//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE

[reparator]

//TESTDRIVE5.0.EXE Let it Go, Let it Fucking Go Already Let's keep pretending it's not technically October in the game while Yuletide thoughts continue to spread through CERES. Inspired by recent tragic events, your friendly neighborhood programmer, Elias (serritor) has constructed a wonderful new ice world to be accessed through ViViD, the popular virtual simulator. As expected, this is a world covered in ice all over with a chill that bores into one's bones as players wander through. In the midst of it all lies a beautiful reconstruction of a mall, complete with various stores to suit your online shopping needs. However, before you can indulge in any spending, you're tasked with a mission should you choose to accept. You will have to enter the frost-covered mall which hosts a large, elaborate labyrinth and complete all the objectives as they're given to you and your party. It seems that some horrible foe has arisen from the great beyond to kidnap Santa Bot (no relation to the futurama one). Unable to deliver toys and goods to the poor, needy adults of Cerealia, it's up to YOU to save him from a variety of enemies which include: a.) Nasty, foul-mouthed elves b.) A rabid flock of reindeer c.) An ice queen who will not stop singing d.) And a fucking minotaur. Why? Why not? "Ho ho ho! And seasons greetings, players! I am Julius Vincere, the CEO of CERES, and I must apologize for a few recent temperature modifications as of late. But we were able to fix that small glitch quickly. We were only hoping to cool things down by a few degrees after we received a few complaints about overheating equipment. It seems our robots went a bit overboard with our dome, which is a safety precaution we put in place in the event of an outside threat or invasion. There's no need to fear, and we hope you enjoyed warming up with one another in the meantime. Now, that that's behind us, let's have a little fun, shall we? I think some of you are familiar with the concept back in your home worlds. I observed enough to know that it's a pretty ostentatious holiday. That's why I asked my dear programmer, Elias, to build a simulation so we can experience a little bit of Christmas together. You can say it's a dress rehearsal for the real thing. Anyway, if you all would be so kind as to sample this world and tell me how it goes. I want to see what you all think and get you all in the festive mood. Consider this my deep apology for one mistake too many. We won't allow it to happen again."

//SCENARIOS.EXE PHASE I [ 0000 ] Let the games begin! You're dropped before a giant forest with snow-covered trees, and in your path to reach the mall, there appears your first threat. They look cute and sweet -innocent little elves that smile and blush in your direction. They barely reach up to your chest and look up at you with big, glassy eyes as they promise to help you along your way. Little hands will grab yours, tugging you along. That is, until you're far enough along that you're deep in the midst of the forest where they decide to chip at a lake of frozen ice and chuck you inside. They will then criticize your clothes, call you a piece of reindeer shit, tell you your ass is too fat then call your mother a whore. Because that's just how they roll. Here's your chance to fight back, get vengeance, and force the elves to tell you where Santa is. Those who manage to beat them into submission will be pointed in the right direction to the mall. Those who don't, have fun drowning in icy water! PHASE II [ 0000 ] Once you've escaped the elves, another trial appears. This time, it's in the form of twelve savage reindeer with blood dribbling from their lips. Their eyes are all an eerie shade of red, and they're staring at you deeply as though they can see into your soul. If you hope to get into that mall, you'll have to fight them down and avoid being caught in their antlers. There will be lots of bucking. Copious buckings. Kill the reindeer and remove their antlers for a special gift! (it's a coupon for a free McCERES burger.) PHASE III [ 0000 ] Once you reach the entrance of the mall, you'll be confronted with the icy labyrinth, guarded by a minotaur. He is large and in charge and will probably try to mow you down once he sees you. None of your weapons or magic will work, though. To pacify this beast, you will have to hug him. He requires a hug with feeling. He will tell you as much when you confront him. Give him a good squeeze then let him be. Love can cure many things! PHASE IV [ 0000 ] Are you done running around this maze of a mall? Tired of seeing the same Vidia's Secret store a dozen times? Alas, there is one last trial. It comes in the form of obnoxious carols being crooned in your direction by a beautiful ice queen. She's beckoning you to her with a siren song in the form of merry Christmas music, luring you in little by little and making you walk towards her while she tries to enchant you. She'll lean in close and whisper the rest of the song in your ear, and once you're in her trance, you'll turn on your own friends and party members to try and kill them. To avoid being drawn into her trance, you'll have to be knocked around a few times to regain your bearings. Then, it's either destroy her or be subjected to her ice magic. However, before she dies, she'll look deep into your eyes and beg you to save her and not to forget her. She needs you. Once you defeat her, Santa Bot will appear to dance a merry jig in your honor and shower you with credits. Hooray! BONUS [ whyo'clock ] You can't escape Christmas without a random sprig of mistletoe floating around your head and following you around. For those who try to escape, the mistletoe bot will only move all the quicker. Those caught under its insistent floating will be compelled to kiss a neighbor or two or ten. Or even kiss the minotaur. What we're saying is you should probably run. [ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE Welcome to CEREALIA's fifth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Comments

phase 3!

[springrolls]

[Connie thinks he much prefers titans to everything he's had to deal with today. At least he knows what's coming when he faces a titan: absolute horror and eventual death as a titan's next meal. Everything here today's been absolutely unpredictable, from the name-calling tiny people to the weird cows with horns on their heads. Maybe Armin or Jean or Eren could have found some good way to deal with them all but he's got no idea and has been relying on sheer luck all this time.

The standing upright cow thing he's staring at now is just as weird as everything else but not trying to kill him, which automatically makes it his favorite thing out of the bunch. He's been watching other people go up, hug it, and go past, and he's absolutely fascinated.

Sidling up to Shigeru to leeeean over and whisper conspiratorially:]

So are you gonna hug it?

[That thing looks scary though....what if this is all a trap?]

[mysophobic]

[ So focused and worried about the idea of even touching that thing Shoki doesn't exactly hear Connie coming up next to him. It's only when he's whispering in his ear that Shoki jumps away with a frightened look on his face. Oh my god heiehgjs don't sneak up on him like that! He didn't even notice you there! Connie might find it strange that the older man doesn't make a peep when startled or the fact that he doesn't make any noise at all when he shakes his head. He's not sure what to do because he doesn't have anything to write with, but he motions to his throat and shakes his head 'can't speak' is what he mouthes. Hopefully he's not coming off as rude. He just isn't sure if this young man knows sign language...

But, oh, they were given a device weren't they? He'll take out his CereVice and type something on it before showing it to Connie. ]

Not sure if it's a good idea to do that. It might be hostile...

[ Nevermind that he's just looking at it with some mild disgust. It has to be dirty...given how many people must have hugged it thus far to get past it. Ugh he wished he didn't have these thoughts. This would be so much easier if he didn't. ] Do you have any idea if there's another way inside?

[ Anything but this please. ]

[springrolls]

[Connie might be dumber than a sack of bricks most days but even he can piece together the meaning behind the man's odd motions. Admittedly, it takes him a few seconds and one look of thorough confusion before revelation strikes like a bolt of lightning (except less painful).]

You can't talk!

[Yes, good job Connie, you've figured out the mystery, how about focusing on the problem of the standing cow now? Except, wait, he needs to focus on the words skittering across the box thing first. Ah, reading comprehension, another one of his (many) weaknesses. He squints, mouths the words to himself before responding.]

Yeah, I guess it could be, but I've been watching for awhile and no one else's gotten hurt yet. Unless they were all working together for some reason. [WHAT A THOUGHT. Anyway:] I haven't seen any other way but I guess we could try and break a hole into the wall?

[With...their bare hands.....yeah he's not so good on the idea front.]

[mysophobic]

[ Ah oh no. Connie why did you have to mention that he can't talk? He's so self conscious about his muteness hdgaue! Shigeru's shoulder's hunch and he'll wring his gloved hands a little bit more. He looks more than flustered as he tries to look anywhere but at Connie. Oh dear this was awkward.

He will just...try to forget the comment for now. Yes he will not get into his own problems right now. He focuses his attentions on the wall behind him and the Minotaur that stands guard before it. He shakes his head fervently at that. No no. Oh god no! That would probably just make it angry! And Shoki didn't want anyone in the vicinity to get involved or hurt because of him and his...difficulties. ]

I don't want to endanger anyone. Doing that might make it angry. [ The more he thinks on it the more it seems like the only way is -gasp- hugging it. ]

Is this the only entrance? Maybe there's another way in...

[springrolls]

[Because Connie's an idiot, sorry Shigeru. :(

Connie doesn't notice much of the other man's distress, too wrapped up in trying to puzzle out some solution to this standing cow problem. He's still not seeing what's so terrible about hugging a furry monster thing that's been hugged by other people, but he's also notorious for being the stupidest person in his group of friends....so there's that.

But...hmm. None of this is solving their problems. He thinks for another moment, then pipes up with an idea. Connie turns to Shigeru, hopeful.]

Hey, how about I go up and hug it, and then while it's distracted, you run past!

[It's...kind of terrifying on his end in case something were to go wrong, but if he gets to play hero and die valiantly for someone else, maybe it's not so bad. That's what Eren and Jean and everyone else would do, right, take the fall for someone else? He could do that too.]