//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

RIN TOUSAKA 🎲 FATE/EXTRA 🎲 CANON POINT UP FOR DEBATE

[codere]

      ♚ PHASE I: "I TOLD YOU SO"
[ This was a bad idea, Rin insisted to teammate(s) who not only refused to listen, but built up a tolerance to her pushiness by outright ignoring her. Experience rarely proves her wrong and once she's fished them their sorry asses out of the lake (which by the way she agrees with the elves: their butts are eyesores), it's battle time. Fortunately she has her trusty call_gandor(64); code cast with her while she's within the simulator and her aim is just slightly better than usual, possibly fueled by the frustration of being insulted.

By now her teammate(s) have probably moved on so anyone is free to encounter her just shooting at a bunch of elves and shoving them under the ice in the lake with her own bare hands. While wearing those boots. It's a Christmas Miracle. ]

      ♚ PHASE II: "USED TO LAUGH AND CALL HIM NAMES"
[ As much as she'd like to argue that reindeer really don't exist, Rin's a bit too busy to make that claim. Somehow she's managed to climb atop the back of one and is attempting to ride it while getting bucked at by the other eleven reindeer. What is her life?? She never signed up to be a cowgirl, but at least she has the boots to sport the reputation. Hee-haw, save her before she gets thrown off please. ]

      ♚ PHASE III: "THE TSUNDER TALES"
No. [ That's it.

Rin Tousaka is willing to go the distance for some things (like digital dickings in the nurse's office) but she apparently draws the line at hugging a minotaur. ]

III

[swordboning]

And what's stopping you? Certainly not a false sense of modesty.

[Because being rude at even not!Tohsaka's is perfectly legit in all corners.]

[codere]

[ Sloooowly turns her head to glare at him with a fake smile. ]

Why would I do that when there's something better suited to hug that beast? [ She means him, of course. ]

Your arms are long enough to wrap around its luscious body.

[swordboning]

I could meet the physical requirements, yes. But he looks like he needs a real, positive emotion behind it. I'll count myself incapable of that and leave it to the one who jumps to extremes.

[Which means her, of course.]

[codere]

[ WHY. ] Hey now, but I think you're mistaken. See, I'm just digital data that's akin to an artificial intelligence.

Therefore I think the emotion you may display while hugging our friend here will be at a greater capacity than any I could serve up.

[swordboning]

Technology is pretty amazing these days. I think we all agree that a sentient AI has very real emotions and you can exemplify that much better than anyone else.

[Just nudging her forward.]

Go ahead and show him the true power of machines.

[codere]

[ Digging her heels into the ground. ] Okay, okay. I must admit.

I have no idea how to hug someone. You seem to be old enough to be experienced in the matter so why don't you show me how it's done and then I'll handle it after?

Go on, I'm watching-!

iii

[projections]

What's wrong? [Shirou places his hand to his hip before shrugging.]

It's not like you to hesitate so much, Tohsaka. Can't you just hug it and get this over with? [Like he's one to talk. Shirou wouldn't touch that thing with a five foot pole. ]

No, more importantly when did you dye your hair blonde?

[codere]

[ . . . ] There's so much wrong with what you said just now.

[ FOR STARTER'S, SHE CAN HEAR THAT 'H' IN THE NAME. ]

Do you have a problem with my hair? [ Forget the minotaur, this is more important. Taking a step closer towards him with a fist raised near her head in the universal sign that he's cruisin for a bruisin, Rin gives him an uncharacteristically sweet smile to go along with it. ]

[projections]

What did I do wrong, Tohsaka? [It's already too late to beg for mercy.]

I don't have a problem with your hair! [That smile means he's dead. Somebody please help him.] How do I put this? You look great with blonde.

It caught me by surprise, that's all. [Flattering her won't help!]

[codere]

[ He's already dead. ]

It's a shame that minotaur doesn't accept human sacrifices or else I could hit two birds with a single thick-headed idiot. [ Pity that. ]

If you think you can take an insult back by complimenting the very thing you were offended by so quickly, you should be made aware it doesn't work that way. [ Except it does for anyone else who isn't Rin. ] Let's see, what should I have you do to make up for offending me in the first place?

[projections]

[People die when they're killed.]

Why is it easier for you to sacrifice someone? I think most people would argue against that and think a hug isn't so bad. I'm failing to see the logic behind this. [He almost wants to call her crazy, but he refrains from doing so. ]

Ugh, I had a feeling you'd say that. Did you come up with anything?

[codere]

[ If it's death he wants, all he needs to do is point out the ass window. If Rin doesn't do the deed, surely Sakura will!!! ]

If a hug isn't so bad, why are you so opposed to it?

[ Leaning in a bit. ] You can even practice on me, virgin boy.

hay gurl hay (Phase II)

[bankrupts]

[So while Rin is busy getting in touch with her inner cowgirl, a familiar looking blonde in red is out and about enjoying herself. Those elves had put her spirits in a bit of a damper, but it was fun teaching them a lesson. Besides, she had a new set of clothes! It was a bit sad that she wasn't able to allow others to see more of her, given how much this santa outfit covered, but oh well. It was cute and that's what counted. Now if only she had her Master to show it to...

The sounds of a familiar voice pulls her from her thoughts before she can get too sad, and so she quickly makes her way over to the sound. As she gets closer and closer, she's almost positive that the voice belongs to Rin, but ye gods...she wasn't expecting this sight to greet her.]

Though you are hardly the first person I wished to encounter here, I must admit the sight before me is rather amusing. You have my thanks, Rin!

[After all, it's not every day you see a harpy taming a reindeer.]

haaaaaaay

[codere]

[ First off, this is so unfair. Why is it that Saber gets the cute DLC boost and she doesn't? Rin would pull the look off a lot better, if asked, and there's no denying that. ]

I'm not doing it for the sake of your cheer and merriment-! [ Trying her best to not get thrown off, her hands tangle themselves in this one's antlers. ] So stop with that and oh, I don't know, do something useful?!

[bankrupts]

[Because Nero is just as big a cashcow as Arturia is.]

You dare call my current actions useless? Entertainment brings up one's morale, which allows them to fight better. Not that I would need much cheering on to slay these unsightly beasts, but the point still stands.

[Not that she'll complain if Rin decides to tell her how awesome she is. Too bad if it does happen, it'll be the most tsundere praise of all. Though it's not like she has any room to talk.]

...but very well. I shall help you. Lead the beasts toward me and then get off that one's back as quickly as possible.

[codere]

[ If only Rin could steal her looks from another equally famous character and roll in the money. If only. ]

Are you stupid-?! [ Yes. ]

If I leap off their back, I'll get trampled by the rest and die.

And what good will you do wearing that-?!

[bankrupts]

[Like that would ever happen.

Also she knows Rin is but what is she.]

And if you do not get off the beast's back, you may be slammed into the ground with such force that your thick skull may be shot downward into your throat. Which would also kill you.

[Not that Rin doesn't have a point here. How is she supposed to go all Monday Night RAW on their asses if Rin's in the way? It's not like she can ignore her plight, either. Rin might be a pain in the ass, but she's her dear Master's friend. If anything were to happen to her, her Master MIGHT be more than a little testy.

Shit.]

...I suppose I could handle the others first, but you would need to lead the one you are riding away from them. Surely even you cannot be so useless as to fail at that?

[Completely ignoring the comment about clothes. It's not like they'll be an issue with what she has planned.]

[codere]

[ Don't talk down to her in that condescending tone. First of all, how can she when she has to strain her neck to look upon this fine beauty and her not so magnificent steed?? ]

If I'm really good, maybe I'll trample over your stupid body when I pass by next-!

[ ... Rin hopes she can GIT GUD enough to do that to her in the next few minutes. ]

iii;

[springful]

Ah, you're— [NEE-SAN??? Except thankfully Sakura's a bit more perceptive than Shirou up there, so she's 99.9999% sure this isn't actually Rin. (Her sister is prideful in everything about herself, including her looks, so there's no way she'd ever dye her hair blonde okok.) So EXCUSING THAT...]

I mean, it seems like a simple enough task. [She says despite being reluctant to do it herself. Look, no one would actually want to hug a monster.]

[codere]

[ Only 99.9999% sure, Sakura?? Geez, have a little confidence in yourself!! ]

Just because something is simple doesn't mean everyone should be trying to do it. Wouldn't it be simple to remain at home and not do any work? [ That's not the same thing, but she's rolling with it. ]

Hugging something as ugly as that is more than a simple task. Just look at it. [ Waving an arm as she speaks, the poor Minotaur defenseless against the assault of her words. ] I can smell its breath all the way over here and when was the last time it bathed?

[springful]

[> confidence
> Sakura
You can only have one or the other.............]

I think you're twisting the meaning of the words a little bit... [Too bad Rin she's onto you.]

It certainly looks horrendous, to say the least. [SAKURA do you really want to say something like that too when it'll probably upset the minotaur that only wants a hug?? If it suddenly wants to fight everyone can blame these two.] But wouldn't you agree that it's easier than having to fight it?

[codere]

[ That poor minotaur just wants love and 2/2 eroge heroines are denying it... Isn't it sad?? ]

It also smells horrendous. [ Don't forget the smell, Sakura. ] If either of us touch it, then there's a good chance we'll never be able to wash the stink off. Is that a risk you're willing to accept-?!

No man would be able to love a woman who smells like rotten minotaur!

I say we kill it.

[springful]

[Saber gets all the attention anyways, they can leave it up to her...]

That's going too far! [RIN NO.] Even if hugging it's disgusting, that's no reason to actually kill it. Besides, I'm sure Senpai would understand...

[He's accepted the entirely of HF a bad smell can't be the last straw, right?!]

[codere]

[ All she's seeing is RIN YES tbh. ] No, senpai wouldn't understand.

[ Whoever that is. ]

You don't understand. Once a girl gets the reputation of minotaur stink, it goes on her permanent record. I'm fairly certain that's how it works.

Would you love a girl who smelled like a stinky cowbeast?