//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE7.0.EXE Mystery Science Theatre -3000 Welcome to Cerealia's latest attraction. In an effort to branch into other forms of entertainment, CERES has been slowly patching together films from various worlds to show in its brand new movie theater. So, grab a friend, sit back, and enjoy the newest batch of imported films with a nice bucket of popcorn. As you'll notice from the long line outside, it's the latest rage in the colony, and those tired of the same virtual battles in ViViD are eager to enjoy a little change in scenery. For those eager to participate, you will find yourself being lead into the lobby by one of the many robotic theater employees. Showing today are five special films, and in the lobbies are various screens advertising them through the movie's digital avatar, Mnemosyne. Allow her to take you on a virtual tour of CERES' finest theatrical offerings. (( P.S. no actual actors/actresses appear in any of the films. It's all done through advanced CGi-technology and voice acting. )) "GOOD EVENING, MOVIE-GOERS. I AM MNEMOSYNE, YOUR GUIDE FOR THIS EVENING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE HAVE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE PARTAKE IN THE CONCESSIONS, BUT DO NOT MAKE A MESS. THE THEATER ROBOTS HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO TAKE ACTION FOR LITTERING. TONIGHT'S FILMS ARE THE MUCH LAUDED AND CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED FILMS HAND-PICKED BY JULIUS VINCERE: MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE RATED A LARGE ADVENTURER 7 RATED B THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON RATED C DECEASE HARDER II RATED D YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS RATED Z PLEASE MAKE YOUR SELECTION AT THE BOOTHS IN THE FRONT OF THE LOBBY THEN FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS TO THE APPROPRIATE THEATER. THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR EVENING."

//SCENARIOS.EXE THEATER I [ 0000 ] MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see. If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER II [ 0000 ] LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese. But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias. This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. THEATER IV [ 0000 ] DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia. Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !) BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ] YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any. While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself. Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's seventh Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[psycholawgy]

[ She's already bawling her eyes out and then there's some noise. She can't help but check it out! She gets up from her seat—sorry other patrons, you're going to have to deal with her giant ponytail silhouette getting in the way of your movie viewing—to check on what the commotion is all about. ]

Hey! What's the big idea?! Dramatic moment over here?!

[ And she angrily points at the movie screen. ]

[millionth]

Sorry! This robot is — waugh!

[in his haste to avoid being paddled or some other awful fate, he's definitely tripped over his own feet and slid down the steps at the side of the theatre. on his face, which is both kind of painful and very disgusting.]

Get back here, you little — [luckily whatever name the robot decided to call him is drowned out by a swell of dramatic music, keeping this scene appropriately rated g.]

[psycholawgy]

[ Okay, no more angry Athena! She runs to Hiro and pulls him up, then points a finger the robots. ]

Objection! This guy's not what you're accusing him off! Look at him - he's totally innocent!

[millionth]

[the robot looms, clearly unimpressed with hiro's innocent little face — which is a feat, when you consider that he's a little brother and therefore used to getting away with things by being tiny and adorable (or at least, was until he became a teenager). one might wonder if the robot isn't completely heartless, before considering that by definition it...sort of is.]

He littered.

[and with a sweep of its paddle, the robot gestures at some stray pieces of popcorn that are sitting on the ground — right around where hiro'd been sitting. whoops.]

How about I clean that up and we forget this ever happened? [hiro offers]

[psycholawgy]

[ She puts both her hands on Hiro's shoulders and pats them. ]

Okay, little guy. I'll help you too! I don't like seeing people in trouble.

[ And it really should have ended there, but... Athena's necklace decides to talk. It sounds like a squeaky five year old. ]

Even if you did ruin the dramatic part.

[ And Widget's screen turns yellow, and Athena covers her mouth. She wasn't the one who said it, but she did it out of shock. ]

Shut up, Widget!

[millionth]

[hiro grins at that interruption, leaning in a little to take a closer look at her necklace — which means he notices the color change too, only intriguing him more.]

What is that, an AI?

[oh man he hopes it's an ai because that'd be really awesome. he even forgets about the threatening robot for a moment, which is a feat considering the way it's glaring at them....and in the process of raising that paddle oh no.]

[psycholawgy]

Oh! [ She points to Widget with a grin on her face. ]

Yeah. His name is Widget. But we better scoot over— [ She tries to push Hiro away from the theatre. Maybe he can just watch another day. She doesn't want to see a little kid get into trouble, especially the... sexual (???) kind.

But!!! Nothing can get better than talking about her friends, robot, and psychology. Those are the things that make her truly happy, so she's extremely excited right now! And due to her excitement, the necklace's screen turns green. ]

What's your name?

[millionth]

Cool.

[more color changes!! how awesome. he lets himself be steered away from the theatre, partly because he's just that engrossed at the idea of widget, and partly because he's just that eager to get away from the creepy punishment robot. the second color change doesn't escape his notice, either — he's seen enough mood rings for that possibility to cross his mind, though he's also wondering if it just loops through the rainbow to look pretty or something, or match certain settings.]

Oh — I'm Hiro. Hiro Hamada.

[psycholawgy]

[ Athena extends a hand. If he notices, half of her glove is fingerless, while her index and middle finger is covered with blue fabric — and if he's any more observant, they're the kind of specialised gloves that people use when they're dealing with 3d displays or playing around with virtual reality stuff. Like the gloves people wear when they're recording movements for cartoons at studios! ]

I'm sorry about the weird movie. Things are kind of weird here.

But I'm Athena Cykes! [ Widget turns back to sky blue. ] I'm less weird, I promise.

[millionth]

[hiro can be hit or miss when it comes to being observant, but anything that has to do with tech gets his attention faster than anything else. he's seen stuff like her gloves before, especially now that he's enrolled at SFIT, and they're added to the list of things he wants to ask about. it's a long list, though, so that one gets filed away for another time.]

Kinda getting that impression. [he takes her hand for a shake — kind of a hesitant one, clearly not too used to the gesture] Sooo...things like that happens a lot around here?

[psycholawgy]

That... robots spanking people?

[ Once she lets go of Hiro's hand, she rests both her hands on her hips and shifts her weight to one side. ]

No, I'm pretty sure they don't. But, well, you heard the powerpoint stuff, didn't you? We're all codes now. Anything weird that happens here is usually a glitch.

[millionth]

["that" like weird robots trying to do weird things, really, but yeah he's not against knowing if robots go around spanking people here, 'cause that'd make this place even more dangerous than he would've thought.

he frowns thoughtfully at her explanation, raising a hand to his chin and shrugging as he mulls that one over.]

Yeah, I heard it, but come on. People can't be code. [he lowers that hand, waving it through the air and looking at it as though expecting numbers or letters to show up on his skin] What kind of glitches?

[psycholawgy]

No, I... we're code right now. [ She shakes her head as she covers her ears for a bit with her palms. ] You might not believe it, but I can hear when people or robots are lying. As long as they have emotions, I'll be able to tell. So... I believe we're codes right now.

As for the glitches, well, some things just go haywire. We start acting weird, or the city starts acting weird.

[millionth]

[he frowns. she seems pretty serious about it, but she's right that it isn't easy to believe. then again, who says it has to be something crazy like magic or superpowers? lie detector machines are old news, and if she's the kind of person who has an AI on a necklace, she might have...who knows, an implant or something that can detect vocal irregularities.]

So if we're code, and the city can glitch, does that mean this whole place is just a virtual reality?

[psycholawgy]

[ Oh no, that's too much of a smart question to ask. But she'll try her very best to answer. ]

Can you bleed in virtual reality?

[millionth]

Youuuu can think you are, if the programming's good enough.

[which is actually really creepy when he thinks about it, though there's a part of intrigued at the thought of just how good the coding would have to be.]

[psycholawgy]

I feel like testing it... [ LOOKS AT HIRO FROM HEAD TO TOE. ] But blood makes me queasy.

But-- I can assure you that it's real. Aliens, remember? We were saved by the CEO from the Flamines. And they weren't lying. We might be code, but we're still real. Just... changed, I guess?

[ And her necklace decides to talk: ]

She doesn't think she's making sense.

Widget, shut up!

[millionth]

[...........

TAKES A STEP BACK and raises...arms....a bit.......]

Yeahhhh, I don't think that's gonna explain much anyway. If we're code, and everything else is too, then everything's going to feel real to us. No matter what it is. [this is getting into crazy matrix territory! but he laughs at widget's interjection, because truth be told he doesn't think she's making sense, either — because the whole thing makes no sense.] Aliens and code...it's weird. Almost as weird as all those movies.

[psycholawgy]

W- Well! [ Now she's stressed. ]

Code or not, if you die here, you'll be coded back! Weird stuff! But don't die, okay? That's bad!

[millionth]

I won't, I won't! Geez.

[but he doesn't sound annoyed! just frazzled, partially feeding off her stress and partly at that topic change.]

...what do you mean, coded back?

[psycholawgy]

[ she starts poking at the earring on her right ear. it's a thing she does when she's thinking. ]

Like, you find yourself back at the research center.

[millionth]

As if nothing happened? I guess that makes sense if we really are code...all they have to do is recover the data and put it back together.

[just like dying in a video game. it almost makes him wonder if there are, like, save points or something around here.]

[psycholawgy]

I'm not sure if it'll be like... "as if nothing happened", as you say it. I think you'd still feel the pain from how you died.

[ And now she looks sad, and Widget's screen has turned dark blue. ]