ioculus | //TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE

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//TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE

MOONFESTCON 2014 PART I: Embracing Lunacy

It's that time of the season to praise the two moons of Cerealia. As they hang in the sky, looking harmless and moon-like, the robots and CERES staff have gathered together to prepare a fanciful celebration. It's primarily located in the Pleasure District where paper lanterns hang and where fireworks are starting to burst in the sky. Everyone is welcome to dress up and enjoy an evening of fantastic pleasures, platonic or otherwise.

"Good evening! As always, I'm pleased you all can join me. Do enjoy all the beverages being passed around along with the many services we have to offer, all there for your pleasure.

Take time to play in one of our many booths or just slip away and have a crazy evening. The moons bid it. Don't be shy."

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 1900 ] The festival begins promptly with a kick-off speech and a toast from Julius Vincere, encouraging everyone to celebrate beneath the two moons as they light the sky. The weather is crisp and beautiful, leaving them both in full view as their light cascades upon the festival. Around the district, there are several stands full of standard fair food (candy apples/corn dogs/ice cream/deep fried everything), games, and an assortment of many awkward prizes (if you're wondering what these are, do remember you're in the Pleasure District!). Also, there is alcohol everywhere, served to minors and adults alike.

PHASE II

[ 1945 ] The music is playing loudly beneath the noises of the festival. Anyone approaching the speakers will notice a strange buzzing noise that keeps wavering. Then, the sound changes abruptly to the sound of pained moaning hidden within the song. It grows more pronounced by the second until the lights in the Pleasure District flicker off for a brief second. When they return, there is someone crawling out of the speaker. Your eyes squint, and you can see them briefly, the faint outlines of their form as their screaming escalates, only everyone else seems to be deaf to it. Only you can hear it, and you wonder how and why no one else is reacting. Is it just you? Are you hallucinating? Better get used to that feeling in Cerealia.

PHASE III

[ 2000 ] Your friendly speaker friend up there doesn't seem to want to go away. (S)he keeps crawling out and disappearing throughout the evening, but it's easier to ignore as Julius takes to the stage. He has a special announcement for all. CERESdate (who sponsored this wonderful festival by the way) has agreed to set up all you vibrant, sexy Cerealia singles with some robot partners for the night. Want to escape? Too late. They're latching on and dragging you out to the dance floor to boogie down. Afterwards, they'll try and drag you to the nearby hotels for some extra loving. You are welcome to run at this point or comply happily.

PHASE IV

[ 2103 ] Have you escaped the overzealous sex robots? Good, good! Now, it's time for the real fun. The holograms turn from PG images of the stars and surrounding moons and planets to a few fun images of various robot couples caught in absolute bliss. You may spot a clown mask in there or two, reminiscent of those who were running around causing a bit of trouble earlier. The images continue to get distorted as the clowns look like they're stretching their necks out of the image and reaching out towards you. The moaning from before returns.

Doesn't it get you in the mood? If it does and you'd like to find a partner for the night, a few CERESdate robots will be on hand to help fix you up with a partner, organic or otherwise. They're being quite insistent again because they want your credits.

BONUS

[ whyo'clock ] Have you ever been stalked by a condom-dispensing machine? Well, there's a first time for everything! These friendly contraptions are set up all over the Pleasure District, waiting for you to pass by before trailing after you very slowly. At first you don't notice. Every time you turn around, it stands stationery. But the moment you start to move, it just carefully rolls behind you. Watching. Waiting.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with trigger-y or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the meme. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's fourth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

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Melanie.

[The pleasure was all hers, though not because of him. She offered a shrug at the latter statement, however.]

A name's a name. Don't really mean much beyond that.

Been here long?

So you say.

[ how can you know if you've never tried!! which you obviously haven't if you're still thinking you're fine without. obviously. ]

Year I was born, little lady. Well, sort of. Year I became me more like.

PHASE I :

_{[ Perhaps you've seen this guy throughout the evening, occupying his time with various booths. Long, silky black hair spilling over his shoulders and eyes so intense on the games he is playing. He seems to be spending a lot of time with each individual booth, and oddly enough, he seems to be a winner through most of the games that he plays. He collects all of his items, not seeming too thrilled with all the items he is receiving. You could say he even seems a little disappointed.

At this point, his hands arms are entirely full with sketchy looking items. He is probably dropping a few as he shuffles along, wanting to get to the next game. He's completely aware of what all of these items are, because for a change, they aren't censored out. Nonetheless, he stops somebody who is walking past him. ]}

Ah, excuse me.
Do you mind taking these? I don't smoke.

PHASE III :

_{[ Okay, so maybe you aren't the person who passes him in the first prompt. Instead, you're the person who just witnessed him punching the shit out of one of the sexbots. He isn't very quiet about the entire situation, letting out a yell, followed by a crash as he sends one of the robots to the floor.

Good god. What did this robot do to make this guy so enraged? ]}

I don't want any! Whatever you're trying to sell, I don't want any.
_{[ holy shit it was just asking to dance ????? ]}
And it's not Pretty-Boy, it's Katsura!

WHAT THE HELL :

_{[ He's been aware that the condom machine has been following him for some time now, but he's waiting for the precise moment to turn around. His movement stops, and there is a slight glance over his shoulder before he finally turns around, looking at the condom machine in thought.

—There was once a loving family. They lived happily ever after together: papa condom machine, mama condom machine, and child condom machine. Every morning they had tea together, the son condom machine would go to school and learn everything he needed to know to be the most successful condom machine there would ever be. He had his aspirations. He would understand how to properly take money and give the happy customer their purchase without jamming up and having any glitches like those awful P*psi machines. He never wanted to be like that.
Little did he know that evening there would be an incident— a fatal incident that would leave his parents out of operation, alone in the pouring rain, the distant sound of violin music in the air. He would attend any events he could to gain a few more bucks into his body. He would be a successful, orphan machine for his parents' sake.

Katsura snaps out of his vivid daydream, now eye to eye (???) with the machine. His is holding the sides of the machine tenderly. ]}

I know times are hard, Machi-kun. You will get through this, but there is no need to act so desperate. Ask politely, and you will receive what it is you are looking for.
_{[ The sincerity in his voice is unreal. Interrupt the guy talking to the condom machine? Question him later? Who knows, but that looked like the beginning of tears forming in his eyes. ]}

Edited 2014-11-11 03:32 (UTC)

[hm. Well.]

Approximately one month. [It's not a long period of time, but at the same time...it's not exactly a short period of time to be kidnapped for, either.]

Is it always this...welcoming 'round here?

[The nicest way she could describe this festival.]

[ Yata was looking for a place to hide from those weird, touchly-feely sexbots when he encountered this touching moment between Katsura and a condom machine. He doesn't know how to feel about this, but it's better than metal hands trying to grab his ass. ]

Machi-kun... Yo, I'm pretty sure it just wants you to buy its shit.

[ Yata cranes his neck to check out Loki's prize, then examines his own. It looks like they got the same thing, but whether that's good or bad is something he has yet to determine. He presses a button to switch his... whatever this is on. ]

I think it's a back massager.

[ No, stop. ]

_{[ Oh, there is somebody else. It never really stopped him from spacing out into intense daydreams. He'll save this tender moment for later— later on into the night— or later when the series. They'll have a bonding moment. But for now, he didn't feel settled having this thing follow him. You could never be too careful with the weird shit that goes on here.

His hands drop. ]}

Ah? So I see. It's persistent, isn't it? You have to approach these things carefully.
Machi-kun has had a troubled past. Can't you tell by the look on his face?

_{[ . . . ]}

[ No... He can't help it... Now Yata has to play the straight man to this manzai act. ]

He doesn't have one!? Don't make up sad backstories for people you don't know! I mean—wait, it's not even a person!

[ He points at the condom machine! Which just stands there like all machines are supposed to do. ]

Ah... Yes, of course. [She gives a small smile as well, but it's warm. Having had Rider by her side for so long, it's hard to imagine things without her now.] I wouldn't have it any other way.

_{[ What are you saying? This is serious. Yata can try to be the straight man in this situation, but he's lacking glasses and a dull personality. Not even donkade can help him.
But at least the effort is there; that's something.

As he allows a silence to pass, he pulls out his little credit card he was given. He goes with it. He's going to buy a whole bunch. ]}

Ah. There are just too many options. I don't know which one to pick.
_{[ A glance at Yata. No, this guy can't be any help. He looks at Machi-kun, right into his adoring eyes, and without the beat of a lash: ]}

What do you suggest?
_{[ he's still talking to it. ]}

[ He'll yell dondake all night if he has to! But that's right, he needs glasses before he can truly call himself a manzai master... Anyway, even if Katsura is absolutely correct in his judgement, Yata takes great offense to being ignored, be it for contraceptive-related problems or otherwise. ]

You asshole, what's that glance supposed to mean?

[ Meanwhile, the machine makes the lights behind chocolate-flavored option blink. ]

... It replied!?

It's not you asshole, it's Katsura.
_{[ but oh, the machine replied. This instantly gets Katsura's attention.
He's back to gripping the side of the machine and looking intensely at it. ]}

M..Machi-kun! Are you absolutely certain? This isn't the most expensive one— are you sure? I'll give you what I can to get you through this time. You're just being considerate now— oh, how you've changed so much.

_{[ He slides his card through the device and selects the chocolate flavored, then the quantity he wants. ]}

That is such a pure spirit to put other first before your needs.

Nah, I think that was a fluke. [ The machine shoots the cheapest condom it has at his face so fast, his hand couldn't block it in time. ] Aight, it wasn't!

[ Jeez. He rubs his nose, not sure if he should feel embarrassed, humiliated... No one must know how Yata the super virgin angered a condom machine. ]

Yo, Zura. Have you been here long or something... [ Will staying in Cerealia make him go crazy like this guy, or. ]

_{[ Improvisation to what they did during rehearsal? Noted. Machi-kun can be a little shit sometimes.

who does this ballsack think he is anyway using a casual name like that to him. He sounds a bit more irritated. ]}

It's not Zura, it's Katsura.
Ah, no? I'd say a week and a half.
_{[ a week and a half without Elizabeth. It seems unfathomable.

He collects the rest of the condoms cause he bought a bunch and adjusts his posture, putting his attention on this new supporting character. Now they both were supports: Machi-kun is the real star. ]}

[Loki turns his head and peers at Yata's reward while a grin touches the edge of his lips. You sweet summer child. Don't you come from Midgard? Shouldn't you know these things?

The grin widens when Yata turns it on. Loki reaches out to gently and politely take it from the other boy.] Turn around, let's see how well it works.

I'll use both. [As he turns his on, too.] Double the back massaging.

That's a choice you're going to have make for yourself. [She figures it's better to let make her own decisions.]

'Hot Dog Water'? [ wrinkling up her nose in obvious displeasure ]

I can't say 'Patchy' is any worse than that, but I understand your feelings. Honestly, how many times must I hammer it in... [ friends-only nickname you fuckers ]

[ shhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhh ciel accept it ]

If that unsettles you, you'll have to get used to it relatively quickly.

[ burrrrrrrrn vibrator burn

okay ow that's getting hot let's extinguish it with water now ]

Med hypno? [ What in the world? ] Wouldn't it just be better to be sensible and refrain from risking it?

[ Yata doesn't know why, but the sight of twice the vibrators is strangely unnerving. ]

No, thanks. I don't get my back massaged by strangers. [ He also doesn't understand why Loki is smiling, so he misinterprets. ] You can have mine if you want. Man, this place is dumb. I just wanna go back to playing video games. You want this guy, too? I dunno what he is, but he looks fucking weird.

[ He reaches into his bag to get another prize he won. Please take it. Don't question his kindness. ]

A week and a half... and this guy follows you around every night?

[ He points at the machine and—hold up, Yata's totally star material. (He isn't.) Don't ignore him. (Please do.) He just watches Katsura pick up the rest of his condoms because no way is he touching those. That's like making himself a partner in crime. ]

You... [ He squints. ] You really gonna use those?

[ Just one of the many, many things he will regret asking tonight. ]

phase iii

[ Imaginary space has, thus far, exceeded expectations — which isn't saying much, given what he was expecting. There's a reason people don't teleport to a set of undefined coordinates: they generally meet a sticky end, where sticky refers to a thin layer of something on the floor that has to be scraped up and put in a bucket.

So excessively friendly robots are hardly anything to get worked up about, if one maintains a reasonable sense of perspective.

Hyoubu Kyousuke does not have a reasonable sense of perspective.

Which is why he has, tucked under one arm, a robot head, which he forcibly liberated from the shoulders of a particularly persistent pleasure droid. Bits of shredded artificial skin and multicolored wires dangle from its severed neck, like artificial entrails. Whenever he's accosted, he chirps: ]

Why yes, I'd be delighted to go with you. I need another head for my collection.

[ ...and waves his trophy in front of the offending droid, like Perseus with the head of Medusa. ]

[And this disturbing head brandishing is exactly why Hyoubu was almost tackled by a near panicked Andy at around 20:30.

See, unlike Hyoubu, Andy didn't exactly have the power or the necessary vicious psychoness to decapitate one of the extremely clingy pleasure droids and fling it around like some sort of weapon. Instead he had to employ the unsuccessful tactics of evasion and escape - which involved him scrambling free of one particularly grabby robot only to stumble into the arms of another, a never ending vicious cycle of butt grabbing, chest groping, and very uncomfortable gyrations of the pleasure droids' hips that made him think of Muscle.

He did not want to think about being mobbed by a pack of horny Muscles.

Which was why, after spotting Hyoubu and his head brandishing and the magical robot free zone around him, Andy was forced to tackle him. Well, more like sprint towards him like the hounds of hell were on his heels (which he probably would have preferred to be honest) and practically leaping behind the esper to cower behind his much shorter frame as the pack of pleasure droids sinisterly approached]

Hyoubu, you have to help me! [Wow, Andy actually sounded close to tears] They won't leave me alone! Throw your severed head at them!

[Do it! Scare them off! Save him!!! (Although, he knew, in the back of his mind, that this plot was fifty-fifty. It wouldn't be out of character for Hyoubu to just abandon him to his fate and laugh from a safe distance as he was swarmed and dragged away kicking and screaming by the overly amorous robots)]

Edited (wrong icon hah) 2014-11-12 19:25 (UTC)

[ The fact that imaginary space contains a personal entertainment module in the person of one Andy Hinomiya is also something that exceeds expectations. He casually side-steps Andy in the split second before the boy careens into him. ]

Don't you think you're being a little bit dramatic?

[ The droids who had been chasing Andy skid to a stop and stare. Hyoubu grins (horribly) at them. ]

Come on, don't be shy. I'll teach you how to get ahead in life.

[ They hesitate and then..... apparently decide on something else to do, and hip-swivel their way elsewhere. ]

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Page 22 of 25

//TESTDRIVE4.0.EXE

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KATSURA KOTAROU | GINTAMA

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phase i

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Hyoubu Kyousuke | Zettai Karen Children

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