Welcome to CERES' new dating experience -- ABOMIDate (Catchy, huh?). They've found that they're a little concerned with everyone's ability to... connect with denizens of different species, and in a place like Cerealia that is full of aliens, that's a Big Problem! After all, it's pretty clear by now that there are a lot of things about your friendly neighborhood aliens that you just know nothing about. What else do you not know? That the greeting of a Faswwg is face licking? That feathered species require mating dances to woo? That [REDACTED] needs [REDACTED] to [REDACTED]? So clearly, the way to fix this problem is...to practice dating other species!
Namely eldritch abominations! In CERES' experience, eldritch abominations really sum up the full interspecies dating way of life and provide you a variety of different species (and orifices) to enjoy.
So it's time to put on some proper music -- no, not that, that's not right. There, that's better. Anyway, time to put on some sexy background music, and woo the monster of your dreams!
 [ horrifying noises of nightmares and despair ]
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PHASE I [ 8 00 ] Welcome to the new and improved Abominable Dating, CERES’ brand new virtual dating experience! The first thing you will see will be a character select screen, because CERES wants you to get to the dating part right away. Don’t worry, there are a lot of beautiful and handsome candidates to choose from so feel free to jump right in! There’s this fellow, or this dashing lass and even a hidden character who is... not really all that hidden if they’re right there to be picked, but there you go!
You have to pick one. There’s no other option, I’m afraid.
And once you do, you’ll end up in a room with your date, dressed up in beautiful, date-like clothing. Unfortunately, everyone else who picked that date will also be in the room with you, also dressed up and prepared for dating.
This is awkward.
It gets even more awkward when your date decides that you look like a great main course. Watch out for those claws/teeth/limbs/etc! Maybe you can work together to take down your starving date, sad as that sounds.
PHASE II [ 1000 ] No dating game would be complete without stat boosting sessions. Regardless of how you feel about your current date, you’re locked into the game now (and hopefully not while covered in the blood of your date themselves, though they just come back even if you managed to kill them), and the game is picking a stat it thinks you need to work on. Either your intelligence is deplorable, your charisma is totally lacking, or your strength is at noodly-arm levels. That’s pretty bad. (It doesn’t matter what your actual intelligence, charisma or strength are, the game might be making things up at this point.)
Because of this, you’re going to be automatically tossed into a mini-game to increase those stats! This will be fun, absolutely. Nothing but Fun here in ViViD. So regardless of what the game thinks you’re lacking, it’s going to throw you into the same mini-game -- eldritch abomination make-over sessions.
You'll show up at a row of dressing rooms, each marked with a sign above the door reading NO INTELLIGENCE or NO STRENGTH or NO CHARISMA in bright red letters. Choosing the right one (embrace your shame) will reveal your initial date to you. They bat their eyelashes in greeting and growl out a very sultry, Will you help me, senpai?
Time to get to work!
You won’t be able to leave the mini-game until the monster is completely satisfied with its makeover, so it’s time to really tap in to your inner fashion sense. Of course, the fact that you’re all trying to apply makeup to the same monster might make this hard, but you can surely all get along, right?
Right?
PHASE III [ 1800 ] At first, you were on a date. Finally, you, your monster, candelight. Everything was going right until... well, you made a bad dialogue choice. They asked you what your favorite food was, you accidentally picked "Italian" (or maybe picked it on purpose which makes this even worse!) and then things went dark.
When you wake up, you'll find yourself in a cage. The room is dark and dank and there's no light other from the crack of a door somewhere up a flight of stairs. You're in a cage in a basement and there's a key glinting on the table right across the room there. Is it for your cage?
Welcome to the Yandere Route.
You might not actually be alone though. The cage isn't terribly big but there's enough room for someone else and if you shift around a little, you'll bump into them. Maybe you should share some woes of the eldritch horror dating experience. Maybe you should try and find a way out! Who knows? But there's one thing for sure:
You're both extremely naked.
Good luck!
PHASE IV [ 1830 ] You did it. You’ve gotten to the end of the game, or nearly. You’ve earned up enough affection points somehow. Maybe it was through the eldritch abomination following you around to trying to eat you or maybe it really, really, really liked your makeover. Maybe there was that thing and the cage and some weird pictures it took -- who knows! But now it’s time for the inevitable scene.
The confession scene.
Except... well, ViViD can’t do confession scenes very well. You'll find yourself there in the schoolyard, dressed in the appropriate school uniforms but...
For one thing, there’s a heavy shower of rose petals. A heavy shower. They’re everywhere. They might get in your mouth and face, they’re pooling around your knees, it's a rose petal flood and you're about to drown!
For another, the eldritch abomination you chose to romance is getting closer and... closer. And closer. And that sure is a lot of teeth, huh? Is it coming in for a kiss or to eat off your face? It’s... really hard to tell with all the rose petals, isn’t it?
To make matters even worse, you can’t move -- you’re locked into the scene until it comes to its proper conclusion. The game is stuck and you're here, suffering through it all. Well, you're suffering unless someone comes and rescues you, but who in the world would interrupt a touching scene like this to do that?!
BONUS [ why o'clock ] You know you have to get dressed up nicely for your date. It's an important one! Third date means third base, after all. So, you’re shoved into a closet, and surrounded by tons and tons of choices to pick from. You're spoiled for choice!
But, well... no matter what you put on, or even if you just elect to stay in your regular clothing, it changes as soon as you step out of the closet to meet your date.
Don’t worry, you look adorable.
It can’t be taken off, of course. So you’d better get comfy, because you’re going to be a pink dinosaur for your third date and... your fourth date. And your fifth. Hell, you might still be a pink dinosaur when it comes time to confess! How... cute.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
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no subject
But at this rate he might just trick him into sticking his fingers into a light socket himself, honestly. Being interrupted will never get any less irritating, and his eyes narrow! Like he's on the verge of having a whiny baby tantrum...! Except then the winds are swiftly socked out of his sails, because haha, oh boy--]
As if.
[Kigurumi hell would be merciful by comparison. His expression shifts from "marginally irritated" to "actually a little troubled", but true to his Kashuu Coping&trade, he doesn't actually voice any of the entirely legit issues here.]
I'll explain it later, though. You gotta get out of this place first. It's all virtual reality in here, if you haven't figured that out yet.
no subject
Because as far as he's concerned, he has no plans on going outdoors in a bright pink dino kigurumi. The thought of doing so scares him even more than death probably would, but he's a baby. He doesn't know what death is like.
So he plants his two feet on the ground, arms stubbornly crossed in front of his chest. ]
Unless we can change out of these, I'm not going anywhere.
[ You're gonna have to drag him kicking and screaming, Kashuu... ]
no subject
But for now, he just gives Kanesada a look like seriously. Come on, baby gumi!! If even Kashuu can do it, anyone can! ...Granted, he's not particularly embarrassed about the kigurumi. Sure, it's not figure-flattering, but it's cute! Who cares if cute clashes with the "cool" aesthetic okay, being cool is for chumps anyway.]
I guess you're just gonna sit here for a thousand years until you turn into a pile of dust, then!
[He hasn't even tried his own zipper yet, but that's just because he's Tired and Weary and used to dealing with kigurumi shenanigans in particular. They never come off.]
no subject
Here he was, completely unsuspecting of Kashuu's betrayal. But it does seem as if Kashuu would leave him here without a moment's hesitation. So Kanesada braces himself as he would against an actual attack.
That's what it takes for him to swallow his pride. ]
Wait!! Wait. Wait.
[ Ugh. ]
Geez, I was kidding. Don't even think about leaving me alone here!
no subject
But really, he wouldn't leave him abandoned in a virtual reality dressing room by himself... Probably. He'd feel guilty! There are no tour guides down here, only monsters and shapeless blanket suits.]
Then you better hurry up! The longer we wait around in this dumb place, the worse things are gonna get, anyway.
[Just based on past experience and all...
So Kashuu the Brave Dinosaur will turn to start leading the way out of this area of dating sim hell, albeit somewhat cautiously.]
no subject
Worse...?!
[ So without further thought, he scrambles to follow Kashuu out of dating sim hell, glancing left and right. Because he has to look presentable to everyone, even to these monsters that want to devour them.
As far as he can tell, all of the salvation in the universe couldn't possibly fix these uncool kigurumis. ]
no subject
Worse! Way worse! Like, you'd totally be wishing for these weird dino suits instead of thinking they're so bad - that kinda worse.
[MMMHM. Bad, bad, bad. ...Or maybe Kashuu's just taking the opportunity to gently bully Kanesada because he hasn't done it in so long, but hey! It's not like he's entirely lying, either!
He'll lead the way out of the dressing room though, and it's clear he cares 100% less about his appearance than his poor traveling companion here.]
Mm, let's see, let's see. We're gonna have to find an exit portal, I guess.
no subject
But he's also stupid enough to believe Kashuu without hesitation, so he's spending his time trying to figure out what could possibly be worse than these weird dino suits. Weird dino suits... in neon colors? Kanesada's got nothing.
Kashuu has all of his trust, even if a tad misplaced right now. While he trusts him to lead the way out of this dressing room, if he starts throwing all of this modern lingo left and right, even Kanesada can't keep up! ]
What's an exit portal?
no subject
His trust isn't misplaced though, okay! ...This time!! Probably! No, really, Kashuu does want to leave just as much as Kanesada, if only because he's entirely serious when he says things just go downhill. At least they're not stuck in a dumpster inferno or trapped playing real life hangman. He's seen some shit.]
It's like, basically a virtual reality door? But CERES makes everything stupid so the doors aren't ever in the same place.
[HE'S TIRED. When will they be free from mazes...]
no subject
He'd like to be of some help, but when he doesn't know what he's supposed to be looking for... He stops in his tracks, since he's not going anywhere until Kashuu can inform him. ]
What does it look like?
no subject
When Kanesada stops, he stops too, casting back a marginally irritated look. Why must he make these things difficult!!]
It looks like a— y'know... [Vague and entirely unhelpful hand motions.] Like that! Just look for a glowing light.
[So, so very helpful.]
no subject
Maybe if they make their way a bit further, they'll see something. ]
So... like that one?
[ A circle on the ground, with streams of mysterious light wafting upwards. As far as he's concerned, it fits the description. ]
no subject
Also, he's glancing in the direction Kanesada points at with mild disbelief, because it usually takes him way longer to find these... Why.]
Uh— ...Yeah, like that. [SWEATS.] Usually once you find it, you just have to like, step into it.
[Though of course, things can't be that easy in testdrive land...]
no subject
Portal searching, no problem. He's got that down. Getting into the portal? Problem. Because it's all glowy and funky and weird. He's seen too many weird things today. ]
What if it eats me?
no subject
[Kashuu's just being a punkass... But on the other hand, he's seen some weird glitches in these games before?! Who knows! Neither of them have particularly spectacular luck. It'd be right up their alley to just think they were home free only to pick a portal that leads straight to a garbage chute or something.]
But you won't know until you try, right? [Where's the "we" in that...]