ioculus | //TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

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Mystery Science Theatre -3000

Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery.

For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings.

(( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. ))

"GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING.

TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE:

MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A

LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B

THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C

DECEASE HARDER II RATED D

YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z

PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

THEATER I

[ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A

Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.

If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER II

[ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B

A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.

But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER III

[ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C

Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.

This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

THEATER IV

[ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D

Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.

Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)

BONUS - THEATER V

[ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z

This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.

While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.

Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Nakigitsune had just been about to enter the theater (He'd picked one at random and hey, horses sounded nice enough) but...well. He didn't expect a frilly rocket to come bursting out the door. There's a bang! A crash! He doesn't actually fall over but he sure does back up.

Was the movie really that bad?]

[The frilly goth girl makes it at least a good three yards before her legs give out, or the stores of her adrenaline deplete, and she flops onto her knees, breathing hard. God, that was a mistake and she covers her mouth to halt the sickness rising up in her throat. Ugh, the last thing she needs is to be sick here--!

Though it doesn't help she can still hear the voices from inside the theater, until the door swings shut, crying out names and begs for more. Mingled therein, of course, is her own. and Peron grinds her teeth together before her hands move to cover her ears.] Shut up!! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

[Yeah, once he got over the surprise girl, the sounds from inside the theater were kinda hard to miss....though having had zero experience with that sort of thing, this guy isn't entirely sure how to feel about it.

What he does know is that this girl is definitely not appreciating it, so trying to make that door close a little faster sounds like a pretty good idea. Followed by...approaching the girl. Yes.]

.....Um.

[That's not how you address a damsel in distress.]

[Oh god bless, the sounds have stopped. That's at least one saving grace, and Perona can breathe a little easier now, though it's not like the sounds and images haven't ingrained themselves like putrid little seeds inside her subconscious. It's probably the reason why she reacts so poorly when approached, caught up in trying to dispel the memory of what she just witnessed.

She jumps at the voice, pale and breathless (and maybe a little green, even) when she finally looks over her shoulder. Oh, ugh, she must be causing such a scene, but who in their right mind would produce and publicize something like that?! Shouldn't these films go through a censorship process?!]

Ah...wh-wha--? [Nailed it.]

[A reply as wordy as his greeting? He can...work with that. Maybe.

If by "working with that" we mean standing there and looking awkward.]

Are...you okay?

[He already misses having somebody to talk for him.]

[Ugh just...give her a minute her. Another minute. Maybe two. Perona scrubs at her face a little, trying to focus some clarity into her head and sound into her mouth. Okay? How in the hell would she be okay after witnessing that?! To top it all off, it looked like she was enjoying the things that were going on with her in that shitty hallucination.]

Yes. [No.] ...I'll be fine. I-I-I was n-not...expecting...th-that.

[Well, at least her movie self is okay? Not that anyone's thinking that, of course not. The mention of that makes him glance curiously back at the door though. Was it something scary? Something gross? Both?? Ah, but he probably shouldn't just leave her to check. But curious...but.....

.....Squatting down near her.]

I can get you some water? If that will help.

[In most other instances, Perona would tell this guy to piss off, she doesn't need help - she's a big girl and a lot tougher than a lot of people might think - but this is different. She was already shaken up pretty bad from getting assaulted by perverted robot and his goddamn paddle, this just topped the shitcake of a day she was having. At this point, she just wants to go home and sleep forever after eating a whole roll of cookie dough.]

P-Please... [She might pass out.]

[Nakigitsune might be a terrible conversationalist, but he knows how to answer requests. At least, it sounded pretty simple, but it takes a few minutes for him to get a cup from the snack bar and figure out the drink dispenser. Nevertheless! He has it soon enough, and gets back as fast as he can.

Silently offering the cup!]

[She takes it with a shaky hand, and down nearly the whole cup, saving a little bit to pour into her cupped hand and run over her forehead and face. Ugh, the worst part of all this is that she can't figure out what the hell her emotions want to do. She's sick and horrified on top of being embarrassed and upset. The water at least helps cool her off, and wake up. It's a good stabilizer, if anything.

She'll eventually get to her feet, breath a little ragged, but coming together slowly.]

...Thank you. [Muttered softly. Perona's not one to enjoy asking for help, especially in a situation like this, but hey, she can at least be civil sometimes.]

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OMG I'M SO SORRY THIS GOT LOST WHEN MY LAPTOP RESTARTED FOR UPDATES ;A;

it's okay...!!

;u; thanks <3 i hate it when it forces a shutdown like that.

the terror of computer updates...

the worst is when it gives you a 10 minute warning and you're in the middle of a tag.

if only computers had better manners!

Unlikely but if only... u_u