ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Um... Why were you whipped in court?

Is this something like Detective Fulbright- [ She pauses. No, it really wasn't Fulbright, was it... ] shocking Simon?

Urrgh... [Am I ready to tell her about Franziska von Karma?]

Maybe you could say it's a bit more like how Prosecutor Blackquill likes to cut at things when he's displeased...

Prosecutors are scary, aren't they...

...Welcome to the thrilling life of being a defense attorney.

How does the judge even allow that kinda stuff?!

As much as I'd rather not try to wonder what goes on in that man's head...

I guess I'd say that's the flipside of how open he is to trying out new ideas in pursuit of the truth. Sure, he allows prosecutors who are samurai convicts, who whip everybody or who throw coffee in people's faces, but he also allows defense attorneys to try out thinks as experimental as emotional therapy. And, you know, that thing Apollo does with his bracelet.

[ That makes her giggle. ]

Yeah, Apollo gets really intense when he uses his bracelet!

He does, doesn't he? Someone should show him a mirror sometime so he can see how silly he looks.

I can't forget that the judge became more open to the idea of spirit channeling over time... and that at different points, he's let me cross-examine a parrot, a walkie-talkie, an orca whale and a robot...

... This is why you're popular, boss.

And here I thought it was because of the whole 'believing in clients and proving their innocence against incredible odds'...

[That or the hair. It always comes back to the hair.]

By the way, boss?

...Yes, Athena?

[ INCOMING HUG. ]

W-whoa! [That sure takes him off guard. But give him a moment and he'll hug her back in a more low-key manner.] Is everything alright?

[ This is a pretty tight hug. Who cares if they're in a movie theatre!? ]

I'm so glad they saved you, Mr. Wright!

Is that what this is all about? [He smiles.] Well... I'm glad that you're safe, too, Athena.

I've been here for about a month now, Mr. Wright! The only person I know from our world who was saved are Mr. Edgeworth and Mr. Gavin!

[ She sounds so worried talking about all that, but her tone immediately changes as she hugs Phoenix again. ]

I'm just so glad. I'm glad you're here, boss.

Edgeworth, too... and you mean Klavier Gavin? Of course you do, he's the only Gavin you know isn't he...

[And he'll quietly return her hug, as much as she needs it.]

I'm glad that all of you guys got saved. Trucy came here with me, too. I can't say I completely understood that explanation of this situation... but if you guys are here and safe, I know we have a fighting chance.

Trucy— [ oh now she's looking around so she can hug her too. She looks pretty frantic. ]

[ Well, she's in luck! Trucy's coming back into the theater with more snacks and drinks. Apparently she was on a supply trip...? ]

Daddy, I got extra-extra butter on the popcorn, that's okay, right?

[ GIVE HER A SECOND TO JUGGLE THIS STUFF INTO HANDS NOT ONLY HER OWN BEFORE HUGGING HER, PLEASE, or at least be careful of the sodas and popcorn and how much candy did she grab exactly... ]

Athena? I didn't get you a drink, but you can have some snacks, too! [ She literally saw Athena this morning, probably. It's not a shock. ]

I guess that's extra-extra fine! [He says with a smile as the magical daughter enters. He wriggles out of Athena's hold in order to take up Trucy's load... how much did she get?! She might as well have just put it all in her magic panties.

And he looks towards Athena while 'presenting' his arms in Trucy's general direction.]

Speak her name and then she appears. The magical, sensational... Trucy Wright!

Trucy!

[ NO WORDS, INCOMING HUG FOR YOU TOO!!!

Well, she'll um, be awkward at first. Actually. ]

Oh man, you're holding so much stuff.

[ To Phoenix: ]

Hey boss, can you hold these for her please?

Well, I was the snack-getter, so! I had to do my best!

[ ...Also she was hungry. But she passes her things to her father as he holds out his arms in presention form, and then will go and give Athena a legitimate hug. ]

And I'd say she did a good job. Wouldn't you, Athena? [He smiles, letting the girls hug it out while he carries the snacks.]

[ GREAT!!

HUG FOR THE LITTLE GIRL

NOT LISTENING TO YOU, BOSS ]

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