ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He is no Englishman!!]

Is - is that so? [He twiddles his fingers together uncertainly, as if recalling some embarrassing moments that have been displayed for him on the screen.]

So they do not broadcast our very lives?!

[she shakes her head] Most movies are created as a means to escape from real life, like when you read a really good book! It's supposed to be entertainment. Certainly, not all movies are like that, but there has never been a movie I've seen that was able to display my own memories.

Like a book... Mm! [He nods.] I think that I understand! When you put it that way, it sounds very lovely! I hope that this movie is one without memories, then!

So you're going to try again? Maybe I will too, then.

[smile! though Hungary is a bit worried about what she'll see when she goes in there. but, hey, misery loves company, so she will go in with this young man. they can suffer together, if need be. hopefully, it won't come to that...]

I came here to have a splendid time of youth! I don't want to give up yet...

[He smiles.]

I have a feeling that this one will be different! So let's try it! [He's boldly ready to go where no youth has gone before, with a large thing of popcorn.]

[Hungary likes how enthusiastic this guy is! while she doesn't have blind optimism, she is fairly brave, so she follows in after him, with her CERES-brand candy]

What movies did you go in before this one?

Hmmm... [He hums to himself in thought, but then he looks scandalized by the memory alone.]

First was... My Petite Equestrian Experience... It disturbed me in unfathomable ways. And Decrease Harder II? It was filled with my shame!

[ugh! that first movie was just... well, there were plenty of things wrong with it!]

I wonder how the movie... or, rather, the people who made the movie... I wonder how they were able to get our memories. It must have something to do with that code the scientists were talking about. Do you know anything about that?

Well, as a matter of fact, I... I know nothing about codes!!

Maybe they can see into our very spirits!

[oh... so much for learning more about CERES. Hungary would have to do that later]

How frightening! I hope not! [aha, here are some available seats, and the next movie is only minutes away from starting. she sits down, makes herself comfortable, and opens all her snacks so she won't be rustling papers once the movie begins]

[He's not the best person for the technological details at least.]

Y-yes that is frightening, isn't it? Don't worry, I'll protect you! [He says that with blind determination as they find the seats. He has just popcorn so he's pretty set, and he casually munches a bit at some of them.]

[aww! she smiles bigger at him. Hungary can take care of herself, but she certainly won't turn down any chivalrous gestures]

Thank you! I will count on you, then. Would you mind telling me your name so that I can get a hold of you again? [ALLIES]

[He makes such gestures even when he's sure of another's strentgh!]

Yes, Miss! My name is Rock Lee! I am Konoha's Beautiful Green Wild Beast!

[my, that is quite the title there. Hungary wonders how he got it! she might ask later. ah, she is feeling better already! it's amazing what a friendly face can do]

I am Hungary. Or, you can call me Erszébet, if that is more comfortable. It's good to meet you.

[He tries his best! Meeting new people helps him feel better, too. But then he looks troubled as if contemplating something deep.]

Ah... But I like both names!! How do I pick which one to use?! It is a pleasure to meet you!

[this kid is really cute! Hungary chuckles into her hand, happy to have met him. even in this gloomy atmosphere, he managed to be so energetic! someone like Rock Lee is a good friend to have]

I suppose you could switch back and forth, if you like!

[He certainly thinks that she's a sweet and kind new friend. So he's trying to be on his best behavior!]

Yosh! Thank you for that permission! In that case, ah... I will start with... Hungary-san!

[ah, she knows that honorific! Hungary gives him a pleased nod]

That will do. [and now it looks like the movie is going to start. Hungary hopes that it will be a more enjoyable experience]

I am glad to hear it! [He beams as he settles into his seat, and he starts digging into his popcorn as the film begins.]

[the movie starts off... fairly simple, actually. it introduces the Yard-Door people, and the evil megalord. and everything is set up like a children's movie.

Hungary keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, for embarrassing memories, or wild orgies with ponies... and it doesn't happen. she's actually surprised, honestly]

[It's remarkable! And appropriate! It's shining with youth! Have they finally found the right movie?

He whispers lightly in between crunches of popcorn.]

Ah... This is very pleasant.

It... It is. [she leans in a little to talk softly] This is how going to a movie should be. Fun, not embarrassing.

[except what was that just now? something about that flash of a scene seemed vaguely familiar to her]

[He leans as well a bit and nods along.]

Yes... Now I understand! Now I can see why people like it so...

[But then he blinks as he notices something too; a flash of something familiar.]

Eh?

[maybe it was just their imagination........]

Did you see something strange just now?

I... I think that I did.

Did you?!

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