//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

haaaaaaay

[codere]

[ First off, this is so unfair. Why is it that Saber gets the cute DLC boost and she doesn't? Rin would pull the look off a lot better, if asked, and there's no denying that. ]

I'm not doing it for the sake of your cheer and merriment-! [ Trying her best to not get thrown off, her hands tangle themselves in this one's antlers. ] So stop with that and oh, I don't know, do something useful?!

[bankrupts]

[Because Nero is just as big a cashcow as Arturia is.]

You dare call my current actions useless? Entertainment brings up one's morale, which allows them to fight better. Not that I would need much cheering on to slay these unsightly beasts, but the point still stands.

[Not that she'll complain if Rin decides to tell her how awesome she is. Too bad if it does happen, it'll be the most tsundere praise of all. Though it's not like she has any room to talk.]

...but very well. I shall help you. Lead the beasts toward me and then get off that one's back as quickly as possible.

[codere]

[ If only Rin could steal her looks from another equally famous character and roll in the money. If only. ]

Are you stupid-?! [ Yes. ]

If I leap off their back, I'll get trampled by the rest and die.

And what good will you do wearing that-?!

[bankrupts]

[Like that would ever happen.

Also she knows Rin is but what is she.]

And if you do not get off the beast's back, you may be slammed into the ground with such force that your thick skull may be shot downward into your throat. Which would also kill you.

[Not that Rin doesn't have a point here. How is she supposed to go all Monday Night RAW on their asses if Rin's in the way? It's not like she can ignore her plight, either. Rin might be a pain in the ass, but she's her dear Master's friend. If anything were to happen to her, her Master MIGHT be more than a little testy.

Shit.]

...I suppose I could handle the others first, but you would need to lead the one you are riding away from them. Surely even you cannot be so useless as to fail at that?

[Completely ignoring the comment about clothes. It's not like they'll be an issue with what she has planned.]

[codere]

[ Don't talk down to her in that condescending tone. First of all, how can she when she has to strain her neck to look upon this fine beauty and her not so magnificent steed?? ]

If I'm really good, maybe I'll trample over your stupid body when I pass by next-!

[ ... Rin hopes she can GIT GUD enough to do that to her in the next few minutes. ]

[bankrupts]

[Rin is beautiful, Saber wouldn't deny that, but it's incredibly easy to look down upon her and everyone else when her ego rivals Gilgamesh's.]

...on second thought, you seem to be performing quite admirably on your own. In fact, you are performing so well, that it is almost as if your body, as well as the body of your stead, have become one. I do not wish to interfere with the overwhelming love between a girl and her beast, so I will take my leave. Farewell.

[And then she actually does turn around and walk back in the direction she came from. Granted, she does this incredibly slowly, as if she was waiting for Rin to take it back or beg for her help.

Because she is.]

[codere]

[ Because she totally is going to take it back. ] H-Hey Saber-?! Where do you think you're going-?!

Are you really going to let these beasts have something that belongs rightfully to your Master?!

[ On second though, she has this thing called pride so maybe she'll just turn that against Saber herself-! ]

[bankrupts]

[...well it's not begging, but playing the Mastercard geddit works just as efficiently. So with an overly dramatic sigh, she turns back around. ]

...fine. I will assist you, but only because it would bring a smile upon my Master's charming features.

[Dammit Hakuno why you gotta be so cute.]

Now, lead the beasts away from you, so that I may smite them with extreme prejudice!

[codere]

That's right-! You'll smite these beasts with extreme prejudice just to make Hakuno smile bright!

Surely your actions will be rewarded with her arrival and then, and then-! [ Rin smiles brightly. ] I can make her my own!

[ Still a better love story. ]

[bankrupts]

Bite your forked tongue, serpent, lest I cut it out and feed it to the dogs! I would sooner die than allow you to lay a hand upon my Master! Who knows what sort of vile things you might do to her!

[Now Saber, is that any way to talk to the woman who saved your life and scored with you...at the same time?]