ioculus | //TESTDRIVE.EXE

Entry tags:

!test drive

//TESTDRIVE.EXE

"I'm the reason half of you are drunk at the moment." (CEO-SAN, NO...) "I'm the reason half of you are drunk at the moment." (CEO-SAN, NO...)

//TESTDRIVE.EXE

The lights flicker overhead, music blaring from the speakers as you step inside, every sound drowned out except for that hypnotic tune. The walls are painted in an array of hypnotic colors, saturated to the point where your attention doesn't know where to land, and all kinds of screens hang from each corner, showing flashing images of ads, gadget after gadget appearing in a second to show you the best of what Ceres has to offer. Dancing bodies flank each side of the large ballroom, bodies with eyes that look hollow and their faces too symmetrical. They'll occasionally glance at you and smile, maybe even engage and offer to take you to one of the private rooms in the back. However, their words are interrupted when the lights suddenly turn brighter and focus on the center where a raised platform sits. A man appears in the center, one hand raised to silence the music while the other holds a microphone.

"It's been some time, hasn't it? As you may or may not know, I am the CEO and founder of CERES, Julius Vincere, and you can say, I'm the reason half of you are drunk at the moment." He chuckles lightly before continuing, "For a second there, I was worried we wouldn't make it, but I placed my confidence in all of you. I knew you'd surpass my expectations when I first brought you here, and you were able to utilize our tools to perfection. As you may have suspected by the gallons of champagne being passed around at my behest-"

He pauses to reach out for a glass, snatching it from one of the wait staff passing by before raising it to the crowd.

"We've finally obtained our first victory here on Cerealia. The colony is ours completely and will be fully functional from this day forward. Please enjoy all the luxurious amenities we have put together, and join me in journeying towards a new and better future. Together, we will expand our territory here and reach even further horizons. And by all means, don't be shy with the staff. They're also here for your entertainment."

He gestures around the room, smiling before taking a sip of his champagne. Applause echoes from the crowd while Julius steps off the stage, handing the mic to one of the staff before pausing for pictures and interviews from reporters. You stand in the crowd as the lights dim once more, lost in a sea of people and wondering where to go next.

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 1801 ] The screens lining the walls inside even extend into the bathrooms and the back rooms, playing commercial after commercial, all CERES themed, as you mingle with the other guests, but occasionally, the image transforms into a flash of something else. It appears for a split-second. There's the face of a woman, lips parted in a soundless cry. She looks to be in pain, fingers pressed to the screen. It's so quick that most don't register it, barely even notice it's there unless they focus. The party continues without incident, otherwise. Because it's a pretty damn good party, isn't it? There's plenty of food, strong drinks - hey, no one under seventeen is allowed to drink - and many decorative people. Just ignore that feeling of being watched! You're just so good looking, after all.

PHASE II

[ ???? ] A room sits in the back with several helmets characters can wear to upload themselves into ViViD, a state of the art virtual reality game, and enter one of the game stages to participate in a team mission. They can sample a few minutes of gameplay as they enter a short battle with one of the NPC creatures. They'll quickly become familiar with the state-of-the-art technology as all pain and wounds experienced inside will feel real and will appear on each character's body. But what an awesome game it is. With amazing digital quality surround, it's a world like none other... but be careful not to fall too fast! (Those monsters even smell real, don't they?) Feel free to talk to Vidia, the game host, if you need help getting things going!

PHASE III

[ 2134 ] The evening is wearing on, the dance floor is becoming more crowded. The music seems oppressive by now. People are feeling charged with adrenaline, or feeling the intensity rise in the mood. Maybe a new partner is the right choice to go with- or maybe you can talk to a wallflower. But one thing is for certain... The loud vibrations disguise the fact that something is moving over the vents. You can hear it in the background, the rustling sound that agitates your ears. But hey, maybe it's nothing, right? After all, it's just a party...

Maybe you'll want to go into the back rooms for a bit to... explore your new friends? The rooms (and your companions) are quite pretty and cozy, and can be adjusted with holograms to create a room for your desired mood. After all, it's a little too noisy when you're not alone, but the sudden silence might get oppressive too...

[ Feel free to get intimate or just get out of the party and sleep off the drinks, but remember, anything above PG stuff must go into your own journals and under NO circumstances will unwanted propositioning be allowed or any non-consensual activity lest you want to be locked in a cold box on top of a huge ice cube for the rest of the night. Naked. Please use your own discretion, the minimum age for intimacy is 15-16. ]

PHASE IV

[ 0243 ] In the quieter corners of the party, it becomes more ever-present until something falls on your eye. It's red. Warm...

As you gaze up, you see a dead body faced down, the half-sliced face lying against the ventilation screen. The body's eyes remain open, staring down at you. Screams and sounds of shock sound, and the party halts. As the security filters in to investigate the body, the rustling only grows louder.

It's then that they suspect something is in the vents. It's crawling avidly across the ceiling, and lights fall one by one, exploding against the ground.

There's barely a moment to register the chaos before the last knight of CERES appears. You can choose to run. You can choose to engage. The knight won't let you leave its sight alive. But you know you have to do something. Be it protecting the innocents there, or fighting off the creature that seems to only be there to harm you and your friends, old and new.

And you do want to protect this place, because it's just been won... don't you?

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] There's a ball pit hidden in one of the auxiliary rooms. All invited parties are given a maximum of one hour to have fun time in the ball pit. They must not exceed their one hour or they will be forcibly removed by the security droids. Please keep all food and alcohol out of the ball pit. Do not have any genital parties in the ball pit. The ball pit is sacred to CERES.

[ The party will be long, so take your time enjoying each scenario... and dreading it. At the end of it all, things will be calmed down and you're free to enjoy the night as you please. Remember to keep things PG (the FAQ below elaborates!), and absolutely no forcing any R-rated things with anyone below 15-16 (so be sure to ask their age, right?) or the droids will have a little fun chasing you around! Do enjoy the pretty views of the gorgeous digital city though. Which seems strangely quiet, but at this late hour, why not, right? ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's first test drive! Please forgive our appearance as we are going through the final stages game completion. While most pages are under development and/or hidden from the public eye, please don't feel discouraged, since knowing everything doesn't always make the experience. Your characters will know as little as you. For your convenience, we have compiled a mini-FAQ - please read it thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

HOW DID MY CHARACTER GET HERE?

You may have been just been doing their day-to-day activities - be it swimming or fighting demons - but the next moment, a crack and blinding light - now you're here, in your best attire, celebrating. The memories of your at-home activities fade away like a fleeting dream, and it's replaced with the feeling of happiness. ( You haven't forgotten your past, just that anything you were doing seems far too distant to be important. ) Must be something in the air. You can't remember clearly fighting for CERES, and whatever this Julius Vincere is telling you might be complete bullshit for all you know, but something influences you to play along anyway - if you think about it long enough, perhaps you had fought for CERES after all...?

WHO/WHAT IS CERES? WHAT IS CEREALIA?

You mean... you don't remember? After all the help you gave it?

WHAT FORMAT CAN WE USE FOR THIS TESTDRIVE?

Action (brackets/prose), video/voice, and texting are all available via your CEREVICE at this moment. Most functions are currently undergoing a system update, but as long as it is still connected to the Auralia Network, it will be available for communicative uses.

WHAT IS ViVID?

An amazing VR game! The demo version of ViViD will be here to play, aren't you excited? It's played with headsets that immediately allow you to experience full-body simulation, without having to move out of your seat! You can enjoy the demo world, design your own, play alone, play with a team, but remember, the boss must be beaten! Please check the phase ii thread for details and interactions!

SO... PHASE III?

Sexy things can happen, you're getting hot and heavy on the dance floor, and there are rooms in the back that can be decorated to your mood, after all. REMEMBER, the age of consent is 15-16, please use your own discretion and don't upset people. For the test drive, any situation that goes above PG (beyond kissing/grinding/light making out... We're lenient) must go into threads in your own journals. Any creeper behavior or unwanted advances will get an IC boot into the Frozen Locker with "Let it Go" on repeat.

POWER LIMITATIONS?

Actually, no, the characters don't have any of their abilities locked or otherwise suppressed. More info will be i the official FAQ, but so long as you don't destroy the entire game ( and we trust you can use your powers responsibly— as does CERES! ), limitations are nonexistent.

OKAY, WHAT ABOUT PREVIOUS GAME MEMORIES?

It's completely acceptable to bring a character that has been in a previous game to Cerealia!

THE NAME LOOKS FAMILIAR. . .

Yes, a loosely related setting concept with a place called CEREALIA was pitched for an ExitVoid phase before the moderators decided to close the game for good. A few of us got together with the original pitchers of the idea since we thought it really awesome and with a lot of potential and decided to try our own thing with it!

ARE THE GAMES RELATED?

Nope. Not at all, it's been rehashed from the ground up and built to stand on its own as an original place and game.

We'll keep coming back to this, so don't worry.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ He's paying even more attention in this situation than he usually would to things that are a little more natural. He's missed it for years, the steady footfalls of his best friend alongside his own, but after having regained it back in school it slowly became a more normal thing in his life. Even before they made up, really - from the moment he transferred, Nam Soon was constantly after him anyway, refusing to let go, wanting so badly to make up for everything.

As they're silently walking down the corridor, every footstep seems much louder than it should be, as if the monster could notice it at any moment. But moreso than his own footsteps, he's focused on the sound of the other's. Falling behind him step by step, with the same rhythm - the only sign that Nam Soon is still following him. The only sign that they're still together, that there's a possibility they might make it out together after all. If those footsteps stopped or disappeared, then there's no way Heung Soo could just keep walking on, he'd look behind him for sure, he'd have to find his best friend since him running away twice (although this time not exactly voluntarily) is not something he'd be able to endure.

But the footsteps continue along with his own, almost more like a shadow completely in sync with him than another person. (But then again, isn't that what they've always been like, no matter which one of them was following in any given situation?) Like the sound of his heart pounding in fear in his throat, step by step by step..

.. until he reaches the corner again. He knows that if they turn the corner here, they'll be in the hall with that thing again, that it'll all come down to how well his leg holds out then.

He knows he should start moving quickly just in case the monster already moved as well in the time they spent back in that room. Heung Soo knows it, he understands it very well, but he can't. Not just because of fear (although he's scared, he's frightened) but since he realises that there's a chance this is the last time he'll ever see his best friend again.

So instead he momentarily does turn his head, he looks back like Nam Soon exactly told him not to, but he doesn't care about that last fact. He has to see Nam Soon right there, he has to look at him and exchange a look. If not just because they can't exactly talk where that thing would be able to hear them, but also just since looks have already proven to say enough between the two of them again and again and again. So he turns one last time, he looks, his desperation laid bare just in his eyes.

Nam Soon-ah.. I'm going to run. Even his leg might not make it, he'll run, he has to run, he has to make sure to make it even if his leg will fall off the moment they've managed to get somewhere safe again because he refuses the possibility of his best friend throwing himself at that thing in his place.

So..

- don't just throw yourself away, don't just leave again, because what the hell is he supposed to do without the most important person in his life again and this time permanently, who's going to put his heart back together then with this bastard gone, whatever you do just don't do that -

So run with me and don't stop. ]

[his steps remain careful and cautious the whole way, though he keeps his body as lax as possible to not let any excess tension seep into the air. there's no telling if that creature is like a dog or any other animal that can sense that sort of thing. it's easier, for the time being, to keep his hands shoved in his pocket and strolled five paces behind heung soo as he so often did.

he slows when he sees heung soo's head turning, and he's prepared to grit his teeth and make a disapproving face for even looking back at all, especially at such a critical moment. but it only takes that one instant to be able to read that expression, and nam soon knows exactly what he means.

there aren't any words needed, not for the obvious implications, and not even for the subtle ones that are layered in there. heung soo is going to make a break for it — they both have to, and they have to do their best to make it out together. it's what nam soon wants anyway, but the fact that heung soo is determined to convey that much before he takes off lights a small spark in him. he doesn't know what's going to happen, but he wants his best friend to escape at any cost.

and even though he's willing to throw himself away to make that a reality, nam soon doesn't want to be the person to abandon the most important person to him for a second time.

that means he has to live, right?

the truth is that he has no idea if it's possible, but he doesn't want to instill any more worry in heung soo. doing so could cause him to falter and look back again; it could cost them everything. so nam soon steels himself, eyes closing for a moment as he tries to put his focus into looking straight forward and moving at a pace just slow enough to keep a few steps behind. his teeth are clenched tightly, and when he opens his eyes, there's firm resolve in them.

he gives his head a nod, the go-ahead for heung soo to start running. there's no turning back from here on out... whatever that may mean for the two of them and their lives.]

[ He doesn't stop looking back until he can see that look in his best friend's eyes, until he sees that nod. Otherwise he's not going to feel good about this - well, he's not going to feel good about this anyway, given it's the kind of situation where they literally have to run for their lives, but as long as he knows Nam Soon does have the determination to make this through too instead of resigning himself to a fate of sacrificing himself for Heung Soo's sake.. then he can feel a little better. Then he can run without being weighed down by that as well.

So the moment he sees that nod, he looks back, knowing that the big hall with that monster is right around the corner. If it's still all the way to the other side of the room they maybe have a chance, as long as it isn't too fast, as long as his knee doesn't give out.. there's a lot of "if"s about the situation, but he has to believe he can overcome those. He has to.

When they enter open space, when he knows they're in the monster's field of view, he throws caution to the wind and starts running. He doesn't doubt that thing is aggressive enough to just jump them no matter whether they walk or run, so he just goes all out, hoping they'll make it in time.

(It's almost funny despite the situation - as much as he always imagined it was some sort of soccer match when they had to run as fast as they could from angry store owners and the like when they were younger.. he can't even imagine thinking about that too. Visualising the goal being in the distance and running towards it, none of that is happening anymore - the thing that spurs himself on instead is the person running behind him, the way he can hear those quick footsteps fall right after his. Nam Soon is right at his back, and if he doesn't run with all his might, then he would be bringing his best friend into the worst kind of shit too. He can't do that. He could never - Nam Soon is too important to him for it.)

Still, it's not easy. Running itself isn't too hard, it's not the endurance that troubles him.. it's the fact that he can always feel a pang in his leg halfway through, like an electric shock shaking him up, and he grits his teeth and lets out a pained groan. Shit, of course this would happen, what did he expect with his bum leg.. it hurts like hell, but he doesn't stop running. Even if he'll have to run so much that his leg will fall right off after, he doesn't care. He can't stop now. They'll both die.

Heung Soo can hear the monster roaring in the distance. He runs, and his leg protests, and usually it's where he gives up since he knows it's not exactly a good idea to pressure his leg that much.. he can't now. As much as it hurts like hell, he has to keep going.

At least determination is enough to pull him through, and he practically slams against the big doors in the hall to get them open, a strange coolness of night air greeting him outside.. but he doesn't really care. He doesn't even bother to pay attention to the new surroundings - all he does is make sure the door swings open far enough to allow Nam Soon to follow him through them, make sure he can still hear those footsteps behind him even as they keep running, another street away and--

-- and that has to be enough. It has to be, because he really can't run any further, he's ran his leg until it's completely given out, and it's only thanks to his reflexes being fairly good despite the pain that he catches himself with his arms before he just falls face first on the ground outside. His leg feels like it's on fire, but at least he can't hear the monster anymore (is it still in that party hall?) and Nam Soon is..

He rolls around so he's lying on his back and can actually see, even if it comes with a groan. His head feels a little hazy, but he can at least definitely make out the shape of his best friend being right there. And honestly, that was his main concern even before even considering the pain he's in right now. The latter doesn't exactly help with getting actual words out, though. ]

[nam soon can feel a sensation of panic rising in his throat. it's not when he hears the roar of that monster; no, it's when he sees heung soo falter. his eyes catch it immediately, slight at it may be, and he knows.

their time is extremely limited now.

each step forward is a progression; it moves them closer to their goal, but also causes heung soo a sort of pain that nam soon can only imagine. it's not just the physical strain, but the shitty memories that come with it. and nam soon is forced to watch from behind with worry at every step, the feelings of insurmountable guilt stinging in his chest as he's reminded (as if he ever forgets) that he's the reason that his best friend has to suffer this way. he almost falters himself, the threat of tears blurring his vision as they press forward. at this point, it's not the monster that scares nam soon. he's practically forgotten it's there — he can't even hear it anymore. he hears his racing heart pounding so hard that the sound resonates in his ears, and he hears the uneven sound of heung soo's feet hitting the ground with every step.

he's worried.

he's so worried, but so ready to leap into action and make sure that heung soo doesn't have a chance to stop. whatever it takes, his best friend is getting out of this place alive.

so when nam soon feels the cooler air against his skin as heung soo pushes the door open, he's not sure what comes next. there's a slight sense of relief that they've made it out of the building.... but that's about it. especially once they've made their distance and heung soo collapses to the ground.]

Heung Soo-yah! [the name slips from his mouth in a frenzied panic as he catches up to where his friend lays. as he forces himself to a halt, nam soon doubles over, hands gripping at his thighs as he fights to catch his breath. it hurts, burning from the speed and intensity of the run, coupled with the change in temperature.] Are...

[he barely wheezes out that first word before having to stop, still in need of more oxygen in his lungs before he can say more. his nostrils flare and tears still brim his eyes as he heaves those breaths before he can ask the question he already knows the answer to.] Are you okay?

[ The only answer Nam Soon at first will get is a groan, really. Because Heung Soo's experiencing the same kind of things entirely - his heart is racing, his body on fire, he feels like he can hardly breathe from running so hard, from literally running for his life - but it's even worse with the pain from his leg. Even rolling over just now caused more aching from it than he would have liked, and he can't help but worry if he'll even be able to stand again if it hurts this much.

In fact, he can't even remember the last time it hurt this much. He's been running ever since that incident, yes, but he alwas made sure to stop before it got too bad. Even when he saw Nam Soon disappear into that car, he knew he had to give up after a little bit or he would never be able to even walk ever again.

This time he didn't have a choice though. He had to keep running, for his own life and for Nam Soon's as well. And his leg burns, aches, sending sharp pains through his body that make him close his eyes and bite his lip to even try to deal with it. And it's just when another sting hits him that he realises when the last time was that it hurt this bad, when he was writhing on the ground just like this - the very same night that this all started, the night when Nam Soon crushed his leg in the middle of that beating.

The memory makes it even worse and urges him so badly to just get up, to not make this worse on either of them, but he can't. Even if he could bite back and pretend he's okay with some slighter pain, this much is..

He opens his lips, sucks in a breath, forces himself to look up at his best friend. What's he supposed to say to that? Of course he's not okay, he can't even pretend he is, but he doesn't want Nam Soon to look so helpless either, just like how the look in his eyes had suddenly changed that night. ]

N-- Nam Soon-ah.. -- nngh!

[ Thankfully (or not) his leg saves him from having to think of an answer, and he doesn't get much further than the name before he groans in pain again. ]

Heung Soo-yah... Heung Soo-yah!

[he repeats the name a few times, each time letting it increase in both volume and panic. it's not as if nam soon doesn't know the answer to that question anyway. even before he'd asked, he knew that answer would be a no.

it was my fault then... and it's my fault again now.

rational thought leaves nam soon at a time it absolutely shouldn't, but it just can't be helped. his eyes glaze over, his heart still racing with panic as he drops to his knees at heung soo's side. there's a lump forming in his throat, and he can't get that notion out of his head. this is all his fault. if he hadn't gotten so mad three years ago, if he hadn't taken things too far, if he hadn't forced heung soo to run right now... he wouldn't be laying on the ground like this. he wouldn't be writhing in pain while out on some strange street on a chilly night. hell, for all he knows, they wouldn't even be here (wherever here is) at all if not for that.

so nam soon can't help anything. not the way his face is wracked with guilt, nor the the way his hands hover over heung soo's knee, trembling uncontrollably. he can't help the lump that forms in his throat, or the tears that form in his eyes. even though he knows that heung soo is probably in more pain right now, and that he needs to be doing anything but totally shutting down, he can't help himself. there is no coping mechanism for this sort of situation. not when he's somehow led his best friend into a situation that pains them both in more ways than anyone in any world could possibly understand.

there's only one thing nam soon really knows right now.

he can't leave. he won't leave. even though there's a part of him that knows his fight or flight reaction is set to flight, nam soon knows that he can't repeat the past. even if he really wanted to, he isn't sure his legs would be able to carry him at this point. how long did it take for him to be able to at the hospital? not until he saw heung soo's face in the window... and right now, he's already jumped that hurdle. so he absolutely can't leave.]

It's okay. It's okay. Just... just wait. We got out, it's okay. [he repeats it like a mantra with the hopes that one of them will start believing it. nam soon doesn't. really, he just wants to throw up, but he's doing his best to hold it together for heung soo's sake.

(he's failing miserably, of course, but isn't that to be expected?)

he doesn't know what else he can do. he can't make that pain stop, he can't offer any advice. he feels so useless. it's times like this he's reminded why there's nobody worse than him, why he wishes he could just throw himself away in the same manner ha kyung threw her uniform right into the han that night.]

[ It's hard to keep his mind together and force himself to think with just how much it hurts. But Nam Soon's voice cuts through the haze the pain creates in his mind much sharper than anything else - calling out his name, reminding that he has to hang in there. Because even with how much it hurts that he can hardly even see anything clearly, that his breath comes in sharp and short bursts, he can still hear his best friend speak. He can hear that tone in his voice that he's just saying that stuff to convince himself as well, even if they both know it's wrong. It's not okay, he's not okay, and the more Nam Soon speaks, the more it's obvious that he's falling to pieces over there.

Not that Heung Soo blames him in the slightest. He still remembers that time in that storage shed after all and just how much he himself freaked out at seeing the other passed out there and no one around to answer his yells for help.

Still, maybe this would have been slightly easier had it been the other way around. Because even with as mature and responsible as Nam Soon can be at moments, as he's suddenly turned out to be after these years of seperation, Heung Soo also understands more than anyone that out of the two of them, Nam Soon is just that bit more emotionally fragile - when he slips beyond a certain point, there's just no saving it from going off the rails. Like right now. And for once, Heung Soo isn't in any kind of position where he can at least try to help to pull him back, to keep him calm, to keep him from doing anything stupid or rash. It's already enough trouble to keep himself together here, to not just pass out from the pain in the middle of an unfamiliar street with a downright monster somewhere in this place.

Still, he tries - blindly he moves his arm (at least he's capable of doing that much without being in a world of pain) until his hand manages to find Nam Soon's by sheer touch, latching onto it immedaitely and squeezing tightly as if it's his life raft in a storm. Because it's not just for the other's comfort, it's for his own as well, really.

Because the thing that stuck with him the most from that night.. it's not necessarily the pain in his leg, not the look on Nam Soon's face as Heung Soo looked up at him.. it's his best friend's retreating back he spotted from behind that hospital window. Like this he can maybe make sure that doesn't happen again, because even with as shitty as all of this is already, his biggest fear is losing him all over again. He wouldn't be able to endure it a second time.

And as much as he wants to at least try to comfort his best friend or do anything to make the situation better, the pain in his leg forces him to more instinctive parts of his brain that are more easy to reach, and words escape from his lips half-mumbled before he even realises it. ]

... Don't leave.

[that right there, that's nam soon's breaking point.

hearing those words coupled with the way heung soo latches to his arm is enough for him to just crumble mentally from the weight of the situation. if it were any other person, he likely could have handled it, but coming from heung soo just crushes him. those words and actions have a meaning that only the two of them could understand, and it brings nam soon physical pain to realize it.

there's a feeling that burns in his chest; it's not the same as that breathless feeling from running, or from fear. it's a pang of deep-cutting pain. he knows he left before, when he caused all the damage directly, and he knows that part of him wants to do the same now. but it's really the first time that nam soon can clearly see with his own eyes, firsthand, how badly his actions had scarred heung soo. sure, he knew from the sight of how he walked, how he avoided gym class on soccer days, or how even jumping a fence was an issue. he knew because heung soo had told him that he'd looked for someone to ease his heart, that he'd been more mad for walking away than breaking his leg...

seeing heing soo like this, though? it's too much. there's a fear, an insecurity to it that makes nam soon wish that monster would find them just to gut him alive and put an end to this feeling, this guilt. seeing heung soo grab onto him and plead as if history is going to repeat itself — it's too much.]

...Dumb bastard. [he barely manages to say the words, his voice cracking as he does. any tears that lined his eyes make their move when he blinks, sliding down his cheek; nam soon doesn't even acknowledge that they're there, despite the fact that he sniffles. he remains unmoving otherwise, his arms locked in place. hands, arms, his entire body trembles and quakes from the strange rush of emotions he feels. now isn't the time to have a breakdown like this, not when heung soo is in this much pain and so desperate to not be alone. but how can he keep his composure when the calm one between them is so pleading?] Where the hell would I go without you?

[ Nam Soon is crying. Nam Soon is shaking. Even without his full sight or even full ability to pay attention to the things around him rather than the pain that keeps racing through him, he can tell that much from the tone, from the touch on the other's arm.

It's obvious the other is falling apart at the seams right here, but as badly as Heung Soo wishes he could do something about it (since he's always been the one to do something about it, always been the one to try and drag Nam Soon back to some sort of emotional stability, even if it was anger rather than tears he dealt with back then) he can't. He doesn't feel much better than it, after all, especially not since he has the pain to deal with on top of everything. The painful memories, his lost dream, it all just comes back to him.

The only good thing about it is the reassurance. Even if Nam Soon is falling apart, this time he's not running. He's not leaving. He's still right here with him.

As long as Nam Soon doesn't leave again, then he can scrape himself together somehow. Isn't that what he told himself over and over again in the hospital? If Nam Soon just would have stayed, if he had just come back to his hospital room the next day after running away at first and told him these very words.. then he would have been alright, bum leg or no bum leg.

It hurts like hell, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did when Nam Soon left, so -- he can bear it. Heung Soo forces the palm of his free hand on the ground, using his arm as a support to force his upper body up until he's at least sitting.

It comes with incredibly pained groans and saying his breathing is labored would be an understatement, but even with hair wildly almost hanging in his eyes, he tries to look directly at the other. ]

Then don't.. make that kind of face. [ He can't even manage a "you bastard" in return, he has to conserve his words since it's already difficult enough to get this much out. He's probably leaning quite a bit on the other too because of his hand still being on his arm, tightly squeezing.

(There's something glistering faintly in his own eyes too, but he tries to hold it back the best he can in this state. Which isn't too much.) ]

I'm.. [ He shifts a little and groans loudly. ] Going to be f-fine.

[ Somehow. Maybe they can find some hospital or a clinic or even anywhere that's not lying out here in the middle of the street with the person most important to him looking at him like that. He just has to get up. Even if moving this much already feels like hell - Heung Soo doubts he could even stand on that leg at all right now, let alone into the future.

(Don't think of that, don't think of that, don't think of that.) ]

What the hell kind of face do you want me to make, then?

[there's a certain snap to nam soon's words; it's not angry or bitter, but no less frustrated. no matter how many times heung soo tells him things like that, he just can't control it. how could he, when he knows that the only reason heung soo is in a state like this to begin with is because of him? knowing that much, knowing that heung soo will always have to suffer that way because of him... what other face can he make? it's not like nam soon just ruined his chances at going pro with soccer, or even just wounded him in a way that he would eventually recover.

it's been three years, and still... things like this happen. a distance that heung soo could have easily covered, and even ran three or four times the amount grounds him completely. he's to the point of writhing in pain. there's nothing nam soon can do to hel him, and in this state, he absolutely can't forget the things he's done.

that's exactly why tears still slide down his cheeks, why he holds back anything resembling an actual sob, and why he doesn't bother to wipe them away. nam soon knows it's uncomfortable. he knows he's supposed to be trying to put these painful moments behind them for the better of their future, for the sake for moving on and making this reconciliation worthwhile, but it's the sort of guilt that just hasn't had enough time to fade yet. even if on most days now, they can carry on fine, the scars are too deep to heal that quickly. maybe there will be a time when things come to this and nam soon holds his composure together. but right now? it's not much of an option. all he can really do is try. try to calm down, try to help, try to assure heung soo that there's no way anyone will be left behind again.

and that's why as soon as heung soo makes an attempt to sit up, nam soon rushes to changes his own positioning. moving away from the pained leg, he reaches out to grab heung soo's arm and steady it. that's something of a wasted effort, when nam soon is still trembling from the panic, but it's all he can do.

"going to be fine?" nam soon has his doubts in this state. his eyes dart around the area, seeking out either something familiar (there's none of that), or something helpful (there's not of that either, at least, not within his line of sight.]

A hospital. [that's what they need to find. heung soo needs to be checked out. something, anything. they've escaped the danger — they can look for that much now, right? there's the issue of how to get his friend there though. he's in no position to stand let along actually walk right now. even if he was... nam soon couldn't let him anyway. all the same, he can't leave heung soo alone to find anything, either.

so he takes a moment, finally wiping away the fallen tears with his sleeve and sucking in a breath. there are more that still threaten to fall, but he's doing his best to steel himself for the time being.] I'll carry you to one.

[he doesn't care how terrible or ridiculous it looks. if giving heung soo a piggyback ride for 10 miles while they find a hospital is their only option? he'll do it. no hesitation there.]

[ It's terrible. Because Heung Soo has plenty of reasons to reject that plan, but he knows he feasibly can't. If they don't go to a hospital, it just means he'll have to keep sitting here - and he won't even be able to keep this up for long, he can feel it. And he can't do that to Nam Soon-- hell, not to himself either if that monster from before decides that hall isn't fun enough anymore and gets out on the streets. But mostly not since it's going to keep bringing up bad memories for both of them, being here like this. And he doesn't want that. Not when, as long as his best friend is here, he can at least try to push away the hurt and the pain and the realisation from those years ago that he'd never be able to do what he loved most again. Try to not think about it, just think about Nam Soon..

He tries to swallow down more of the pain, enough to properly talk to the other. Heung Soo can see how Nam Soon's finally trying to force back the tears, so the least he can do is try to force the pained reactions down as well. As hard as it is with the sharp pain shooting through his leg, he doesn't want to hurt him any further. ]

.. Really?

[ It's not surprise. Not surprise that Nam Soon would do that, anyway. After the way his (the former) friend chased him around the moment he transferred, he'd expect Nam Soon to suggest as much. But it's more just concern. Nam Soon may have been Tsunami, he may be incredibly strong for a guy their age.. but even so, Heung Soo's a little taller and not as much of a beanpole. Even aside from it looking ridiculous (an argument he's trying to force out of his mind right now since it's not going to help jack shit), he's mostly trying to think of the other here. Even when Heung Soo is obviously the one who needs help right now, unable to get anywhere on his own.

He lets out a breath - a little shaky because of his leg, and he winces even when he tries to keep the worst of it down - and glances over to the other. God, what is it about them that they always manage to get stuck in the shittiest situations like this? ]

Just.. [ ... ] .. don't do anything stupid.

[ It's not a protest against the whole idea, it's more just him saying "don't do anything you can't handle" but without those exact words. Because he knows Nam Soon would go far for him. Too far, even. He'd totally carry him even if he wouldn't be able to, that's exactly the kind of person his best friend is.

(Not that he wouldn't do the same, really.)

But he does realise there isn't exactly much of a different choice in this scenario for them. ]

[there's an odd wave of relief that washes over nam soon at the sound of heung soo's agreement. regardless of how necessary the situation clearly is, the concern did still linger that he would somehow try to refuse the help. but since heung soo is going to comply, nam soon knows that he has to steady his resolve.

he may have cracked seeing his best friend in this state, the guilt and knowing of his own fault and involvement still so prevalent, but he knows he can't linger on it. not for his own sake (a guy who locks himself away for a year out of guilt and misery has already thrown away too much of his pride for that, after all), but for heung soo's. regardless of the cause or origin, he's in pain now, and he needs someone to help him. he needs someone to not leave him behind like in the past, and he needs someone who can keep their word on all counts — including transporting 70 kilos of bastard to a doctor.]

You know I'm stronger than I look. [nam soon's words come out with a shaky breath, but it's clear that he's trying to say the words with the normal brand of snark needed for moments when heung soo acts like a mother hen. the fact he can do that at all in that sort of pain makes that mentality feel even more necessary, though. heung soo knows best that the person making this offer is one who can definitely handle it.

...and even if it became a struggle, nam soon has every intent of enduring it until they get somewhere. he doesn't really want to linger, though. the more they sit around, the longer it'll take to get heung soo patched up and back on his feet again. that's what nam soon wants more than anything, now that they've escaped the monster (or whatever it was). so he turns, back facing heung soo.]

Grab on. [he doesn't want to move heung soo's leg any more than necessary; it'll be easier for him to left heung soo once he's holding on with a steady grip. it's better this way though, he thinks. at least like this, nam soon can keep his unsteady expressions from being seen by the one person he doesn't want seeing. as much as he's trying, there are plenty of expressions he just can't entirely hide in this state...

and it's definitely easier if heung soo can't see any of them. not the guilt, not the worry, and definitely not any strain he may incur by going about things this way.]

[ There's a small stare from him at the other despite the pain at that first statement. Of course Nam Soon is strong, of course he knows that when he's had front row seats to Nam Soon beating someone up so often. But there's a difference between "stronger than I look" and "capable of dragging someone slightly heavier and taller than me all the way to a hospital".

But again, there's no choice. If Nam Soon really threatens to collapse under it then he'll tell him to stop, but they have to at least try. Especially since it feels like his leg is never going to stop throbbing with pain at this rate.

So with the little bit of strength he still has left in the rest of his body, he tries to turn himself enough so he can actually grab onto his best friend. First his hand lands on his shoulder, then the other hand.. but he knows he's going to have to hold on pretty firmly since he doesn't want to put too much strain on Nam Soon in just having to keep him from slipping. So the hands move a little further, meeting in front of the other's chest so he's clinging to the other's neck and top with his arm.

Of course that also means having to move his body - and therefore his leg - a little in the process, and he can't bite back the pained groan even though he wants to so badly. Instead he breathes it out against the other's back, trying to muffle it against Nam Soon's clothes, near the bottom of his neck.

Damn his bum leg. Screw everything. It's frustrating and painful enough to bring him near tears. The last thing he wants to do is look so pathetic, and even beyond that he really doesn't want to sound so pained in front of Nam Soon. He knows his best friend well enough just how many bad memories it triggers for the both of them. So he manages to bite back half of the next groan, even though the shuddering and shivering breath still escapes him against the other's skin. ]

Aeshh... don't hold back if it hurts.

[despite the way he sighs and says the words with some kind of annoyance, nam soon definitely doesn't mean his words that way at all. it comes out of a place of concern, genuine worry that heung soo is holding back the amount of pain he's in for someone else's sake. it's the sort of weight nam soon doesn't want to bear — not like this. it hurts enough for him to know that heung soo is in pain because of him.

trying to hold it back to spare the guilty feelings just makes it worse, even if it's supposed to be doing him a favor. he'd rather heung soo scream and cry directly into his shoulder or his ear. he'd rather feel the pain of fingers digging into his skin, or whatever else it takes to be some kind of release for the amount of pain he has to be feeling. as long as his own face is obscured, as long as nam soon can continue to hide his own anguish over this situation... well, then it's fine. and as long as they're like this, it's a lot easier for him to do so.

he says nothing more for the moment, though. instead, all of his efforts go into strangely gentle movements. it's all an attempt to get a good grip on heung soo's thighs and stand up properly without hurting his friend any further. there's a certain fragility he knows he's dealing with right now, so nam soon takes extra care to not further agitate the injury, if it's even possible. he expects heung soo to yell and curse him in pain as he does thing — and that's fine, if that's what it takes. after some finagling, nam soon shifts his wait to stand upright; it's definitely a bit awkward for more reasons than one, but for now, the weight is definitely something he can pull around with relative ease.

...not that it stops him from making a weak quip to try and make heung soo feel less terrible about the whole thing.] Aye... this was easier when it was Song Ha Kyung...

[ It's definitely not easy. He can't remember the last time his leg hurt as much as now. Probably that night it got fucked up to begin with, but at least that time he had been able to get taken care of more professionally rather than having to get a piggyback ride from his best friend to find some nearby hospital, if there's even any to begin with. And even though he doesn't voice it (probably since he doesn't want to make things even worse for Nam Soon, because he doesn't want to make him worry more than he already has to be right now) he's honestly terrified that if he screws it up now, if he doesn't get it looked at soon enough, it may just end up with him not being able to use that leg at all anymore.

The thought is absolutely frightening, and he clings to the other even more, his grip tightening. Partially to keep himself balanced, but also just since Nam Soon really is like his life raft, the thing he needs the most after this absolutely shitty night. It's the one upside to all of this. That at least this time, he's not alone. As tempting as it is to let his thoughts fall back to that night three years ago when it had hurt this badly too, it's different. Nam Soon is right here with him, he's carrying him, he's not going to leave..

It's the one thing that can keep him from completely flipping out. If not just since he really does want to spare the other's feelings, even in this kind of situation where it's hard to only just think.

There's definitely more pained groans against the other - but they're not that loud, he's not screaming, even if there's something in there that sounds an awful lot like a sob. Apparently he's still holding back no matter what Nam Soon says, because he just can't put the image of that bastard crying just now out of his head.

Heung Soo sucks in a few deep breaths, trying to adjust himself to being in this position the best he can with his leg throbbing like crazy. He needs it, anyway, before he's even able to vaguely speak. ]

Am I s-supposed to say so-- sorry I'm not some pretty girl, bastard.. [ There's a pained edge to his voice that he can't hide, and his voice is a lot softer than usually. Although it helps that his mouth is pretty close to the other's ear anyway. ]

Like I'd be able to put up with you if you were actually cute, you dumb bastard.

[what is that even supposed to mean? who really knows, as they're just idle words that come from nam soon's mouth for the sake of being some sort of distracting conversation. the easiest way for him, for either of them, to cope is to be combative, even if it's just in words and tones. and really, that's all he feels like he's capable of doing right now, beyond the physical actions.

his grip on heung soo is like iron, there's absolutely no way he'd falter right now, even if his body wears down and gets tired. for now, he's okay, despite the weight, but even if he wasn't.... he'd press on silently without letting the other know. he won't rest — he can't until they find a place for heung soo to get his leg checked on. it's arduous though, and not just because of the physical strain it puts on him. nam soon can feel the tightness of his grip, he can hear the ragged breaths, and he knows.... he knows all too well how much heung soo is trying to hold back his suffering. he knows just why, and that makes this whole thing even harder for him.

he finds himself sucking in his own deep, quiet breaths. nam soon has to stay calm, because even if heung soo can't see his face, he'd undoubtedly be able to feel the change in his body motions if he were to sob; he doesn't want that. but nam soon hates this, he hates this suffering, and he hates that all he can do to help is try to keep his composure and press forward.

the guilt is continuously racking him... which is well likely why a couple of tears he'd been holding back still slip past; at least heung soo can't see that though.

how the hell did they end up in a situation like messed up?]

[ It's true that he can't see Nam Soon's tears from his position. They don't fall down on his hands, so he can't feel them either, he can't feel Nam Soon's body rocking from the force of his crying since it's not that hard..

But even though he can't see it, he can still feel it, know it. Because he knows he isn't the only one who's feeling shitty right now, that they're both at their worst. And maybe it's for his own peace of mind too (because it distracts him from thinking about the way his leg hurts so damn much, about the way it feels like his everything is going to burst and all he can do is hang in there since he doesn't know what else there is to do) that he's thinking more of the other than about himself right now. Heung Soo can't do a damn about his leg or about his own state right now since it would foremost require getting rid of the pain surging through him every other second, every single time there's a bump in the road or every single time his weight shifts a little bit.

But he can do something about his best friend. Maybe. Hopefully. Everything seems so bleak right now that he isn't sure if he could even get through to the other, especially since he tends to take everything a lot worse and more emotional than Heung Soo himself.

(As far as there's still a thing as worse in this scenario.) ]

N.. Nam Soon-ah.. [ His voice is soft, choked from the pain he has to endure, but he still has to speak up. He can't continue to let the two of them remain like this, with him being silently carried throughout unfamiliar streets.. ]

.. Stop blaming yourself.

[ Because he knows Nam Soon has to be doing that to some degree right now. Understandably so, since he was the one who broke his leg, if that hadn't happened then they wouldn't have been in this situation to begin with. But the last thing Heung Soo wants is for the most important person to him to wreck himself over that fact now of all times. He can't even see Nam Soon's expression, but that only makes him more worried that the other is feeling just as shitty as he is right now, even if he may not have trouble with a bum leg. ]

It's fine. I'm fine.

[he sucks in another quiet breath. he's not fine, because neither of them really are, not right now. the truth of the matter is that they're at the closest thing to rock bottom — the only way it could be a step lower would be if they were bearing these moments alone. if nothing else, they've got each other... for whatever that may be worth.

but still, it's a very small thread that seems to be holding either of them together right now, and it's only made more frustrating by the fact that he has no idea where they are or where they're going. it seems like there's no end in sight; roads and alleys lined with more neon lights and signs than anywhere he's ever seen in seoul. he just wants to find a hospital before things get any worse. nam soon guesses he can be grateful they managed to evade whatever the hell that this was at the party, but what does it matter beyond that? especially when despite all that, and despite the amount of pain his best friend is in, the concerns are being deflected on to him. nam soon has a hard time accepting that? how can he keep pushing through that pain (that he can clear hear breaking through in tone) to try and console him over matters he was at fault for? heung soo is the one who needs to be worried about now.

for nam soon, the guilt is overpowering, but it's not new to him. he lives every day of his life steeped in it — it's just that tonight, it's smacking him in the face. he's grateful for the fact that heung soo can't see his face... at least by the time they find a hospital, he'll probably be able to pull himself together well enough.]

...Worry about yourself. [he doesn't want that worry on him. he doesn't deserve it, after all. he'd rather heung soo keep his concerns to his own leg, then nam soon can focus on that aspect of it rather than his own involvement.

and besides, he can bear the guilt alone for now. even if it crushes him and suffocates him, he'd rather do that, because no amount of apologies or reconciliation can change the fact that he's the sole person at fault for heung soo's condition.]

[ He wants to scream out more than anything. Because of his leg, because of the pain, sure.. but also since it feels like he's trying to kick his way through a wall here. He knows what Nam Soon must be feeling like, there's a reason Heung Soo doesn't want to worry about himself, after all - because if he does, then it gets frightening. Then he can't get the "what if" scenarios about his leg out of his mind, then he overthinks things again and again for no reason whatsoever other. Because there's nothing he can do to help himself right now. Nam Soon is the one helping him, carrying him to help, so then the least he can do in return is worry about the other guy.

Especially when it comes so naturally, especially when it's what he's been doing for so long, being the guidance that Nam Soon never had in his life, being the one to care for him, show him that there's something more to life always..

He's always been doing that, so how can he stop now when they both need it the most?

So the fact that Nam Soon is deflecting every attempt at it is more frustrating than his leg hurts, threatening a headache strong enough to split his head apart. ]

O-.. of course I'm.. nn--nngh, gonna worry, you punk.. [ There's a growl in his voice. Partially from the pain he has to endure, but also since he just wants to get this through to his best friend's thick dumb skull already, his grip tightening marginally. ]

Telling me to.. n-not hold back.. a.. and then doing the same... [ He sucks in a sharp breath, a hiss. ] Did you think Iii-- I'd not notice?!

Shut up...

[he says the words, glowering... but the truth of the matter is that it only pisses him off because he knows how badly heung soo has to be hurting right now. why can't this bastard ever just think about himself? can't he be selfish and focus on his own problem instead of being the mother hen and worrying about his idiot bastard of a friend?

it's not like he can even find a way to articulate the things he wants to say. nam soon is so, so bad at this, especially when his head is spinning from how overwhelmed he is. he keeps his jaw clenched as tears spill; he holds back every sob, but by the time heung soo will be able to see nam soon's face again, his eyes will be undoubtedly red and puffy while his cheeks will be tear stained. it likely doesn't help that the strain of carrying another person is there, as much as he's even more resistant to making that apparent.]

Shut up and think about yourself, you dumb bastard! [he can only hold back for so long though... he's still got those traces of tsunami within him, and when he can't cope with something emotionally, he's like a volcano. but even though he's yelling, it's obvious that he isn't really angry at heung soo. he's upset, and he's crying, but his yelling seems to be more a guttural reaction than anything else.] Don't... don't worry about me so much.

["i don't deserve it," he believes, especially when he is the cause of this all to begin with.]

[ At least the yelling doesn't really cut him. He already knows it. Knows it from having seen it so many times, then experiencing it a few times before they made up too - even dishing it out himself a few times, too. Because sometimes there's just nothing else you can do, when you feel so helpless and don't know what else to do. Heung Soo's never been quite on the same level as Nam Soon when it comes to emotionally lashing out, but it's not like he hasn't done it either.

Instead he's just quiet for a moment. Maybe since Nam Soon yelling is actually what keeps him grounded this time, or maybe it's that the pain in his leg is so heavy and numbing and distracting that he doesn't really have enough energy to yell anyway.

His answer is actually pretty quiet, although there's something incredibly tired about it too. It's already taking a lot of him to just stay conscious with the pain running through him, but he's already told himself he has to hang in there until they find a hospital. Nam Soon isn't giving up on walking either, so he has to stay conscious, stay aware, even when the pain makes it so tempting to just slip away for a moment. ]

.. if I don't do it.. then who's g-gonna, bastard..?

[ It's not like Heung Soo has anyone other than Nam Soon to worry over him either. Here, at least. But his sister is waiting for him, and she would doubtlessly have tried to help him in any way possible in this situation too.

But Nam Soon doesn't have anyone like that. His dad is alive, sure, but he's hardly around, and it's just not family in the same way Heung Soo's older sister is his family. Nam Soon's only family, the only person who cares for him - it's Heung Soo. It's him.

So he has to do it, even now. Or maybe especially now, when it's a good distraction from his own misery, and when he knows they're both at their lowest points anyway. ]

Save it... just save it.

[it's all he can say right now, isn't it? nam soon knows that there's no way to make his friend stop worrying; that sentiment is one they share eternally, after all. they always worry about one another when the situations become trying, and now isn't any different. but still, nam soon wants him to just shut the hell up.

everything is such a mess, and they have no idea how they even landed in a situation like this. adding in the pain he knows his friend is feeling, and his own feelings of self-deprecation, and it leads to nam soon wishing they could just stew in silence until they find somewhere to take care things. maybe it's because they're both at their lowest that nam soon should be relying on the fact that his friend is trying... but he doesn't want it. not right now. right now, all nam soon wants to do is help in all the ways he should have three years ago. heung soo may be trying to hold on, but nam soon wants him to just listen to his body's cues. hell, if he passed out, at least he'd be spared the hassle of being awake through the excruciating pain.

...it's not like he wants to hear the suffering in his best friend's voice, after all. it just makes everything worse, rather than better. how is he supposed to hold back, or keep his composure when the pain he's the root cause of drips from heung soo's tone?]

Worry about me later. ["don't worry about me at all, i don't deserve it."] Worry about yourself now.

[ Heung Soo sucks in a deep and shakey breath, but he doesn't say anything. There's nothing he can say anymore, after all. There's an odd comfort in the middle of the pain for him in worrying about Nam Soon or making sure he's at least relatively more okay than he could be in this situation or even just wallowing in his presence - because the last time he had been like this, that hadn't been there for him. He hadn't gotten the possibility to do so to begin with, because Nam Soon had turned and ran away.

But even though his best friend isn't turning and running away this time, even though he's carrying him.. he still knows he won't be anywhere further with this. It's like he's meeting a brick wall headfirst, and although he's stubborn enough to at least try a little more than just one attempt, he knows this is just it. Nam Soon's not going to accept his worry right now (and although he can understand why, it's just much more convenient to let his mind wander to the other's wellbeing rather than think about his own leg and about how much it hurts and about how much he hates being stuck with it and all the connotations behind it that come up every time it starts hurting).

His grip on the other tightens a little, and his head moves to rest against Nam Soon. His eyes close, but he's not passing out or going to sleep at all.. he doesn't want to do that, he doesn't want to be the one to abandon his friend in that way this time. Especially when it isn't sure if they'll even find a hospital and when everything is this weird.. he'll endure every single part of the pain if he has to, no matter how unbearable it feels, and how red shoots behind his eyes with every single stab of pain.

Like this he can only hear the other's breath better (and how it hitches just a little) and feel Nam Soon's heart pound like his own, wildly and quickly in panic.

He's not so sure anymore whether he's clinging that tightly for his own comfort or for the other's.

Probably a bit of both. ]

[there is a strange sense of comfort that comes from heung soo's motions; maybe it's just what he needs right now. he knows that his friend hasn't yet passed out, but he's not arguing or verbalizing his concerns, and the closer proximity gives him a slightly better sense of just what heung soo is feeling right now. words have never been good at conveying those things, after all. not between them—for them, everything was always spoken through the silences.

nam soon knows how much pain he's in. he knows it probably doesn't compare to the original injury, and he also knows that he can't even truly fathom just how much physical pain that really is. he just knows that heung soo is in a lot of pain, and even if only tangentially, he's the cause of it. but still, he understands it while it's weighing on him heavily, the feeling of being leaned on, on being relied on somehow makes it slightly less daunting. the panic hasn't left his body so easily, of course, but it doesn't change the fact that this is a strange and silent turning point in their friendship. it's something they hadn't been able to do in these last three years, because nam soon had run away.

but heung soo is putting enough trust in him now, so no matter how heavy it gets (both physically and emotionally), he'll press on.]

It's okay... It's okay... [he hums the words softly. nam soon doesn't know if it can or will bring any sort of comfort at all, but even through his own tears, they both need to keep reminded of that. somehow, it'll be okay. they're together, they haven't given up... they can't stop now, so it has to be okay.]

[ In his current position, there's hardly anything else he can sense. The pain he can feel, sure, but anything beyond that.. it's all lost in the distance. He can't see a thing with his eyes closed, of course, but even the sounds of the city, the wind that may be blowing.. he can't even feel it. The only way to even combat the pain a little bit, to keep himself together, is to instead try to intensely focus on everything else he feels closer to him rather than the unfamiliar city all around him. Focus on Nam Soon's warmth, the way his body sometimes trembles the slightest bit during one step..

.. the soft mumbling that Heung Soo couldn't possibly miss.

This bastard.. it took him a while to figure out just how Nam Soon became the way he did, that it wasn't all just some act to mess around with him. But now, even if he doesn't know the full extent of it.. he knows that Nam Soon's the type who keeps all his troubles to himself, who just tries to bear it all. Just like this. How many times did you tell yourself that like this in the past, bastard..? Is it what he told himself that night when he ran away from the hospital, the complete opposite of this moment here?

Heung Soo's never told himself it. Mostly since he knew it wouldn't be okay, and he didn't want to delude himself. When Nam Soon ran away and didn't show up again, he knew it wouldn't be okay. When the doctors told him about his leg, he knew it wouldn't be okay. When he went to Nam Soon's house in the hope of maybe still making amends and found nothing there anymore.. he knew it wouldn't be okay. So he never told himself it would be.

This is different though. This time, Nam Soon is right there. Carrying him, not leaving him behind, trying to stay strong through it all just as much as Heung Soo is.

It's soft on his part too, but.. ]

.. it's okay..

[ It's the first time he's said it like that - it almost synchronizes with one of Nam Soon's repeats of his mumbling. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

//TESTDRIVE.EXE

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

the one opportunity to use this icon tbh

god why would you do this to me

i don't even know why i'm doing this to myself let alone to you

i'm going to puke and throw myself off a bridge

just like jae hee.....

we don't speak of jae hee okay... don't do it....

but... hoonah..................................

don'T........ jae.... hee... yah....

would you rather have the muffled heirs theme

i will take muffled hongki over muffled jin se yeon any day

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject