PHASE I [ 9 00 ] You open your eyes, and there is a chicken pecking at your face. It's not a very happy chicken, either, but if you can manage to fend it off, then it will be clear that you are in a village. It is... medieval-esque, in that video game sort of way; the details don’t seem too clear, but if you look to your left, there’s a cow! And to your right, a well! Ignore the clear evidence of modern technology in the buildings such as lights, gas, and 21st century plumbing; CERES is dedicated to authenticity.
Looks like the new ViViD level has finally been released, and everyone is invited to play, whether they want to or not.
The game (because this time, that's surely what it is) will start simple. Everyone begins in the same place and every NPC villager will say the same thing: to get out of here, you have to go through the caves. They’ll shove a stick at you (“take this, it’s dangerous to go alone”) and off you go, into the caves… !
Which are full of tiny rats and more chickens. They will try to fight you, but it’s really not very effective when they’re perfectly small and average (especially when everyone still has their typical powers and abilities -- CERES didn't mess with those at all this time). The caves are winding and circular and maze-like, and to make matters even worse, the only ones around are the other poor saps stuck in this situation.
But if you kill enough of the rats, you’ll get to hear the satisfying level up jingle. Congratulations! You are now level 2. It's probably satisfying just for a minute or so until you finally find your way out of those maze like caves and -- You're back in the village again. Great.
PHASE II [ 930 ] You’re carrying a bag. No matter what you do, you can’t take it off, either; it’s stuck with you through thick and thin. But it is awfully heavy. Maybe you should actually open it and see what’s inside?
The problem is, it’s going to take a while.
The bag has clearly tapped into its true hammerspace nature; there are items for days in there, and they’re all very, very strange. You might end up covered in hats of all sorts, buried in logs as you pull out one after another, or look like you have an odd fetish for pickaxes.
Maybe there’s 1/3rd of an evil turnip, half a piece of pie and an egg.
Geez, what in the world are you supposed to do with all of that?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] Eventually, you make it out of the caves the right way despite the harassment of the rats and chickens and the fact you'll keep perpetually getting lost. Hooray! You come out into a large, peaceful, scenic meadow, with a small river bubbling off to one side, and a house.
You'll immediately notice that there’s a bridge to cross the river, but there’s someone standing in the way of that bridge. When you approach to go past him, no matter what you try to do, you won't be able to. Asking him why he won't move will only get one thing in response -- “Bring me a fish. Cooked.”
Then he’ll shove a fishing rod at you and expect you to get to it. You can’t attack him, you can’t get past him -- looks like the only thing to do is to catch and cook that fish. Time to sit back, relax, and get to work. Or maybe you’ll team up with someone else and be the person in the house making sure that the fish gets cooked properly. For some reason, if you leave it too long it turns right into a pile of ashes.
Weirdly though, no matter how good you are at cooking or fishing usually, it’s as if you’re right back at the metaphorical level one. Any sort of seasoning or effort to cook it faster falls flat and in the end you'll only be able to place the fish in the pan and set it on the stove, whole. This may take awhile.
And if you try to cross the river itself, well... no, really, don’t try to cross the river.
At least if you get eaten, you’ll just respawn back in the village, but do have fun traveling through the caves again!
PHASE IV [ 1430 ] You made it through the caves. You made it across the river (with a slightly burnt fish). You’ve made it to the wide open world, and you can finally adventure to your heart’s content. You take a step forward on the road and --
A message pops up, bright red and in your face.
[ Restricted Area: Members Only ]
No matter what you do, you can’t go past that point. In fact, if you’re not careful and you’re going too fast, you might run face-first into it like it’s an invisible wall (which it is).
Then, just like that, you're back in the village. Again. Only this time, there's a nice, blinking message -- Pay a small subscription fee to access member's content. Oh well. No big deal, you can just start again.
Except then you see a cool sword and when you try to pick it up, you'll get that same message, and end up transported back to the village yet again. And again, with some shiny new armor. And again, with that attention-grabbing NPC over there. Looks like you're caught in an infinite loop here but no matter how much you inspect the pop up, there's no... actual way to pay the subscription fee (and why would you want to?). But at least you have company, because you can't be the only person who thought that sword was cool.
(It was really, really cool.)
BONUS [ xxxx ] What’s that on the ground in front of you? It looks like… some bunny ears? Or maybe it’s a chicken head, or a pumpkin head. Either way, the moment you touch it, you have a strong need to put it on your head -- and once it’s on, it’s not coming off.
To make matters worse, each hat has an effect associated with it; the bunny ears will, in fact, randomly turn you into a cute fluffy bunny for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour before you pop right back to yourself, whereas the pumpkin hat will, in a complete reversal, turn you into Cinderella for a bit -- complete with beautiful ball gown and the ability to talk to all of those cute fluffy bunnies.
Also the rats will love you, so maybe you should go back to the caves again.
Meanwhile, the chicken hat won't transform you into any odd creature, but it will inspire in the people wearing them a very real, persistent desire to build a nest. This will involve picking up twigs, trash, shiny things and whatever else catches your eye to try to build a nest out of it. You'll also try to pick up whatever food you find on the ground to eat, have the weirdest desire to lay an egg, and basically have all sorts of odd chicken-like instincts inflicted upon you.
At least you look festive!
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He will adjust that fishing rod and use it properly. Here, silly one. This is how one fishes.]
Pity. [That she is not here, that is. Uriel knows that one always misses their siblings, no matter how assholeish they are.] However, you seem to be under the false impression that you are in your own corrupt world. I am sad to inform you that is far from being the case. This is not...Azariah's domain.
no subject
Uhh, it's a figure of speech. Nature is Azariah. You know, like how you call someone a Beatrice if they're a total glutton? [Other world slang, so confusing] And, er, Herar's pretty old. Like, mega-old. Been around since Eli bit the dust in the mid-2000s.
no subject
Ah, I see. A figure of speech based on some heathen concept. [He is getting so tired of those. What is Eli anyway?] You, sir, should know better.
When I last saw Britain the year was 1889. I fear your dearest sister is not born yet.
[Either that or she comes from an entirely different reality. Uriel hopes for the latter rather than the former, if the moral state of this young man is any clue.]
no subject
[Azamat practically coughed in surprise, lifting a hand to his mouth as if scandalised. Well, okay, no, he wasn't, but that was old! There was only a pitiful handful of First Angels who'd been around at that time left! No wonder he was so judgemental and stuffy, if he'd come straight from there! Daaaaamn...!]
Wow, you're from the religious Stone Age! There aren't many angels left who're from there. Most of 'em are from 2040ish, a few decades before the First God fell. Pretty spectacular, from what I heard. Left a crater several hundred miles deep when he crashed into the human realm. Though, er, I guess you wouldn't know this, huh? Damn, your future's a bleak one, then.
no subject
[He pulls a fish out of the water. VIOLENTLY. ]
I have heard of such things. That kind of future shall not pass where I come from. I can assure you Our Lord will never be defeated.
[Besides, you are basically telling him most people he knows are dead, bro. That's not cool.]
Now, would you be so kind as to prepare the fire while I gutter the fish?
[In a well practiced motion, he pulls a pocket knife out from the recesses his butler suit. He seems very good at guttering...fish.]
no subject
[Azamat was obviously dubious about Kevin's claims, but he didn't contradict. Truthfully, the other angel's deft handling of the pocket knife made him slightly nervous, and Azamat was well aware that his few scant years of nine hundred wouldn't match up to an angel this old, no matter how freakishly strong his magic was. Nope. Nope. Let's not antagonise the crazy older angel...
In short, Azamat did as he was told and prepared a fire.
Though, it was more like he kicked together a bunch of twigs and other flammable, dry objects and lazily used his magic to set it. Hey, he wasn't a human. He wasn't going to squat down and rub sticks together, or bash rocks or... however humans did it. A snap of his fingers, and the twigs were set aflame with a pure, white holy flame, a sweet smell filling the air]
There we go, we can cook and purify the fish at the same time. Hopefully, this small flame will be enough to cleanse the evil that live in those waters...
[He shot a look at the fish Kevin was gutting, a thousand yard stare that spoke volumes. In Sodom, the rivers were concentrated evil, and all the aquatic life that lived there were DOUBLY EVIL. Fish, squids, mermaids... evil. All of them. Even if these waters were not Sodom's, he wasn't taking any chances. None.]
no subject
[He looks honestly surprised, as the idea of possessed fish never crossed his mind and they are preparing food for the weird guy anyway. His voice becomes a little softer, as if he were talking to a young child.]
Watch and try to learn how it is done, will you? It is a convenient skill.
[By now, the fish is properly cleaned up, not a single bone left. Uriel carefully arranges them over the holy fire with the help of sturdier sticks. The whole effect is a little too gourmet-like for their wild setting, but it will do.]
no subject
I wouldn't've thought a First Angel knowing how to do this stuff. It's kinda... humany. [And in 1889, he was under the impression that angels had been way too stuffy and uptight to rub shoulders with the mortal masses] What's your name, anyway? Can't keep calling you "First Angel" all the time.
no subject
There are no herbs or spices for the fish. Not even salt. He hopes the weird guy is not picky.]
My...circumstances caused me to live around humans for a while. I am currently watching over a very special soul.
[He shrugs self-consciously at the next question. He usually wouldn't say his name aloud, but there is no point in hiding from angels, especially in a place like this.]
That would not be entirely mistaken. I was one of the first. My name is Uriel. May I ask yours?
no subject
[He stopped very abruptly, his mouth snapping shut with an audible 'click' when what the other angel said just sunk in. He blanched, going an alarming shade of white at an unhealthy speed]
U-Uhhm. Sorry, but, did you say... Uriel?
[The name came out as a squeak. Uriel. One of the Firsts. The Archangels. An angel so old that he could probably obliterate him into pieces just by yawning in his direction. He was supposed to be dead! A myth like- like Jesus, or something! But no, he was sitting in front of him, cooking a fish he just gutted! Oh. Oooh. Oh. He was so rude to him too! Dead. He was gonna die.]
no subject
[He pays close attention to the fish in a vain attempt to disguise his blushing cheeks. He is not unused to people freaking out at his name. He has a bit of a reputation and he knows it.]
Do not swear at fish again, Azamat.
[Because one must scold younglings for their own good. Besides, what sort of name is Azamat anyway? Terribly unchristian, if you ask him.]
no subject
[Contrary to his earlier behaviour, Azamat looks appropriately cowed and meek, ducking his head in chastisement. To be honest, he was braced for something more physical, and he remained frozen in that position for a good few moments, eyes squeezed shut and fingers curled against his thighs... until he realised that, no, he wasn't going to get his head smashed through the ground, or end up sacrificing half a wing's worth of feathers for his insolence. Unless Uriel was a slowburn type. Azamat made a note to stay on guard until he was at a safe distance.
As it was, he slowly eased out of his near-cowering to straighten up, opening his eyes to watch the older angel warily;]
You're... er, kind of different to how I imagined you to be. I mean. I sort of expected you, to be... well.
[Uriel, the angel who levelled the previous Sodom, the angel who mass-murdered heralds of the Second God, the guy who was very scary and was essentially the holy bogeyman of Sodom. He hadn't been heard from in millennia though, so people just assumed that he was, well, dead... to have him sitting before him, in the flesh, when Azamat was the worst possible angel to exist. Oh, yes, he was nervous...]
no subject
[Behold, Azamat, the scary angel is giving you an indulgent head pat. For those who can sense those things, there is something definitively warm about him.]
Oh, I am afraid that whatever you heard about me is probably true.
[He did...and will probably do some awful things. It is his job, and he doesn't much care to downplay that unless you are particularly cute and your name is William Twining]
Would you care for some fish as well? You must be hungry...
no subject
[This was so surreal. Azamat just looked increasingly alarmed, especially at the indulgent head pat (to be honest, he kind of thought he was going to get smacked for one wild second, and had done the appropriate pre-emptive flinch and ended up feeling foolish - and patronised - when it turned out to be... that). It was just... well, he just...
He wasn't quite sure how to act.
He very rarely crossed paths with someone who was so much higher up than him. Azamat himself was powerful, yes, but he stuck to his lowly circles to maintain that position - those that sat right at the top never took notice of him, and that's how he liked it; but it meant he never knew how to act. What were the appropriate manners? Words? Body language?? He didn't know. Angels were trickier to deal with than demons - at least they were fairly straight forward, what with their Might Makes Right ethos...]
I... don't eat fish. [He settled for attempted neutral, his face set in a rather queer expression that made him look like he was slightly constipated] Besides, it's best we don't share it out, in case that weird bast- er, um, weird guy gets pis- annoyed, about it.
[...censoring himself is hard]
no subject
Just in time to see the fish go "poof" and disappear.]
BLOODY HELL!
[He should have suspected that there was something fishy about this whole deal! ]
no subject
[Congrats Kevin - you just scared the living shit out of Azamat.
Hearing the terrifying yet soft spoken angel practically bellow like that with such suddenness shaved a good millennia off of Azamat's lifespan, and he couldn't help but let out a startled yelp, jumping almost a foot in the air-
Or, um, attempted to.
Jumping whilst kneeling was incredibly hard, even for an angel, and instead Azamat ended up tumbling backwards from the failed leap in a horrible mess of limbs and golden feathers. Yes. Feathers. For he'd been so horribly startled that he had done the worst faux pas an angel could ever do, and that was popping his wings of all things. It was an instinctual thing, something you do if a fatal magical blow was going to explode your head and you needed to block like right now. But no. He popped them out over the holy bogeyman screaming a (mild) profanity in his face.
It was pretty much the equivalent to peeing your pants in public. His pride. Shattered.]
W-What the hell?! [It was a bit of a struggle to flail himself back up into sitting position, his wings giving frantic little half-flapping motions and not helping him in the slightest (it seemed to be making things worse and making him overbalance). They were heavy when they were out, being quite bulky and oversized in proportion to the rest of his body] Why'd you shout like that?! You scared the shit out of me!
no subject
The golden feathers make him a little envious, really. Not to mention the full set of wings. Some angels have it all.
He blinks and offers his hand to help Azamat up. Please, don't be afraid. He won't bite. Probably.]
The fish. [He replies lamely, and very, very apologetically.] The fish disappeared.
no subject
[Azamat was more embarrassed than he was annoyed, and it was only with a brief moment of hesitation that he accepted Uriel's proffered hand. He wasn't going to get up without imitating a turtle if he continued by himself. He got hauled up onto his feet, his wings bunching tight against his back and fluffing all of the feathers out once he was standing. The resemblance to an offended water fowl was uncanny]
Whaddya mean the fish- [He paused when he looked at the fire - the fish indeed had vanished completely. He stopped his wing fluffing, looking almost comically confused as he glanced about the immediate area, as if the pieces of fish had gone for walkies under its own, undead power] Well I'll be damned. It's gone.
[Weird, but not unsurprising. Aquatic life did stranger things back in Sodom, being evil creatures and all. It had probably scurried off, was planning its future revenge...]
no subject
Language, sir. [ He scolds automatically, but hurries up to explain.] I would wager we have been given a task that cannot be accomplished.
[He would too, and make good money out of it. He has been in Ceres long enough to know how that works. Picking up a golden feather to examine it closely, he wonders at their aerodynamics. Those are surprisingly sharp, aren't they? What nice darts they would make...]
If that is the case, I believe we have no reason to follow those unreasonable rules ourselves. Perhaps we should merely fly over the river?
no subject
Fly over, huh? Eh, I'm the first guy to jump up at taking the easy route, but don't you think there'd be a penalty set in place?
[Demons pulled this type of stuff all the time, and Azamat was leery of falling into such an obvious trap. Set an impossible task, leave a very simple cheat route open, watch as the lazy and frustrated idiots come tumbling through - it was usually very successful]
Could be a trick, after all. I bet you something's gonna come bursting up if we fly over without that guy's say so.
no subject
Well...[He says oh so very calmly.] If anything attacks us, all we have to do is annihilate them.
[Spoken like a true specialist.]
no subject
Um, okay.
[What a scary man...! It didn't help that Uriel was sporting the same expression Herar did before she decided to rip out a fistful of feathers to use as impromptu darts. He shifted back a subtle step, tucking his wings nice and tight against his back and out of arm's reach, just in case. He wasn't going to take any chances]
I guess there's nothing someone like you needs to be scared of nowadays, huh... [The pros of being top of the food chain in the angel hierarchy, he supposed. He looked out over the river, gauging the distance] Alright, let's do it. But, uh, you go first. Just in case.
[He had a feeling Uriel would be more durable than himself if something did bursting out of the water, and he liked very much not to be eaten, thank you very much]
no subject
If you insist...
[His sole wing doesn't come out from his back. It shows up out of nowhere, as if Uriel were some kind of illusionist. Poof! And there it is: long and pristine, like any archetypical angel wing is meant to be. He molts quite a bit too. And so he takes flight with his lonely flapping wing - disregarding all laws of physics - in a beautiful rain of white fluffy feathers that would put any shoujo heroine to shame.
He flies over the river.
As expected, a giant fish bursts out of the water and swallows him whole. ]
no subject
I FUCKING CALLED IT!!
[HE KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN! But did Uriel listen to him?? No, of course not! Azamat pranced about on the river's edge as the fish began to descend back into the waters, his wings fluttering almost frantically as he debated on what to do. He wasn't a hero! He wasn't going to swoop in there and get eaten himself!
But what if Uriel freed himself?! He was the holy bogeyman, he could do it! But then he might get mad that Azamat didn't help him! Oh, shit, he was damned if he did, damned if he didn't! Ah, what if he flew away!? Oh wait, the only place to fly to was the caves and the village. Not good hiding spots from a potentially furious archangel]
Arrrrrgh! Damn it!!! I hate playing hero!!
[SAVING IT WAS THEN!!! He launched himself from the river's edge with one massive beat of his wings, water and mud thrown up in the air from the sheer force of it. The fish was still near the surface, its massive shape almost the entire width of the river as he fretfully hovered over it. He had to move quick before it came up for seconds!]
Dear... whoever is up in the sky right now... [Azamat made a motion with his hand, as if he was blessing someone] Please let Uriel be made out of rubber. Amen.
[His hand lowered - and pointed.
With a near, earth-shattering BOOM, a pillar of lightning descended upon the poor fish (and Uriel). What happened after that, Azamat couldn't tell you. Steam exploded from the river when the water was supercharged, blocking everything from view - plus he kind of forgot to close his eyes when the lightning hit, so right now his eyes friggin' hurt]
Owww, ow ow ow shit shit why do I keep doing that?! [Eyes squeezed shut, tears clinging to his eyelashes, he kept one hand extended just in case the fish (or Uriel) survived and came back for revenge] Uriel!? You alive down there?!
no subject
The explosion throws him back on the river bank, just where they started. He has both his legs and arms, but looks definitively toasted. Could that be karma?
The angel stands up, adjusts his suit jacket and flaps his wing in a very majestic manner. He would look pretty cool if he were not covered on fish guts.]
Good. You slew the abomination. Now I suppose we can cross safely...
[Stubborn? Maybe just a little.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)