//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

[deontology]

[That way it is. If anyone's information can be trusted, it's Ashiya's, truthfully. They walk in silence for a few moments, nothing but the sound of boots crunching through snow to be heard (virtual snow, and it never stops being odd to Sousei), before he finally opens his mouth.]

You've just arrived, I assume. [They would have rendezvoused sooner if Ashiya had arrived sooner, he's certain of that.

He has questions, he's just not sure how to ask them yet.]

[spiritee]

[Padding after Sousei with his hands behind his head, Ashiya refocuses on his superior's advancing form. Interesting – Sousei is not one for small chat, and the vague starter is just strange for its choice of words.]

Well, it was a little earlier . . . Those creatures took some time. [But thanks to them, the two of them got their chance meeting.] What is it?

[deontology]

[Ah... strange. Has he gotten this out of practice conversing with people who know him, that it's strange now that Ashiya knows he's getting at something even just from that?

... It's difficult to lean on anyone else, now that he has the Yamainu to trust (but without them, it's so much easier to be lone wolf).]

There are often inconsistencies in memories and... timelines, here. [Weird, but true.] Tenka's ancestor is here, as well as one of the previous members of the Abe clan.

[Weird, but true.]

What do you last remember yourself?

[spiritee]

[Members of Kumou and Abe both? Even without Sousei turned to see properly, Ashiya can't help the tip of his head as he lowers his hands, his elbows relaxing. Memories are pliable things; however, time(line) is another matter altogether. What could it mean, beyond the seemingly obvious?

Jeeze. How worrisome.

First, he answers the easy question.]

Hm . . . We apprehended the criminal Kagami Naoto.

[deontology]

[...Ah. That explains a lot. Sousei crosses his arms behind his back idly as they walk. It's a little lacking in authority without his uniform, but at the same time...well, he sure does carry that Buzzkill Authority Figure aura like a cloak.]

I see. That was some time ago, in my memory. [You're behind, my friend.

where to even start....]

We've found the Orochi. Our current task is to separate it from its host, and defeat the Orochi.

[There's an awful lot of information implied in those two sentences, sorry, Ashiya.]

[spiritee]

[Very behind, evidently.

Every wheel and cog imaginable are turning and ticking in Ashiya's mind as he watches Sousei's back. Finding the Orochi is not surprising news; however, it's "separate the Orochi from the host" that sets off bells. The Yamainu's task is to eliminate the Orochi . . . and for Sousei, Captain of the Yamainu, to add another step that's unheard of is strange. No, it's beyond strange.

But this is Abe no Sousei, and Ashiya will always give him the benefit of the doubt.]

Separate the Orochi from its host? Such a method exists?

[deontology]

[Yes, he knows, he knows. He had a mid-life crisis at 24 or something like that.

Regardless, he is definitely changing his mind about this whole Orochi thing, and that's just...the path he chose. He's going to stick with it now. Just like always.

So he nods once, simply.]

Yes. Its host is Kumou Soramaru. [Even though he knows Ashiya also doesn't know all of the weight behind that yet either, it's a start.] Using the Kumou swords, it should be possible to remove and then defeat the Orochi.

[...... honestly, failure isn't even an option, so--]

That is what we will do.

[spiritee]

[Ashiya had a mid-life crisis in his teens. So he can't judge.

Of all the strange information, though, the name is the most peculiar. After Tenka, there are two Kumou children; Soramaru, he recalls, is the second.]

In the end, the Orochi took a host outside the Yamainu. [Ashiya almost sighs. It seems a waste, all that training and enduring. On the other hand, it gives them the necessary edge in numbers.

He considers the proposed plan with a muted hum. Indeed, if it is the conclusion Sousei has come to, that is what they should do.]

Hm . . . we're misaligned, but I have no objections. Neither should the me in your future.

[deontology]

[He knows their mission. It certainly would have been easier if the Orochi had been one of the Yamainu--but despite what he told Iwakura, would he really be able to cut one of his own down?

...Who knows.

He's certainly finding that he's softer than he thought he was, deep down.]

I should hope not. [It's more an amused statement than anything, even if his tone is as even as ever, as is his expression. Still, if anyone can catch his muted amusement, it'd be the Yamainu. Probably.] The discover of the swords was partially yours.

[spiritee]

[Is that sarcasm from the esteemed leader of the Yamainu? Yes. It is. But his attention is soon taken away from that and over to the next reveal.]

Mine?

[He can't even begin to imagine where he would make that kind of discovery in the future. The future is funny in that way, he supposes. There's always something to be learned.]

How interesting. Even now, there are things that we couldn't have predicted. [Given the nature of their gathering, which shouldn't be possible by all rights, he can afford this rhetorical way of conversation.] To think there would be a method of separating the Orochi from its host, when even the accounts of its sealing are so vague . . .

[deontology]

[Rhetoric is fine, and he'll allow Ashiya to wax thoughtful as he wants, for now. He's quiet in response, considering, even as they walk onwards.

They have a mission--in game, yes, but more importantly, out of the game.

They have a mission back home, and after a moment, that's what he snaps back to, as always.]

We have work left to do, when we return. Nothing has been resolved for certain.