ioculus | //TESTDRIVE15.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE15.EXE

//testdrive15.EXE

The clock strikes twelve. The gong of the grandfather clock in the foyer tolls out the time in slightly unnecessarily obnoxious loud noises. The ambiance of this old mansion demands respect, care, awe --

Okay, no, wait, why are you even in this stupid dusty house?

No reasons are forthcoming, because everyone knows that people just end up in places like this sometimes. That's just how the narrative device works. The hows and the whys don't matter -- all that matters is that you're all here, so you'd better get cracking and start exploring, because it's not like you can leave yet.

Or ever, maybe.

Good day, sirs and madams. Might I interest you in a nice glass of blood...y mary?

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 0215 ] All you see is white. The crash of thunder hits your ears next, punctuated by the piercing pitch of white noise in the background. After a few blinks, your vision comes back to you. Oh good, glad that you’ve joined us in the land of the living. Unlike the nondescript corpse at your feet – it looks like… a butler? Oh dear. You’ve already killed Murder Suspect Number One in most situations. How terribly ironic.

After all, who could’ve killed him but you? You might not remember, but there is definitely a murder weapon in your hand. It’s probably a knife or a poisoned glass of wine or-

Wait, is that a toaster? A full on toaster? Or maybe it’s a taser. Maybe you bludgeoned this poor guy with an entire encyclopedia. Either way, it looks like your murder weapon is a little unconventional, whether it’s a stranger’s pair of underwear or a hair curler. Are you really supposed to believe you committed a murder with these? (Yes.)

That said in the next second the double doors will be opening up. It’s pretty clear you’re not alone. Think quick!

PHASE II

[ 0600 ] Exploring more around the compound, you’ll find plenty of those tall, oil portraits of people hung around the walls. When you start walking, they’re all strangers. However by the time that you feel like you’re wandering around for an hour, two hours, they might start looking a little bit more… familiar? Mom? Is that you?

You don’t have time to think about that, though. You were clearly framed! You don't’ have a motive for killing some random NPC –

“Or do you?” a portrait will ask.

Oh. Holy shit. Well it’d just be rude to leave, right? Whether you stick around for conversation or not, you’ll find that was just the beginning. The portraits are going to start grilling you. Welcome to CERES Central’s Roast of You. What was your motive? Don’t you know you should respect the servants? How would you feel if you were caught like that? Careful turning your back on them though, because if you ignore them for too long, the subjects in the portraits may just reach out and snatch you to join them in their portrait world.

At that point, the only way to get out is to swap places with some other poor, unsuspecting soul wandering around.

PHASE III

[ 1045 ] You know what makes me hungry? Murder.

What’s the point of making a mansion this big anyway? Who’s even here? Either way, whether you’re looking for the kitchen to make a fine post-homicide sandwich or just trying to escape, you’ll eventually make it to a stairwell. The most finicky stairwell ever. Is that a trail of bloody footprints leading up the steps? What? No. Stop it, just climb.

Or well – don’t climb too quickly now. The staircases apparently have a mind of their own, swapping from one doorway to another. You definitely haven’t seen this before. It would seem that these stairs might even be interested in keeping you in a circle forever, no concern for whether or not you’re hungry or, god forbid, need to use the restroom.

However the portraits in the stairwell will provide a little tip: “The stairs are gossips, you know. Why don’t you tell us a little something about yourself? Make it good!”

Weirdly enough, sound advice – that is, if you’re interested in shouting out your most embarrassing secrets into the void so a mansion can keep talking shit about you. Oh well. Your alternative is just being a stair golem. There are worse fates.

PHASE IV

[ 1430 ] This hall is oddly quiet.

Well, until you hear it – the soft sniffles coming from down the hall, the broken sobs. It sounds like someone’s crying. For one reason or another, your footsteps take you forward – there’s really no point in going back now after all, right? Yet as you continue to walk… walk… walk… the crying becomes louder and louder. More desperate, more despaired. In time, it’s clear that this person is wailing, screaming, “How could this happen?!”

Within the span of a breath, all the lights in the hallway go out, leaving you in pitch black.

It occurs to you then that you hear a second set of steps. When did you stop walking? A cold chill runs down your spine and you find yourself running then, despite the fact that it feels like this pitch black hallway goes on forever. The other footsteps pick up, remind you that you’re not alone. No, certainly not.

Best hope that you find some assistance soon – otherwise it looks like the Butler Association is going to ignite some righteous vigilante justice on your ass.

BONUS

[ why o'clock ] You’re in the grand ballroom now, ready to present your case. Armed with a cob pipe (don’t smoke inside, it’s rude), a detective hat, and a single spotlight aimed right at you, you now have to explain how you came to the conclusion about the True Killer that is Obviously Not You. Rather, it’ll just be the character of whoever tags into this prompt – yes, you are suddenly so very sure that they’re the ones who are the ultimate mastermind of this entire game and… you’re just going to have to bullshit the reason why even if you know virtually nothing about them. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, you know?

Sorry about that.

Should you actually provide enough of a compelling case or they take pity on you, having a villainous breakdown for the sake of the plot, you’ll be awarded with a coupon that’ll give you three free scoops at your local ice cream parlor! (Note: you must buy the first two scoops in order to qualify.) Of course, if you’re not able to nail them down as the killer, you are obviously the killer yourself (citation needed).

From there, you’ll be dragged off to face your punishment: for six grueling hours you will be tickled mercilessly.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to Cerealia's fifteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If you were, I think I'd somehow be able to manage.

[ ... she says this so cheerfully. ]

[Karl's not really in a position to judge saying questionable things cheerfully.]

... When you put it that way, I've gotta admit that it makes me curious to see what you can do, but I'll take your word for it!

Let's hope it doesn't come to that-- ah...

... I'm sorry, we never introduced ourselves, did we? My name is Otome-- Otome Yanagiya.

Oh! You're right, we didn't. Guess that was rude of me, though it seems like I've been doing a lot of rude things lately...

[... In the back of his mind, he wonders if he's acting a bit like Seria. Well, there are worse people to take after.]

Anyway, I'm Karl. This isn't the best situation, but it's still nice to meet you, Otome—can I call you that?

Mm, that's fine! Dampness aside, it's nice to meet you too.

[ Anyone who is murder mystery-savvy would be screaming at them. ]

... I really am sorry about that. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, let me know, would you?

[Who needs to be murder mystery-savvy when real life has enough murder of its own...]

I think it'd be too easy if I just told you.

[ Also she's not offended at all, so. ]

[Never let it be said that Karl isn't a people-pleaser.]

... Haha, making it harder for me? That's pretty harsh.

I prefer to think of it as a fun challenge.

[ Of course she does. ]

And you can't give me any kind of hint?

Not one you'd-- [ And suddenly Otome cuts herself off, glancing over her shoulder. Those footsteps... are getting louder and more frequent, aren't they? ]

[That's not a good sign, huh? Like Otome, Karl looks over his shoulder, his grip on his halberd tightening. The weight of his weapon in his hand gives him some reassurance, but barely.]

... Is someone there?

[Calling out as he did with Otome, just in case—more firmly this time, but he's not expecting things to go as smoothly, as much as he wishes this were another innocent passerby.

Otome might notice a gradual chill in the air; faint signs of ice crystals begin to form, resonating in time with the cold running through Karl's veins. To her, Karl asks, quietly:]

Should we run?

[ It's hard not to notice such a thing, and Otome narrows her eyes as she shivers; her grip tightens on her cellphone. ]

Yes. I'd prefer to avoid a fight for as long as we can.

[ But she'll also fight if she has to. ]

Yeah... I'd rather not fight either, if we can help it.

[He's a little tired of non-stop fighting, sometimes—but with the way the world(s) is, it won't end for a long, long time, if ever.]

Ready?

[To run, that is.]

Ready!

[ ... because she's making a grab for his wrist and booking it. ]

Whoa—!

[Okay, he wasn't quite expecting that. He lets himself be pulled along as he runs, though, albeit not without a turn to send another flurry of ice and water down the hallway, just in case.

He's not hugely fond of running in the dark like this, even if Otome's light is better than nothing. Hopefully, she'll be able to see where they're going better than he can.]

[ ... ish. She's not stumbling or leading them into a wall, at least, but this hallway really does seem to go on forever. ]

Really, there should be an exit at some point...!

Considering where we are, I wouldn't be surprised if the exit's moving around, or disappeared completely...

[If worse comes to worst, they could just make their own exit, though Karl's not sure how keen he is on the idea of destroying parts of the building.]

How much longer is that device gonna last?

It's a lot stronger than you'd expect, but if we don't have an exit--

[ It won't be very useful in finding one. ]

Damn... I could try and blast a wall open or something to make our own exit, but I'm worried about bringing this place down if I do that.

On the other hand, we can't keep running forever...

... Then maybe we should see what it is that's after us.

... Haha. Doesn't seem like we have a lot of other options, does it?

[Karl's assuming a fight, which he isn't thrilled about, but having company—especially company that has been nothing but kind to him so far—has helped to ebb away the strike of paranoia from before.

Can't be any more intimidating than confronting a god, after all (or, for that matter, Barion, who in some ways is even more terrifying than the gods).]

Not really, but let's pretend this was our first choice.

[ As she releases his wrist and presses something on her phone's screen. ]

Hariti, shall we make this a little more even?

[ That sure is a floating hooded woman appearing in a sparking pillar of light in front of Otome. Yep. ]

[When she appears, Karl gives a start, reflexively bringing his halberd up in front of him; he wasn't expecting that. Certainly, Otome had implied that she could fight and Karl hadn't doubted her, even if she didn't look like much of a combatant (neither would Seria nor Paris in casual clothing, and Karl didn't know many people stronger than them). Still... summoning?]

You're a—!?

[No. She's not a Summoner—at least, not of Akras Summoners' Hall. What she did didn't look quite like what they do. Besides, he didn't recognize her, and while he wouldn't claim to know everyone in the organization, that she wouldn't know of him is unlikely. For better or for worse, he's rather well known.

... It's almost too bad. That she isn't from the Summoners' Hall, that is.

He lowers his weapon (somewhat; there's still a threat out there, even if it's not from this Hariti).]

She's... yours? A summon of yours, I mean?

Hariti is an ally, yes. Hariti, this is Karl.

[ ... He's taking it rather well, instead of shrieking or pointing a weapon at the demon, which is really all Otome could have asked for. Hariti herself looks faintly amused, offering the man a brief glance.

"You do keep interesting company, don't you?" ]

That's probably a compliment.

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