ioculus | //TESTDRIVE13.EXE

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!test drive

//TESTDRIVE13.EXE

//testdrive13.EXE

Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species!

Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy.

So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams!

[ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]

//SCENARIOS.EXE

PHASE I

[ 800 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go!

You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid.

And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating.

This is awkward.

It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds.

PHASE II

[ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.)

Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions.

You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai?

Time to get to work!

You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right?

Right?

PHASE III

[ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark.

When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage?

Welcome to the Yandere Route.

You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure:

You're both extremely naked.

Good luck!

PHASE IV

[ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene.

The confession scene.

Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but...

For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown!

For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it?

To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?!

BONUS

[ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice!

But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date.

Don’t worry, you look adorable.

It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute.

[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ]

//RUN.EXE

Welcome to CEREALIA's thirteenth Test Drive Meme. For your convenience, we have compiled a post detailing everyone's arrival experience and a FAQ that should explain everything in more detail. Please read them thoroughly before playing. Thank you!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I hope not.

[ Ky’s voice is dry, relatively lacking in humor, but after shooting a quick look to try to see what he can of his partner without looking more than a man should, at a female companion, he turns back to studying the cage. ]

It may be possible to break it.

You do? I think it'd be really great if monsters like principal Revenant starts cursing people again.

[ She doesn't care about his nudity though, and moves over to lean across his shoulder, her stomach pressing against his shoulder. Sorry about that. She's got to try to go through the bars on the other side too, so he's getting a pretty clear view of her chest when she moves up again. ]

I can't go through it.

[Ky tries to shift away from her without looking and still focusing on the main concern. He doesn't do well with unfamiliar women so close.]

Of course you can't. So we'll have to shift them so they're not blocking us any longer.

What if you turn into a ghost too? Maybe it'll work for you!

[ Sorry boy, she turns around in the air, her fin flapping as she looks at him expectantly. ]

I beg your pardon, ma'am. I don't think that's a very good idea.

[ In fact, that sounds like a terrible idea and the floor of their cage sure looks interesting. ]

Call me Sirena!

[ Someone is completely distracted by being called ma'am. How odd!

Then she tries to stick her arm right between the bars, and when that works she tries to faze through again. She hits her nose on metal. ]

Ow, hey bloody, that wasn't very nice.

[ She's talking to the cage. ]

[ Would 'miss' have been better?

Ky glances to her at the exclamation, only to look away immediately again at the memory of what she's wearing -- or not. ]

My name is Ky.

Can you reach the keys from where you are?

[ She still doesn't get why he's being so embarrassed about it. Mermaids find no shame in being naked in the deep seas, and Sirena sometimes forgets to get dressed properly in the morning because she's so at ease with nothing on.

She looks at him, confused. ]

What keys?

[ Because there's such a thing as propriety, and it's important to keep those lines strict. All the more so, when he's trapped in this place -- in a more general sense than being in the cage -- and his wife is not. ]

On the table.

Oh! You want it?

[ She reaches for it, and tries really really hard to faze through the bars just to get a bit further. ]

Push my fin, I almost got it!

[ Ky's hand hovers for a moment, entirely uncertain of the propriety, but it would be stupid to allow them both to be hurt or worse, so he located the fin and shifts his hand, pressing her forward.

It's still awkward, though. ]

[ Sirena doesn't find it awkward in the least, and just concentrates on reaching the key. It's shiny, so it's got her attention.

Her fingers graze the metal and she tries to reach just that little bit that's missing. ]

[As an alternative to letting them both be eaten, Ky finds it to keep touching her, to watch her attempt and press to try to help her, if he can.]

If this doesn't work we can attempt to switch positions and I'll reach for it.

I've got it, I've got it!

[ Almost, and she's not talking over him on purpose, it just... is in the forefront of her mind.

She lets her nail tap against the hole of the key's hold, and edges it closer to the edge so she can take it between her fingers. ]

Just push a little more!

[ At least Ky agrees that the key is the most important thing, so her ignoring him for that is allowed.

He's obedient, pushing her, although not without his words. ]

Let me know if you need a break.

No need!

[ Her nail curls around the hole and pulls it close enough to take between two of her fingers. The table is too far away to be able to get a better grip on it than that. ]

Hey, come reach your arm out as far as pawsible too and I can drop it in your hand!

[Ky makes an uncomfortable face, but he obeys, knowing that breaking out of here has to be more important than either of their dignity, even if he regrets the loss of it.]

[ It's not like she cares that she will most definitely see his dick if he does as told. She doesn't really care about that anyway.

When his hand is by hers, she drops the key into his hand. ]

[ He cares!! But he still needs to set that aside in order to focus on the key in his hand and getting out of here. Once he has the key, he shifts back to give her her space and to find the lock, to wrap his hand around to put it in.]

[ She giggles at how he seems to move so far away from her, and she doesn't see why. Is he shy? Skittish?

She's getting distracted from the goal of getting out from the cage to poke him on the tip of his nose, taking the long route of sticking her arm through the cage and her finger back into it in front of him. ]

Boop.

[That's startling, almost enough to make Ky drop the key, although instead his hand clenches tight around it -- a safer instinct.]

I beg your pardon, ma'am?

It's a boop!

[ She wiggles her finger in front of his face outside the bars. ]

And what was your purpose in performing it?

[ Ky wrinkles his nose. ]

I'd prefer to concentrate on getting us both out.

Beclaws your nose was there!

[ She giggles, but pulls her arm back to be able to look over his shoulder. ]

Please refrain in the future, ma'am. I'm trying to focus...

III

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