//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

ashiya mutsuki | donten ni warau

[spiritee]

PHASE I

[Just thrown into the chipped lake? Expect company, because there's a projectile elf with a black eye crashing in for a swim – unconsciously. No apologies for the splashing water.

Ashiya emerges from nearby, his right hand hovering around the hilt of the sheathed katana strapped on his back. He tips his head on seeing a new, non-elfin face.]

You were lured here as well?

PHASE IV

[Ashiya is cultured enough to watch Santa Bot through the entirety of his merry jig, which is just about the strangest yet happiest dance he's ever seen, before stooping down to collect the credits. Money is important, considering the general circumstance.

Of course, the individual with whom he completed the phase is also important, so Ashiya casts them a sidelong glance over his shoulder.]

We've completed the mission. Will that be all?

IV

[sunshrouded]

Ashiya, you're still so cold!

[Is Tenka pouting? Yeah, he's pouting. He's also not collecting coins because for some reason, he's not hurting for money anymore. It's weird.

But anyway-]

Let's go back to my place! Have you run into Sousei yet? If he's not out saving people, he probably went back already.

[Don't ask why they're on such good terms again, it's a long story.]

[spiritee]

[Okay, then, Ashiya's just going to hoard all of the credits. Merry Christmas.

Just working with Tenka again is a different experience. Furthermore, the mention of Sousei is harmless in and of itself, but the words that follow stir some curiosity. Ashiya stops in the middle of collecting to look back at Tenka.]

"Back already"? To where?

[sunshrouded]

[Oh, right. The Yamainu don't know. Tenka just tilts his head in response to that though and-]

My place? Or well, I guess it's our place.

[Old and current Yamainu captain living together, how could that possibly be an issue.]

[spiritee]

[There are a million issues with that, starting with mixed feelings.]

My, my . . . the Captain lives with you?

[sunshrouded]

Right, right, I already said that!

[Either way, Tenka doesn't seem too bothered about it. They patched up, they talked it out, they're mostly good now. Probably.]

Are you coming along or not?

I.

[deontology]

[Thankfully for his dignity, Sousei hasn't been tossed into the lake. There is an awful lot of yelling going on, some insults about his hair and heritage, which Sousei doesn't particularly care for (or about), but for his part, any elf that tries to grab at him meets the blunt end of a sheathed sword.

But that's...not a face he was expecting to see here. His boots crunch through the snow easily enough, though he isn't wearing his uniform at the moment, but something rather less conspicuous--slacks, a simply long-sleeved shirt, a coat, all vaguely western but as simple as possible.

He's been here awhile.]

Ashiya.

[Yo.

An elf that thinks Sousei might be distracted reaches for his hand and goes face-first into the snow. Sousei is, as ever, not messing around.]

[spiritee]

[Yo, yo. As expected.

It takes only a glance; Ashiya recognizes Sousei right away. Only, he winds up staring at the unexpected garment for a second too long to be considered casual. It's fortunate that the elves are largely dispersed and a fair distance from him.

Questions, questions.]

I didn't expect you to be on this mission, Captain.

[deontology]

[The only truly familiar thing is his sword--which is, of course, the family sword he'll always carry with him. Though there are now two Abe family swords running around Cereal.

Whatever, it's weird, he's accepting it. And he'll stay quiet, letting Ashiya process the differences.]

They often target civilians and noncombatants in these scenarios.

[That's why he's here. Because fuck that noise.]

[spiritee]

[Don't lie. It was the insult to the hair that did it.

But that's enough processing. He's quick at that sort of thing. Ashiya eyes the elves next, then, back to Sousei:]

At this moment, no one else is around. How should we proceed?

[deontology]

[You know it. Nobody can insult the hair and get away with it.

But Ashiya has aways been a quick study--something to admire about him, alongside his skill. No panicking, none of that, despite the scenario. Time to put that to the test, though; there's an awful lot of weird he has to explain now.]

The reality we are in is not currently our own. [He doesn't like playing Mr. Exposition, but he can if he has to.] Often in these "games" [his derision should make it clear what he thinks of that term, even if it's ever so faint and his expression doesn't change] there is a goal that must be accomplished before everyone can escape.

That is our objective.

[He doesn't enjoy working within their framework, but saving civilians is more important than pitching a fit at the moment.]

I

[recurringly]

[ botan has just finished hiking herself up along the edges of the ice, obviously completely soaked, but looking otherwise okay. there is a strained smile on her lips (tinged blue thanks to the little swim), still attempting propriety even at this stage. ]

It s-seems that way. [ she straightens, needlessly smoothing down the front of her clothing even though it already sticks to her. a moment to compose herself, in which she stops shivering from sheer force of will alone. ]

Good evening, Ashiya-dono.

[spiritee]

[ the lady is certainly dignified, despite how cold she must be. ashiya will gift her points for composure. he can tell, this is someone to whom he can attribute a certain kind of strength. though, at the mention of his name, he tips his head in the other direction.

curious. ashiya is not one to forget faces, and she carries a unique vibe. ]

My, have we met before?

iv

[allfortheclan]

[ He knew Botan was probably lying, saying she was the only other person from their world here. But it's unfortunate he's so outnumbered. He's perched on a high spot, watching the Ashiya onmyouji collecting money. ]

Yamainu, huh?

[ Must keep in mind that all these people are useful to CERES' mission, which means them being here is a good thing. More or less. ]

[spiritee]

[ In a certain manner of speaking, Botan wasn't lying: From his point in time, Ashiya has yet to officially meet the rumored Shirasu.

Nevertheless, when Ashiya looks up on the inkling that he's not alone, his focus is drawn to the white hair of the stranger on higher ground. He hadn't realized there was another person around. ]

Hm? Well, this is a surprise.

[allfortheclan]

[ He did tend to stay pretty well cloistered in the shrine and the house. No real reason to go out except on reconnaissance. That day the Yamainu came for Kagami Naoto, attention had been on Tenka, naturally.

But even still, it surprises Shirasu somewhat that Ashiya isn't attacking on sight. Perhaps the timeline issue is to be believed. ]

A good surprise, or a poor one?

[spiritee]

I wonder. Could you be a Fuuma?

[ From this distance, it's difficult to accurately gauge the color of the stranger's eyes. Moreover, in this strange place, others with the same scheme may not be unheard of. However . . . ]

i

[firstcloud]

[ He knew he should have been suspicious of those elves--anything that's native to this place seems almost as bad as the machines. Sopping wet and a displeased look on his face, Kagemitsu wrings water out of his sleeves as he makes his way out of the lake, and makes sure he still has both katana by his side. Poko wasn't thrown with him, and is bouncing toward the lake from the forest. ]

For some reason, by a moron.

[ Because one way or the other, Hirari is always to be blamed for everything. ]

[spiritee]

[ At a second glance, Ashiya finds his gaze drawn from the critter to the stranger's side. Unlike some he's encountered, the stranger's clothing is a style with which Ashiya is familiar. And that's not the only thing . . . ]

A moron?

[firstcloud]

[ This person, when Kagemitsu looks at him properly, looks suspiciously much like a person he met not long ago. In his own time.

It takes a few moments before Kagemitsu actually answers. Poko manages to reach them before he does. ]

Yes, Hirari-niisan has a habit of dragging other people into his messes. [ Mostly just Kagemitsu. ]

[spiritee]

[ Hirari, Hirari. A name to remember. ]

By that, do you mean that you came to this place with him?

[ From the sounds of it, it doesn't seem this Hirari character is responsible for the game itself. ]

phase i

[snakebait]

[ One not-so-dignified Abe is a bit wet at the moment, dealing with elves of his own at the moment. He has to kick one away when it tries to get him back into the water, but even when he's shaking from the cold he manages not to get shoved in again. He's not falling for their innocent act twice.

He looks up at the stranger when he speaks, shaking another elf off his other leg. ]

I should've known better. Can't trust guys from this place.

[spiritee]

[ The way he says it, he sounds like someone gullible – and familiar.

For the time being, Ashiya is clear of elves in his immediate vicinity. Nevertheless, he remains on guard, watching the stranger with vague interest the while. ]

They were rather suspicious from the start.

[snakebait]

[ Is the sword he's carrying more familiar? Those eyebrows and that hair colour sure reminds him of someone, just give him a minute to remember who.

He kicks one of the elves into the water. Right now they're more of an annoyance than a threat. He's not letting his guard down anymore around these guys. ]

Yeah, but they didn't seem as bad as some that I've met. [ Ah, he got it now. ] Ashiya!

[spiritee]

[ Yes. The sword is too familiar. And he would have remarked on it, had more words not been spoken.

The recognition earns the stranger an inquisitive glance as Ashiya dispels an elf that has approached too close. He trusts his memory well enough; he has never seen this man before. ]

Have we met?