//SCENARIOS.EXE
THEATER I [ 00 00 ]
MY PETITE EQUESTRIAN EXPERIENCE - RATED A
Advertised as a delightful tale of ponies discovering magic and friendship, this is a must-see! For adults that is. The ponies are killed within the first ten minutes, and then the rest of the run time is filled with a celebratory orgy of Roman-esque proportions. There are no mentions of ponies after the initial scene. They are neither seen nor mourned nor heard from. There are only naked, gyrating bodies as far as the eye can see.
If you manage to sit through the horror long enough, you will notice a certain something in between the moaning. Is that your face on one of the protags? Is it a beloved family member or a friend? You will find that spliced between the scenes are cherished and innocent childish memories now being soiled by passionate cries of pleasure. Enjoy the new memory, your poor, sweet summer child. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER II [ 0000 ]
LARGE ADVENTURER 7 - RATED B
A touching tale of dealing with loss and more loss. This film is about a giant robot and his pet human that gets eradicated in the Third Robotic Genocide, leaving behind just a human carcass. The giant robot clings to the carcass and cries robotic tears until finally he chucks the carcass into a river full of carcasses and decides to go on a deep quest in search of cheese.
But spliced between this tale of woe, viewers will see images of themselves caught in a romantic memory. A first kiss, perhaps? A first love-making session? A first crush? A desired one will also have their face molded on top of all the carcasses as they flow away. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER III [ 0000 ] THE RETALIATORS: ERA OF RADICALON - RATED C
Agent Dick Angry takes it upon himself to assemble a team of miscreant aliens to invade the hell out of "Planet Earth." The aliens include Zorn, an intelligent toaster; Crisis, a blue-skinned beauty that turns purple when she's aroused; Trish, a rogue miniature ficus with a criminal record; and General Cerealia, a handsome, ripped man who beats evil-doers with his laptop and who looks suspiciously like CERES' programmer, Elias.
This adventurous romp will feature the tragic memories of death interweaving with the destruction of the "Planet Earth." Those who attend will see first-hand the memories of their own worlds slowly being demolished before their eyes and all their loved ones screaming in agony. Then it'll loop itself again and again for the last hour of the film. Enjoy! This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
THEATER IV [ 0000 ]
DECEASE HARDER II - RATED D
Jack McJack is a cop who is having none of your shit. In this action film, he will ride around on a velociraptor and go around punching evil-doers and detonating them with land mines. If you want all the violence in the world, this is the film for you. Watch as every second is filled with pointless explosions and every curse word in all the known languages in Cerealia.
Of course, spliced between every action scene will be every embarrassing moment of your life being played out for you and only you. Or is it? Start sweating and looking in every direction as you begin to wonder if everyone else can see that time you tripped and fell on your senpai almost kissing him (sacre bleu D= !)
BONUS - THEATER V [ whyo'clock ]
YARD-DOOR PEOPLE OF QUESTIONABLE MORALS - RATED Z
This is a touching film about tenderness and coming together to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. The Yard-Door people run into danger when an evil megalord starts polluting the air with negative feelings. The Yard-Door people must band together and save the world through kindness. They will go and help their neighbors get across the street, rake up leaves from their lawns, donate canned food to the poor, and collect toys for children who do not have any.
While this film will draw tears from your eyes, you will see happy memories. The happiest that can be mustered. They will be spliced in with the scenes in the movie, occurring side-by-side with all the smiles and fuzzy feelings leaking off the screens. This will only be visible to the viewer himself/herself.
Also, beware! This film contains the angriest of Theater Cleaning Robots. Dropping anything on the floor will result in a bit of a flogging with a wooden paddle and a robot calling you a dirty slut and claiming that you like it. Yes, BDSM robots will not take your bad behavior. You better bend over and start apologizing for being such a filthy, little theater-goer.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]
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Sakata Gintoki | Gintama
[Some mindless violence and banter sounded about right to Gintoki for today, so he'll sit in at Decease Harder II, looking almost bored, talking a bit to himself and munching very loudly on popcorn.]
If that dinosaur can arm that bomb, then Gintama's the best manga in the world, oi. And I'm the best protagonist, ever.
[. . . ]
Ah, it armed the bomb.
[The new scene flashes by, a scene of some nice country scenery in the middle of the day, and he'll blink, squinting at the screen. ]
What's with this damn random movie. . .
[Then, faintly from the sound-system, there's a very young-sounding voice shouting something. A few older kids dressed in kendo practice gear are seen poking their heads around the corner of a dojo, holding their hands to their mouths as if they're trying not to . . . throw up? No, laugh. . . they're trying not to laugh at the kid their age with fluffy white hair, seemingly lost in his own little world as he shouts, shouts over and over to the trees while doing some strange little movement with his hands--
--me-ha-me-ha! Kaaaaa-ME-HA-ME- HAAAAAA!!! KAAAAA-MEE-HAA-
No way. No way, no way, no way. What the hell is going on? What the hell kind of movie was this? And more importantly, how did those guys know his secret spot? HE WAS PRETTY SURE HE WAS ALONE!? Damn that Zura, damn him to hell--]
Aah-
[GHCK--wh-wait, wait, what? He couldn't breathe? He can't breathe! HE CAN'T BR--
And whoever's in front of him in the theater is going to hear some pathetic choking sounds before Gintoki coughs half-chewed popcorn all over them. He'll continue to cough, doubling over in his seat.]
Theater V
[After dragging himself from Decease Harder, Gintoki simply goes into the closest theater after getting a drink for himself at concessions, washing away the remains of his embarrassing memories, hopefully.
He'll squint in the dark theater for a seat, still armed with popcorn and now soda, until the sound of a resounding SMACK startles a few kernels of popcorn out of his container. Before he can even take another step, there's a robot in his face, and as it edges closer, he'll take steps back until it's cornered him in the back of the theater.]
Aah. . . hahaha. . . h-hey, I'm just, you know. . . I wasn't movie-hopping or anything like that. . .
[Sorry to anybody nearby; now there's soda and popcorn flying as the robot lunges for him and Gintoki promptly slams his soda into it's metal face.]
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The problem is, there's no way in hell she's the sub in this scenario.
Elcia's definitely making a racket now, following them to the back of the theater, kicking that robot right over with a strong, well-aimed kick, planting her foot on it and cackling triumphantly.]
You're one thousand years too early to ruin movies for me, peon...!
[ok
she may or may not have even cared that she saved someone, honestly, she was just tired of the robots.]
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And there's some little girl standing on it. Great. He was always so great with violent kids; he's not really sure whether to be wary of metal Terminator 1 or blonde Terminator 2 at this point.
It's good she doesn't care because Gintoki's not gonna say thank-you or anything, still giving her that wary look.]
Was . . . was the movie that good . . . ?
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[Oh...sure...
She seems entirely serious as she says so, foot still planted on that robot. Its wheels whir rather pathetically.]
You didn't like it either?
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I just got here, oi. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be as bad as the last one, though, somehow.
What's going on with the robots, though.
[He'll give it a little kick for good measure, which only has the robot feebly reaching up with it's paddle-arm, giving a few half-hearted smacks to Elcia's legs.]
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don't cross her violent tendencies, robots, it's not worth it. The robot hits the wall, and then decides to scurry away instead, then.
Then her expression goes right back to normal.]
Probably. I was trying to figure out which one was the worst one, so I could bring my friend to it. [Belph could suffer with her, then, that sounds great.]
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iv
Wh- What! CPR— [ And what's when popcorn gets spewed on her face... disgusting. But that won't stop her.
She runs out of her aisle and to where the guy is. THIS MOVIE THEATRE SURE ISN'T LIKE A MOVIE THEATRE AT ALL. It's more like a circus now. ]
Mister! Are you okay?!
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Did she see that scene on the screen? Was she showing him sympathy here? Maybe if he just--]
That. . . that popcorn, it was way too damn salty, r-right? Hah, hahah, ha ha. . .[Wheeze, huff, wheeze.
. . . and coughing some more, as he sees himself on the screen again being thrown out of a bar while he's drunk, the owner yelling at him about a tab.]
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But. But he's choking. So she tries to help him up. And from what she's seen in tv and movies, when people choke, you punch them in the gut! ]
H- Here! This will help for sure!
[ ... I'm so sorry. ]
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Well, if she wanted more popcorn spit all over her, then she's got it. After a few more sounds like a dying pig, Gintoki's only going to slump in his theater seat. Slow, deep breaths, slow deep breaths. . .]
O-oi, you know, you really really . . .
[Is he saying thank-you?]
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IV as if there were any question
Hey, are you okay?
oh no no nooooooo
Gintoki gets his hand up just in time to ]
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-----
[--still spew popcorn all over Goku's face apparently. Enjoy that. He's still coughing though, so he'll slowly slump right out of his chair onto the floor, that one feeble hand still up, now grasping the back of Goku's seat.
He's a fan, Goku. He's a big fan.]
i might have to reup my paid just for this thread ahahaha
Hey, hold on, I'll give you a hand. [And he jumps right over the back of his seat into the aisle of Gintoki's seat, and pats his back a few times to help him stop choking. This is clearly the answer.]
There! How ya feeling now?
my work here is done
K-k-
Karkarot, I [Wheeze, wheeze, huff, it sounds like his vocal cords went through a paper shredder-]
--I can explain . . .
[Is he dying? Are there tears in his eyes? What the hell is wrong with this guy? Is Goku gonna laugh at him now? PLEASE GOKU, HE'S JUST A FAN.]
When. . . when I was a young boy. . .
[or maybe this is a death scene.]
you're the savior we all needed
I accept cash or check
I can only pay in DW points tho
worthless
IV
First of all, that's kind of disgusting, second of all, he's... going to offer this poor guy his own water bottle instead. It's not... as if he needs it right now anyways. ]
Uh, here, have this.
Re: IV
He'll gulp it down, and after a painful swallow, he'll shakily reach over, offering Kirito the practically empty bottle back, without a single word.
Just gonna slouch in his seat here and make himself invisible. You probably have a crystal for that too, right Kirito?]
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...It's alright, we all went through that phase as a child.
[ EVEN IF HE'S TALKING ABOUT A DIFFERENT EMBARRASSING MEMORY HE JUST SAW RIGHT NOW. ]
I am the slowest
[He's laughing way too loud, and this is probably the most forced smile Kirito's seen today or ever.]
Ha-
So what was it for you?
V 8)
Several scenes seemed familiar someway; sharing onigiri with new friends, chasing each other throughout the courtyard of their school— a soft, familiar voice of a beloved teacher ringing faintly in his ears.
And then, standing arm and arms with comrades, dried blood on their faces and clothing— followed by.. puppies. Lots and lots of puppies and kitties with their cute little feet. He was rolling in them. Where the hell... did that memory come from?
Anyway, Zura isn't too hard to move to tears— he brought tissues for the occasion as he wipes his eyes. ]
Sally-san didn't have to do that— ah, it warms my heart, helping the elderly across the street. If only young people nowadays would be more considerate, maybe people will stop getting knifed in the back and have their Famicoms stolen from right under them.
[ BLOWS HIS NOSE HIDEOUSLY. ]
—If only their hearts could be swayed to be more like these people.
[ it's only then some sort of commotion causes a ruckus, which is disturbing enough. His eyebrows pin together; something about the voice was familiar, but for some reason (???) he couldn't place a finger on it.
That's when the popcorn bucket hits him in the back of head, causing even more popcorn to be thrown everywhere.
Almost instantly, one of the robots approaches him, thinking he was the one who caused the mess.
He points out. ]
Ah. You're in the way. And on your way out, please tell the good-for-nothing bastard behind me to keep the noise down. We're just about to see them volunteering at the Soup Kitchen.
[ disregarding the commotion behind him. WHAT A GOOD PAL YOU HAVE HERE. ]
I fell asleep but then I woke up
This might have it malfunctioning a little too, so Zura is going to have two robots going at him with paddles, one repeating the same thing over and over as it haphazardly swings at his head. ]
Naught-y. . . naught-y. . . naught-y. . . naught-y. . . naught-y . . .
[In the meantime, another one starts harassing Gintoki, so he's trying hard to fend it off with a few solid kicks.]
Get, get a grip you asshole! Like I'd even pay for this kinda play when you're not even in a hot nurse costume!
Not. . . not like I'd pay for something like this anyway! I wouldn't, okay! Shut-up!
i'm glad you woke up otherwise that might have been bad
Zura has been here long enough to know not to go anywhere unarmed— which is why he always had his weapon with him and at least two of his metallic bombs. The piece of shit government and law officials here didn't seem to care, and he wasn't he only one who walked around armed.
He's bumped into these robots before, and they're nothing but a nuisance. The last time they wouldn't stop touching him in a bunch of places he would have liked to have not been touched.
...by a robot, in any case.
Thankfully, he's missed by the paddle, for now, which allows him to attack. ]
It's not naught-y, naught-y, naught-y, naught-y, naught-y, it's KATSURA!!
[ enough, really, for his sword to be drawn and in a swift motion, sliced across some of the delicate cords, allowing it to short circuit further. The next robot also gets a taste of his blade, enough for it to topple backwards over the seats below them.
Now, for that obnoxious guy that was ruining his movie.
Katsura turns, using the seat he was sitting on to pull himself a little taller and, to his surprise— he finally gets a sight of Gintoki with his own problem.
Blink. Blink blink. ]
Ah, that explains the good-for-nothing bastard behind me.
[ just that. You're gonna have to apologize or ask for his help otherwise he ain't doing shit.
So have a nice not-to-impressed Katsura staring you down. ]
two weeks later. . .
And keeps doing it as Gintoki stares at Zura in surprise. Smack . . . . . . . smack. . . . smack. . . .
He'll wrench the robot's paddle away from it and smash the thing across the head a few times until it's totally broken, then he'll drop the paddle and stand up straight, resting his arm in his kimono and looking at Zura more passively.]
Only an idiot would stay to watch such a shitty movie.
[aaaand nose picking commence. Despite his first urge, which was to grab Zura by the shoulders and give him a few good shakes, this forced nonchalance seems very natural on Gintoki, somehow.]
It's been 84 years... Never let go, Jack.
/shoves into the water
/cries blood
/gross we can't be friends
rollinginthedeep.mp3
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V
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After he and the robot both go tumbling down the aisle, things settle down, because he is definitely not getting up right away.
Can he get you a popcorn, brat?
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