarrassed he had forgotten (which he certainly is.) ] Oops! Right! Oh-kay!

[ Jaws part and direct to the ice blocking his recovery, a rumble starting to sound and--

his stomach growls. ] Oh, sorry. Hehehe.

[ Ahem. Attempt two, this time he feels the depths of his belly warm and now he's properly melting the ice around him. When done, he jumps out and lands on more solid ground with a 'oof!' ] I did it!

i have never played drakengard but mikhail is becoming a favorite

[awaken]

[ ... This is a little surreal, considering that Minako's always thought dragons would be high-and-mighty sort of people, if they talked. Seth and Kohryu were kind of like that, but.

She claps anyway, or claps as much as she can holding a naginata in one hand. ]

You did it! Why didn't you think of it before?

a gullible and childish dragon can win the hearts of many NO BUT ITS GREAT

[idiocy]

[ Oh they most definitely are, a lot of his kind are arrogant and full of themselves. This dragon is just... strange in particular, he's an oddball. Or an idiot, as Zero will be sure to put it.

At the applause though he gets really excited, and probably abashed. ..As abashed as a dragon can appear anyways, using a wing to rub against his head and shuffle on the spot. ] Eheheh..

Huh? Oh, that's because I forgot! [ Mikhail giggles some more, sheepish now as he gives his reason without any hesitation. ]

breathes gently (phase i)

[blacksong]

[Thank goodness Zero's here to remember for the both of them... Except not really. You think she'd have gotten used to Mikhail being dumb, but no, there's always something else.]

What the hell are you doing?! Just breathe some fucking fire, dumbass! [Could Zero actually help him out of this? Yes. Will she?



Doesn't look like it. Come on Mikhail, she left saying something mushy like "You've grown strong," DON'T PROVE IT WRONG SO QUIKLY....]

jitters excitedly

[idiocy]

[ IT'S TOO LATE. Especially when he yelps at the sudden scolding words, startled enough that he-

starts to hiccup. Yes, now he's hiccuping. ] Z-Ze [ HIC ] ro! You're here! How did- [ HIC ]

And then you- [ HIC ]

Then I was- [ HIC ] and then I got- [ HIC ] you're here!

[ .... Errrr, that didn't go really as planned. Mikhail seems to have heard her though, emitting a chorus of 'right!' over and over as he shuffles and prepares himself to breathe fire. ..While hiccuping. So, instead of a nice steady toasting burn of scorching flames, he's emitting it in tiny puffs with continuous hiccups sounding. ] I [ HICS ] CAN'T!

[ Can't you just hear him starting to whine? He's getting overwhelmed by the sudden rush of feelings cause he really thought he'd never see her again! He was just so happy! Enough he can't keep his tail from wagging which.. actually seems to help clear the ice behind him, at least. ]

[blacksong]

[God she knew exactly what would happen if Mikhail ended up here, she knew it, and yet she can't help but be exasperated seeing him cry already. She takes everything she ever said about him being strong now, this is the worst.

And it's easier to get mad than to think about the actual Feelings she has on him being here, so.]

Save your god damn crying for after you get out of that! [She's actually making her way over now at least, but it'd probably to help those elves beat him up at this point.]

phase i!!

[allthreefourths]

Did that-- happen, just now?

[ now it's surprising enough that mikhail is a dragon that hiccup's never seen before--but then there's being a dragon that he's never seen before that he swears just talked, and when the distressed cries continue it becomes a yes, for sure he just talked.

hiccup has to shake the shock off to realize that, yes, maybe he should help the poor dragon stuck in the lake. and by "shake the shock off" it's more like "get a major jolt back to reality" as the black dragon he's riding shakes his black body to get his rider attentive, after he's done with his own unimpressed observation of fellow dragon. ]

R...ight. Right! Let's go, bud.

[ it doesn't take a genius to know that toothless's body shake and expectant and impatient exhale of air means let's go already, which is what they're now doing as toothless takes to the air above mikhail. okay, he knows dragons can understand speech, but this one can talk... so hiccup's a little bewildered when he calls out: ]

Uh. Hey! Fire wooould be a pretty good idea right about now, don't you think? [ he'd get toothless to help out in that department, but he's not exactly sure how mr. talkative dragon would take that. ... of course, mr. talkative dragon didn't seem all that scary, given his speech.

but still. toothless seems pretty ready to add his own blast to the mix before mikhail has a chance to, but a hand from hiccup on his side stops that quickly enough. ]

[idiocy]

[ The white dragon takes notice of the other, slightly smaller, dragon that seems to be taking flight in the general vicinity. His gaze observes curiously, after all he's not at all familiar being in company with another dragon- at least one not bent on trying to kill or fight him. Still, he's positive that it's a dragon and not some.. stupid wyvern wanna-be knockoff, ugh he hated wyverns!

It's probably best that was the case, had it been a wyvern Mikhail would be directing quick fired hot balls of flame in their direction by now. Instead, he tilts his head to the side, thinking on the rider's suggestions. ] Fire? [ His jaws stay slacked, the voice sounding back to the other dragon and his rider. Then it really hits him.] Oh yeah! Fire! I can breathe fire!

[ Honestly, with his figure he was clearly an evolved dragon that looked more of an adult if anything. Certainly not a child what with his child-like tone and innocent way of speaking. Especially the giggling. Mikhail turns his head, carefully breathing fire now on the ice around him, though being careful not burn himself or the saddle strapped to his back. He knows for sure Zero would get mad if he burned it and forced her to get a new one.] Oof! [ Now he proceeds to push himself back on solid ground, which startles a few of the elves that dart away in fear. He doesn't pay attention to them at this point but to the rider now. ] Hey, thanks!

[allthreefourths]

[ thank the dragon gods that it's not how to train your wyvern. hiccup barely manages to note the saddle on mikhail's back now that he's up close. so... he's also got a rider? and he's giggling. and. everything. hiccup just doesn't know what to think right now.

at least the fire has managed to scare off some elves, and now that mikhail was free toothless decides, at that moment, to let off his own little plasma shot in the direction of some remaining elves, scaring the rest off. revenge.

and also freedom to land on the snow and let hiccup off so he could observe the totally majestic completely not child-like new dragon from the ground. ]

No... problem. I mean, you did everything. [ an annoyed exhale of air from mr. other dragon over here makes him realize that he should probably correct that. ] Uh, mostly everything.

[ he still doesn't know what to think. holy odin. ]

[idiocy]

[ Mikhail almost seems to be dancing on the spot with excitement at the praise, because even a little praise is praise and he- ..doesn't really get enough of that, no. If.. at all. No wait, he's sure he's at least been praised less than five times. ...Maybe even more less than that. Oh, right, he's distracted, he turns his attention to the human as both he and his dragon companion land.

Mikhail isn't really of the shy kind so he's more than eager to approach the pair, friendly and all given his relaxed composure. ( 'Relaxed' but still excited even then. ) ] Ehhehe naaaah, I'm pretty sure I might have drowned if you didn't come by and helped! [ It's hard to tell if he's joking or not, especially since he sounds like he's speaking honestly.

The white dragon lowers his head a little to get a better look of the two, tilting his head momentarily before he seems to remember something and straightens almost immediately as his voice echos out.] Oh right! My name's Mikhail! It's very nice to meet you. [ His long tail behind him starts to shake side to side now, happily. ]

[allthreefourths]

Wow. You really do talk. Like... a person.

[ he has to say that. there was an introduction and everything. the dragon told him his name. not that hiccup has much time to dwell on that, as there's an annoyed nudge from toothless. keep it together, hiccup, keep it together. ]

Oh, uh--we're Hiccup. [ wait. cue the annoyed eye roll from the dragon as he shakes his head. right-- no, that's wrong. ] I'm Hiccup. And that's [ gesture towards non-impressed dragon ] Toothless.

[ toothless, who is now on all fours and approaching mikhail, curiously sizing him up. yeah, mikhail is the bigger dragon, but toothless is also the dragon whose confidence doesn't quite match his size. it's not like he feels threatened by mikhail (who would, honestly), but. you know, still curious about a big new dragon. ]

It's... nice, and very surprising, to meet you too. About equal amounts of surprising and nice, maybe a liiiittle bit more on the surprising side.